All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

welcome.wav(98K) welcome.mp3(98K)

Stumpy (David Koechner): "Hey, everybody. Welcome to Bull Mountain, a slice of heaven nestled in the cleavage of Alaska's high country."

eskimos.wav(129K) eskimos.mp3(129K)

Stumpy: "It all started when a young buck named Herbert Muntz saw the promise of a new life and staked his claim to it the old-fashioned way, he stole it from the Eskimos."

sametime.wav(113K) sametime.mp3(113K)

Stumpy: "Papa loved to ski... and Papa loved to drink... but most of all, Papa loved to ski and drink... at the same time!"

hotchicks.wav(122K) hotchicks.mp3(122K)

Pig Pen (Derek Hamilton): "Maybe the buyer can supply the mountain with what it really needs... hot friggin' chicks."
Lance (David Denman): "Whoa, whoa! Hey guys. Guys' you know, more girls? Let's give Lance a chance, all right? I gotta refuel the tanks."

sniffing.wav(23K) sniffing.mp3(23K)

Jenny (A.J. Cook): "Are you sniffing me?"

everydude.wav(45K) everydude.mp3(45K)

Lance: "Oh, man. If I was her, I'd be getting with every dude on this mountain."

rules.wav(200K) rules.mp3(200K)

Luke (Zach Galifianakis): "Good evening. You all know the rules of King of the Mountain. Rule number one: you do not talk about King of the Mountain. Rule numbec two: there are no rules."
Anthony (Flex Alexander): "Uh, what about rule numbec one?"
Luke: "That's more of a guideline than a rule. Do not interrupt!"

wipeout.wav(72K) wipeout.mp3(72K)

Luke: "Try not to wipe out like you did last year... and the year before, and both years befor that."
Anthony: "Thanks, Luke, I rally appreciate it."
Luke: "No problem."

fagpractice.wav(95K) fagpractice.mp3(95K)

Luke: "Goin' to drink, everybody!"
Rick Rambis (Jason London): "Well, actually, I have to turn in. I have to give Mr. Mays a snowboard lesson..."
Luke: "I got, uh, fag practice in the morning, so I understand."

hookup.wav(169K) hookup.mp3(169K)

Rick: "So, you still want to hook up?"
Jenny: "You gotta try a lot harder than that, Rick."
Rick: "(Softer) So, you still want to hook up? How's that?"
Jenny: "Good night."
Rick: "Good night."

pictures.wav(145K) pictures.mp3(145K)

Lance: "Well, boys, what's it gonna be tonight? We gonna shave his eyebrows?"
Anthony: "Passe. Done that, took pictures."
Pig Pen: "I'm gonna ned a bucket, a paint brush and ten pounds of salt. Lance, get his pants."

asaying.wav(105K) asaying.mp3(105K)

Ted Muntz (Willie Garson): "The Eskimos around here have a saying: Kwa kwanee kwona kwana taka ko..."
John Majors (Lee Majors): "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Nanook. You're gonna give yourself an aneurysm."

imeric.wav(56K) imeric.mp3(56K)

Eric Montclare (Thomas Lennon): "I'm Eric Montclare."
Majors: "Yeah, well, who asked you? Just kidding, Short Stack."

thename.wav(145K) thename.mp3(145K)

Ted: "Some mountain, huh?"
Majors: "Yeah, but the name 'Bull Mountain' it's a little too... bleepty."
Ted: "You want to rename the mountain?"
Majors: "Yeah, Something good."

polish.wav(75K) polish.mp3(75K)

Majors: "I'm gonna have to polish this turd if I want to sell my investors on it. I mean, your hotel looks like a Motel 6 ate a yard sale and barfed it out."

pissedoff.wav(65K) pissedoff.mp3(65K)

Rick: "Hey, Muntz, there's some really pissed off Eskimos outside right now man. They say they want their land back."
Ted: "Very funny, Rambis."

thecreeps.wav(175K) thecreeps.mp3(175K)

Majors: "You any good on that board there, son?"
Rick: "I'm alright."
Majors: "You wouldn't mind playing tour guide to an old fart like like me, would you?"
Eric: "Actually Rick's got a pretty heavy workload tomorrow but I would be delighted to show you around the mountain."
Majors: "No offence, Short Stack, but you give me the creeps. I think Rick here'll do just fine."

polarstd.wav(21K) polarstd.mp3(21K)

Luke: "Can you get an STD from a polar bear?"

topsoff.wav(116K) topsoff.mp3(116K)

Pig Pen: "I need evrybody to be calm and take your tops off. And tie them together. Now! Move! I don't have time to discuss this!"

wicked.wav(14K) wicked.mp3(14K)

Pig Pen: "Wicked."

acrushon.wav(26K) acrushon.mp3(26K)

Luke: "He's had a crush on that bench for a long time."

yournap.wav(13K) yournap.mp3(13K)

Luke: "You enjoy your nap?"

kingofthe.wav(241K) kingofthe.mp3(241K)

Pig Pen: "So, Rick, did you hit it last night or what?"
Rick: "No, man, we just talked."
Luke: "Oh, god. You jnow, maybe we should clarify something. when you won the race last night that made you King of the Mountain. Not King of the No-ball Pussy Losers. They already have their own king... my brother."
Pig Pen: "What?"

advice.wav(292K) advice.mp3(292K)

Pig Pen: "Here's what I don't get, all right, is you met this chick and you got freaky-deaky with her."
Rick: "Hey."
Pig Pen: "And then, poof, she disappears. How's there a problem with that?"
Rick: "Pig Pen, when I want advice about a good 'Planet of the Apes' film or maybe how to get the resin out of my bong, I'll come to you , Okay? But I am not gonna take romantic advice from somebody who cannot spell romantic or advice... or bong."

ifitellyou.wav(39K) ifitellyou.mp3(39K)

Rick: "Well, if I tell you, will you promise to shut up about it?"
Pig Pen: "No."

romantic.wav(107K) romantic.mp3(107K)

Rick: "Well, I met her at the most beautiful, romantic place on earth, Cancun, Mexico. It was this little place called Pedro O'Horney's."

themoment.wav(111K) themoment.mp3(111K)

Rick: "From the moment we caught eyes I knew she wasn't like the other girls there. She was French. She had her top on. Plus, she wasn't puking."

likeheaven.wav(42K) likeheaven.mp3(42K)

Rick: "It was like heaven, but you couldn't drink the water."

dejected.wav(86K) dejected.mp3(86K)

Luke: "A little sensitivity here! God, can't you see this is a dejected man? Well, Rick, get your dejected head out of your ass."

yeah.wav(12K) yeah.mp3(12K)

Pig Pen: "Yeah."

carpediem.wav(51K) carpediem.mp3(51K)

Pig Pen: "Carpe the diem. Sieze the... carp!"

seizethecarp.wav(47K) seizethecarp.mp3(47K)

Luke: "Seize the carp?"
Pig Pen: "What? (Luke hit's him) Ow!"

immature.wav(154K) immature.mp3(154K)

Rick: "You're pretty good with these kids, Jenny."
Jenny: "Yeah? I seem to have a thing for immature boys."
Rick: "Ouch!"
Jenny: "At least Stewart has his act together enough to ask me out. I think we're checking out a movie right after his nap time. Yes!"

onadate.wav(186K) onadate.mp3(186K)

Rick: "Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?"
Jenny: "I'm sorry, it sounded like you're asking me out on a date."
Rick: "We could meet at the Inn, say, 8:00."
Jenny: "Yes."
Rick: "Right now, I have to go seize the carp. Wish me luck."
Jenny: "I'll see you there."

mrmajors.wav(87K) mrmajors.mp3(87K)

Rick: "Morning, Mr. Majors."
Majors: "Oh, please, please. My daddy was Mr. Majors. Actually, he was Mr. Mankowicz. Just call me 'John.'"
: ""

chatrooms.wav(88K) chatrooms.mp3(88K)

Stumpy: "Hey, Pig Pen, you ever been on one of those lesbian chat rooms?"
Pig Pen: "Are they good?"
Stumpy: "I don't know."
Pig Pen: "No."
: ""

youskithat.wav(30K) youskithat.mp3(30K)

Majors: "Damn, you ski that?"
Rick: "Yeah, it's awesome."

lotsandlots.wav(40K) lotsandlots.mp3(40K)

Ted: "I'm selling it for lots and lots of American dollars."

homies.wav(101K) homies.mp3(101K)

Majors: "Now, I know we're all gonna be homies but I do believe in the golden rule, and that is, he who has the gold card makes the rules."

pipedown.wav(12K) pipedown.mp3(12K)

Majors: "Pipe down, retard."

numbnuts.wav(98K) numbnuts.mp3(98K)

Majors: "Any questions you might have will be answered in your new rule book... which numbnuts here is gonna pass out."
Ted: "I think that's you."

mydice.wav(64K) mydice.mp3(64K)

Luke: "Well, yeah, it doesn't really allow my dice to roll domn there' and by dice, I mean testicles. Speaking of testicles, let me get a beer."

itsallgood.wav(119K) itsallgood.mp3(119K)

Lance: "There are gonna be some hotties, some slammin' bods with pants so tight it looks like they're painted on. Babe, I love chicks. Chicks love me, so it's all good."

president.wav(122K) president.mp3(122K)

Stumpy: "I was there. Yeah, it was called the 80's. Ford was president, Nixon was in the White House, and FDR was runnin' this country into the ground."

calledutah.wav(410K) calledutah.mp3(410K)

Stumpy: "I was bummin' in a hole-in-the-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts makin' so-called improvements. Right? Well, 'fore we know what hit us, the streets are runnin' with latte."
Rick: "No!"
Stumpy: "Yep. It got so bad that a fellow that liked to, you know, smoke a little grass, or drink a little ripple, crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentleman's duel was uncouth against God. More like bad for real estate values. Stumpy had to go! Richard, be careful what you wish for."

confidence.wav(66K) confidence.mp3(66K)

Luke: "Boys, watch confidence at work."
Pig Pen: "Be strong."
Luke: "Oh, god, here she comes."

coldbeer.wav(281K) coldbeer.mp3(281K)

Luke: "Oh my god!"
Anna (Caroline Dhavernas): "How aro you?"
Luke: "I'm fine."
Anna: "It's been a long time."
Luke: "Yeah."
Anna: "What are you doing here?"
Luke: "I was having a beer."
Anna: "In Alaska?"
Luke: "Well, I like cold beer, yeah."
Anna: "Does that mean, uh, is Rick around?"
Luke: "Om, no. You didn't hear? Rirk Perished in a dogsled accedent. Four dogsled pileup."
Anna: "Uh-huh."
Luke: "And it's... it's awful. The dogs survived, though."
Anna: "You used to be a much better liar."

walkmeout.wav(18K) walkmeout.mp3(18K)

Majors: "Retard, walk me out, huh."

ofallthbars.wav(50K) ofallthbars.mp3(50K)

Rick: "Of all the bars in all the ski towns in Alaska, why'd she have to come to this one?"

invented.wav(66K) invented.mp3(66K)

Stumpy: "Did I ever tell you how I invented snowboarding?"
Snowboarder: "Oh yeah?"

dribbling.wav(29K) dribbling.mp3(29K)

Pissing Man: "Hey, you're dribbling! Watch the shoes!"

igotyourback.wav(112K) igotyourback.mp3(112K)

Luke: "Where's Inga going?"
Pig Pen: "Anthony."
Luke: "Don't you worry, little brother. I got your back on this one. I'm gonna do her."
Pig Pen: "What... how does that help me?"

mynuts.wav(35K) mynuts.mp3(35K)

Rick: "Make yourself at home."
Anna: "Sorry."
Rick: "Just don't him me anymore in my nuts."

thesescars.wav(195K) thesescars.mp3(195K)

Inga (Victoria Silvstedt): "Tell me, where did you get these scars?"
Luke: "Oh, let's see."
Inga: "Oh!"
Luke: "Skateboard, truck accident, and a fire hydrant."
Inga: "I bet each one has it's own exciting story, no?"
Luke: "No, not really. I skateboarded off a truck into a fire hydrant."

saying.wav(347K) saying.mp3(347K)

Inga: "I never met an american boy before. Are you all so wild?"
Luke: "Yeah. We have a saying around here."
Inga: "Oh, yeah?"
Luke: "Yeah. No brains, no headache."
Inga: "We have a saying in Switzerland, too."
Luke: "Yeah."
Inga: "No swimsuit, no tan lines."
Luke: "Uh, we have another saying around here."
Inga: "Uh-huh, what's that?"
Luke: "I don't know."

cuddle.wav(164K) cuddle.mp3(164K)

Luke: "No, no, no. What... Wht aro your doing?"
Inga: "Schlafenzeit. Sleepy time. I'm going to bed now."
Luke: "Oh, no, no, no."
Inga: "I'm sleepy."
Luke: "Oh, no, well, stay. We'll cuddle. We'll cuddle. We'll cuddle."

andpilot.wav(191K) andpilot.mp3(191K)

Rick: "Your fiance..."
Anna: "Barry. He's in medical school. He's flying up in a couple of days to see me."
Rick: "Well, that's gonna be a little tricky unless he's a pilot, too. He's a pilot, too? He's a doctor and a pilot?"
Anna: "Yeah,"
Rick: "I think I want to have sex with this guy."

ninewords.wav(110K) ninewords.mp3(110K)

Stumpy: "How's the hot tub, Luke? You know the Eskimo have nine words for hell mooch stuck in a hot tub. Hell, they only got eight words for snow."

worthit.wav(13K) worthit.mp3(13K)

Stupy: "Was it worth it?"

roughnight.wav(24K) roughnight.mp3(24K)

Rick: "Rough night?"
Luke: "I've had worse."

hottub.wav(147K) hottub.mp3(147K)

Rick: "Anna's getting married... to some rich asswipe doctor dude named Barry. He's coming in day after tomorrow."
Luke: "Ouch!"
Rick: "Thanks, man."
Luke: "No, I got molested by a hot tub last night. It's a long story."
Rick: "Oh."

reallyhate.wav(79K) reallyhate.mp3(79K)

Rick: "You know what I really hate about this chick is that I think... I know that I'm in love with her. And it sucks."

noregrets.wav(62K) noregrets.mp3(62K)

Luke: "'No regrets'. That's my motto. That and 'Everybody Wang Chung Tonight.'"

facehim.wav(101K) facehim.mp3(101K)

Rick: "When this Barry guy gets here, I'm gonna have to face him. And I'm gonna look at him and tell him like a sensible mature adult 'Finders keepers, losers weepers, pal.'"

whothehell.wav(14K) whothehell.mp3(14K)

Anthony: "Man, who the hell are you?"

keepinit.wav(50K) keepinit.mp3(50K)

Team Snownook Leader (Adam Harrington): "I'm the new Team Snownook patrol leader. Keepin' it real while keepin' it safe."

grabass.wav(28K) grabass.mp3(28K)

Eric: "You, on the roof, knock off the grab ass."

eyeball.wav(27K) eyeball.mp3(27K)

Luke: "What the hell is going on here?"
Eric: "Don't you eyeball me."

flirting.wav(174K) flirting.mp3(174K)

Eric: "Why don't you mind your own beeswax, before my fist makes an appointment with your ass?"
Luke: "Eric, you ever notice that you're always talking about putting something up my ass? And that time, it wasn't even a threat. Technically, that was flirting."

thehorn.wav(15K) thehorn.mp3(15K)

Eric: "Talk to the horn."

littleelvis.wav(36K) littleelvis.mp3(36K)

Majors: "This morning there was a boy with his little elvis stuck in my hot tub."

drugtest.wav(101K) drugtest.mp3(101K)

Eric: "Welcome to your first random drug test."
Nurse (Rheta Hutton): "I'll need you to fill these cups."
Eric: "Go make tinkle, or it's your job."
Pig Pen: "I don't have to write a test to tell you that I take drugs."

underwear.wav(71K) underwear.mp3(71K)

Rick: "You're not wearing underwear."
Anna: "You can't with this dress."
Rick: "Oh, your excuse is better than mine."

toboogie.wav(26K) toboogie.mp3(26K)

Majors: "Dance with Tito there. He loves to boogie."

kungfu.wav(84K) kungfu.mp3(84K)

Pig Pen: "I'm gonna take Kung Fu and kick your friggin' ass. We'll have the party at our place. We don't need their fancy-shmancy bleep and their blue ropes."

shavewhat.wav(47K) shavewhat.mp3(47K)

Luke: "Does this mean I have to kiss your ass now?"
Rick: "As long as you shave."
Luke: "Shave what?"
Rick: "My ass!"

beautiful.wav(137K) beautiful.mp3(137K)

Luke: "Hey, yeah, there you are! Come inside. You look so beautiful tonight I wanted to see if you wanted to dance. Come on. Not you. Him in his white tuxedo."

casanova.wav(158K) casanova.mp3(158K)

Barry (Todd Richards): "So, who's the, uh, jacuzzi Casanova?"
Stumpy: "Oh, that's him right there! Yeah, they call him that 'cause he had himself up in it, you know, lovin' it strong."
Luke: "Thank you, Stumpy."
Stumpy: "No problem!"

takethese.wav(76K) takethese.mp3(76K)

Barry: "Take these twice a day and you will be back at the plate in no time."
Luke: "Oh. Will these make it bigger?"
Lance: "Oh, that'd be nice."

crippled.wav(83K) crippled.mp3(83K)

Pig Pen: "So aro you like a crippled guy?"
Barry: "No, I'm just a really lazy guy."

feelthat.wav(123K) feelthat.mp3(123K)

Barry: "Ever since I was a little kid I wanted to be either a doctor or a blooper so it's basically win-win for me except now I can't feel my legs."
Anthony: "Pig Pen, what are you doing?"
Pig Pen: "He doesn't feel that."

yourface.wav(120K) yourface.mp3(120K)

Luke: "And you're gonna side with Majors who calls you a retard to your face? I mean, we say stuff like that too but not to your face. And you know why? We're your friends."

werule.wav(25K) werule.mp3(25K)

Snownook Guys: "We rule!"

burnin.wav(12K) burnin.mp3(12K)

Pig Pen: "Needed burnin'."

familiar.wav(110K) familiar.mp3(110K)

Pig Pen: "I mean what are we gonna do now? You know, I'm not good at anything else. Not that I was good at this, whatever the hell this whole thing was but at least it was familiar to me."

getlaid.wav(112K) getlaid.mp3(112K)

Pig Pen: "Guys on oil rigs get laid a lot, right?"
Luke: "On their occasional break from their 19-hour work day in the freezing sleet, yeah, they get laid all the time, Pig Pen."
Pig Pen: "All right, I'm down."

honorable.wav(131K) honorable.mp3(131K)

Pig Pen: "We should go and say good-bye to Rick."
Luke: "No, no, no. He knows that we're leaving then he's gonna throw it all away. SO, we have to do the honorable thing and steal a few street signs and leave town with our tail between our legs."

weirdguy.wav(505K) weirdguy.mp3(505K)

Lance: "Ever since they took my bar away from me I've been doing a lot of thinking. A lot of drinking and a lot of thinking. A lot of thinking about why I act the way I do. Why I feel the need to have countless sexual conquests one after the other and I think it's due to the fact that I'm uh... I don't know how to say this. I'm..."
Luke: "Gay?"
Lance: "No. What?"
Luke: "Gay?"
Lance: "No! Come on, guys! Mr. October batting for the other team?"
Luke: "Lance, everybody knows. Nobody cares."
Pig Pen: "It's okay. You know? I mean, if you weren't gay, you'd be a pretty weird guy."

family.wav(173K) family.mp3(173K)

Majors: "Hey, Rick, lookin' good. Money suits you."
Rick: "Thanks, Mr. Majors."
Majors: "Mr. Majors? What happened to John? After all, you're practically family now. And not that bogus Majors Resort 'family' that I tell the mimimum wagers they're in either."

iquit.wav(8K) iquit.mp3(8K)

Rick: "I quit!"

300hat.wav(22K) 300hat.mp3(22K)

Majors: "That's a $300 hat, bitch!"

westoleit.wav(92K) westoleit.mp3(92K)

Pig Pen: "Snownook's not our town, Rick. You know, Bull Mountain, that was our town."
Anthony: "Well, technically it belonged to the Eskimos but we stole it fair and sqare."

lastwords.wav(143K) lastwords.mp3(143K)

Rick: "You guys remember Papa Muntz's last... his last toast, right before he died?"
Luke: "No, remind me."
Rick: "He held up his beer, he looked at the mountain that he loves and he said, 'Don't go changin'.''"
Lance: "His last words were from a Billy Joel song?"

manofwords.wav(437K) manofwords.mp3(437K)

Pig Pen: "I've never been a man of... of words but there's something that I have to say to you. Inga, I've loved you from the first time that I saw you and I love you more than any man's loved a woman um, that he's never actually spoken to. I'm only gonna offer this once. Inga, will you, um... have sex with me?"
Inga: "Nothing would piss off my stepfather more."

thisdream.wav(52K) thisdream.mp3(52K)

Majors: "Now, with my signature and your money we can make this dream come true."

mhatthehell.wav(25K) mhatthehell.mp3(25K)

Majors: "What the hell is Captain Cripple doing here?"

whatsup.wav(23K) whatsup.mp3(23K)

Snownook Guy: "So, what's up?"
Snownook Guy: "Guard duty."
Snownook Guy: "Nice!"

afternoon.wav(15K) afternoon.mp3(15K)

Luke: "Afternoon everybody."

ungrateful.wav(20K) ungrateful.mp3(20K)

Majors: "You ungrateful jerk!"

forirony.wav(14K) forirony.mp3(14K)

Luke: "How's that for irony?"

imyourfather.wav(83K) imyourfather.mp3(83K)

Stumpy: "Rick! I'm your father."
Rick: "Okay, whatever. Go, go, get out of here."

hellofadeal.wav(48K) hellofadeal.mp3(48K)

Majors: "So there's a few bad apples! So my daughter's a whore! But, this is a hell of a deal!"

pedroohorneys.wav(22K) pedroohorneys.mp3(22K)

Rick: "Look, we'll always have Pedro O'Horney's, right?"

callme.wav(165K) callme.mp3(165K)

Majors: "You think this is funny, retard? Ow! Damn, what was that? You hit my ear. You even fight like a retard."
Ted: "Do ti! Call me retard one more time! Do it!"
Majors: "Retard! Retard!"
Ted: "I hate you! I hate you!"
Majors: "Ow!"

donthaveto.wav(149K) donthaveto.mp3(149K)

Lance: "Whoa, hey! Hot sluts with tits."
Rick: "Lance, you don't have to do that anymore, buddy."
Lance: "Oh, sorry. I... Old habits die hard. I love men!"
Rick: "Lance, you don't have to do that, either."

rightanswer.wav(60K) rightanswer.mp3(60K)

Jenny: "So, do you ever miss her?"
Rick: "Who?"
Jenny: "That is the right answer."

youknow.wav(64K) youknow.mp3(64K)

Stumpy: "You know, things worked out pretty well for our friends up here on Bull Mountain."

mightywell.wav(46K) mightywell.mp3(46K)

Stumpy: "Two sweet kids like that, they could do mighty well by one another."

beentoreno.wav(164K) beentoreno.mp3(164K)

Stumpy: "Anybody who tells you that money won't buy you love, hell, they ain't never been to Reno. I was at the buffet table. This gal comes up to me, and I flash them dimes and we went right up to her hotel room... well, it was a car."

genius.wav(33K) genius.mp3(33K)

Majors: "Hey, you're pretty good on that thing, son."
Rick: "Yeah, I'm a genius."

uniform1.wav(22K) uniform1.mp3(22K)

Luke: "This uniform makes my nuts rageous."

hardyboys.wav(43K) hardyboys.mp3(43K)

Luke: "This uniform's really cramping my Hardy Boys. It's no mystery."

goldstandard.wav(157K) goldstandard.mp3(157K)

Stumpy: "When this country went off the gold standard, your paper is paper, nothin' more than paper. And if you don't believe me, by god you go talk to Alan Greenspan! I swear to god, he's runnin' this country!"