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Robbie (Adam Sandler): "Alright everybody, out on the dance floor."

Robbie: "Hey, sombody get some pants on that kid."

David (Steve Buscemi): "When my brother Harrold asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I was like of course man. You've always been ther for me, like when I was in rehab, and like the time I couldn't find my car. Cause Harrold has always been the dependable one, and I've always been the screwed up one. Right dad? Why can't you be more like your brother? Harrold would never beat up his landlord. But uh, newsflash pop, Harrold ain't so perfect. Remember that time in Puero Rico when we picked up those two uh, well I guess they were prostitutes but I don't remember paying."
Robbie: "Ok, how about that."
David: "How about that. I'm a person too pop bleep damnit. I'm a person too."
Father of Groom (Jack Nisbet): "You're a moron"
Robbie: "Ok, the best man everybody."
David: "The best man. The better man."

David: "They'll be divorced in a year."

David: "He's a good wedding singer."

David: "Ooh, I like her."

Sammy: "She's gonna get it and she doesn't even know it. And I'm gonna give it to her."
Robbie: "Take it easy man. Who is she?"
Sammy: "She's Holly Sullivan's cousin. If she's half as easy as Holly, I'll close this deal by the end of the week."
Robbie: "No, I don't think that's going to happen."
Sammy: "Oh please, It's her first day. It takes them at least three weeks to realize they shouldn't date anyone at work."
Robbie: "And for some reason you like being the guy that helps them realize that don't you?"
Sammy: "Yes I do."
Robbie: "You want to be like Fonzie don't you?"
Sammy: "Yes I do."
Robbie: "You're on your way."

Robbie: "You ok? You gonna throw up?"
Drunken Teenager (Todd Hurst): "Yeah."
Robbie: "Come with me man."

Drunken Teenager: "(spews)"

Drunken Teenager: "(one more time)"
Robbie: "Wow!"

Robbie: "You all through?"
Drunken Teenager: "Yeah."
Robbie: "You gonna wait a few years before you drink again?"
Drunken Teenager: "Yeah."
Robbie: "Alright, alcohal equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you."

Robbie: "Oh, I don't think anybody could throw up more than that kid. I think I saw a boot come out of him."

Robbie: "No, that's not true because I saw you inside. You were helping people. You were giving them fish and coffee and forks. People can't eat without forks."

Rosie (Ellen Albertini Dow): "Will this be your first time with intercourse? Well, don't be ashamed. When I got married I wasn't a virgin. I already had intercourse with eight men."
Robbie: "You know, that's actually something I don't want to know about."
Rosie: "That was a lot back then. That would be like 200 today."

Julia's mother (Christina Pickles): "You got to get married before your hips start spreading and you get facial hair."

Julia (Drew Barrymore): "Well, i can't make Glen set a date"
: "Well, you're gonna hate this idea but I think you should consider a fake pregnancy."

Robbie's Sister: "I just got off the phone with Linda's mom, Linda's not there but, there was a note."
Robbie: "A note? Is everything alright?"
Robbie's Sister: "Yeah, she's ok. It basically indicated that Linda was not coming today."
Robbie: "So it was a bad note."

Andy (Frank Sivero): "That's right Robbie, You have to let it out man."
Robbie: "Let what out?"
Sammy: "Your feelings, you know, about what that lousy bitch did to you today."
Robbie: "Don't call her that. Cause we're going to get back together and then there's gonna be wierdness between you and me so just watch it."

Linda (Angela Fetherstone): "I never want to marry you."
Robbie: "Jeeze, you know, that information might have been a little more usefull to me yesterday."

Linda: "The point is, I woke up this morning and I realized, I'm about to marry a wedding singer."

Robbie: "Once again, things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!"

Petey (Gemini Barnett): "Hey Linda, you're a bitch."
Robbie: "Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might tourette syndrome. We're looking into it."

Glen: "I just don't want to have a big wedding. You know, hundreds of people we don't know that are just there for the free drinks and the all you can eat buffet. They might as well be in Vegas."

Glen: "Are you gonna do the girl thing? Are you gonna act happy and you gonna be pouting on the inside?"

Andy: "Oh bleep, I got water all over myself."

Sammy: "Hey, these sheets are soft. Do you use Downey?"
Robbie: "No, all temperature. You can wash your clothes at any temperature and the colors don't run together."
Sammy: "Really"
Robbie: "Yeah, now leave me alone."

Robbie: "Why would any girl ever marry me?"
Sammy: "Marry you? I'm just trying to get someone to play with your ding dong."

Robbie: "(A clip from a song he is singing when he is sad.)"

Robbie: "You guys are off to a great start don't you think? I mean Cindy showed up so right away Scott, you gotta be pretty siked right?"

Father of the Bride (Mark Lownow): "Hey buddy, I'm not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. I'm paying you t sing."
Robbie: "Well, I have a micrphone and you don't SO YOU WILL LISTON TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!"

Robbie: "You know what's funny, some of us will never find true love. Like take for instance me, and I'm pretty sure that guy right there, and that lady with the sideburns, and basically everybody at table nine."

Robbie: "But the worst thing is, that me, fatty, sideburns lady, and the mutants over at table nine will never ever find a way to better our situations because apparently we have absolutely nothing to offer the oppisite sex."

Father of the Bride: "You are the worst wedding singer in the world buddy."
Robbie: "Sir, one more outburst and I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me?"

Robbie: "Now, let's cut the stupid cake because the fat guy is going to have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon."

Robbie: "(He sings his song Love Stinks)"

Tyler (Patrick McTavish): "Everybody has been saying that."
Robbie: "Everybody? You're eight years old you only know your parents. What are you talking about?"

Glen's Buddy (Steven Brill): "Oh man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding. That was so cold. You must have felt like bleep."
Robbie: "No, It felt really good. Thanks for bringing it up man. You know my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?"

Robbie: "Hey yeah, have a few drinks and you know drive home."

Robbie: "(Bar Mitzvah song)"

Faye (Angela Paton): "Well, you know you can just look at a couple and uh you can tell right away that they're gonna stay together forever. Like Donald and Ivana and Woddy and Mia and Burt and Loni."

Robbie: "(the song about Linda the girl that left him at the alter.)"

Jimmy Moore (John Lovitz): "He's loosing his mind."

Julia: "I always just envisioned the right one being someone I could see myself growing old with."

Robbie: "You hit two cones. Those could have been people. Those could have been guests at her wedding."

Holly (Christine Taylor): "Noone will ever solve that."

Holly: "I say it's ok for it to be an open mouth kiss"
Julia: "And I say it's the type of occasion where people dress up so it's not appropriate."
Robbie: "I see"
Holly: "Well what do you want to do, thin tight mouthed and it's over."
Julia: "No, thin partially open no tounges over."
Holly: "No tounges? Please, there's got to be a little tounge."
Julia: "Well maybe a little tounge. Not porno tounge, church tounge."
Robbie: "Church tounge, I like that."

Julia: "Not porno tounge, church tounge."
Robbie: "Church tounge, I like that."

Julia: "I puked."
Robbie: "Ok, don't worry."
Julia: "I vomited in my hair"

Holly: "If you come upstairs, you're gonna get laid."
: "Wow, nobody's ever said that to me before."

Robbie: "The money thing? Security, a nice house uh I guess that's important to some people."
Holly: "No, it's not important to some people Robbie. It's important to all people."
Robbie: "Really, well then I guess I'm in big trouble."

Julia: "I didn't vomit on you did I?"

Mr Simms (Kevin Nealon): "Do you have any experience"
Robbie: "No sir, but I'm a big fan of money, I like it, I use it, I have a little, I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator, I'd like to put more in that jar, that's where you come in."

Robbie: "We're living in a material world and I am a material girl, or boy."

Robbie: "I am an ASSHOLE!"

Robbie: "You get emotionally involved and they they, what do they do?"
Old Man in Bar (Carmen Filpi): "They rip your heart out of your ass."

Old Man in Bar: "You need a prostitute"

Sammy: "All I really want is someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright."
Old Man in Bar: "(holds him) Everything is going to be alright."

Robbie: "Alright bleephead, I haven't been in a fight since the fifth grade but I beat the bleep out of that kid and now I am going to beat the bleep out of you."

Old Man in Bar: "(he hits Glen and doesn't even move him.) I'm sorry, I used to be much stronger."

Robbie: "Now, please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up."

Flight Attendant #2 (Andrew Shaifer): "Would you like some champagne or some orange juice?"
Robbie: "How much is it?"
Flight Attendant #2: "It's free."
Robbie: "It's what? Holy bleep this is incredible."

Robbie: "See, Billy Idol gets it. I don't know why she doesn't get it."

Robbie: "(He sings his song Grow Old With You)"