Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs



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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

everythingsok.wav(51K) everythingsok.mp3(51K) everythingsok.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim Levinstein (Jason Biggs): "But everything is, uh... everything is okay now. Everything is, uh... Everything is perfectly fine."

keepgoing.wav(48K) keepgoing.mp3(48K) keepgoing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Psst! Michelle, I think you need to stop. Okay, keep going."

yourwad.wav(179K) yourwad.mp3(179K) yourwad.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim's Dad (Eugene Levy): "Well, I made it. Where's Michelle, washroom? You know, I was so nervous she was going to spot me. Here's the ring, son."
Jim: "Ohh."
Jim's Dad: "Let me tell you something. This is some ring. Look at the rock on this baby. Mr. Big Spender. Hope you didn't blow your wad on this, son."
Jim: "Not yet."

marriageis.wav(194K) marriageis.mp3(194K) marriageis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Paul Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas): "I'm impressed. Marriage is a binding, unifying, eternal, never-ending, permanent, chaining together of two people. Jim, have you thought this through?"

marryher.wav(114K) marryher.mp3(114K) marryher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "I had actually been trying to figure it out for a while. You know, when is the right time? Is there a right time? And finally I realized, duh, you love the girl, marry her."

letsdance.wav(43K) letsdance.mp3(43K) letsdance.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle Flaherty (Alyson Hannigan): "Oh, let's dance."
Jim: "Dance? No!"

destined.wav(119K) destined.mp3(119K) destined.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Just glad that's not me."
Kevin Meyers (Thomas Ian Nicholas): "Finch, you don't think there's one girl you're destined to spend your entire life with?"
Finch: "They're all for me, Kevin."

BLEEPers.wav(11K) BLEEPers.mp3(11K) BLEEPers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott): "bleepers!"

milkshake.wav(39K) milkshake.mp3(39K) milkshake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake."

cakehuh.wav(32K) cakehuh.mp3(32K) cakehuh.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh, cake, huh? Hope it's good."

geethanks.wav(35K) geethanks.mp3(35K) geethanks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh, gee, thanks for inviting me to the graduation party, bleeper."

goodcake.wav(47K) goodcake.mp3(47K) goodcake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh. bleepin' right, doggy! That's good cake! Holy Shit!"

congratulations.wav(25K) congratulations.mp3(25K) congratulations.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Congratulation, jism"

assmouth.wav(23K) assmouth.mp3(23K) assmouth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Happy bleep day, ass mouth."

myinvite.wav(65K) myinvite.mp3(87K) myinvite.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Put the cake down."
Stifler: "Check it out. I made it all by myself."
Jim: "That's very cute."
Stifler: "What happened to my invite? Got lost in the mail, bleepface?"
Jim: "I don't want to discuss this. Quiet!"
Stifler: "Oh, quiet yourself. That's what I thought."

corndog.wav(161K) corndog.mp3(161K) corndog.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hey, seriously..."
Jim: "Seriously..."
Stifler: "Oh."
Jim: "Jesus! Damn it, Stifler."
Stifler: "Jim, look what you did."
Jim: "Look what I did?"
Stifler: "Look at this bleep. What am I supposed to do now, huh?"
Jim: "Are you happy now, man? Are you hap... Why are you here?"
Stifler: "My dick looks like a corn dog. I gat cake all over my balls."

yourBLEEPed.wav(28K) yourBLEEPed.mp3(28K) yourBLEEPed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh, you're bleeped now, Jim."

feelsgood.wav(38K) feelsgood.mp3(38K) feelsgood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "This dog's great! Is it wierd that it feels good?"

backaway.wav(16K) backaway.mp3(16K) backaway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim's Dad: "Back away from the animal."

moveon.wav(193K) moveon.mp3(193K) moveon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "I... I really hope that, uh... that... that we can just... that we can all just forget about this and... and... and move on... and start again... start again fresh."
Harold Flaherty (Fred Willard): "Jim, if you hope to be the provider and protector for our first born daughter, you have a long way to go."
Jim: "Thank you, sir."

anangel.wav(59K) anangel.mp3(59K) anangel.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "They think you're an angel and... and I'm... I'm just some ungrateful dog rapist."

asscrack.wav(147K) asscrack.mp3(147K) asscrack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Shit, I've got a frasted ass crack. Hey, Finch, you want this for here or to go?"
Finch: "'A witty saying proves nothing.' Voltaire."
Stifler: "'Suck my dick.' Ron Jeremy."

bachelor.wav(260K) bachelor.mp3(260K) bachelor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Jim's getting married, isn't he? Holy bleepin' bleep! This is major! Do you have the slightest idea of how important this is? We get to have a bachelor party. Yes! We celebrate the death of Jim with a party in his honor. Chicks and boobs. Tits and ass. Titties, ta-tas, casabas, bazoongas all up in our friggin' faces! Come on, buck up fellas. Show some enthusiasm. It's gonna be bleepin' great. Oh, my god!"

awedding.wav(705K) awedding.mp3(705K) awedding.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kevin: "Michelle said the wedding was doable, right?"
Jim: "A wedding. A wedding, yeah. You know, I promised her her wedding... you know, the wedding of her dreams."
Kevin: "Okay. What's the problem?"
Jim: "Dancing. Uh, she wants... she's gonna want to dance. You know the... there's that whole tradition: the first dance at the reception. She is gonna wanna dance Fred Astaire kind of bleep. I can't do that. I can't... You know, she learned all that from band camp."
Kevin: "Okay, so you take lessons, you know, right away."
Jim: "Lessons. Okay. I have to convince her parents that I'm not a bleephead."
: "Challenging."
Jim: "Indeed, challenging."
Kevin: "But doable. What else?"
Jim: "What else? I don't know what else. That's the thing. She cares too much to tell me. She doesn't want me to worry that she might be worried. So I'm worried."
Finch: "Recon."
Jim: "You mean, like... like spying on, uh... like spying on Michelle?"
Finch: "Spying is deceitful. Extra attention means you're concerned."
Jim: "This is... This is true. This is good."
Kevin: "Guy's, here's to the next step."
Jim: "Would you plesase shut up with that stepping? Jesus."
Finch: "Put your glass down."

atalk.wav(529K) atalk.mp3(529K) atalk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "I... I was kindo fo hoping that, uh... that someday soon we could have a little talk. I'd really like to tell you why I think I'll make a good husband. Whenever you get a chance."
Mary Flaherty (Deborah Rush): "Oh, why is that? Come on."
Jim: "See, I was saying that soon... we could talk. This... this... this right now is... is sort of the preliminary talk... before the future... longer talk, which would be like a... a quiet, uh, private dinner talk."
Harold Flaherty: "(The little dog yips at Jim) Let him finish. (Dog continues to yip) I'm tlking to you."
Jim: "Okay. Good talking to you."

screwed.wav(445K) screwed.mp3(445K) screwed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kevin: "Jim has to learn to dance for his wedding. You know, I think he's screwed."
Stifler: "Of course he's screwed. He's getting married. I can't wait to see this disaster."
Finch: "What makes you think you're invited?"
Stifler: "(Slurping) I already called up Jim's mom, got the info. I'm preparing for the fesivities. It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-bleeper. Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out. And I'm gonna rock out with my cock out! Ooh, yep, that's what I'm talking about."

jimsucks.wav(883K) jimsucks.mp3(883K) jimsucks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Alright, Stifler> Um, this... this is a little, uh, difficult to explain. Look, you're... you're okay. You're okay. I... I... I mean, uh... I mean, I like you."
Stifler: "Yeah, great. You can blow me after practice. I'm working, dude."
Jim: "Well, dude."
Stifler: "Come on. Work it! Hustle!"
Jim: "See my mom didn't know that there was a misunderstanding."
Stifler: "Push it! Move it! Come on!"
Jim: "You're not invited!"
Stifler: "Hold! Dude, how the hell do you even think you're getting married? I've been looking out for your sex life since high school."
Jim: "You what?"
Stifler: "Ohhhh! Ohh! The first tits this guy ever saw were because of me. The first girl he ever hooked up with was at my party at my cottage. That girl is the girl he's marrying. The Stif-man showed him the way. Can I get a 'Hallelujah'?"
Jim: "Hallelujah, Stifler!"
Stifler: "But, my bleepers, this mofo right here does not want the Stifmeister, the grand bleeping facilitator to attend the wedding. Who sucks donkey dick?"
The Team: "(Chanting) Jim sucks donkey dick!"
Jim: "The answer is no. Okay? I'm sorry."
Stifler: "I can dance."
Jim: "What?"
Stifler: "I can dance."

leftboxturn.wav(257K) leftboxturn.mp3(257K) leftboxturn.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Okay. Now... now what exactly is this here?"
Stifler: "Left box turn."
Jim: "Left box turn."
Stifler: "Hi. Stop looking into my eyes."
Jim: "Sorry. Sorry. Now, how do you know this? How do you know how to do this?"
Stifler: "My mom made me take it for three bleeping years."
Jim: "Yeah?"
Stifler: "Yeah, I hated it."
Jim: "No, you're really good. Uh, you should take ballet or something."
Stifler: "bleepface! What part of 'This sucks my ass' do you not under-bleepin'-stand?"

behave.wav(176K) behave.mp3(176K) behave.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "This is exactly what I'm talking about, Steven. You can't behave like this. If you want to come to the wedding, I'm sorry, you cannot act like this."
Stifler: "Are you saying Im impolite or something?"
Jim: "Impolite would be an improvement. Look, just... just try not to be, uh, you know, uh, you."

notworthit.wav(434K) notworthit.mp3(434K) notworthit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "bleep this bleep. It's not worth it."
Jim: "Oh, hey, wait, Stifler. Stifler, hold on. Wait. Okay. Wh... what if, uh... What if you, uh, plan the bachelor party?"
Stifler: "With a dildo show?"
Jim: "Sure. Look just... if you can fund the time, uh, to fit it in, go ahead, surprise me."
Stifler: "Sorry, chief. That only gets you halfway there."
Jim: "Why? Why ha... What do you mean?"
Stifler: "I need assurances that I'm gonna get some quality action at this wedding."
Jim: "I can't... I'm sorr... I can't... I can't make that promise."
Stifler: "Well, let me put it to you this way, Jimbo. No pussy, no dancing. Okay? No pussy, no dancing. How's that for polite?"

chicago.wav(258K) chicago.mp3(258K) chicago.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "If we leave right now, we can get there by the time they close... three hour drive."
Stifler: "A three hour drive? Kick bleepin' ass. Are we going to chicago to see titties?"
Finch: "We are talking about getting Michelle a dress in Chicago. Now, please, vanish."
Stifler: "Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand? Bangkok!"
Finch: "Dude."
Stifler: "Hey I got shotgun."

hotwings.wav(44K) hotwings.mp3(44K) hotwings.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Let's get this dress bleep over with. The strip bar has got free hot wings before 7:00."

mypeople.wav(130K) mypeople.mp3(130K) mypeople.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people."
Stifler: "They're gay?"
Finch: "No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style. They're cultured. They're sophisticated."
Stifler: "So they're gay."

charybdis.wav(123K) charybdis.mp3(123K) charybdis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "So, mademoiselle, I'm sure that you can appreciate that monsieur here is stuck right between Scylla and Charybdis."
Cultured Saleswoman (Antoinette Levine): "Yes, I'm afraid he's no Ulysses."
Jim: "Okay, what's happening here?"

heythere.wav(232K) heythere.mp3(232K) heythere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hey there, sweet little thing."
Jennifer (Alexis Thorpe): "Hey there, you sweet manly thing. You know I really love your shirt."
Stifler: "Do I know you?"
Jennifer: "I'm Jennifer."
Stifler: "Well, Jennifer, just relax, take it slow, and let the good times roll. Cause daddy's a regular here."
Jennifer: "Do you want to get a drink?"
Stifler: "You're bleepdamn right I do. Whoo-hoo!"

deepvoice.wav(158K) deepvoice.mp3(158K) deepvoice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "How you felling, sexy?"
???: "Pretty good."
Stifler: "Whoa. You have a deep voice."
???: "That's not all."
Stifler: "Oh, right."
Bortender (Peter Reinert): "You look really cute tonight."
Stifler: "Thanks, I guess. What the..."

frisky.wav(76K) frisky.mp3(76K) frisky.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh, hey. Gettin' a little frisky. Oh. Gave over. What's happening here?"

thisisbear.wav(424K) thisisbear.mp3(424K) thisisbear.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jennifer: "This is Bear."
Bear (Eric Allen Kramer): "Hey."
Stifler: "Wow. You are a bear. Roar."
Bear: "Roar."
Stifler: "Yeah. How much you bench?"
Bear: "How much you weigh?"
Stifler: "Why? You wanna try and pick me up?"
Bear: "Yeah, I think I could."
Stifler: "Yeah, I bet you could. You are big. I could use a guy like you on my team."
Bear: "Are you... are you talking about our team or an actual team?"
Stifler: "What the hell is 'our team'? Hi. Where's the girl? What the bleep are we talking about?"
Bear: "You need to take another look around."

goingon.wav(32K) goingon.mp3(32K) goingon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh my god. What the bleep is going on?"

wrongplace.wav(137K) wrongplace.mp3(137K) wrongplace.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "I, uh, I must have come to the wrong place."
Jim: "Stifler. Stifler."
Stifler: "Oh man."
Jim: "Hey."
Stifler: "Oh it's so good to see you. I... I..."
Jim: "Ho did you get the nerve to check out a gay bar?"
Stifler: "Yeah. Really don't want to talk about it right now. I just wanna go home."

dressmaker.wav(34K) dressmaker.mp3(34K) dressmaker.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Did you find Leslie?"
Stifler: "bleep your stupid dressmaker, man."

asteak.wav(274K) asteak.mp3(274K) asteak.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "What are you looking at? I'm not a steak."
Bear: "Listen, breeder, not every gay man wants to have sex with you."
Stifler: "Oh, yeah? Listen up, ass jockey. If I were gay, you'd want me."
Bear: "Really."
Stifler: "Really. I got style. I'm cultured. I'm sophisticated."
Bear: "And all that just radiates from your oh, so sexy self."
Stifler: "That's bullbleep. Everyone wants a peice of the Stif-meister."

somemoves.wav(21K) somemoves.mp3(21K) somemoves.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bear: "Damn, Stiffy, you got some moves."

toldyou.wav(33K) toldyou.mp3(33K) toldyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Told you that guy wanted to bleep me."

boneable.wav(138K) boneable.mp3(138K) boneable.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence Flaherty (January Jones): "(Finch is standing on a toilet seat listening in on the conversation.) I don't think it would hurt to get a little rowdy this weekend. Jim's got single friends, right?"
Michelle: "Yes."
Cadence: "Think Finch is a possibility?"
Michelle: "Oh, Finch is boneable."
Cadence: "Yes he is boneable. (Finch falls in the toilet.)"

dickhead.wav(293K) dickhead.mp3(293K) dickhead.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Dickhead. You do not send bleep to my office at school."
Jim: "Oh, hey, Stifler. Why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable?"
Stifler: "Your letter made a great impression on Coach Marshall when he read it. Let me just refresh your memory, partner. 'Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar.'"
Jim: "I put serious thought into that letter."
Stifler: "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. Uh-huh. Uh-huh."

oldpeople.wav(182K) oldpeople.mp3(182K) oldpeople.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "You want some help? Here, let me... Let me help you out there. There you go. Okay. You keep fighting the good fight, sir. Oh, it's great."
Cadence: "That was really sweet of you."
Stifler: "Yeah, I love old people. Yeah."

steven.wav(327K) steven.mp3(327K) steven.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hey, I hate to be nosy and impolite, but, um, do you know Jim Levenstein and Michelle Flaherty?"
Cadence: "Yeah."
Stifler: "Are they here?"
Cadence: "Well, I'm Cadence, Michelle's sister."
Stifler: "I had no idea. I'm their good friend Steven."
Cadence: "Well, it's nice to meet you."
Stifler: "Yeah, you too."
Cadence: "Well, they're around town doing some wedding stuff."
Stifler: "That's cool."
Cadence: "But there's still a few of us in the other room if you want to join us."
Stifler: "I don't know. I mean, you look so nice, I feel underdresed."
Cadence: "Well, I think you look great."
Stifler: "Thank you."

chocolate.wav(297K) chocolate.mp3(297K) chocolate.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hey, Paul. Hey, Kevin."
Cadence: "Mom, I want you to meet Steven. He's friends of Jim's and mine and, oh, everyone's."
Mary Flaherty: "You look very familiar, Steven."
Stifler: "Really? Oh, I'm afraid we've never met."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh."
Stifler: "Oh. Well, we have now. Oh, looks like you found Samantha's Sweets."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, yes."
Stifler: "Isn't their chocolate just to die for?"
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, well, you have no idea."
Stifler: "Actually, I do."
Mary Flaherty: "I love chocolate more than life itself."
Stifler: "More than life itself."

precious.wav(574K) precious.mp3(574K) precious.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "I was just saying to your friends that I have something very precious here."
Stifler: "What is it?"
Mary Flaherty: "Michelle's grandmother's... my mother's... wedding ring."
Stifler: "Isn't that precious?"
Mary Flaherty: "But since all of you are the best man, I don't know who should ho-hold onto it."
Finch: "I think it's best if I..."
Stifler: "Oh, um... I think you should get to know us first and then decide."
Mary Flaherty: "You are such a gentleman, Steve."
Stifler: "I hear that all the time but it never gets old."
Mary Flaherty: "Aw."
Stifler: "Hey, Paul, uh, do you have a camera?"
Mary Flaherty: "How thoughtful."
Finch: "I must have forgotten my camera at home, Steven."
Stifler: "Oh, m... maybe you could take, like, a mental note."
Finch: "I won't forget this moment."
Stifler: "I bet you won't."
Mary Flaherty: "Would you like to join us?"
Stifler: "I would love to."
Mary Flaherty: "Well come on."
Stifler: "Thank you."
Mary Flaherty: "Lovely to see you fellas."
Stifler: "Thank you."

amazing.wav(327K) amazing.mp3(327K) amazing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh, amazing."
Michelle: "What the hell is he doing near my flowers?"
Stifler: "I love the way the tulips accentuate the, um... What do you call those again, sir?"
Florist: "Double Lisianthus."
Mary Flaherty: "Lisianthus."
Stifler: "Double Lisianthums. What a pretty name."
Mary Flaherty: "I told him to be nice or... or he couldn't come to the wedding. (Michelle shoots a glare his way.) Okay, I will take care of this. I will take care of this."
Stifler: "Hey, hey, James."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, great. Come on over."
Stifler: "Oh, great. Come on over."
Mary Flaherty: "See if I forgot anything. I don't think... Oh, oh, oh."

baryshikiankov.wav(160K) baryshikiankov.mp3(160K) baryshikiankov.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Okay, okay, I know... Iknow what you're doing. Look, have you seen yourself? I can't believe you're doing this."
Stifler: "Hey, just calm down, dude. It's all set."
Jim: "What's set."
Stifler: "I'm gonna teach you to dnce like a 'Baryshikiankov'. Oh yeah."
Jim: "He's pretty god."

achance.wav(228K) achance.mp3(228K) achance.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "Jim, he's not doing it to be nice. He's doing it to bone Cadence."
Jim: "Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think... I think... that underneath all the bleeps and bleeps and blow mes, there's a very sensitive person who is just thirsty for acceptance. That's... That's what I think."
Michelle: "Oh, Jim, you've got to stop masturbating. It's melting your brain."

fword.wav(200K) fword.mp3(200K) fword.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Observe the bleepin' Stif-meister. What is his defining characteristic?"
Jim: "He uses the F-word excessively."
Stifler: "Thanks, man. But I also have confidence. You're one big floppy cock. Look at you. You've got to stand like a man. Your posture tells your partner where to go."

saveyour.wav(148K) saveyour.mp3(148K) saveyour.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "That's pretty good."
Stifler: "You're bleepin' right it's good. I'm gonna save your ass in this wedding. Pretty soon you're gonna want me to shave your balls."
Jim: "Should I shave my balls? Do you shave your balls? How do you do it?"
Stifler: "Dude, no."

voltaire.wav(179K) voltaire.mp3(179K) voltaire.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "You know, there's nothing like a local pub."
Cadence: "Mm-hmm."
Stifler: "It's like real America without all that corporateness and catchy jingles."
Cadence: "Well, what's wrong with a good jingle?"
Stifler: "I think it was Voltaire who said, 'A jingle witty proves everything for my friends and I'."

beingswart.wav(86K) beingswart.mp3(86K) beingswart.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence: "Actually, I'm getting a little burned out on all that intelectual stuff."
Stifler: "Yeah, Me too. Being smart is so hard."

onmyballs.wav(135K) onmyballs.mp3(135K) onmyballs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "I'll give you some intelligence. Voltaire can suck on my balls."
Stifler: "What?"
Cadence: "It's about time somebody finally came out and said it."

finchmeister.wav(418K) finchmeister.mp3(418K) finchmeister.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Hey, I'm gonna give you a quote to live by. 'Love life, get paid and then get laid.' That is the basic philosophy of the Finch-meister."
Cadence: "I like that."
Finch: "Bet you do."
Stifler: "But I don't know why you do because Finch-meister doesn't make any friggin' sence."
Cadence: "Sure it does."
Finch: "No bleepin, bleep it does."
Stifler: "Cadence, let's leave the 'crayton' here, shall we?"
Finch: "Whatever. bleep it. I'm walkin' anyway."
Cadence: "Wait. You know, actually, I think I'm gonna go strech my legs with the Finch-meister. You don't mind, do you, Steven?"
Stifler: "No."
Finch: "Ha!"

itsonlike.wav(34K) itsonlike.mp3(34K) itsonlike.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "It's on like Donkey Kong, bi-ah-itch."

packitup.wav(13K) packitup.mp3(13K) packitup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Pack it up, bitch."

wedding.wav(252K) wedding.mp3(252K) wedding.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "A wedding. Shit. How do you know she's the right girl?"
Jim: "I just do. I'm a better person when I'm with Michelle. Nobody else can..."
Stifler: "No, no, no, bleephead. You hooked up with one other gilr for, what, 10 seconds. Not to mention you passed on Nadia. Dumbest bleepin' thing ever. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno. This bleep is crazy."

honestly.wav(220K) honestly.mp3(220K) honestly.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Honestly, would you have pased up sex with Nadia?"
Jim's Dad: "Why? Did she say something?"
Jim: "Hypothetically, Dad."
Jim's Dad: "Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm..."
Jim: "If... if... if you weren't married."
Jim's Dad: "She's a college girl."
Jim: "If you were a college guy."
Jim's Dad: "In a heartbeat. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm."

natural.wav(469K) natural.mp3(469K) natural.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim's Dad: "First of all, what... what you're felling is so normal and perfectly natural. Marriage is not about, uh, animal lusting and... and kinky sex games. It's not so much about who's the dog and who's the fire hydrant tonight. It's... it's deeper than that. The longer a marriage lasts, the longer you can go, uh, without sex. But when that magic night does happen, uh, it's... it's all the more meaningful. And let me tell you, your mother, bless her, can still make me, uh, squeal like a pig. Uh, and I mean that in the good sence, son. Do you follow what I'm saying? You understand where I'm going?"
Jim: "I do. I' uh... I think I, uh..."
Jim's Dad: "Anyhing else you need?"
Jim: "No. No, that's, uh..."

BLEEPinright.wav(30K) BLEEPinright.mp3(30K) BLEEPinright.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hoo! bleepin right!"

mypants.wav(49K) mypants.mp3(49K) mypants.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bear: "So, you lke my pants, Stiffy?"
Stifler: "Yeah, whatever, dude. As long as the girls are worth it."
Bear: "They're worth it."

messy.wav(31K) messy.mp3(31K) messy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fraulein Brandi (Amanda Swisten): "You boys have been very messy."

myfanny.wav(29K) myfanny.mp3(29K) myfanny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fraulein Brandi: "Whoops. Can you see my fanny?"

naughty.wav(35K) naughty.mp3(35K) naughty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal (Nikki Schieler Ziering): "You naughty girl."

thefifth.wav(42K) thefifth.mp3(42K) thefifth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "None of that pleading the fifth crap! You boys are gonna talk."

anddrool.wav(59K) anddrool.mp3(59K) anddrool.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "Are you just gonna stand there and drool? Or are we donna have a bachelor party?"
Stifler: "bleep yeah, we are!"
Officer Krystal: "Yeah?"
Stifler: "Yeah."

afinger.wav(127K) afinger.mp3(127K) afinger.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "What? I can't hear you. Louder!"
Finch: "Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes. Bachelor party."
Officer Krystal: "Can't hear you. Louder! Louder!"
Finch: "Stick a finger in my ass!"

thatswierd.wav(12K) thatswierd.mp3(12K) thatswierd.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "That's wierd."

justwait.wav(54K) justwait.mp3(54K) justwait.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kevin: "Look, maybe we should just wait for Jim."
Stifler: "bleep jim, man! This is for us."

girlfriend.wav(202K) girlfriend.mp3(202K) girlfriend.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "Take her top off."
Kevin: "My girlfriend has strict rules about this. No touching."
Officer Krystal: "What are you, a dancing clown? You wipe that bleep-eating grin off your face, you punk-ass little bitch."
Stifler: "This is awesome!"
Officer Krystal: "Oh, you like that?"
Stifler: "Yeah."
Officer Krystal: "Yeah, you lke it, huh? How much?"
Stifler: "Boob! (He grabs her boob.)"
Fraulein Brandi: "No!"
Stifler: "I'm Sorry."

nonotyet.wav(82K) nonotyet.mp3(82K) nonotyet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "I'm sorry."
Officer Krystal: "No, not yet. But you will be."
Stifler: "Like I said, this is awesome."

thing.wav(88K) thing.mp3(88K) thing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Hey, listen, I-I-I-I think we both know that Officer Krystal and me have this... You know..."
Bear: "Thing."
Finch: "Yeah."
Bear: "Mm-hmm."

noone.wav(68K) noone.mp3(68K) noone.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "No one has ever slapped my ass like that. No one's ever pinched my nipple with such ferosity."

tantricart.wav(111K) tantricart.mp3(111K) tantricart.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "I am a master of the tantric art. I-I look at her body and I just see the chakras and the things I could do to her and... Ohh!"

lookcute.wav(72K) lookcute.mp3(72K) lookcute.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bear: "You. You look cute. I... oh, thank you. Thank you, but you... you're the cute one."

buffalobill.wav(208K) buffalobill.mp3(208K) buffalobill.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bear: "Stiffy! How slimming is this, huh?"
Stifler: "What the bleep, Buffalo Bill?"
Bear: "What, this... What, the pink too much?"
Stifler: "It puts the dress in the drawer and does as it's told."
Bear: "Oh, dude. Now that's bleeped up. That's bleeped up."

inclosing.wav(106K) inclosing.mp3(106K) inclosing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "And in closing, you have been a naughty, naughty girl."
Stifler: "You been naughty, Brandi? You been bleepin' naughty?"
Finch: "Fresh."

screams.wav(83K) screams.mp3(83K) screams.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "(Finch screams) Take her top off!"
Fraulein Brandi: "You didn't get to cleaning, little bitch bleeper? Huh?"
Finch: "Ow! (Finch screams.)"

seeuskiss.wav(102K) seeuskiss.mp3(102K) seeuskiss.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "Wanna see us kiss?"
Stifler: "bleep, no."
Finch: "No, no."
Stifler: "None of that 'you go, we go' bullbleep. Already done that."

idontcare.wav(270K) idontcare.mp3(270K) idontcare.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Maybe dance..."
Officer Krystal: "I used to have this pet bass."
Stifler: "Oh."
Officer Krystal: "His name was Arnie, and... Oh, he was so cute. And he just loved me too."
Stifler: "Yeah."
Officer Krystal: "He'd just look up at me..."
Stifler: "Maybe you could dance."
Officer Krystal: "...and make this face like... Or something like that. I don't know. It was great. God, I miss him, but... Um, sometimes I watch the Discovery Channel, and..."
Stifler: "I don't care! Could you just dance for me, please?"

favorite.wav(57K) favorite.mp3(57K) favorite.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kevin: "No, that's my favorite... It was my favorite shirt. Uh, okay."

crazyparty.wav(97K) crazyparty.mp3(97K) crazyparty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hey. What?"
Finch: "Nothin'."
Stifler: "Crazy party, huh?"

maniac.wav(89K) maniac.mp3(89K) maniac.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "(Talking to a blow-up doll) Don't worry about him. You don't worry about him. He's... He's a... He's a maniac. You're a maniac. You know that?"

focused.wav(59K) focused.mp3(59K) focused.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Stifler, why in the world are you focused on me?"
Stifler: "I'm just surprised to see you don't have tits."

cleanyou.wav(71K) cleanyou.mp3(71K) cleanyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fraulein Brandi: "How can I clean you if you are not dirty? Go put something on that I must clean up with my tongue."

anything.wav(43K) anything.mp3(43K) anything.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Anything for a French person. If you insist Fraulein."

character.wav(322K) character.mp3(322K) character.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "Look at you, you pathetic little weasel."
Kevin: "Can't I just watch?"
Officer Krystal: "Look, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to."
Stifler: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Don't break character ever again. Okay? I don't care if Kevin starts crying because Finch bit his cock off. You're a dirty cop, you're a prissy maid and I am your filthy cabana boy in need of much punishment and cleaning."
Officer Krystal: "Don't you ever mouth off to Officer Krystal, you dirty little pervert!"
Stifler: "Okay."
Officer Krystal: "Now, obey! I obey! I obey!"

holyBLEEP.wav(15K) holyBLEEP.mp3(15K) holyBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Holy bleep!"

spoketo.wav(93K) spoketo.mp3(93K) spoketo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Stifler, you said you spoke to Jim."
Stifler: "I did. I was secret about it and everything. He said he'd be the only one here tonight. What the bleep, bleep-brick?"
Finch: "Chocolate."

pinkroses.wav(161K) pinkroses.mp3(161K) pinkroses.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "(Gasps) Oh."
Jim: "What?"
Mary Flaherty: "Pink roses."
Jim: "Pink roses."
Mary Flaherty: "Yeah."
Jim: "They're nice, aren't they?"
Harold Flaherty: "Yes. Artificial. Nice try."
Jim: "Well... I almost got ya."

thewine.wav(188K) thewine.mp3(188K) thewine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bear: "Ah, uh, well, yes, uh, we have... we have right here a 1999 cabernet seve... um... full-bodied, masculine wine. Just shouts sophistication."

surprised.wav(61K) surprised.mp3(61K) surprised.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bear: "James."
Jim: "Yes."
Bear: "Well, I can see you're very surprised to see me here."
Jim: "A little bit."

thedogs.wav(156K) thedogs.mp3(156K) thedogs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "I think I'm going to go check on the dogs."
Jim: "Yes, yes! In fact, why don't you both go check on the dogs and... No, no, no. Don't check on the dogs. They're fine."
Mary Flaherty: "How do you know?"
Bear: "Because I just checked on the dogs."
Jim: "Because he just checked on the dogs."
Bear: "I did."
Jim: "Good work, man."

turkey.wav(146K) turkey.mp3(146K) turkey.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harold Flaherty: "Jim, I'll help you with the turkey."
Jim: "Okay."
Bear: "Um, and I'll keep you company."
Mary Flaherty: "Thank you. Whoo. So, how long have you been a sommelier, Mr., um..."
Bear: "Belvedere, ma'am."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, Belvedere."

chilly.wav(17K) chilly.mp3(17K) chilly.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "It's chilly in here."

kinky.wav(57K) kinky.mp3(57K) kinky.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "Who knows what kind of kinky bleep they're getting ready for us."
Fraulein Brandi: "Do these go in your ass tonight or mine?"

youcalled.wav(13K) youcalled.mp3(13K) youcalled.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fraulein Brandi: "You called, master."

themop.wav(197K) themop.mp3(197K) themop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "Well, there you are. Hello."
Harold Flaherty: "How do you do?"
Jim: "Uh, so, cleaning lady, we were wondering where... where... where the mop was."
Fraulein Brandi: "Master put the mop in my fanny."
Mary Flaherty: "You what?"
Harold Flaherty: ""Who put what where?"
Jim: "I did no such thing anywhere."

shalli.wav(28K) shalli.mp3(28K) shalli.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fraulein Brandi: "Shall I clean?"

hotinhere.wav(72K) hotinhere.mp3(72K) hotinhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fraulein Brandi: "Very well. It is so hot in here. (She takes her top off)"
Harold Flaherty: "Holy Jesus!"

fanny.wav(335K) fanny.mp3(335K) fanny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Oh, Brandi, Brandi. What are you doing? You're not in Eastern Europe anymore. You can't do that. I am so sorry about my... my cousin. She's not used to our customs. Jim I apologize for recommending her to you. Oh, here's, uh... here's this, by the way."
Jim: "Ah, yeah. Got the mop."
Finch: "Brandi, you left the mop in the car. Now, remember, it's called a car, not a fanny."
Jim: "You remember last time mhen you wanted me to take a ride in your fanny?"

justgo.wav(103K) justgo.mp3(103K) justgo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "You know what? We should probably just go. I'm so sorry about this. I just came by to make sure everything was in order. Ooh, food smells great!"
Fraulein Brandi: "Au revoir."

unique.wav(24K) unique.mp3(24K) unique.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harold Flaherty: "Jim, you have unique friends."

thepolice.wav(615K) thepolice.mp3(615K) thepolice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "I think I saw some Pine-Sol in here too. Aye-yay-yay. Oh my god!"
Harold Flaherty: "Oh, my lord!"
Mary Flaherty: "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!"
Jim: "He's okay. He's okay."
Mary Flaherty: "Are you all right? Are you okay?"
Harold Flaherty: "Who did this to you?"
Jim: "I'm sure he's okay. Are you okay?"
Kevin: "I'm okay. I'm okay."
Mary Flaherty: "Get some help! Harold, call the police!"
Kevin: "I'm fine."
Officer Krystal: "All right!"
Jim: "Jesus!"
Officer Krystal: "I'll take charge from here."
Harold Flaherty: "My god, they are fast here. And nicely attired."
Mary Flaherty: "What's going on here?"
Jim: "She's here to protect and serve."
Officer Krystal: "Quiet!"
Jim: "Okay."
Officer Krystal: "Who let this boy out of the closet? You are all in for a hard punishment now."
Mary Flaherty: "Don't you touch him. He's been hurt."
Officer Krystal: "No, this is hurt!"
Kevin: "Ow!"
Harold Flaherty: "You can't do that."
Officer Krystal: "Silence, bleeper!"
Harold Flaherty: "Ow!"
Officer Krystal: "Oh, you like it."
Harold Flaherty: "Oh!"
Mary Flaherty: "Harold, what's gotten into you?"
Harold Flaherty: "I meant 'ow'."
Officer Krystal: "Dirty whore! Shut your hole! Obey!"
Harold Flaherty: "You can't do that."
Mary Flaherty: "You're a disgrace to the police force."
Officer Krystal: "I'll be giving you an enema!"
Kevin: "Hey, somebody untie me!"

giveup.wav(630K) giveup.mp3(630K) giveup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "All right, forget it. We give up."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, Steven! Steven!"
Stifler: "Oh, it's okay, Mary."
Mary Flaherty: "What's going on?"
Stifler: "Listen. This isn't working, guys. Krystal, you can drop the act. This isn't a real cop. Kevin wasn't assulted. I just wanted to make Jim look good for you guys. Like a real hero. Kind of like me. So we hired a fake cop and we tied up Kevin and put him in the closet. Jim was supposed to rescue him, untie him, give him mouth-to-mouth. I don't know what he likes to do. You know, and then Paul Finch hired an exotic dancer instead of a real actor."
Harold Flaherty: "Jim, is this true?"
Jim: "Every word of it."
Harold Flaherty: "Well, that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard."
Mary Flaherty: "You've embarrassed me and Harold and Mr. Belvedere."
Stifler: "It's all my fault. I'm a bad person."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, you're not a bad person. You were just trying to help out your best friend."
Stifler: "Yeah."
Mary Flaherty: "And it was an awful idea. But I suppose it's the thought that counts."

adoreyou.wav(190K) adoreyou.mp3(190K) adoreyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "And, Steven, we still adore you, honey. In fact, I think I know who should hold onto this. We adore you. You'll take good care of it."
Stifler: "You've got to be kidding me."
Mary Flaherty: "No."
Stifler: "Look it, Jim. Kevin. Boy, this really makes me important to the wedding, huh?"
Mary Flaherty: "Yes."

belvedere.wav(56K) belvedere.mp3(56K) belvedere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Officer Krystal: "Well, Mr. Belvedere, it's gonna be one bleeped up wedding."
Bear: "Absolutely."

anyroom.wav(160K) anyroom.mp3(160K) anyroom.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Is there any room for me?"
Finch: "Uh, nope."
Stifler: "Oh, I'll just drive up north all by myself."
Finch: "That sounds good. We'll see you later."
Cadence: "No, I'll drive with you."
Stifler: "Oh, thanks, Cadence."
Cadence: "Um-hmm."
Stifler: "Beautiful lady."
Cadence: "Sure."

unusual.wav(88K) unusual.mp3(88K) unusual.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "So, my mom found the dogs playing with something unusual this morning."
Jim: "What?"
Michelle: "I told her it was a neck massager."

lethargic.wav(125K) lethargic.mp3(125K) lethargic.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hilarious, huh?"
Cadence: "Yeah."
Stifler: "That kind of thing's so lethargic to me."
Cadence: "What do you mean?"
Stifler: "I'm not sure."

mrstyfler.wav(672K) mrstyfler.mp3(672K) mrstyfler.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Concierge (James Reese): "Mr. 'Styfler', I already told you. You called two tays ago and canceled your reservation. Since you now wish to stay here, I thought you could persuade Mr. Finch to share his room."
Stifler: "Hey bleephead. I didn't cancel my reservation. Mr. bleepface Finch called here, and Mr. Idiot-Behind-The-Desk canceled it."
Finch: "Uh, Kristof, please pardon my friend's uncouth behavior. I did no such thing."
Concierge: "Nor did I, sir, and your rudness and obscenities won't change anything."
Stifler: "Oh. Well, then, I guess it doesn't matter if I call you a crotch-face, you ball-scratching Finch-bleeper. Or better yet, go blow your dad!"
Concierge: "My dad?"
Stifler: "Hear, hear!"
Finch: "Yeah, while you're there, stick a finger up both their asses, while you're down there."
Stifler: "Uh, uh, hey."
Cadence: "Hi."
Stifler: "Um, Finch, rudeness and obscenity won't change anything."
Finch: "Here's a thought. Grow a sack, fill it with some balls, magically sprout a dick, shove it up your ass, start bleeping yourself with it. Yeah, Baby! Yeah, Baby, you know what I'm sayin'? Oh! Ohh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Yeah!"

disgusting.wav(69K) disgusting.mp3(69K) disgusting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "This is disgusting. Why don't you go dust with your perverse European cousin?"
Harold Flaherty: "Is she here?"

mysoap.wav(169K) mysoap.mp3(169K) mysoap.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim's Dad: "You're gonna have a fun weekend, Ma."
Grandma (Angela Paton): "I am missing my soap."
Jim's Dad: "Well, don't you worry about your soaps."
Grandma: "Will you push faster? I'm tired."
Jim's Dad: "And wait till you meet Michelle. You're gonna leve here. She's sweet as sugar."
Grandma: "I can't eat sugar."
Jim's Dad: "I know, because you're diabetic."

overjoyed.wav(328K) overjoyed.mp3(328K) overjoyed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim's Dad: "You know, Ma, I know things haven't been going well for you. I know that. But wait till you see Jim standing up there at the altar tomorrow. I mean, if ever there was a time to be happy and smill the biggest smile, now is the time."
Gandma: "Okay, okay! I'm overjoyed."
Jim's Dad: "That's... That's a start. Proud grandmother coming through. Grandson's getting married tomorrow. You think she's happy now? Wait till tomorrow."

thecake.wav(46K) thecake.mp3(46K) thecake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Caterer (Corinne Reilly-Elfont): "I hope you'll be more careful with the next one. My kitchen is not a toilet. Okay?"

notanissue.wav(176K) notanissue.mp3(176K) notanissue.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim's Dad: "Boy, pubic hair was just not an issue when I was dating. The ladies, uh, never complained when they were, you know, down in that general area."
Jim: "Okay, if you never mention that ever again, that'd be great."
Jim's Dad: "You're right. No, no, no. Okay."
Jim: "Maybe..."
Jim's Dad: "Shouldn't have brought it up."

okayfrodo.wav(105K) okayfrodo.mp3(105K) okayfrodo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence: "So, can I see the ring?"
Stifler: "Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket."
Cadence: "Okay, Frodo."

cryatthe.wav(88K) cryatthe.mp3(88K) cryatthe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence: "You really care about this wedding, don't you?"
Stifler: "Yeah, I'm gonna cry at the ceremony. I know it."

differently.wav(227K) differently.mp3(227K) differently.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence: "Do you act differently around certain people? Namely me."
Stifler: "Of course not. Why? Do you act differently around me?"
Cadence: "Generally I'm just me. If people don't like it, then that's their problem, right?"
Stifler: "Yeah. bleep those bleepers."
Cadence: "What?"
Stifler: "I... I didn't..."
Cadence: "No, you know, you're right. bleep 'em."

justrelax.wav(154K) justrelax.mp3(154K) justrelax.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Do it. Don't bleep around. Just relax and let it go. I'm sick of waiting. Do it for Daddy. Will you just take a bleep already."

tothedogs.wav(151K) tothedogs.mp3(151K) tothedogs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "You fed the ring to the dogs, didn't you?"
Stifler: "Of course not."
Finch: "You have been staring at those dogs like a hawk all day."
Stifler: "I'm a dog lover."

kissedme.wav(237K) kissedme.mp3(237K) kissedme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh, and by the way... Apparently you missed when Cadence kissed me. Slight tongue action too. It was something like this."
Finch: "You're a terrible liar, Stifler."
Stifler: "If I were lying I'd think of semething better than a kiss. Maybe a blow job or some titty grabbin'. No pussy for you, Finch."

someBLEEP.wav(119K) someBLEEP.mp3(119K) someBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh, bleepin' right, doggy! It's about bleepdamn time! Jackpot! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some bleep to attend to."

thanks.wav(16K) thanks.mp3(16K) thanks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Thanks, bleepholes!"

sillysally.wav(211K) sillysally.mp3(211K) sillysally.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harold Flaherty: "Get over here, you little rascal."
Jim's Mom (Molly Cheek): "We were just talking about Michelle's wedding band. Could I see it?"
Stifler: "Um, no."
Jim's Mom: "No?"
Stifler: "I don't have it."
Harold Flaherty: "What? You mean you lost it?"
Stifler: "Of course not. I'm keeping it safe in my room, you silly Sally."

dogpoop.wav(1358K) dogpoop.mp3(1358K) dogpoop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "What do you have in your hand there?"
Stifler: "This one?"
Mary Flaherty: "Ner, the other one."
Stifler: "It's chocolate truffle."
Jim's Mom: "Ooh, yummy!"
Mary Flaherty: "Where did you get that? Oh, the caterer said she was savind the truffles for tomorrow. You sneaky devil."
Stifler: "Well, hey, I managed to sneak one right past her."
Harold Flaherty: "Oh, come on. This woman loves chocolate. At least give her a tiny nibble."
Mary Flaherty: "Give it to Mama."
Stifler: "Mama don't want this. This is the only piece that I have."
Finch: "Idiot."
Mary Flaherty: "Well, break it in half. Come on."
Stifler: "You know what? Let's just leave the surprises till tomorrow, huh guys? It's gonna be a great day."
Mary Flaherty: "I'd like my surprise right now."
Stifler: "No, it's mine!"
Mary Flaherty: "Steven, give it to me."
Stifler: "No."
Mary Flaherty: "Give me the 'G' darn truffle."
Harold Flaherty: "Steven, that is so selfish."
Stifler: "Mm, it's good"
Mary Flaherty: "Ooh."
Harold Flaherty: "Is it? Is it sweet?"
Stifler: "It's so sweet."
Mary Flaherty: "Close your mouth when you chew, Steven."
Stifler: "Don't do that."
Harold Flaherty: "At least you could describe to the lovely woman how deliceous it is."
Stifler: "Well, it tastes like twigs and berries."
Mary Flaherty: "Is it swiss or French chocolate?"
Stifler: ""Maybe German."
Harold Flaherty: "Oh, really? Is it creamy?"
Stifler: "Yeah, it's creamy."
Harold Flaherty: "Easy to go down, right?"
Stifler: "Well, I'm trying to savor the flavor right now."
Harold Flaherty: "Is it fresh?"
Stifler: "Oh, it's so fresh."
Harold Flaherty: "Nothing better than when they're fresh."
Stifler: "Nothing better."
Harold Flaherty: "The problem is you can't eat just one, can ya?"
Stifler: "No, no, you can't."
Harold Flaherty: "But you've got to know when to stop, don't you?"
Stifler: "You really do, but it's really hard. It's really hard."
Harold Flaherty: "Droppings from the gods."
Jim's Mom: "Ooh!"
Mary Flaherty: "Get me another one, darling. Come on."
Harold Flaherty: "You selfish boy. Next time, bring enough for everybody."
Stifler: "Hey, let's keep this to ourselves. Huh? Okay?"
Harold Flaherty: "Okay."
Stifler: "I gotta go, okay?"
Harold Flaherty: "Don't have any more because it's gonna spoil your appetite."
Stifler: "Okay. Hey, look, mon. I gotta go."

its1801.wav(143K) its1801.mp3(143K) its1801.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "When your dad sees the look on Grandma's face it's... it's gonna break his heart. Because of me."
Jim: "It's not because of you. Michelle, it's not because of you at all. It's because Grandma thinks it's 1801."

atoast.wav(490K) atoast.mp3(490K) atoast.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harold Flaherty: "I would like to propose a toast. These last few weeks have really been something for my lovely wife and me. We have met some people we didn't know existed. We've experienced some things we didn't think were possible. We've always tried to make the best of every situation."
Mary Flaherty: "This is a good situation."
Harold Flaherty: "That is what I'm saying. This is a wonderful situation. The coming together of two families from different backgrounds. SO to our new son-in-law, may we say Erin Go Braugh. To our lovely daughter Michelle, L'chaim. Did I get that right?"
Jim's Dad: "Very good."
Harold Flaherty: "Uh, and let's hope we can sit many happy shivas together. Here's to a wonderful wedding."
All: "Cheers."

special.wav(357K) special.mp3(357K) special.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence: "I just wanted to let you know that you make me feel special."
Stifler: "I think you're the most special girl I've ever known. Maybe you'd wanna make things extra special tonight."
Cadence: "Which room is yours?"
Stifler: "I'm crashing at Kevin's. Damn."
Cadence: "But I saw like a big fluffy linen closet at the end of the main hallway."
Stifler: "Yes. Big, fluffy linen closet is good."
Cadence: "Okay."
Stifler: "Midnight?"
Cadence: "Yeah."
Stifler: "All right."
Cadence: "Okay."
Stifler: "Oh!"

withcadence.wav(90K) withcadence.mp3(90K) withcadence.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Gonna have sex with Cadence. Gonna have sex with Cadence. Whoo! uh-huh."

stalker.wav(131K) stalker.mp3(131K) stalker.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Jesus! You bleepin' stalker!"
Finch: "You're not a very stealthy thief."
Stifler: "Oh, really? Guess what, bleep-brick, it's a wedding. Everything's free. What do you want?"

therealstifler.wav(657K) therealstifler.mp3(657K) therealstifler.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Stifler, maybe you could forget about your dick for one second and actually be useful."
Stifler: "bleep you, Finch. You didn't eat bleep! Okay? You didn't prance around here like a ballerina for the whole week. 'Oh, wedding' this. 'Suck my ass' that. 'I'm special. You're special. We're all just a bunch of special bleepers, aren't we?' Well, you know what? I'm a-gonna get laid, Finch-bleeper. And it's gonna be oh, so good. It's gonna be like, 'You like this bleep, Mama?' And she's gonna be like 'bleepin' right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow.' Like... (Sucking... Meowing... Sucking...). You been here long?"
Cadence: "(Sucking)"
Stifler: "Oh, bleep. Yeah."
Finch: "Cadence, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce you to the real Steve Stifler."
Stifler: "Hi."

fwhatareyou.wav(34K) fwhatareyou.mp3(34K) fwhatareyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "F... What are you talking about?"

notmyfault.wav(21K) notmyfault.mp3(21K) notmyfault.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "bleepers, it's not my fault."

intellectical.wav(26K) intellectical.mp3(26K) intellectical.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "I'm not an 'intellectical' Einstein. I'm not..."

heyflower.wav(22K) heyflower.mp3(22K) heyflower.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Hey, flower bleepers, you there?"

gatherup.wav(160K) gatherup.mp3(160K) gatherup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Now, what I need you to do is drag your ass down to you little store, gather up some flowers, slice 'em and dice 'em, jam 'em all together and cart that crap down to the wedding."
Mrs. Zyskowski (Julie Payne): "Are you completely insane?"
Stifler: "You have no idea."

halftime.wav(56K) halftime.mp3(56K) halftime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "We don't quit at halftime, Ma'am! You don't score until you score!"

partyguy.wav(167K) partyguy.mp3(167K) partyguy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Good, Connor. Very good. Good, DeBoer. Really sucks. Go fix it. Hey, party guy. Having a good time, huh? Can I get you a gin and tonic? Rung! Hold on a second. Hello, oh (Laughs). Okay. It's for you. It's 'get to work, bleeper.'"

kindagay.wav(173K) kindagay.mp3(173K) kindagay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Football Player: "Coach, this is kinda gay."
Stifler: "Yeah, it is. Good work."
Bear: "Hey, no problem. So, you got a date for this thing?"
Stifler: "Don't push it."
Bear: "Sorry."

saveit.wav(22K) saveit.mp3(22K) saveit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Stifler."
Stifler: "Save it, Dickhead. I'm working."

anBLEEPhole.wav(83K) anBLEEPhole.mp3(83K) anBLEEPhole.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence: "You're an bleephole."
Stifler: "I know."
Cadence: "You really are an bleephole."
Stifler: "Thanks."

apologies.wav(114K) apologies.mp3(114K) apologies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "I don't do apologies so good."
Cadence: "Well, you get an 'A' for effort. This is amazing."
Stifler: "Cool. I was always kind of a 'C' student."

both.wav(68K) both.mp3(68K) both.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cadence: "So, did you do all this just to have sex with me or because you really care about the wedding?"
Stifler: "Both."

usetools.wav(95K) usetools.mp3(95K) usetools.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. This is huge. It's like watching monkeys use tools for the first time."

stillpissed.wav(387K) stillpissed.mp3(387K) stillpissed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "You still pissed about me and Cadence?"
Finch: "No. Let's see. She wasn't into the heavy intellectual stuff. She actually liked me being that imbecile. No, no, somehow I think she's better off with you."
Stifler: "Thanks, bleep-brick. Ooh. Dick. bleeping hate not hating you."
Finch: "I did bleep your mom. Twice."
Stifler: "Ooh! That's better, bleeper!"

myvows.wav(294K) myvows.mp3(294K) myvows.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "I still can't get my vows right. Oh. I haven't been this confused since I got my first period."
Jim's Dad: "That's a very confusing time for any young lady. You know, your body is going though, uh, changes. Um, stuff coming out, stuff going in."
Michelle: "Oh, no. I need help with my vows, not my period."
Jim's Dad: "Oh, your vows. Your vows. Yes, uh, good. Um, go on."

thissucks.wav(221K) thissucks.mp3(221K) thissucks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Okay. Let's go."
Jim: "Hey guys, thanks for coming out here and meeting me. I um... I just have a couple of things I want to say."
Stifler: "This sucks. Did I say tha out loud? Keep going. It's good."

thanks2.wav(159K) thanks2.mp3(159K) thanks2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "I... I guess I just wanted to say thank you. Thanks. Yeah."
Stifler: "Thanks? This whole thing was about thanks? Ooh! You're welcome, cock-block!"

loveis.wav(1056K) loveis.mp3(1056K) loveis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim's Dad: "Love is very difficult to describe. And I understand the angst. I mean, it's your wedding. And it's natural. It's perfectly natural."
Michelle: "But it's impossible to describe a feeling."
Jim's Dad: "Okay, first, nothing is impossible. So, let's not focus on that. Why do you think, Michelle, they call it 'making love'?"
Michelle: "I don't know. I just call it boning."
Jim's Dad: "Boning. Well, when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not, um, boning, how does he make you feel?"
Michelle: "Horney, like I wanna bone."
Jim's Dad: "But we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear."
Michelle: "Oh, you've never tried it?"
Jim's Dad: "I centainly have. I have. I've boned, from sunrise right through brunch, on more than one occasion. But, but, boning aside, um, I think they call it 'making love' because you have to make love work. You know, it's about compromise and sacrifice. And I think Jim has sacrificed for you. My god, he shaved his entire pubic region, which would baffle most cultures around the world. But, but, he did it, and, and, and he did it for you."
Michelle: "You're right. Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls. Thanks, Dad."
Jim's Dad: "I, I, I wouldn't get into too much detail on that."

ditchher.wav(122K) ditchher.mp3(122K) ditchher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kevin: "Guys, what are you doing? Where's Jim's grandma?"
John (John Cho): "The old bitch sucked. We had to ditch her."
Kevin: "You what?"
John: "Uh, don't worry. We put her someplace no one will find her."
Justin (Justin Isfeld): "(Clicks Tongue)"

focus.wav(391K) focus.mp3(391K) focus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler: "Oh baby, I'm so ready for this. (Zipper unzipps) Your body's not quite what I was expecting, but that's okay. The Stif-man digs what's underneath. Oh, you are so beautiful. Oh, I just wanna..."
Kevin and Finch: "(Gasps)"
Kevin: "Stifler!"
Finch: "Granny!"
Stifler: "Granny? What?"
Grandma: "Focus! Focus! Focus!"
Stifler: "Out... It's not what it looks like! Shut the bleeping door!"
Finch: "You got it, champ. (Groans)"

thesmile.wav(170K) thesmile.mp3(170K) thesmile.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Kevin: "You're a hero."
Stifler: "Hey, pussy's pussy."
Jim's Dad: "Look at the smile on my mother's face. Do you know how long she's been waiting for a day like this?"
Kevin: "I can't imagine."

comearound.wav(56K) comearound.mp3(56K) comearound.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "What made Grandma come around?"
Jim: "Oh, Finch said Stifler talked to her."
Michelle: "Stifler?"

grandmather.wav(99K) grandmather.mp3(99K) grandmather.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Finch: "Grandmother bleeper."
Stifler: "You're a motherbleeper."
Finch: "Yes I am."
Stifler: "Oh, you son of a bitch."

onewoman.wav(112K) onewoman.mp3(112K) onewoman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "Michelle, you are the one woman I want to be with and the woman I can't be without. I love you."
Michelle: "I love you."

thewords.wav(333K) thewords.mp3(333K) thewords.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "Jim, I had trouble finding the words to tell you how I feel. And I realized something. Love isn't just a feeling. Love is something you do. It's a dress, a visit to band camp. A special haircut. Jim, you've given me everything I ever wanted, and it is my solemn vow to give everything I am to you."

awoman.wav(213K) awoman.mp3(213K) awoman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mary Flaherty: "I feel a bit sad that tonight our little Michelle is going to be a woman."
Harold Flaherty: "Honey, you don't honestly believe that Michelle is still a..."
Jim's Dad: "Well, I tell you, Mary. I can't recall a single moment with either one of them that would make me think otherwise."
Mary Flaherty: "Thank you. See?"
Jim's Dad: "Whew! Whoa!"

stiflersmom.wav(445K) stiflersmom.mp3(445K) stiflersmom.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stifler's Mom (Jennifer Coolidge): "Hey, tough guy."
Finch: "Stifler's Mom. Well, we meet again. I was curious. Didn't see you here."
Stifler's Mom: "I try to keep a low profile. I never really did like these things anyway."
Finch: "You know, this has actually made quite an impression on me. I have something to look for in a woman now."
Stifler's Mom: "Well, if this is your idea of a proposal, Finchy, you gotta know that I'm over you now."
Finch: "And I'm over you. But as they say, we will always have Paris."
Stifler's Mom: "And the pool table."
Finch: "And the car."
Stifler's Mom: "And the two-room suite I have upstairs."
Finch: "Come here."

littleperv.wav(146K) littleperv.mp3(146K) littleperv.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michelle: "How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy?"
Jim: "How did a little nympho like you turn into such a great girl?"
Michelle: "I'm still a nympho."
Jim: "Well, I'm still a perv."
Michelle: "I know. What's wrong with us?"

toquote.wav(164K) toquote.mp3(164K) toquote.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jim: "You know, Michelle, to quote someone I've learned quite a bit from, 'I think you and I are a perfectly natural normal thing.' Perfectly natural."

milfmilf.wav(135K) milfmilf.mp3(135K) milfmilf.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

John: "Holy bleep, dude."
Justin: "I told you this wedding would be worth it."
John: "Oh my goddes. My queen. My MILF."
Justin and John: "MILF. MILF. MILF. MILF."

themaster.wav(255K) themaster.mp3(255K) themaster.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Justin: "No way, bro!"
Stifler's Mom: "Hey, you're not finished yet, are you, Finchy?"
Finch: "No, ma'am. Just getting started."
John: "This guy is the bleeping master. Oh no."
Justin: "Oh no!"
John: "Make it stop. Make it stop."
Finch: "Oh, Stifler's mom."

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