Lou Redwood: "Swedish Porn saved my life in 'Nam."
Jackie Moon: "Okay."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh."
Cornelius Banks (Tim Meadows): "Great, here we go."
Lou Redwood: "Come on, bleep you guys!"
Bobby Dee: "Let me get my violin."
Lou Redwood: "Swedish porn was the only thing that kept my mind off Charlie when I was in the shit."
Bobby Dee: "Is the shit in Ann Arbor? 'Cause that's where you were during the war."
Jackie Moon: "He really believes it."
Cornelius Banks: "You were never in 'Nam, you jive turkey. (silence and Lou gives him the evil eye and everybody else looks scared)"
Lou Redwood: "You just call me a Jive turkey?"
Jackie Moon: "No. No, he did not. He, uh, he called you a bleepsucker. Right? Right, Cornelius."
Cornelius Banks: "Yeah, yeah. I just called you a bleepsucker."
Lou Redwood: "I'm pretty sure that you called me a jive turkey."
Dick Pepperfield: "No, no. Now, Lou, nobody called anyone a JT."
Lou Redwood: "Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man!"
Jackie Moon: "Look, we're all here. We all heard what was said and we're in agreement. Cornelius said bleepsucker. Right?"
Bobby Dee: "Yes. He just said you suck bleep."
Dick Pepperfield: "That's all he said about you."
Jackie Moon: "Now, come on. Dig into that fondue, you little bleepsucker."
Lou Redwood: "We like playing games don't we? "
Jackie Moon: "We do, we're playing one right now!"
Lou Redwood: "I'm gonna show you guys this game that I learned when I was in bleeping 'Nam! (He pulls out a gun and points it at Cornelius)"
Bobby Dee: "Oh, no, no, no!"
Cornelius Banks: "Oh, my god!"
Dick Pepperfield: "Now, Lou, Lou."
Lou Redwood: "Who's the jive turkey now? (Then he starts to laugh) Gun's not loaded! (everybody starts laughing)"
Cornelius Banks: "You son of a bitch!"
Lou Redwood: "It's not loaded."
Jackie Moon: "It's not loaded."
Lou Redwood: "You should'a seen your bleepdamn face!"
Bobby Dee: "Oh! There's no bullets in there!"
Lou Redwood: "I never load it!"
Cornelius Banks: "The gun was not loaded!"
autoplay on
Semi-Pro: savedmylife.m4r (2928 K)
To download as a ringtone put the URL below into your cell phone's browser: (Not all cell phones support this feature.)
Purple Matress: Life's too short to be uncomfortable.
To use as ringtone on your iPhone open the m4r audio file with iTunes and it will automatically be put in the "Ringtones" folder. Then sync your phone. You may need to check the "Sync ringtones" box under the "Ringtones" tab in iTunes for your iPhone. (Unfortunately if the sound clip is over 40 seconds it will not work because iTunes puts a limit on it.)