Jack (Alan Tudyk): "There's gonna be some things that you're gonna be able to get..."
Alison: "Okay."
Jack: "...that other people in the office don't get. One of them, gym membership."
Alison: "You want me to lose weight?"
Jack: "(laughing) No, I don't want you to lose weight."
Jill (Kristen Wiig): "No. We can't legally ask you to do that."
Jack: "We didn't say lose weight. I might say tighten."
Alison: "Tight."
Jack: "A little (making hand gestures) tighter."
Jill: "Just like toned and smaller."
Jack: "Don't make everything smaller. I don't want to generalize that way. Tighter."
Jill: "We don't want you to lose weight. We just want you to be healthy."
Alison: "Okay."
Jill: "You know, by eating less. We would just like it if you go home and step on a scale and write down how much you weigh and subtract it by, like, 20."
Alison: "Twenty."
Jill: "And then weigh that much."
Jack: "Just remember, you've got it here, you've got it here and everybody's gonna see you right there."