Russel "Rusty" Griswold (Jhonny Galecki): "Dad, didn't they invent christmas tree lots so people wouldn't have to drive all the way out to nowhere and waste a whole saturday?"
Clark: "They invented them Russ because people forgot how to have a fun old fashioned family christmas, and are satisfied with scronny, dead, overpriced trees that have no special meaning."
Audrey: "My toes are numb."
Clark: "You see kids, this is what our four fathers did."
Audrey: "I can't feel my leg."
Clark: "They walked out into the woods, they picked out that special tree and they cut it down with their bare hands."
Audrey: "Mom, I can't feel my hips!"
Clark: "Yes honey?"
Ellen: "Audrey's frozen frm the waste down."
Clark: "Ah, it's all part of the experience honey."