David (Steve Buscemi): "When my brother Harrold asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I was like of course man. You've always been ther for me, like when I was in rehab, and like the time I couldn't find my car. Cause Harrold has always been the dependable one, and I've always been the screwed up one. Right dad? Why can't you be more like your brother? Harrold would never beat up his landlord. But uh, newsflash pop, Harrold ain't so perfect. Remember that time in Puero Rico when we picked up those two uh, well I guess they were prostitutes but I don't remember paying."
Robbie: "Ok, how about that."
David: "How about that. I'm a person too pop bleep damnit. I'm a person too."
Father of Groom (Jack Nisbet): "You're a moron"
Robbie: "Ok, the best man everybody."
David: "The best man. The better man."