Ernie McCracken: "I'm Ernie McCracken. When I found out that little Billy here was growing up without a daddy, I had to do something."
Unified Fund Mom: "When Big Ern saw our picture in the paper, he called the Unified Fund and got involved."
Ernie McCracken: "I had to. I couldn't help myself. But little Billy's not the only one. There's also little Jason here. Once agani this year, I'll be sponsering a fatherless family in every city I bowl in."
Jason: "Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, Mr. McCracken's already there."
Ernie McCracken: "Jonathan, run a fly pattern all the way to the goal line. (He snaps up the mom's skirt.) Tennessee! Kentucky! Find the meat! Uh, deeper, Jonathan. It's a tough world. These kids nearly got Munsoned, but they're back now. Through the Unified Fund, I found out that if you give a little, you can get back a whole lot more."