Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs

 






 

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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 22Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).


lovemesexy.wav(2405K) lovemesexy.mp3(1092K) lovemesexy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "(A clip of "Love Me Sexy" from the opening credits Written by Nile Rodgers, Scot Armstrong and Will Ferrell Performed by Will Ferrell (as Jackie Moon) Produced by Nile Rodgers)"


lovemesexyshort.wav(703K) lovemesexyshort.mp3(319K) lovemesexyshort.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "(A shorter clip of "Love Me Sexy" from the opening credits Written by Nile Rodgers, Scot Armstrong and Will Ferrell Performed by Will Ferrell (as Jackie Moon) Produced by Nile Rodgers)"


yourproblem.wav(321K) yourproblem.mp3(146K) yourproblem.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield (Andrew Daly): "I'm Dick Pepperfield joined, as always, by former Tropics forward Lou Redwood."
Lou Redwood (Will Arnett): "Yeah, I might suit up tonight. Sometimes I still dream of glory, Dick."
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, sometimes dreams can turn into nightmares, Lou."
Lou Redwood: "What's your problem?"


startinglineup.wav(156K) startinglineup.mp3(72K) startinglineup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "And now, tho starting lineup for your Flint Michigan Tropics!"


ballgirl.wav(359K) ballgirl.mp3(164K) ballgirl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "At Ball Girl, meosuring 34-23-34, she hopes to be an astronaut one day, I don't think she can do it. Put your hands together for Melinda!"
Melinda (Collette Wolfe): "Go Tropics!"




mrspepperfield.wav(483K) mrspepperfield.mp3(220K) mrspepperfield.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "This guy is single and disease-free, no V.D. at all, but you could be the lucky girl to give it to him! Six foot five! Twiggy Munson!"
Lou Redwood: "Of course he's disease-free. What chick wants to be with a guy that's hung like a twig?"
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, that's not true. I've heard a lot of women say that they actually prefer a small penis."
Lou Redwood: "Show me one gal who says that and I'll show you a liar."
Dick Pepperfield: "I'll introduce you to Mrs. Pepperfield later on tonight."


creepy.wav(433K) creepy.mp3(197K) creepy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Your man in the middle, seven foot two, from a weird country called Lithuania. He's ugly as shit! Vakidis!"
Dick Pepperfield: "This fella scares me. "
Lou Redwood: "That little kid from the Jackson Five, he scares you too."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, mark my words, Lou, there's something creepy about that young man."


bigolboobies.wav(572K) bigolboobies.mp3(260K) bigolboobies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "From Peoria, Illinois, this guy, what can I say about him? He's got the hottest girl in the world, I'm not kiddin', cannons, people, big ol' boobies, the luckiest man in Flint, Bee Bee Ellis!"
Lou Redwood: "Well, it's true about what they say about Bee Bee's wife. She has got a tremendous set of boobs."
Dick Pepperfield: "To me, they're too large."
Lou Redwood: "Oh, they're perfect."
Dick Pepperfield: "I don't know, they-- To me, she looks structurally unsound."


histeam.wav(760K) histeam.mp3(345K) histeam.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. At six foot five, a solid, meaty 215 pounds, your pregame announcer, your owner, your coach, your pop-singing sensation, but most importantly your power forward, yours truly, Jackie Moon!"
Dick Pepperfield: "Jackie Moon always gives himself a fantastic introduction."
Lou Redwood: "Yeah, why not, Dick? It's his team, his money and his tunnel of beautiful ball girls."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, speaking of money, Lou, did you get paid this week?"
Lou Redwood: "No."


dukes.wav(630K) dukes.mp3(286K) dukes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Alright, tell everybody, what's your name?"
Dukes (Jackie Earle Haley): "Dukes."
Jackie Moon: "Alright, Dukes! Dukes, where are you from?"
Dukes: "Flint, Michigan and I never missed a game! Whoo!"
Jackie Moon: "Dukes is homegrown. I think you're on a little somethin' that's homegrown maybe, huh?"
Dukes: "Huh-huh-huh."
Jackie Moon: "We're havin' fun. Dukes, what do you do far a livin'?"
Dukes: "Um... Nothin' right now."
Jackie Moon: "Okay. Layin' low."
Dukes: "Nah-huh-huh. Whoo!"
Jackie Moon: "Dukes is excited! So am I."


dirtyhippie.wav(192K) dirtyhippie.mp3(88K) dirtyhippie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Cheer this guy on as he prepares for the impossible."
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, we've got an especially dirty hippie here down on the court tryin' to sink an impossible shot."


miracle.wav(84K) miracle.mp3(39K) miracle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dukes: "Holy shit, I'm a miracle! Whoo!"


goofballs.wav(128K) goofballs.mp3(59K) goofballs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dukes: "Whoo!"
Dick Pepperfield: "Look at this guy. He's so hopped up on goofballs and grass, he's got no idea what's going on."


getthefunk.wav(795K) getthefunk.mp3(391K) getthefunk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "A clip of Jackie singing along to "Get The Funk Out Ma Face" Written by George Johnson, Louis Johnson and Quincy Jones Performed by Brothers Johnson Courtesy of A&M Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises"


bambismother.wav(144K) bambismother.mp3(66K) bambismother.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "I'm Jackie Moon, I take care of you guys, right? I mean, you can just think of me as Bambi's mother. I make sure nothing bad'll happen to you."


gotshot.wav(455K) gotshot.mp3(207K) gotshot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "I mean, you can just think of me as Bambi's mother. I make sure nothing bad'll happen to you. Drink up, this is a big night. Hey, drinks on me."
Bee Bee Ellis (DeRay Davis): "Big night."
Jackie Moon: "Whoo!"
Twiggy Munson (Josh Braaten): "Bambi's mother got shot, right?"
Bee Bee Ellis: "Yeah, first scene."
Scootise Double Day (Jay Phillips): " I remember that, the credits were still rollin' and everything."
Clarence (André Benjamin): "Who the bleep is Bambi?"


fighting.wav(168K) fighting.mp3(77K) fighting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Commissioner (David Koechner): "And our TV stations are complaining about all the fighting. Let's try to keep the fights in the tunnel or out in the parking lot."


merger.wav(1972K) merger.mp3(895K) merger.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Commissioner: "We have one more piece of business to go over. I'm sure you've all heard the rumors, and they are true. The ABA will be merging with the NBA at the end of this season."
Jackie Moon: "Yes. Yes. I did it. I'm a real owner."
Nets Owner: "Please, Jackie, let go."
Jackie Moon: "I did it."
Commissioner: "Alright, let's... not get too excited."
Jackie Moon: "Yes! Gimmie ten, Norton! Everyone can eat shit! A big bag of shit! Ha ha ha! I'm the greatest man in the world! Whoo!"
Commissioner: "The NBA has agreed to our financial demands but there is something else--"
Jackie Moon: "You were right, Mom, destiny. I'm so happy I can't even feel my arms!"
Commissioner: "Okay, Jackie, listen to me. Jackie? Hey, Jackie?"
Jackie Moon: "Yes?"
Commissioner: "Four teams will be absorbed into the NBA next year. The rest of the league will terminate operations."
Jackie Moon: "Exactly. You know it. Wait. Wait, what did you say?"
Commissioner: "The Nets, the Spurs, the Pacers and the Nuggets are gonna play in the NBA next season. The rest of us are gonna dissolve."
Jackie Moon: "Dissolve? What's 'dissolve'? Is that even a word?"
Commissioner: "Yes, it is a word and financially it means you'll cease to exist. Let's don't get emotional about it. Just--"
Jackie Moon: "No! (He bangs his chair against the conference table) No!"
Commissioner: "Okay. Alright, you're being-- Well, Jackie. Jackie-- You-- Don't bite yourself. Come on."


greatestman.wav(205K) greatestman.mp3(94K) greatestman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Everyone can eat shit! A big bag of shit! Ha ha ha! I'm the greatest man in the world! Whoo!"


feelmyarms.wav(75K) feelmyarms.mp3(35K) feelmyarms.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "I'm so happy I can't even feel my arms!"


youknowit.wav(123K) youknowit.mp3(56K) youknowit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Exactly. You know it. Wait. Wait, what did you say?"


dissolve.wav(398K) dissolve.mp3(181K) dissolve.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Wait, what did you say?"
Commissioner: "The Nets, the Spurs, the Pacers and the Nuggets are gonna play in the NBA next season. The rest of us are gonna dissolve."
Jackie Moon: "Dissolve? What's 'dissolve'? Is that even a word?"
Commissioner: "Yes, it is a word and financially it means you'll cease to exist."


emotional.wav(259K) emotional.mp3(118K) emotional.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Commissioner: "Let's don't get emotional about it. Just--"
Jackie Moon: "No! (He bangs his chair against the conference table) No!"
Commissioner: "Okay. Alright, you're being-- Well, Jackie. Jackie-- You-- Don't bite yourself. Come on."


fairandall.wav(200K) fairandall.mp3(91K) fairandall.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Spirits Owner (Steve Seagren): "Hey, you know what? Yeah, everybody should have a chance. That's the fairest way."
Commissioner: "Aw, gee whiz. That sounds like so much fun. Fair and all."


letsvote.wav(587K) letsvote.mp3(267K) letsvote.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Colonels Owner: "Why not make the terms of a merger performance-based."
Jackie Moon: "Exactly. What he just said."
Spirits Owner: "I move we vote on the terms of the merger."
Jackie Moon: "And what he--"
Colonels Owner: "I second."
Jackie Moon: "What that guy said. But-- What both those guys said."
Commissioner: "Bleepdamnit, Bob! I'm about to reach over there and tear you a new bleephole!"
Colonels Owner: "Don't be a jackass! It makes sense."
Commissioner: "Bleep you, Bob! We talked this out!"
Spirits Owner: "I don't see a need for that kinda language."
Commissioner: "Now, if you wanna go outside right now, I'll take both of you out right damn now!"
Jackie Moon: "We're gonna vote! We're not gonna fight, we're gonna vote!"
Commissioner: "Ah!"
Colonels Owner: "Let's Vote!"
Jackie Moon: "Let's vote... and then we'll fight!"


whathejustsaid.wav(37K) whathejustsaid.mp3(17K) whathejustsaid.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Exactly. What he just said."


thenwellfight.wav(109K) thenwellfight.mp3(50K) thenwellfight.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "We're not gonna fight, we're gonna vote!"
Commissioner: "Ah!"
Colonels Owner: "Let's Vote!"
Jackie Moon: "Let's vote... and then we'll fight!"


wesuck.wav(334K) wesuck.mp3(152K) wesuck.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Scootise Double Day: "That's not the problem, Jackie. The problem is... we suck. (Jackie slaps him)"
Jackie Moon: "Scootsie, you did not deserve that."
Scootise Double Day: "I know."
Jackie Moon: "I apologize. (He slaps Scootsie again)"
Scootise Double Day: "Stop that shit, man."
Jackie Moon: "We do not suck, okay?"


possum.wav(142K) possum.mp3(65K) possum.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Oh, if you see a possum... try to kill it, okay? It's not a pet."


jiveturkey.wav(4622K) jiveturkey.mp3(2097K) jiveturkey.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lou Redwood: "Oh my god, what the bleep is that? It's incredible."
Jackie Moon: "It's called fondue."
Lou Redwood: "Fon what?"
Jackie Moon: "Fondue. Three different cheeses, melted. That's what you're tasting. Gorgonzola, muenster and cottage."
Bobby Dee (Andy Richter): "It's the latest thing from Sweden, apparently."
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, I'm not surprised about that. The Swedes are so inventive, aren't they?"
Jackie Moon: "Yep, they really are."
Bobby Dee: "Oh, they are my favorite producers of pornography."
Jackie Moon: "They make an excellent bleep picture."
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, I think I'll excuse myself from this conversation right now."
Jackie Moon: "To the men's room."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, stop it."
Jackie Moon: "To make your wiener sing, boner machine. Now--"
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, I am not a boner machine."
Lou Redwood: "Swedish Porn saved my life in 'Nam."
Jackie Moon: "Okay."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh."
Cornelius Banks (Tim Meadows): "Great, here we go."
Lou Redwood: "Come on, bleep you guys!"
Bobby Dee: "Let me get my violin."
Lou Redwood: "Swedish porn was the only thing that kept my mind off Charlie when I was in the shit."
Bobby Dee: "Is the shit in Ann Arbor? 'Cause that's where you were during the war."
Jackie Moon: "He really believes it."
Cornelius Banks: "You were never in 'Nam, you jive turkey. (silence and Lou gives him the evil eye and everybody else looks scared)"
Lou Redwood: "You just call me a Jive turkey?"
Jackie Moon: "No. No, he did not. He, uh, he called you a bleepsucker. Right? Right, Cornelius."
Cornelius Banks: "Yeah, yeah. I just called you a bleepsucker."
Lou Redwood: "I'm pretty sure that you called me a jive turkey."
Dick Pepperfield: "No, no. Now, Lou, nobody called anyone a JT."
Lou Redwood: "Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man!"
Jackie Moon: "Look, we're all here. We all heard what was said and we're in agreement. Cornelius said bleepsucker. Right?"
Bobby Dee: "Yes. He just said you suck bleep."
Dick Pepperfield: "That's all he said about you."
Jackie Moon: "Now, come on. Dig into that fondue, you little bleepsucker."
Lou Redwood: "We like playing games don't we? "
Jackie Moon: "We do, we're playing one right now!"
Lou Redwood: "I'm gonna show you guys this game that I learned when I was in bleeping 'Nam! (He pulls out a gun and points it at Cornelius)"
Bobby Dee: "Oh, no, no, no!"
Cornelius Banks: "Oh, my god!"
Dick Pepperfield: "Now, Lou, Lou."
Lou Redwood: "Who's the jive turkey now? (Then he starts to laugh) Gun's not loaded! (everybody starts laughing)"
Cornelius Banks: "You son of a bitch!"
Lou Redwood: "It's not loaded."
Jackie Moon: "It's not loaded."
Lou Redwood: "You should'a seen your bleepdamn face!"
Bobby Dee: "Oh! There's no bullets in there!"
Lou Redwood: "I never load it!"
Cornelius Banks: "The gun was not loaded!"
Jackie Moon: "(He picks up the gun and points it at his head) I'll see you bleepers in hell! (He pulls the trigger)"
Bobby Dee: "Jackie, Love Me Sexy is the worst song I've ever heard. (He pulls the trigger at Jackie)"
Cornelius Banks: "Watch this! I did call you a jive turkey. (He pulls the trigger at Lou as everyone continues laughing)"
Bobby Dee: "He did!"
Dick Pepperfield: "I got one. Hey, Lou, I know you slept with Mrs. Pepperfield! (He pulls the trigger at Lou) Rah!"
Lou Redwood: "We're saying nutty things 'cause they're not true. Especially that. More than the rest. It never happened."
Jackie Moon: "Hey. Bond, Jamen Bond."
Bobby Dee: "Oh, there it is."
Dick Pepperfield: "How do you like your martini, sir?"
Jackie Moon: "Stirred in a half-carafe. (He pulls the trigger at his wiener)"
Bobby Dee: "Oh, he shoots himself--"
Jackie Moon: "He shoots himself in the wiener. (He thrown the gun on the table and it goes off and the bullet ricochets around the room) Everybody okay?"
Bobby Dee: "I think so."
Jackie Moon: "I'm fine."
Dick Pepperfield: "Whoa. Wow. We just literally dodged a bullet."
Jackie Moon: "We sure did! Except for Cornelius. (Blood starts coming out of his arm)"
Everybody: "Oh!"
Cornelius Banks: "Whoa, I did got shot! (With a big smile on his face)"


swedes.wav(541K) swedes.mp3(246K) swedes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lou Redwood: "Oh my god, what the bleep is that? It's incredible."
Jackie Moon: "It's called fondue."
Lou Redwood: "Fon what?"
Jackie Moon: "Fondue. Three different cheeses, melted. That's what you're tasting. Gorgonzola, muenster and cottage."
Bobby Dee (Andy Richter): "It's the latest thing from Sweden, apparently."
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, I'm not surprised about that. The Swedes are so inventive, aren't they?"
Jackie Moon: "Yep, they really are."
Bobby Dee: "Oh, they are my favorite producers of pornography."
Jackie Moon: "They make an excellent bleep picture."


savedmylife.wav(2187K) savedmylife.mp3(992K) savedmylife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lou Redwood: "Swedish Porn saved my life in 'Nam."
Jackie Moon: "Okay."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh."
Cornelius Banks (Tim Meadows): "Great, here we go."
Lou Redwood: "Come on, bleep you guys!"
Bobby Dee: "Let me get my violin."
Lou Redwood: "Swedish porn was the only thing that kept my mind off Charlie when I was in the shit."
Bobby Dee: "Is the shit in Ann Arbor? 'Cause that's where you were during the war."
Jackie Moon: "He really believes it."
Cornelius Banks: "You were never in 'Nam, you jive turkey. (silence and Lou gives him the evil eye and everybody else looks scared)"
Lou Redwood: "You just call me a Jive turkey?"
Jackie Moon: "No. No, he did not. He, uh, he called you a bleepsucker. Right? Right, Cornelius."
Cornelius Banks: "Yeah, yeah. I just called you a bleepsucker."
Lou Redwood: "I'm pretty sure that you called me a jive turkey."
Dick Pepperfield: "No, no. Now, Lou, nobody called anyone a JT."
Lou Redwood: "Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man!"
Jackie Moon: "Look, we're all here. We all heard what was said and we're in agreement. Cornelius said bleepsucker. Right?"
Bobby Dee: "Yes. He just said you suck bleep."
Dick Pepperfield: "That's all he said about you."
Jackie Moon: "Now, come on. Dig into that fondue, you little bleepsucker."
Lou Redwood: "We like playing games don't we? "
Jackie Moon: "We do, we're playing one right now!"
Lou Redwood: "I'm gonna show you guys this game that I learned when I was in bleeping 'Nam! (He pulls out a gun and points it at Cornelius)"
Bobby Dee: "Oh, no, no, no!"
Cornelius Banks: "Oh, my god!"
Dick Pepperfield: "Now, Lou, Lou."
Lou Redwood: "Who's the jive turkey now? (Then he starts to laugh) Gun's not loaded! (everybody starts laughing)"
Cornelius Banks: "You son of a bitch!"
Lou Redwood: "It's not loaded."
Jackie Moon: "It's not loaded."
Lou Redwood: "You should'a seen your bleepdamn face!"
Bobby Dee: "Oh! There's no bullets in there!"
Lou Redwood: "I never load it!"
Cornelius Banks: "The gun was not loaded!"


notloaded.wav(2284K) notloaded.mp3(1037K) notloaded.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lou Redwood: "I'm gonna show you guys this game that I learned when I was in bleeping 'Nam! (He pulls out a gun and points it at Cornelius)"
Bobby Dee: "Oh, no, no, no!"
Cornelius Banks: "Oh, my god!"
Dick Pepperfield: "Now, Lou, Lou."
Lou Redwood: "Who's the jive turkey now? (Then he starts to laugh) Gun's not loaded! (everybody starts laughing)"
Cornelius Banks: "You son of a bitch!"
Lou Redwood: "It's not loaded."
Jackie Moon: "It's not loaded."
Lou Redwood: "You should'a seen your bleepdamn face!"
Bobby Dee: "Oh! There's no bullets in there!"
Lou Redwood: "I never load it!"
Cornelius Banks: "The gun was not loaded!"
Jackie Moon: "(He picks up the gun and points it at his head) I'll see you bleepers in hell! (He pulls the trigger)"
Bobby Dee: "Jackie, Love Me Sexy is the worst song I've ever heard. (He pulls the trigger at Jackie)"
Cornelius Banks: "Watch this! I did call you a jive turkey. (He pulls the trigger at Lou as everyone continues laughing)"
Bobby Dee: "He did!"
Dick Pepperfield: "I got one. Hey, Lou, I know you slept with Mrs. Pepperfield! (He pulls the trigger at Lou) Rah!"
Lou Redwood: "We're saying nutty things 'cause they're not true. Especially that. More than the rest. It never happened."
Jackie Moon: "Hey. Bond, Jamen Bond."
Bobby Dee: "Oh, there it is."
Dick Pepperfield: "How do you like your martini, sir?"
Jackie Moon: "Stirred in a half-carafe. (He pulls the trigger at his wiener)"
Bobby Dee: "Oh, he shoots himself--"
Jackie Moon: "He shoots himself in the wiener. (He thrown the gun on the table and it goes off and the bullet ricochets around the room) Everybody okay?"
Bobby Dee: "I think so."
Jackie Moon: "I'm fine."
Dick Pepperfield: "Whoa. Wow. We just literally dodged a bullet."
Jackie Moon: "We sure did! Except for Cornelius. (Blood starts coming out of his arm)"
Everybody: "Oh!"
Cornelius Banks: "Whoa, I did got shot! (With a big smile on his face)"


yesrighton.wav(204K) yesrighton.mp3(93K) yesrighton.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix (Woody Harrelson): "Vakidis, open the window, will ya?"
Vakidis (Peter Cornell): "Yes, right on."
Monix: "Did you give Bobby Dee a hand job?"
Vakidis: "Yes, right on."


loveeverybody.wav(95K) loveeverybody.mp3(44K) loveeverybody.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Everybody love everybody! Come on!"


smyc.wav(483K) smyc.mp3(220K) smyc.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "All day long! Whoo! (Whistle blows)"
Father Pat the Ref (Matt Walsh): "Traveling!"
Jackie Moon: "No, no, no, no! One and a half steps!"
Father Pat the Ref: "Come on, Jackie. You walked."
Jackie Moon: "Suck my bleep! I'll murder your family! (Whistle blows)"
Father Pat the Ref: "You're gone, Jackie Moon!"
Jackie Moon: "What? What?"
Dick Pepperfield: "And Jackie Moon is ejected from the game."
Jackie Moon: "What did I say?"
Father Pat the Ref: "You said 'S my C. (Jackie kicks the ball into the stands)'"
Dick Pepperfield: "And one lucky fan will go home with a game ball."


yourfamily.wav(58K) yourfamily.mp3(27K) yourfamily.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Suck my bleep! I'll murder your family!"


bigcheck.wav(424K) bigcheck.mp3(193K) bigcheck.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Look, I don't know what your bank is telling you. This is a real check. I signed it myself."
Dukes: "It's written in glitter, man. Can't you just, you know, like, write me a regular-size check?"
Jackie Moon: "Maybe you should try a different bank. A big bank."
Dukes: "Bigger bank?"
Jackie Moon: "That has a big check department. That's what I'd do."
Dukes: "Okay."
Jackie Moon: "Right?."
Dukes: "Yeah."
Jackie Moon: "Alright."


eyeliner.wav(191K) eyeliner.mp3(87K) eyeliner.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Do they test this on onimals or is that just a lie? Feels like I got cat piss in my eyes!"
Twiggy Munson: "Just open your eyes with your fingers, guys. It's really nice."
Jackie Moon: "Bleep sandwich, that hurts!"


thathurts.wav(40K) thathurts.mp3(19K) thathurts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Bleep sandwich, that hurts!"


thesegirls.wav(94K) thesegirls.mp3(44K) thesegirls.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "Looks like a little gentleman's disagreement on the court. Nothing big."
Lou Redwood: "No, these girls aren't gonna fight."


onmynuts.wav(170K) onmynuts.mp3(78K) onmynuts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "I mean, I was out there grabbin' balls. I think I grabbed some of your guys' balls."
Scootise Double Day: "That was you on my nuts?"
Jackie Moon: "Yeah."
Scootise Double Day: "You got the softest hands in the world."


bummer.wav(31K) bummer.mp3(15K) bummer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "God, this guy's a bummer."


withbaskets.wav(741K) withbaskets.mp3(337K) withbaskets.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Did anyone look at the scoreboard?"
Jackie Moon: "How about we run some plays in the second half, Jackie?"
Monix: "Look, Monix, I'm not an X's an O's guy, right? I'm not a tactician. I'm a motivator in the classic sense of the word. You know, Lombardi, Charles Lindbergh, that nun over in India, like those people. I get people to do great things! And we just had an incredible, team-unifying moment by punching other guys in the face. And it felt good and now we're gonna continue that on the court in the second half... with baskets, though."


stillnotfunny.wav(610K) stillnotfunny.mp3(277K) stillnotfunny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Listen, uh-- This is long overdue, but I wanna apologize."
Lynn (Maura Tierney): "For what?"
Monix: "For, uh, you know, back then we had some problems."
Lynn: "Oh, did you wanna apologize for cheating on me? Twice."
Monix: "Hey, I cheated on you once. There just happened to be two girls there. Still not funny?"
Lynn: "Still not funny."


mutiny.wav(779K) mutiny.mp3(354K) mutiny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "This is a mutiny. You guys all in on this? You motherbleepin' bleepsuckers. All of you. I have dedicated my life to this team, okay? I have given you guys my soul! I mean, who bought you those boots... last Halloween?"
Scootise Double Day: "That-- That would be you, coach. You bought us those boots."
Jackie Moon: "I bought 'em!"
Scootise Double Day: "I really liked them boots. They were nice."
Jackie Moon: "They're really nice boots."


suckers.wav(71K) suckers.mp3(33K) suckers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "You motherbleepin' bleepsuckers."


thoseboots.wav(422K) thoseboots.mp3(192K) thoseboots.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "I have dedicated my life to this team, okay? I have given you guys my soul! I mean, who bought you those boots... last Halloween?"
Scootise Double Day: "That-- That would be you, coach. You bought us those boots."
Jackie Moon: "I bought 'em!"
Scootise Double Day: "I really liked them boots. They were nice."
Jackie Moon: "They're really nice boots."


blowjobs.wav(519K) blowjobs.mp3(236K) blowjobs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "If we play unselfish, fundamental basketball, we can make a run at this. By unselfish, I mean we sprint up the court on every fast break, not because we might get our dunk and get your dick sucked after the game, but because sprinting might pull the defense out of position--"
Jackie Moon: "Wait, wait, wait, wait. So what's goin' on with the blow jobs again?"
Bee Bee Ellis: "Yeah, 'cause I vote we keep them blow jobs, Jack."
Jackie Moon: "Yeah, All in favor?"


thatsawaste.wav(235K) thatsawaste.mp3(107K) thatsawaste.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Now, until we start playing like a real team... we're gonna practice without the ball. (He pops the ball with a knife)"
Jackie Moon: "That's a waste."


rover.wav(544K) rover.mp3(248K) rover.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Yeah, can we maybe try play number two?"
Monix: "No! I want you to be brain-dead, gentlemen! 'Cause someday you're gonna be too tired or too nervous to think! And when you are, this is the play that I'm gonna call! We need to be able to run this play in our sleep!"
Jackie Moon: "I'm a rover, Coach. I'm just gonna go rover."
Monix: "No, don't just go rovin'. Run the play, Jackie Moon!"
Jackie Moon: "I'm creatin' a diversion, though by runnin' in circles over here."
Monix: "Don't lose your mind, Jackie Moon!"


untilwepuke.wav(2453K) untilwepuke.mp3(1113K) untilwepuke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "We are runnin' this until we puke."
Bee Bee Ellis: "Well, basically, we have."
Jackie Moon: "Yeah, I'm pretty beat, Coach."
Monix: "'Until we puke' is not a figure of speach. We are literally going to puke."
Jackie Moon: "What does he mean by 'Literally'? (All the other players puke) I wish you were still a washing machine!"
Monix: "Get up and run, Coach! You're gonna puke like everybody else!"
Jackie Moon: "I can't puke, Monix! I've never puked in my life, ever!"
Monix: "You're lying to me."
Jackie Moon: "I've been sick before, I've just never puked. Swear on my mother's grave."
Monix: "What about when you were a baby? Babies throw up all the time."
Jackie Moon: "My mom said I never did it. I swear. She said I was fascinating. In fact, the local PBS wanted to do a documentary on me."
Monix: "Have you ever been punched in the jejunum?"
Jackie Moon: "No, what's the jejunum?"
Monix: "It's part of the small intestine."
Jackie Moon: "I don't think so. I mean, I've been punched in the armpit before, and in the wrist twice. Coccyx, and in the back of the knee. Both eyes, and I've been punched right in my-- my tracheal-- (Monix punches him and the puke starts to bubble up and Jackie makes all sorts of noises and heaves)"
Monix: "Let that out. Go ahead, Jackie. Just let it go. Hey, hey, hey. Get ahold of yourself, Jackie! (Jackie Grabs him) Let go! Hold it in, Jackie. Hold it in! Get off me, bleepdamnit! (Jackie falls on top of him) Jackie! (Jackie pukes on him and Monix screams in terror)"


washingmachine.wav(54K) washingmachine.mp3(25K) washingmachine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "I wish you were still a washing machine!"


neverpuked.wav(609K) neverpuked.mp3(277K) neverpuked.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Get up and run, Coach! You're gonna puke like everybody else!"
Jackie Moon: "I can't puke, Monix! I've never puked in my life, ever!"
Monix: "You're lying to me."
Jackie Moon: "I've been sick before, I've just never puked. Swear on my mother's grave."
Monix: "What about when you were a baby? Babies throw up all the time."
Jackie Moon: "My mom said I never did it. I swear. She said I was fascinating. In fact, the local PBS wanted to do a documentary on me."


jejunum.wav(1465K) jejunum.mp3(665K) jejunum.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Have you ever been punched in the jejunum?"
Jackie Moon: "No, what's the jejunum?"
Monix: "It's part of the small intestine."
Jackie Moon: "I don't think so. I mean, I've been punched in the armpit before, and in the wrist twice. Coccyx, and in the back of the knee. Both eyes, and I've been punched right in my-- my tracheal-- (Monix punches him and the puke starts to bubble up and Jackie makes all sorts of noises and heaves)"
Monix: "Let that out. Go ahead, Jackie. Just let it go. Hey, hey, hey. Get ahold of yourself, Jackie! (Jackie Grabs him) Let go! Hold it in, Jackie. Hold it in! Get off me, bleepdamnit! (Jackie falls on top of him) Jackie! (Jackie pukes on him and Monix screams in terror)"


freecorndogs.wav(246K) freecorndogs.mp3(112K) freecorndogs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "The crown is really excited tonight."
Lou Redwood: "They know what's at stake, Dick."
Dick Pepperfield: "Yep, gettin' their home team into the NBA."
Lou Redwood: "No, I'm talking about free cord dogs."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, that's right. It's free corn dog night."


nottoomuch.wav(832K) nottoomuch.mp3(378K) nottoomuch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Fellas it's lookin' great. We're 30 seconds away from takin' this think."
Jackie Moon: "Yeah, he's right. Let's try to win, but not win by too much."
Twiggy Munson: "Wait, we don't want to win by too much?"
Jackie Moon: "Uh-uh."
Monix: "What the hell are you talkin' about?"
Clarence: "Corn dogs."
Monix: "What?"
Clarence: "See, if we score 125 points that means we gotta give everybody in here a free corn dog, right?"
Jackie Moon: "Yeah, sorry, Monix. We don't even got corn dogs."
Monix: "Corn-- I don't care, we're takin' it to 'em alright?"
Jackie Moon: "Hey, we're up by seven, okay? Can't we just take it easy? Run the clock out? We're talkin' a lot of corn dogs!"
Monix: "I don't give a shit about the corn dogs, alright? We play hard every second. We run the offense. Everybody got that?"
Twiggy Munson: "Right on."
Everybody: "Yeah"
Monix: "You got that, Jackie?"
Jackie Moon: "Uh-huh."


hearts.wav(311K) hearts.mp3(142K) hearts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "Here they come, the Flint Tropics Ball Girls cheerleading squad, keeping the crown energized through the timeout."
Lou Redwood: "They've just got such big--"
Dick Pepperfield: "What?"
Lou Redwood: "Hearts."
Dick Pepperfield: "Yes."
Lou Redwood: "Big, bouncy, jiggly hearts."
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, hearts don't really bounce so now I think you're talking about something else, Lou."


handsoff.wav(272K) handsoff.mp3(124K) handsoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "How's your wife doin'?"
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, she's doing just super."
Jackie Moon: "She's gorgeous."
Dick Pepperfield: "Really Terri-- Well, thank you. I think. I mean-- Hands off."
Jackie Moon: "I'll try."
Dick Pepperfield: "Okay."
Jackie Moon: "No guarantees."
Dick Pepperfield: "Really? I'd like a guarantee."


twowinsaway.wav(1044K) twowinsaway.mp3(474K) twowinsaway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "Now, Jackie, amazingly, you,re two wins away from getting your team to the NBA. How do you intend to mach up to the Squires' strong inside game?"
Jackie Moon: "It's a great question. Tomorrow, after the game, I, Jackie Moon will wrestle a bear."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh. Well, that's something. But, uh, defensively, as a team, how do--"
Jackie Moon: "That's tomorrow night, one night only, watch Dewie the Wrestling Bear attack me. And he's killed people in public before."
Dick Pepperfield: "Well, okay, that is some entertainment and you are known for your creative promotions, Jackie, but--"
Jackie Moon: "You're not gonna want to miss this, folks. And if you're a small child, you creep into your mama's bedroom at night and you lift about 40 bucks outta your mom's purse..."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, no, no, no. No."
Jackie Moon: "...and you walk down to Flint Fairgrounds Coliseum, eight o'clock!"
Dick Pepperfield: "There you have it. Jackie Moon, thanks so much for joining us."
Jackie Moon: "Dewie's insane! He could rip my head off!"


dewiesinsane.wav(53K) dewiesinsane.mp3(25K) dewiesinsane.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Dewie's insane! He could rip my head off!"


cantsayno.wav(317K) cantsayno.mp3(145K) cantsayno.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stage Director: "And we're clear."
Jackie Moon: "Let's go get some bleep."
Dick Pepperfield: "Gosh, I don't know. Really?"
Jackie Moon: "Yeah."
Dick Pepperfield: "Ah, I shouldn't. You know, I shouldn't."
Jackie Moon: "But you want to."
Dick Pepperfield: "Yes, I said I cannot say no to you. We are gonna get some bleep, aren't we? It's gonna be fun."


norefunds.wav(857K) norefunds.mp3(390K) norefunds.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Nobody move. Nobody move. Where are you precious? Dewie? Everyone just remain seated. I think he left. Dewie? (Bear roars) Everybody panic! Oh, my god, there's a bear in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat. Cover your sodas, Dewie loves sugar."


precious.wav(139K) precious.mp3(64K) precious.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Where are you precious? Dewie?"


gotowaste.wav(778K) gotowaste.mp3(354K) gotowaste.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Now, what is it-- Don't eat that. What is that?"
Jackie Moon: "Pancake."
Monix: "Has that been there?"
Jackie Moon: "It's been here a while."
Monix: "Listen, Jackie, I think you should call a team meeting."
Jackie Moon: "Why?"
Monix: "'Cause you're still the leader of the Tropics. Can you do that?"
Jackie Moon: "Okay."
Monix: "Ah, you're a good man. Should we, uh--"
Jackie Moon: "I hate to see this go to waste. This little bit."
Monix: "It won't go to waste. Save that for the next guy."


donteatthat.wav(212K) donteatthat.mp3(97K) donteatthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "Now, what is it-- Don't eat that. What is that?"
Jackie Moon: "Pancake."
Monix: "Has that been there?"
Jackie Moon: "It's been here a while."


vakidis.wav(314K) vakidis.mp3(143K) vakidis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "My teammates, it was an honor to be on the court with you. You guys are the best. Even you Vakidis, you bleepdamn dumb son of a bitch. You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you?"


megabowl.wav(1108K) megabowl.mp3(503K) megabowl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "On Saturday, we're gonna be playing for the Flint, Michigan Megabowl. White Pants?"
White Pants (Brian Huskey): "Yeah, I don't know if I understand what you mean by Megabowl?"
Jackie Moon: "It's a Megabowl. What's not to understand? This is history in the making. You're gonna wanna tell your grandkids and their grandkids and their grandkids. And when they look back in the annals of history, they're gonna be talking about three things: discovery of fire, invention of the submarine and the Flint, Michigan Megabowl."
White Pants: "Right, but still the game doesn't count."
Jackie Moon: "The trophy's 12 feet high! And it's glorious! I've seen it. Oh yeah, and when we win the game, that big gun's gonna shoot off."
Turtleneck (Ed Helms): "The cannon doesn't actually fire. It's a relic."
Jackie Moon: "We're gonna win the Megabowl. Saturday! Eight o'clock! Flint, Michigan Megabowl! Flint, Michigan Megabowl! Flint, Michigan Megabowl!"


understand.wav(443K) understand.mp3(202K) understand.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

White Pants: "Yeah, I don't know if I understand what you mean by Megabowl?"
Jackie Moon: "It's a Megabowl. What's not to understand? This is history in the making. You're gonna wanna tell your grandkids and their grandkids and their grandkids. And when they look back in the annals of history, they're gonna be talking about three things: discovery of fire, invention of the submarine and the Flint, Michigan Megabowl."


trophy.wav(98K) trophy.mp3(45K) trophy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "The trophy's 12 feet high! And it's glorious! I've seen it."


enoughscotch.wav(81K) enoughscotch.mp3(37K) enoughscotch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lou Redwood: "Yeah, I don't feel good about this. I may not have brought enough Scotch."


fbomb.wav(217K) fbomb.mp3(99K) fbomb.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "This is easilly the worst half of basketball the Tropics have played since Monix took over as coach."
Lou Redwood: "Yeah, it's a shit-bleepin' sandwich, Dick."
Dick Pepperfield: "Oh, let's watch the F-bomb, Lou."


sofluffy.wav(72K) sofluffy.mp3(33K) sofluffy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "I don't wanna leave this place. It's so fluffy."


alleyoop.wav(1384K) alleyoop.mp3(629K) alleyoop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "I'm sorry, I don't know what just happened. A very unusual series of moves just made the ball go in. (Trying to explain the alley oop)"
Ms. Quincy (Ella English): "Damn!"
Lou Redwood: "Yeah, I don't know why, Dick, but I just got an erection. (After seeing the first alley oop)"
Father Pat the Ref: "(He indecisively blows his whistle) Foul. No, two fouls."
Jackie Moon: "Foul?! I didn't touch anybody."
Father Pat the Ref: "Look, Jackie, people can't just go flyin' in the air like that."
Jackie Moon: "Oh, please, my mom wouldn't cheat in my dreams."
Father Pat the Ref: "What?"
Jackie Moon: "She's an angel! Heaven wants us to win this game! I'll burn your house down!"
Monix: "Hold it, hold it, hold it. It can't be a foul without touchin' another player. And it can't be traveling without first establishing a pivot foot."
Clarence: "That's right."
Monix: "It's two pionts, Father Pat. It is two points."
Father Pat the Ref: "Alright, I'm gonna allow it."
Clarence: "That's the gospel."
Father Pat the Ref: "Two points, Flint."
Spurs Coach (Ian Roberts): "Are you outta your mind? He was floating."
Father Pat the Ref: "It's legal, Coach."
Spurs Coach: "Is this ghost ball?"
Father Pat the Ref: "It's legal, Coach."
Spurs Coach: "What the hell is that?"


whatjusthappened.wav(156K) whatjusthappened.mp3(71K) whatjusthappened.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "I'm sorry, I don't know what just happened. A very unusual series of moves just made the ball go in. (Trying to explain the alley oop)"


erection.wav(77K) erection.mp3(36K) erection.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lou Redwood: "Yeah, I don't know why, Dick, but I just got an erection. (After seeing the first alley oop)"


twofowls.wav(990K) twofowls.mp3(450K) twofowls.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Father Pat the Ref: "(He indecisively blows his whistle) Foul. No, two fouls."
Jackie Moon: "Foul?! I didn't touch anybody."
Father Pat the Ref: "Look, Jackie, people can't just go flyin' in the air like that."
Jackie Moon: "Oh, please, my mom wouldn't cheat in my dreams."
Father Pat the Ref: "What?"
Jackie Moon: "She's an angel! Heaven wants us to win this game! I'll burn your house down!"
Monix: "Hold it, hold it, hold it. It can't be a foul without touchin' another player. And it can't be traveling without first establishing a pivot foot."
Clarence: "That's right."
Monix: "It's two pionts, Father Pat. It is two points."
Father Pat the Ref: "Alright, I'm gonna allow it."
Clarence: "That's the gospel."
Father Pat the Ref: "Two points, Flint."
Spurs Coach (Ian Roberts): "Are you outta your mind? He was floating."
Father Pat the Ref: "It's legal, Coach."
Spurs Coach: "Is this ghost ball?"
Father Pat the Ref: "It's legal, Coach."
Spurs Coach: "What the hell is that?"


easiertosay.wav(338K) easiertosay.mp3(154K) easiertosay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "There it is again. Clarence leaping and forcing the ball in a downward direction through the net off of a high arching poss."
Lou Redwood: "It's a great play."
Dick Pepperfield: "It sure is. Oh, hold on. I'm just being told that this is called an alley oop! Yes, that is easier to say."


whatshitem.wav(202K) whatshitem.mp3(93K) whatshitem.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "Monix passes to Jackie. Jackie lobs to Clarence. And then, yes! Another alley oop! The Spurs don't know what's hit 'em."
Lou Redwood: "I love the alley oop!"
Dick Pepperfield: "Ha ha!"


theregoestheoop.wav(66K) theregoestheoop.mp3(31K) theregoestheoop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "Here comes the alley... and there goes the oop!"


tension.wav(305K) tension.mp3(139K) tension.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "In all my years of radio, I've never seen anything like this. The Tropics have fought their way back from a huge deficit and now with 12 seconds left in the history of this franchise they are down by two. And, man, you can feel the tension."


bestfacet.wav(162K) bestfacet.mp3(74K) bestfacet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Don't worry, guys. I got these. I'm very good at free throws. Seriously, free throws are probably the best facet of my game."


grannystyle.wav(295K) grannystyle.mp3(134K) grannystyle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Monix: "What the hell are you doin', Jackie?"
Jackie Moon: "What, you never seen me shoot free throws before?"
Clarence: "He's shootin' granny style. Let him do his thing."
Bee Bee Ellis: "Always has."
Monix: "Oh, shit."


sweetsugar.wav(296K) sweetsugar.mp3(135K) sweetsugar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dick Pepperfield: "Jackie Moon holding the fate of Flint in his fingertips. He kisses the ball for good luck."
Jackie Moon: "Sweet sugar."
Dick Pepperfield: "It's good!"


fullofbears.wav(135K) fullofbears.mp3(62K) fullofbears.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Everybody panic! It's just like the Titanic, but it's full of bears!"


panic.wav(61K) panic.mp3(29K) panic.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "Everybody panic!"


bitchin.wav(614K) bitchin.mp3(279K) bitchin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "'Dear Dukes. I'm sorry it took so long, but in this bag is 10,000 dollars, cash.'"
Dukes: "No way. Really?"
Jackie Moon: "'Actually, it's only 2,300. I'll be paying you the rest right after they finish my merger buyout. Let's get Tropical. Jackie R. Moon.'"
Dukes: "Bitchin'. Bitchin'. Let's get Tropical! Whoo!"


shiningstar.wav(720K) shiningstar.mp3(328K) shiningstar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Soundtrack: "(A short clip of "Shining Star" from the end credits Written by Philip Bailey, Larry Dunn and Maurice White Performed by Earth Wind & Fire Courtesy of Columbia Records by arrangement with Sony BMG Music Entertainment)"


lovemesexycredits.wav(4536K) lovemesexycredits.mp3(2058K) lovemesexycredits.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jackie Moon: "(A clip of "Love Me Sexy" from the end credits Written by Nile Rodgers, Scot Armstrong and Will Ferrell Performed by Will Ferrell (as Jackie Moon) Produced by Nile Rodgers)"

 
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