All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

303_1or2.wav(71K) 303_1or2.mp3(71K) 303_1or2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Which is better, one or two?  One or two?"

303_alien.wav(151K) 303_alien.mp3(151K) 303_alien.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I said what do you want from me alien?  And do you know what he said?  Tree fiddy!"

303_allhislife.wav(9K) 303_allhislife.mp3(9K) 303_allhislife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "You're Chef's parents?  Yes, all his life."

303_antics.wav(38K) 303_antics.mp3(38K) 303_antics.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "My antics go right to the funny bone!"

303_bailedonus.wav(17K) 303_bailedonus.mp3(17K) 303_bailedonus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Dude, he bailed on us!"

303_bigboned.wav(54K) 303_bigboned.mp3(54K) 303_bigboned.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "But I hate the eye doctor, he always makes fun of me for being fat!"

303_bighugewhat.wav(43K) 303_bighugewhat.mp3(43K) 303_bighugewhat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Chef? He's a big guy, with a beard, and a Chef's hat.  And a big huge dick!"

303_blindtolove.wav(22K) 303_blindtolove.mp3(22K) 303_blindtolove.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "There's not much you can do about a succubus, their evil power makes man blind to love."

303_buddy.wav(40K) 303_buddy.mp3(40K) 303_buddy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I'm just here for an eye exam, alright, keep your fat jokes to yourself!"

303_butmom.wav(16K) 303_butmom.mp3(16K) 303_butmom.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "But mom, I have to tell Chef he's marrying a sucubus!"

303_chefsfather.wav(17K) 303_chefsfather.mp3(17K) 303_chefsfather.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Who are you? I'm Chef's father, we just flew in for the wedding."

303_chefsong.wav(124K) 303_chefsong.mp3(124K) 303_chefsong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Chef's song about the love bug."

303_coincidence.wav(29K) 303_coincidence.mp3(29K) 303_coincidence.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: ""I am a little piggy", wow, what are the odds of that?"

303_comedian.wav(18K) 303_comedian.mp3(18K) 303_comedian.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "My mom didn't pay you to be a comedian!"

303_cutecrackers.wav(10K) 303_cutecrackers.mp3(10K) 303_cutecrackers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Well aren't you crackers just cute as the dickens?"

303_damnsuccub...wav(58K) 303_damnsuccub...mp3(58K) 303_damnsuccub...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "She's a God Damned Succubus!  Succubus tryin ta take my baby!"

303_dialbated.wav(33K) 303_dialbated.mp3(33K) 303_dialbated.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Whoa, what happened to your eyes Cartman?   My bleephole eye doctor made em all dialbated."

303_dinosaur.wav(148K) 303_dinosaur.mp3(148K) 303_dinosaur.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I said, "What do you need Chef my boy?"  And he said, "I need about tree fiddy!""

303_dirtybitch.wav(26K) 303_dirtybitch.mp3(26K) 303_dirtybitch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Alright, Kyle and I are gonna take our positions up front."

303_ditchschool.wav(35K) 303_ditchschool.mp3(35K) 303_ditchschool.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I wonder how come Cartman's not in school today.   Yeah, usually when he ditches school he still shows up for lunch."

303_dontbreakit.wav(21K) 303_dontbreakit.mp3(21K) 303_dontbreakit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Hop up on the chair, don't break it now."

303_dontlikeher.wav(38K) 303_dontlikeher.mp3(38K) 303_dontlikeher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Children, friends get girlfriends all the time, its something even you will have to face with each other some day.  No way dude!"

303_dudemoment.wav(25K) 303_dudemoment.mp3(25K) 303_dudemoment.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Ma'am, we're having a dude moment here if you don't mind."

303_dumpthebitch.wav(8K) 303_dumpthebitch.mp3(8K) 303_dumpthebitch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Chef, you have to dump the bitch!"

303_eightstories.wav(123K) 303_eightstories.mp3(123K) 303_eightstories.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I said damnit monster, get off my lawn, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!"

303_emptyshell.wav(36K) 303_emptyshell.mp3(36K) 303_emptyshell.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "He didn't even seem like Chef, he seemed like an empty shell of a man."

303_endsong.wav(108K) 303_endsong.mp3(108K) 303_endsong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "The version of the anti-succubus song at the end of the episode."

303_everyday.wav(11K) 303_everyday.mp3(11K) 303_everyday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "You don't see that everyday."

303_expensive.wav(19K) 303_expensive.mp3(19K) 303_expensive.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Yeah, I tell you boys, women can kill, poontang is expensive."

303_eyessuck.wav(22K) 303_eyessuck.mp3(22K) 303_eyessuck.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Why do you have to see an eye doctor?   Because my eyes suck!"

303_factsoflife.wav(51K) 303_factsoflife.mp3(51K) 303_factsoflife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "And that children is what you need to know about The Facts of Life.  So let's review."

303_fishsticks.wav(32K) 303_fishsticks.mp3(32K) 303_fishsticks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Its great to have you back chef!"

303_forgot.wav(37K) 303_forgot.mp3(37K) 303_forgot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Oh, children, I'm sorry, I forgot."

303_gaveh...wav(57K) 303_gaveh...mp3(57K) 303_gaveh...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I say I ain't giving you no tree fiddy you bleepdamned Loch Ness monster, get yo own bleepdamned money!  I gave him a dollar."

303_girlfriend.wav(56K) 303_girlfriend.mp3(56K) 303_girlfriend.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Children, meet my new girlfriend, Veronica."

303_girlscout.wav(116K) 303_girlscout.mp3(116K) 303_girlscout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I said we'll take a Graham Crunch, how much will that be and she looks and me and she says, "I need about tree fiddy.""

303_hadtodoit.wav(18K) 303_hadtodoit.mp3(18K) 303_hadtodoit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "We're sorry Chef, we had to do it."

303_hammer.wav(59K) 303_hammer.mp3(59K) 303_hammer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "If you like Chef, you're goinna love Mr. Derp."

303_hammerthing.wav(25K) 303_hammerthing.mp3(25K) 303_hammerthing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I don't know you guys, that hammer thing was pretty funny."

303_hateyouguys.wav(63K) 303_hateyouguys.mp3(63K) 303_hateyouguys.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Dude, just take them off.  I can't, they're stapled to my head!"

303_hooker.wav(25K) 303_hooker.mp3(25K) 303_hooker.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Look, we just gotta get Chef alone, he won't listen to reason with that hooker around."

303_icecream.wav(30K) 303_icecream.mp3(30K) 303_icecream.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Come on children, lets go get some ice cream."

303_ido.wav(51K) 303_ido.mp3(51K) 303_ido.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "And do you Veronica take Chef to be your daddy?"

303_inthreehours.wav(50K) 303_inthreehours.mp3(50K) 303_inthreehours.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "That's it, we've got to learn that song backwards!"

303_jealous.wav(57K) 303_jealous.mp3(57K) 303_jealous.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Maybe, is it possible, that we're just jealous because Chef is our friend and now he'spaying attention to somebody new?  Yeah, so?"

303_jerrymaguire.wav(26K) 303_jerrymaguire.mp3(26K) 303_jerrymaguire.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Hey, aren't you that cute little kid from Jerry Maguire?"

303_jesusdude.wav(7K) 303_jesusdude.mp3(7K) 303_jesusdude.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Jesus Dude!  What, what happened?"

303_kenny...wav(60K) 303_kenny...mp3(60K) 303_kenny...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Kenny explains how to take care of succubuses."

303_keptaway.wav(20K) 303_keptaway.mp3(20K) 303_keptaway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "She's so evil she has him totally kept away from us."

303_killedkenny.wav(54K) 303_killedkenny.mp3(54K) 303_killedkenny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Oh my God, she killed Kenny!  You bastard!"

303_laserapiggie.wav(47K) 303_laserapiggie.mp3(47K) 303_laserapiggie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Time to laser me a little Piggy!"

303_lochness.wav(22K) 303_lochness.mp3(22K) 303_lochness.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the loch ness monster?"

303_lyposuction.wav(19K) 303_lyposuction.mp3(19K) 303_lyposuction.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "You're here for the lyposuction, right?"

303_meani...wav(16K) 303_meani...mp3(16K) 303_meani...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Meaningless sex is fun for 20 or 30 years but after that it starts to get old."

303_melody.wav(46K) 303_melody.mp3(46K) 303_melody.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "The succubus enchants its victim an eerie melody. "

303_morningafter.wav(81K) 303_morningafter.mp3(81K) 303_morningafter.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Chef and Veronica sing the succubus's eerie melody."

303_mrderp.wav(47K) 303_mrderp.mp3(47K) 303_mrderp.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I'm your new cook, Mr. Derp!"

303_notwi...wav(85K) 303_notwi...mp3(85K) 303_notwi...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Was he an organ donor?  Sure!  Alright then, lets get to work."

303_nowcartman.wav(82K) 303_nowcartman.mp3(82K) 303_nowcartman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Cartman, wake up you fat piece of crap!"

303_ohno.wav(12K) 303_ohno.mp3(12K) 303_ohno.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Oh no, no no no..."

303_oppressing.wav(36K) 303_oppressing.mp3(36K) 303_oppressing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "She told me all about the power of the Goddess, and how men have been opressing women for years and viewing them as sexual objects."

303_pie.wav(25K) 303_pie.mp3(25K) 303_pie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I heard Eric had laser surgery so I made him a pie."

303_readt...wav(37K) 303_readt...mp3(37K) 303_readt...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "All you have to do is read the letters, can you see the letters?"

303_screw...wav(30K) 303_screw...mp3(30K) 303_screw...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Thats why when it comes to chicks I just screw em and leave em."

303_shutyourho...wav(16K) 303_shutyourho...mp3(16K) 303_shutyourho...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "You're not fooling anyone.  Shut your hole Mr. Hat!"

303_silly.wav(41K) 303_silly.mp3(41K) 303_silly.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "We know what you are lady.  Yeah, you're a bloodthirsty succubus."

303_sleep.wav(56K) 303_sleep.mp3(56K) 303_sleep.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Ya know what, screw Chef.  There, I said it.  Screw em, let him marry a succubus, I wanna go to sleep!"

303_somefood.wav(39K) 303_somefood.mp3(39K) 303_somefood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Could you just hand us some food please?"

303_stapler.wav(52K) 303_stapler.mp3(52K) 303_stapler.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "The hardest thing to do is get kids to wear their glasses.  I'm just going to take them off as soon as I leave.  That's why we had the little stapler!"

303_succubus.wav(120K) 303_succubus.mp3(120K) 303_succubus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Mr. Garrison's entire speech about succubi."

303_succu...wav(28K) 303_succu...mp3(28K) 303_succu...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Oh, the old succubus syndrome..."

303_sucklife.wav(22K) 303_sucklife.mp3(22K) 303_sucklife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "A succubus is a women sent from hell to suck the life out of a man."

303_talked.wav(38K) 303_talked.mp3(38K) 303_talked.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "No no, we just sat there all night long and talked.  Talked?"

303_tapejammed.wav(55K) 303_tapejammed.mp3(55K) 303_tapejammed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Oh no, the tape jammed!"

303_testresults.wav(19K) 303_testresults.mp3(19K) 303_testresults.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Alright, so we got the test results back piggy?"

303_thereigo.wav(66K) 303_thereigo.mp3(66K) 303_thereigo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Oh there I go, I told myself I wasn't going to cry now."

303_thinkinghard.wav(25K) 303_thinkinghard.mp3(25K) 303_thinkinghard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I wasn't sleeping I was just thinking really hard."

303_threedays.wav(17K) 303_threedays.mp3(17K) 303_threedays.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "That bleephole eye doctor screwed up my laser surgery, I have to wear these bandages for three days."

303_tombrokaw.wav(13K) 303_tombrokaw.mp3(13K) 303_tombrokaw.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Oh, thanks for the news flash Tom Brokaw!"

303_toodoloo.wav(61K) 303_toodoloo.mp3(61K) 303_toodoloo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I'm going to marry Chef tommorow, and there's not a bleepdamned think you can do about it."

303_total...wav(89K) 303_total...mp3(89K) 303_total...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "If you call me piggy one more time, I'm going to leap out of this chair and rip your bleepdamned nuts off with my bare hands!"

303_treefity.wav(138K) 303_treefity.mp3(138K) 303_treefity.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "I said, "What do you want from us monster?" and the monster bent down and said, "I need about tree fiddy.""

303_vanquished.wav(69K) 303_vanquished.mp3(69K) 303_vanquished.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "The boys kill the succubus."

303_whati...wav(23K) 303_whati...mp3(23K) 303_whati...m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Now that she's gone, I can't really figure out what I ever saw in her."

303_whiteguy.wav(22K) 303_whiteguy.mp3(22K) 303_whiteguy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

: "Dude my eyes are seriously screwed up, Chef looks like a skinny little white guy."