Chip: "A can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren, and you are raising them wrong. They are terrible boys."
Walker: "Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!"
Texas Ranger: "I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head."
Ricky: "Yeah. Turn up the heat!"
Cal: "Go on and get some, boys."
Ricky: "Come on."
Walker: "I'm 10 years old but I'll beat your ass."
Texas Ranger: "Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey."
Cal: "Like a spider monkey! Go on."
Ricky: "Chip, you brought this on, man."
Walker: "The greatest generation, my ass. Tom Brokaw is a punk."
Chip: "What is wrong with you?"
Texas Ranger: "Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew."
Ricky: "Whoo-hoo, I love that."
Cal: "You gonna let your sons talk to their grandfather like that? I'm their elder."
Ricky: "I sure as hell am, Chip. I love the way they're talking to you. 'Cause they're winners. Winners get to do what they want. Hell, you're just a bag of bones. Only thing you ever done with your life is make a hot daughter. That's it. That's it! That is it!"
Carley: "We wanted us some wussies, we would've named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman, okay?"