Jay: "Do not shoot. Don't shoot! We're just, uh, trying to take our son out of this hostile environment."
Sheriff: "Their son?"
Willenholly: "Maybe they're one of those gay couples."
Jay: "Yeah, we're gay and this is our adopted love child. We're not from around here. Don't make us go back to ur liberal city home with tails of prejudice and bigotry from in the heart of Utah."
Willenholly: "Oh, God, this is the last thing I need, a bunch of uppity homosekuals shooting their mouths off to the liberal media that the Federal Wildlife Marshal office persecutes gays."
Jay: "Are you bleepin' crazy? Now, they may be gay but that's not their son. That's the ape."
Willenholly: "I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is a political fiasco here that I am about to avoid by letting this butt bleeping Brady Bunch go."