Wedding Crashers price at: amazon
All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
myleftnut.wav(35K) myleftnut.mp3(35K) myleftnut.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mr. Kroeger (Dwight Yoakam): "Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just kiss my left nut?"
shutyourmouth.wav(25K) shutyourmouth.mp3(25K) shutyourmouth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mrs. Kroeger (Rebecca De Mornay): "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"
haveaband.wav(89K) haveaband.mp3(89K) haveaband.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John Beckwith (Owen Wilson): "Did you have a band?"
Mrs. Kroeger: "Yeah."
John: "Good or bad?"
Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn): "Who gives a bleep? It's a great band, it's a bad band, it's like pizza, baby. It's good no matter what. There's music in the air!"
itsagoodtime.wav(69K) itsagoodtime.mp3(69K) itsagoodtime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "It's a good time, do you know what I mean?"
Jeremy: "Rubbing up against each other, just a couple of kids who like to bleep, trying to make it honest. I get it."
nottalkanymore.wav(126K) nottalkanymore.mp3(126K) nottalkanymore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "Great. Great. Let's sign the paperwork and we are done."
Jeremy: "This is just semantics. If you guys want to throw a couple miles at us, we'll take a couple. The big thing is, is that we're all moving on."
Mr. Kroeger: "Could you two just not talk anymore?"
theycalldating.wav(531K) theycalldating.mp3(531K) theycalldating.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Janice: "I've got the perfect girl for you."
Jeremy: "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough? Am I interested. I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested? But I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested, but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door 'cause then it's awkward, it's like 'Well, good night.' Do you do like that ass-out hug, where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called 'just the tip', just for a second, just to see how it feels. or, 'Ouch, ouch you're on my hair.'"
sandbagging.wav(23K) sandbagging.mp3(23K) sandbagging.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "You sandbagging son of a bitch!"
readytogetdrunk.wav(47K) readytogetdrunk.mp3(47K) readytogetdrunk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "Shamun O'Toole."
Jeremy: "Bobby O'Shea."
John: "I'm ready to get drunk."
bullseye.wav(38K) bullseye.mp3(38K) bullseye.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Tatoo on the lower back. Might as well be a bull's-eye."
10percent.wav(83K) 10percent.mp3(83K) 10percent.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "You know how they say we only use ten percent of our brains?"
Wedding Guest (Melanie Anneke Conopask): "Mmm?"
John: "I think we only use ten percent of our hearts."
feelsotiny.wav(100K) feelsotiny.mp3(100K) feelsotiny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "I feel so tiny in your arms."
Wedding Guest (???): "Really, how tall are you?"
Jeremy: "I'm 6'5", but I feel like I'm four feet."
just50percent.wav(82K) just50percent.mp3(82K) just50percent.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Vivian: "Would you say you're completely full of bleep or just 50%?"
John: "I hope just 50, but who knows?"
likeakook.wav(206K) likeakook.mp3(206K) likeakook.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "He gave us a legacy."
John: "You make it sound like a cult, okay? And from everything you've told me about Chazz, he sound's like a kook!"
Jeremy: "You bite your tongue. Chazz Reinhold is not a kook! He is a brave and a decent man. He is a pioneer!"
John: "He lived with his mother till he was 40! She tried to poison his oatmeal!"
Jeremy: "Eroneous! Eroneous! Eroneous on both counts!"
eroneous.wav(43K) eroneous.mp3(43K) eroneous.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Eroneous! Eroneous! Eroneous on both counts!"
eyeBLEEPed.wav(152K) eyeBLEEPed.mp3(152K) eyeBLEEPed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Fifth row back with the fancy hat. I like that."
John: "No, no, don't waste your time on girls with hats, they tend to be very proper."
Jeremy: "Yeah? The proper girl in the hat just eye-bleeped the bleep out of me."
wantabicycle.wav(231K) wantabicycle.mp3(231K) wantabicycle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Who else wants something?"
Bratty Kid (Dylan James Turner): "I want a bicycle."
Jeremy: "A bicycle? Well, a bicycle, that would take a lot of baloons and honestly Uncle Jeremy's a little tired right now so why don't we do something like, uh, let's say a giraffe?"
Bratty Kid: "I just want a bicycle!"
Jeremy: "Why-why are you yelling at me?"
Bratty Kid: "Whatever, make me a bicycle, clown!"
believein.wav(177K) believein.mp3(177K) believein.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Treasury Secretary William Cleary (Christopher Walken): "What's he got te be so marose about?"
John: "Maybe he hasn't found something to believe in."
Secretary Cleary: "Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I've seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!"
John: "You know, some people call that art."
Secretary Cleary: "It's crap!"
toddthatsgood.wav(171K) toddthatsgood.mp3(171K) toddthatsgood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Secretary Cleary: "Perhaps, I should take it easier on him."
Todd Cleary (Keir O'Donnell): "Death, you are my bitch lover!"
Secretary Cleary: "Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!"
wereallone.wav(498K) wereallone.mp3(498K) wereallone.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Do you know what that awareness is, Gloria?"
Jeremy: "That we're all one. That seperateness is an illusion, and that I'm one with everyone-- with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from 'What's Happening,' the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote 'Catcher in the Rye,' Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Wierd Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We're all one."
lockitup.wav(54K) lockitup.mp3(54K) lockitup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "You better lock it up."
Jeremy: "You better lock it up."
John: "No, you lock it up."
Jeremy: "You lock it up."
John: "Lock it up."
Jeremy: "Lock it up!"
bodilyfluids.wav(41K) bodilyfluids.mp3(41K) bodilyfluids.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "She took me below decks for 45 minutes. I don't have any bodily fluids left in me."
crabcakesfootball.wav(54K) crabcakesfootball.mp3(54K) crabcakesfootball.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Carson Elrod: "Yes! Crabcakes and football, that's what Maryland does!"
onsteroids.wav(57K) onsteroids.mp3(57K) onsteroids.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "What happened, Toast?"
John: "I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a bleepin' racehorse."
whatishisdeal.wav(17K) whatishisdeal.mp3(17K) whatishisdeal.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "What is his deal?"
donteverleaveme.wav(78K) donteverleaveme.mp3(78K) donteverleaveme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Gloria Cleary (Isla Fisher): "Don't ever leave me."
Gloria: "Good! 'Cause I'd find you. (laughs maniacaly)"
feelssogood.wav(106K) feelssogood.mp3(106K) feelssogood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "After all, someone has to pay for the, uh, lap dances for the big guy here."
Jeremy: "Oh! He's joking around. It feels so good when he jokes."
lovelytits.wav(96K) lovelytits.mp3(96K) lovelytits.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kathleen Cleary (Jane Seymour): "Just had my tits done. You like 'em?"
John: "Those seem like lovely tits."
kittycat.wav(30K) kittycat.mp3(30K) kittycat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kathleen: "Call me kitty cat."
realproblems.wav(162K) realproblems.mp3(162K) realproblems.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters."
Jeremy: "Well, snap out of it! What, a hot, older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl."
John: "I wasn't crying like a little girl."
Jeremy: "Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems? Jackass!"
weretheyreal.wav(172K) weretheyreal.mp3(172K) weretheyreal.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "What were they like, anyway? They look pretty good. Are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What you do with 'em? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? (makes motorboat sounds with his lips) You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you! Where is she? She still in the house?"
John: "What is wrong with you?"
whatswrongwith.wav(145K) whatswrongwith.mp3(145K) whatswrongwith.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "What is wrong with you?"
Jeremy: "What do you mean what's wrong with-- What's wrong with you?"
John: "No, what's wrong with you?"
Jeremy: "No, what's wrong with you? You're projecting."
John: "Drop it."
Jeremy: "You drop it! You stop projecting on me. Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood?"
John: "Drop it!"
Jeremy: "Team player!"
softmattress.wav(158K) softmattress.mp3(158K) softmattress.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, John. I'm fried."
John: "SOft mattress?"
Jeremy: "Yeah, that could've been it. It could have been the soft mattress. Or, it could've been the midnight rape... or the nude, gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep."
John: "Try one of these scones, you're gonna love 'em."
Jeremy: "I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone."
bakersBLEEP.wav(25K) bakersBLEEP.mp3(25K) bakersBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "I don't give a baker's bleep!"
freaksyouout.wav(139K) freaksyouout.mp3(139K) freaksyouout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "Yeah, I'm used to sailing down under with the Kiwis, so everything is backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it."
killsomebirds.wav(202K) killsomebirds.mp3(202K) killsomebirds.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Mr. Environmental is also a-a hunter. It's kind of an interesting combination."
Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper): "I hunt quail, Jeremy! They're overpopulated in this region and they're decimating the grub worm population. You got a bleeping problem with that?!"
Jeremy: "Not nearly as much as I do with the, uh, attire that you have on, or just your general view towards everybody. But let's go kill some birds. I'm pyched."
impsyched.wav(19K) impsyched.mp3(19K) impsyched.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sack: "Let's go kill some birds. I'm pyched."
hunting.wav(464K) hunting.mp3(464K) hunting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Have you even shot one of these things before?"
John: "The whole 17 years we've know each other, I've been sneaking off to go on little hunting trips around the world. No, I don't even know what the bleep a quail is!"
Jeremy: "I feel totally rediculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn't see me?"
John: "I know, it's like, why can't we hunt something cool like a hawk, or an eagle, something with some talons?"
Jeremy: "That'd be awesome. You mean, something like big game even like a gorilla or a rhinoceros."
Jeremy: "Or a bleeping human being? That'll get you jacked up."
John: "That's a little heavy."
Jeremy: "I mean like-- (He pushes John's gun barrel out of his face.) You're hinting a human being right now. The most dangerous game. Like a worth adversary. Not a human being that's armed, but a clever--"
John: "Oh, not armed."
Jeremy: "A clever human being who knows the jungle, or the woods."
John: "Or like a bad guy."
selfishsonofa.wav(49K) selfishsonofa.mp3(49K) selfishsonofa.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out, you selfish son of a bitch!"
alittlenuts.wav(277K) alittlenuts.mp3(277K) alittlenuts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "She's fit for a staitjacket. This broad's bleeped three ways towards the weekend. And you wanna know what? I dig it! It turns me on! Yeah, it turns me on! Because you wanna know what the kicker is, Father? Maybe I'm a little bleeping crazy! That's right! Maybe Jeremy's a little nuts! Maybe there's something about me that I'm a little cukoo. I know it's a surprise. I know it's not on the surface. I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid. His name was Shilo. We used to play checkers with each other every day, and bless his heart, Shilo'd always let me win!"
notperfect.wav(83K) notperfect.mp3(83K) notperfect.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding? Neither are you. And you wanna know what? I dig it!"
seduceme.wav(124K) seduceme.mp3(124K) seduceme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Todd: "Jeremy tried to seduce me!"
John: "You did?"
Todd: "I want my painting back."
Jeremy: "The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me."
thankyoularry.wav(156K) thankyoularry.mp3(156K) thankyoularry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Now bunch those panties up into a little ball. Put that little ball right into your mouth. Oh, that's good."
John: "Hang up the phone."
Jeremy: "Okay, and I will definitely call you back later then."
John: "Come on, wrap it up."
Jeremy: "Talk to you soon. Thank you, Larry."
thenextlevel.wav(129K) thenextlevel.mp3(129K) thenextlevel.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Gloria, I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. And, I-I think that I'm ready to take, um, this realtionship, our relationship to the next level. To what the next level of the-- of the-- of the relationship would be."
Jeremy: "Is that good?"
Gloria: "I am so ready to take it to the next level too. Do you want to watch me with a girl? What about those Brazilian twins we met at the ballgame?"
Jeremy: "I-I was-- I was-- I was thinking more along the lines of an-- of an-- of an engagement. But that sounds terrific. That sounds-- that sounds unbelievable. The Brazilian girls were very nice. They seemed like--"
Gloria: "Oh, Jeremy, I do!"
skateboard.wav(73K) skateboard.mp3(73K) skateboard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chazz's Mom (Kathryn Joosten): "Chazz, there's someone here to see you! Pick up your bleeping skateboard!"
whattheBLEEP.wav(21K) whattheBLEEP.mp3(21K) whattheBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell): "What the bleep do you want?"
gimmieahug.wav(156K) gimmieahug.mp3(156K) gimmieahug.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chazz: "What the bleep do you want?"
John: "I'm John Beckwith. I'm friends with Jeremy Grey."
Chazz: "bleepdamnit, Why didn't you say so? Come here, brother! Give me a hug. Bring it in for the real thing."
numbchucked.wav(47K) numbchucked.mp3(47K) numbchucked.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chazz: "bleepdamn you. I almost numbchucked you, you don't even realize."
withmyma.wav(98K) withmyma.mp3(98K) withmyma.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "Is this your place?"
Chazz: "No. No no no no no. No, I live with my Ma."
Chazz: "Yeah. You hungry? Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?!"
somemeatloaf.wav(123K) somemeatloaf.mp3(123K) somemeatloaf.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "You know what? I will have some meatloaf. Let's have some meatloaf."
Chazz: "You want some?"
Chazz: "I knew you'd come-- Hey, Mom! The meatloaf! We want it now! The meatloaf!"
shedoing.wav(92K) shedoing.mp3(92K) shedoing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chazz: "We want it now! The meatloaf! What is she doing? I never know what she's doing back there."
hanggliding.wav(172K) hanggliding.mp3(172K) hanggliding.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "You met her at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Yeah. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! 'Oh, I'm hang gliding! Honey, take a good picture-- I'm dead!' What a freak!"
crazyhorny.wav(277K) crazyhorny.mp3(277K) crazyhorny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "You met her at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane! The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair. It's like fishing with dynamite."
Chazz: "Yeah, crazy horny."
John: "I just-- at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac."
Chazz: "Look it up."
themeatloaf.wav(34K) themeatloaf.mp3(34K) themeatloaf.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chazz: "Ma, the meatloaf! bleep!"
damnyouroger.wav(101K) damnyouroger.mp3(101K) damnyouroger.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chazz: "Oh! Damn you, Roger! Damn it! Damn you!"
sharethat.wav(24K) sharethat.mp3(24K) sharethat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jeremy: "Share that with the Dalai Lama, Jackass."