Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs

 






 

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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

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pistolpointcocked.wav(95K) pistolpointcocked.mp3(95K) pistolpointcocked.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael Bolton (David Herman): "(Singing along to "No Tears" by Scarface) I've got my pistol pawn cocked. Ready to lay shots nonstop until I see your monkey ass drop. And let your homies know who done it."


motherBLEEPter.wav(36K) motherBLEEPter.mp3(36K) motherBLEEPter.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir Nagheenanajar (Ajay Naidu): "Mother bleepter, son of a... ass!"


dismissed.wav(50K) dismissed.mp3(50K) dismissed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton Waddams (Stephen Root): "I was told that if I was late again, I would be summarily dismissed."


corporateaccounts.wav(167K) corporateaccounts.mp3(167K) corporateaccounts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Nina (Kinna McInroe): "Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment. Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment. Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment."


newcoversheets.wav(504K) newcoversheets.mp3(504K) newcoversheets.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bill Lumbergh (Gary Cole): "Hello, Peter. What's happening? Uh, we have sort of a problem here. Yeah, you apparently didn't put one of the new cover sheets on your T.P.S. reports."
Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston): "Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I-I forgot."
Lumbergh: "Mm, yeah. You see, we're putting the cover sheets on all T.P.S. reports now before they go out. Did you see the memo abouth this?"
Peter: "Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I have the memo right here. I just, uh, forgot. But, uh, it's not shipping out till tomorrow, so there's no problem."
Lumbergh: "Yeah. If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that would be great. And, uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo. Mm-kay? Bye-bye, Peter."
Peter: "Yeah, yeah, no, I have-- I have the memo. I've got it. It's right..."




whatspappening.wav(32K) whatspappening.mp3(32K) whatspappening.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Hello, Peter. What's happening?"


mmyeah.wav(25K) mmyeah.mp3(25K) mmyeah.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Mm, yeah."


reasonablevolume.wav(377K) reasonablevolume.mp3(377K) reasonablevolume.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Milton, hi, uh, could you turn that down just a bit?"
Milton: "Well, I-I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00..."
Peter: "Yeah, no, no, I know you're allowed to. I uh-- I was just thinking maybe like, you know, a personal favor, you--"
Milton: "Well, I-I told Bill that if-if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones while she's-- while she's filing, then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating. I don't see why..."
Peter: "Okay."
Milton: "...I should have to turn down the radio..."
Peter: "Yeah, alright."
Milton: "...'cause I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume..."
Peter: "Thanks."
Milton: "...from 9:00 to 11:00..."
Peter: "Milton."


yourtpsreports.wav(368K) yourtpsreports.mp3(368K) yourtpsreports.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dom Portwood (Tom Bays): "Hi, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your T.P.S. reports. "
Peter: "Yeah, the cover sheet. I know. I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it."
Dom: "Yeah. Did you get that memo?"
Peter: "Yeah, I got the memo. And I understand the policy and the problem is just that I forgot the one time and I've already taken cae of it, so it's not even really a problem anymore."
Dom: "Ah, yeah. It's just we're putting new cover sheets on all the T.P.S. reports before they go out now. So, if you could just go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. Alright!"


outthewindow.wav(174K) outthewindow.mp3(174K) outthewindow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "No, not again, I-- Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to god, one of these days, I-I-I-I just kick this piece of bleep out the window."
Michael: "You and me both, man. The thing is lucky I'm not armed."
Samir: "Piece of bleep."


paperjam.wav(32K) paperjam.mp3(32K) paperjam.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to god, one of these days, I-I-I-I just kick this piece of bleep out the window."


theirnames.wav(575K) theirnames.mp3(575K) theirnames.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Female Temp (Jennifer Jane Emerson): "Sam Ire-- Na-- Na-- Na-- Naga--"
Samir: "No, please."
Female Temp: "Uh-huh."
Samir: "Please."
Female Temp: "Michael... Bolton?"
Michael: "That's me."
Female Temp: "Wow. Is that your real name?"
Michael: "Yeah."
Female Temp: "So, are you related to that singer guy?"
Michael: "No, it's just a coincidence."
Female Temp: "Oh."
Michael: "(Mutters indistinctly)"
Samir: "No one in this contry can ever pronounce my name right. I-It's not that hard-- Na ee nana ja, Nagheenanajar."
Michael: "Yeah, well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton."
Samir: "You know, there's nothing wrong with that name."
Michael: "There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys."
Samir: "Hmm, well, why don't-- Why don't you just, uh, go by Mike instead of Michael?"
Michael: "No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."


gotochotchkies.wav(139K) gotochotchkies.mp3(139K) gotochotchkies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Hey, guys."
Michael: "What's up, G.?"
Peter: "Wanna go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee?"
Samir: "Oh, it's a little early."
Peter: "I gotta get out of here. I think I'm gonna lose it."
Female Temp: "Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays."


caseofthemondays.wav(49K) caseofthemondays.mp3(49K) caseofthemondays.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Female Temp: "Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays."


oneofthesedays.wav(205K) oneofthesedays.mp3(205K) oneofthesedays.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Boy, I tell you. Some days. One of these days it's just gonna be like-- (Imitates Machine Gun)"
Brian, Chotchkie's Waiter (Todd Duffey): "(Imitates Machine Gun and laughs) So, can I get you gentelemen something more to drink, or maybe something to nibble on? Some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers or extreme fajitas?"
Peter: "Just coffee."
Brian: "Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays."


jobsecurity.wav(76K) jobsecurity.mp3(76K) jobsecurity.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "What if we're still doing this when we're 50?"
Samir: "It would be nice to have that kind of job security."


notapussy.wav(174K) notapussy.mp3(174K) notapussy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I-I can tell already. I'm gonna end up doing it because, uh, because I'm a big pussy, which is why I work at Initech to begin with."
Michael: "Uh, yeah, well, I work at Initech, and I don't consider myself a pussy, Okay?"
Samir: "Yes, I am also not a pussy."


bigtime.wav(135K) bigtime.mp3(135K) bigtime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "In fact, they're gonna find out the hard way I'm not a pussy if they don't start treating their software people better."
Samir: "That's right."
Michael: "They don't understand. I could program a virus that would rip that place off big time."
Peter: "Yeah."
Michael: "Big time."


hypnotherapist.wav(661K) hypnotherapist.mp3(661K) hypnotherapist.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Oh, that reminds me. I'm not going to be able to play poker with you guys on Friday."
Michael: "Why not?"
Peter: "I'm gonna see this, uh, occupational hypnotherapist with Anne."
Michael: "Dude, an occupational hypnotherapist?"
Peter: "Yeah, I-I know. Anne wants me to go. She thinks it might help. I'm-- You know, sometimes I think I-- I get thinking that she's cheating on me."
Michael: "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Samir: "Yeah."
Peter: "What is that supposed to mean?"
Michael: "Nothing. Look, why don't you just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis and you wanna play poker with us."
Peter: "No, I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off. And besides, I think that the guy might actually be able to help. I mean, he did help Anne lose weight."
Samir: "Peter, she's anorexic."
Peter: "Yeah, I know. The guy's really good."
Michael: "Yeah, well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist gonna help you solve any of your problems. Okay? Hey, and speaking of problems. What's this I hear about you having problems with your T.P.S. reports?"
Samir: "Yeah, didn't you get that memo?"


cheatingonme.wav(137K) cheatingonme.mp3(137K) cheatingonme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "You know, sometimes I think I-- I get thinking that she's cheating on me."
Michael: "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Samir: "Yeah."
Peter: "What is that supposed to mean?"
Michael: "Nothing."


anorexic.wav(180K) anorexic.mp3(180K) anorexic.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Look, why don't you just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis and you wanna play poker with us."
Peter: "No, I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off. And besides, I think that the guy might actually be able to help. I mean, he did help Anne lose weight."
Samir: "Peter, she's anorexic."
Peter: "Yeah, I know. The guy's really good."


yourproblems.wav(124K) yourproblems.mp3(124K) yourproblems.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Yeah, well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist gonna help you solve any of your problems. Okay? Hey, and speaking of problems. What's this I hear about you having problems with your T.P.S. reports?"
Samir: "Yeah, didn't you get that memo?"


heartattack.wav(62K) heartattack.mp3(62K) heartattack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Tom Smykowski (Richard Riehle): "Peter!"
Samir: "Is that Smykowski?"
Smykowski: "Samir!"
Samir: "What's he doing?"
Michael: "Oh, probably working on another heart attack."


downsize.wav(169K) downsize.mp3(169K) downsize.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Smykowski: "I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? I knew it. I knew it."
Michael: "What? It's a staff meeting. So what?"
Smykowski: "So what? We're all screwed, that's what. They're gonna downsize Initech."
Samir: "Now, what are you talking about, Tom? Now, how do you know that?"
Smykowski: "How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know. That's what this staff meeting is all about. It happened a Initrode last year. You have to interview with this consultant. They call them 'efficiency experts'. But what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job."
Michael: "Tom, every week you say you're going to lose your job, and you're still here."
Smykowski: "Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. Just the thought of having to go to the state unemployment office to stand in line with those scumbags!"


thepetrock.wav(253K) thepetrock.mp3(253K) thepetrock.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Smykowski: "You know there are people in this world that don't have to put up with all this bleep. Like that guy that invented the Pet Rock? You see, that's what you have to do. You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea like that. And you can make millions, never have to work again."
Michael: "You think the Pet Rock was a really great idea?"
Smykowski: "Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars."


allthisBLEEP.wav(47K) allthisBLEEP.mp3(47K) allthisBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Smykowski: "You know there are people in this world that don't have to put up with all this bleep."


conclusionsmat.wav(503K) conclusionsmat.mp3(503K) conclusionsmat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "You think the Pet Rock was a really great idea?"
Smykowski: "Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars. You know, I had an idea like that once, a long time ago."
Peter: "Really, what was it, Tom?"
Smykowski: "Well, alright. It was a 'jump to conclusions' mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor and would have different conclusions written on it that you could jup to."
Michael: "That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom."
Samir: "Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea."


worstidea.wav(70K) worstidea.mp3(70K) worstidea.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom."
Samir: "Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea."


stillhaveajob.wav(39K) stillhaveajob.mp3(39K) stillhaveajob.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Smykowski: "I'll see you guys later, if I still have a job."


milliondollars.wav(275K) milliondollars.mp3(275K) milliondollars.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars, didn't have to work. And then, invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic."
Samir: "So what did you say?"
Peter: "I nev had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech."
Michael: "No. You're working at Initech 'cause that question is bullbleep to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors because no one would clean bleep up if they had a million dollars."


investhalf.wav(245K) investhalf.mp3(245K) investhalf.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Samir: "You know what I would do if I had million dollars? I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds and then take the other half of it to my friend Asadusah, who works in, uh, securities..."
Michael: "Samir. Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you want to do if-- (Printer beeps) P.C. load letter? What the bleep does that mean?"


pcloadletter.wav(64K) pcloadletter.mp3(64K) pcloadletter.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "P.C. load letter? What the bleep does that mean?"


checkoutthischick.wav(166K) checkoutthischick.mp3(166K) checkoutthischick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence (Diedrich Bader): "Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9! Check out this chick!"
Peter: "Damn it, Lawrence, can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the wall?"
Lawrence: "Oh, sorry, man! Anne over there or something?"
Peter: "No, but if you wanna talk to me, just come over."


checkoutchannel9.wav(43K) checkoutchannel9.mp3(43K) checkoutchannel9.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9! Check out this chick!"


cheatingonme2.wav(472K) cheatingonme2.mp3(472K) cheatingonme2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Aw, geez, Lawrence."
Lawrence: "I'm sorry, man. I though you'd wanna see this. Doesn't that chick look like Anne?"
Peter: "Yeah. A little bit. I--"
Lawrence: "Hey, she hasn't been over here in a while. You two still goin' out?"
Peter: "Yeah, I guess. I-I don't know. Sometimes I get the feeling like she's cheating on me."
Lawrence: "Yeah, I get that felling too, man."
Peter: "What do you mean by that?"
Lawrence: "I don't know, man. I just get that felling lookin' at her, like she's the type of chick that would just-- (groans) Oh, I'm sorry, man. Look, I-I-- You know, I'm talkin' outta my ass. I don't know nothin'."
Peter: "Forget it. Don't worry. It's alright. I Just-- I had a rough day."


thedrywall.wav(164K) thedrywall.mp3(164K) thedrywall.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I had a rough day."
Lawrence: "Tell me about it, man. I gotta wake my ass up at 6:00 a.m. every day this week, drag up to Las Colindas. Yeah, I'm doin' the drywall up there at the new McDonald's."


BLEEPnoman.wav(209K) BLEEPnoman.mp3(209K) BLEEPnoman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monda and you're not fellin' real well does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.'?"
Lawrence: "No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked, sayin' somethin' like that, man."


getoutofthat.wav(350K) getoutofthat.mp3(350K) getoutofthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "We still goin' fishin' this weekend?"
Peter: "Nah, Lumbergh' gonna have me come in on Saturday. I just know it."
Lawrence: "Well, you can get out of that easily."
Peter: "Yeah, how?"
Lawrence: "Well, when a boss wants you to work on a Saturday, he generally asks you at the end of the day, right?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Lawrence: "So all you gotta do is avoid him... (He's offered a bottle opener and he reaches into his pocket) That's alright, I got it. ...on the last few hours on Friday, duck out early, turn off your answering machine, you should be home free, man."
Peter: "That's a really good idea."
Lawrence: "bleepin'-A, man."


BLEEPinaman.wav(14K) BLEEPinaman.mp3(14K) BLEEPinaman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "bleepin'-A, man."


twochicks.wav(350K) twochicks.mp3(350K) twochicks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars?"
Lawrence: "I tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man."
Peter: "That's it? If you had a million dollars, y-you'd do two chicks at the same time?"
Lawrence: "Damn straight. I've always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up too. 'Cause chicks dig dudes with money."
Peter: "Well, not all chicks."
Lawrence: "Well, the type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do."
Peter: "Good point."


twochicks2.wav(113K) twochicks2.mp3(113K) twochicks2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars?"
Lawrence: "I tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man."


iwoulddonothing.wav(243K) iwoulddonothing.mp3(243K) iwoulddonothing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lawrence: "Well, what about you now? What would you do?"
Peter: "Besides two chicks at the same time?"
Lawrence: "Well, yeah."
Peter: "Nothing."
Lawrence: "Nothin', huh?"
Peter: "I would relax. I would it on my ass all day. I would do nothing."
Lawrence: "Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do bleep."


dontdoBLEEP.wav(87K) dontdoBLEEP.mp3(87K) dontdoBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I would do nothing."
Lawrence: "Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do bleep."


consultant.wav(384K) consultant.mp3(384K) consultant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Okay then, um-- I'd like to go ahead and welcome, uh, a new member to our team here. This is, uh, Bob Slydell. Yeah. Uh-- Bob is a consultant. Yeah. He's gonna be sort of, uh, helping us out a little here. Asking us some questions, maybe seeing if there are some ways we can make things run a little more smoothly around here. Yeah."


hawaiianshirtday.wav(143K) hawaiianshirtday.mp3(143K) hawaiianshirtday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and, uh, wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans."


thatsgreatmilton.wav(476K) thatsgreatmilton.mp3(476K) thatsgreatmilton.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "I-I said I don't care if they lay me off, either. Because, I told-- I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time then I'm-- I'm quitting-- I'm going to quit. And I told Dom too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year. And I used to be over by the window and I could see the squirrels and they were married. But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler. But I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler."
Peter: "Okay, Milton."
Milton: "And, oh, no, it's not okay because if they make me-- if they-- If they take my stapler then I'll-- I'll have to-- I'll set the building on fire."
Peter: "Okay' well, that sounds, uh, that sounds great. Uh, I'll talk to you later, alright? Bye."


goingtoquit.wav(105K) goingtoquit.mp3(105K) goingtoquit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "I-I said I don't care if they lay me off, either. Because, I told-- I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time then I'm-- I'm quitting-- I'm going to quit."


thesquirrels.wav(93K) thesquirrels.mp3(93K) thesquirrels.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "They've moved my desk four times already this year. And I used to be over by the window and I could see the squirrels and they were married."


buildingonfire.wav(207K) buildingonfire.mp3(207K) buildingonfire.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler. But I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler."
Peter: "Okay, Milton."
Milton: "And, oh, no, it's not okay because if they make me-- if they-- If they take my stapler then I'll-- I'll have to-- I'll set the building on fire."


takemystapler.wav(70K) takemystapler.mp3(70K) takemystapler.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "If they-- If they take my stapler then I'll-- I'll have to-- I'll set the building on fire."


gonnaneedyouto.wav(365K) gonnaneedyouto.mp3(365K) gonnaneedyouto.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Um... I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9:00, that would be great. Mm-kay? Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Uh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too, 'kay? We, um, lost some people this week and uh, we need to sort of play catch-up. Thanks."


gonnaneedyou2.wav(145K) gonnaneedyou2.mp3(145K) gonnaneedyou2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Um... I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9:00, that would be great. Mm-kay?"


thatwouldbegreat.wav(17K) thatwouldbegreat.mp3(17K) thatwouldbegreat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "That would be great."


mm-kay.wav(11K) mm-kay.mp3(11K) mm-kay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Mm-kay?"


thanks.wav(14K) thanks.mp3(14K) thanks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Thanks."


thatsmessedup.wav(235K) thatsmessedup.mp3(235K) thatsmessedup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Ever since I started working, um, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
Dr. Swanson (Michael McShane): "What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Dr. Swanson: "Wow, that's messed up."


zonkmeout.wav(150K) zonkmeout.mp3(150K) zonkmeout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Is there any way that you could, sort of, just zonk me out so that, like, I-I don't know that I'm at work... in here? Could I come home and think that I've ben fishing all day, or something?"


usualtime.wav(392K) usualtime.mp3(392K) usualtime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "(Phone rings) Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lumbergh. It's about 10:00. Yeah, just, uh, wondering where you are. (Phone rings again) Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lumbergh again. Uh, I just wanted to make sure you knew that we did start at the, um, usual time this morning. Yeah, it isn't a half day or anything like that. So, if you could just go ahead and get here as soon as possibre, that would be terrific."


awayfrommydesk.wav(162K) awayfrommydesk.mp3(162K) awayfrommydesk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lum-- Yeah, it's-- Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lumber-- Yeah, it's me again. Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute. Just checking in, in case you called while I was gone."


hello.wav(10K) hello.mp3(10K) hello.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Hello"


didntfeellikeit.wav(121K) didntfeellikeit.mp3(121K) didntfeellikeit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Hello?"
Anne (Alexandra Wentworth): "Peter, what's going on?"
Peter: "Huh?"
Anne: "It's 3:30, why aren't you at work?"
Peter: "Because I-- I-- I didn't feel like it."


cheetingonyou.wav(301K) cheetingonyou.mp3(301K) cheetingonyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Anne: "Peter, what's gotten into you? First you just sit there while Dr. Swanson dies. Then you just walk out of the car and embarrass me in front of my friends. And don't blame this on hypnosis, either. That's total bull-- (He hangs up on her) (Phone ring again and the answering maching picks it up) Listen, bleephole. Nobody hangs up on me. We're through. Oh, uh, and one more thing. I've been cheating on you!"


lunchtoday.wav(540K) lunchtoday.mp3(540K) lunchtoday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Hi, I'm Peter."
Joanna (Jennifer Aniston): "Hi, can I help you?"
Peter: "What are you doin' for lunch today?"
Joanna: "Uh, well, our specials today are blackened chicken and-- It's actually right there on the board. Excuse me."
Brian: "Hey, look who's back! Table for three to-- (Peter sidesteps him)"
Peter: "I was askin' what you were doin' for lunch. Would you like to have lunch with me?"
Joanna: "Are you-- Are you serious?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Yeah. Um, I don't-- I don't, uh-- I don't think I'm supposed to do that."
Peter: "Oh, okay. Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm gonna go next door and get a table. And if you'd like to join me, uh, no big deal, alright? And if not, that's cool too. Okay?"
Joanna: "Okay."
Peter: "Alright."
Joanna: "When you say, next door, do you mean, uh, Chili's or-or Flinger's?"
Peter: "Flinger's."
Joanna: "Okay."


whatyoudoatinitech.wav(763K) whatyoudoatinitech.mp3(763K) whatyoudoatinitech.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydel (John C. McGinley): "What you do at Initech is, you take the specifications from the customers and you bring them down to the software engineers."
Smykowski: "Yes. Y--Yes. That's-- That's right."
Bob Porter (Paul Wilson): "Well, then I just have to ask, why couldn't the customers just take them directly to the-- to the software people, huh?"
Smykowski: "Well, I'll tell you why. Uh, because... engineers are not good at dealing with customers."
Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh. So, you physically take the specs from the customer?"
Smykowski: "Well... no. M-My secretary does that, or they're faxed."
Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh."
Bob Porter: "So then you must physically bring them to the software people."
Smykowski: "Well... no. I mean, sometimes."
Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"
Smykowski: "Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the bleepdamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!"


dealingwith.wav(278K) dealingwith.mp3(278K) dealingwith.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydel: "What you do at Initech is, you take the specifications from the customers and you bring them down to the software engineers."
Smykowski: "Yes. Y--Yes. That's-- That's right."
Bob Porter: "Well, then I just have to ask, why couldn't the customers just take them directly to the-- to the software people, huh?"
Smykowski: "Well, I'll tell you why. Uh, because... engineers are not good at dealing with customers."


physically.wav(320K) physically.mp3(320K) physically.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh. So, you physically take the specs from the customer?"
Smykowski: "Well... no. M-My secretary does that, or they're faxed."
Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh."
Bob Porter: "So then you must physically bring them to the software people."
Smykowski: "Well... no. I mean, sometimes."
Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"


youdohere.wav(40K) youdohere.mp3(40K) youdohere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"


wrongwithyoupeople.wav(208K) wrongwithyoupeople.mp3(208K) wrongwithyoupeople.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"
Smykowski: "Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the bleepdamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!"


youaremichaelbolton.wav(722K) youaremichaelbolton.mp3(722K) youaremichaelbolton.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "Let's see... You are Michael... Bolton?"
Michael: "Yeah."
Bob Porter: "Is that your real name?"
Michael: "Yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Are you any realation to the pop singer?"
Bob Porter: ""
Michael: "No, it's-- It's just a coincidence."
Bob Slydell: "Because, I'll be honest with you. I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan."
Bob Porter: "Me too."
Bob Slydell: "For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'."
Bob Porter: "But you must really love his music, huh?"
Michael: "Yeah, he's-- he's-- he's pretty-- He's pretty good, I uess."
Bob Slydell: "You're bleepdamn right, he is."
Michael: "Right."
Bob Porter: "So, tell me. What's your favorite song of his?"
Michael: "Mmm... I don't-- I don't know. I mean, I guess I sort of like them all."
Bob Slydell: "That's a riot. I'm the exact same way. But it must be twice as hard for you, being having the same name as him. I celebrate the guy's entire catalog. Anyway, let's get down to business, Michael."
Michael: "You know, you can just call me Mike."


micaelboltonfan.wav(97K) micaelboltonfan.mp3(97K) micaelboltonfan.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "I'll be honest with you. I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan."
Bob Porter: "Me too."
Bob Slydell: "For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'."


prettygoodiguess.wav(56K) prettygoodiguess.mp3(56K) prettygoodiguess.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Yeah, he's-- he's-- he's pretty-- He's pretty good, I uess."
Bob Slydell: "You're bleepdamn right, he is."


entirecatalog.wav(33K) entirecatalog.mp3(33K) entirecatalog.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "I celebrate the guy's entire catalog."


reallyniceisit.wav(68K) reallyniceisit.mp3(68K) reallyniceisit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "Wow! This place is really... nice."
Peter: "Yeah... Is it?"


aboutmyflair.wav(490K) aboutmyflair.mp3(490K) aboutmyflair.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "We're not in Kansas anymore."
Joanna: "Yeah, really."
Peter: "It's on your--"
Joanna: "Oh! Yeah, that's-- That's-- That's, uh-- That's one of my-- my pieces of flair."
Peter: "What's a piece of flair?"
Joanna: "Oh, it's, uh, where, you know, like these suspenders and, uh, the buttons are all sort of-- we're re-- We're actually required to wear, um, 15 pieces of flair. It's really stupid, actually."
Peter: "Do you get to pick 'em yourself?"
Joanna: "Yeah, yeah, we do. Although I didn't actually chose these. I, um-- I just, sort of, grabbed, you know, 15 buttons and just-- I don't even know what they say. You know, I don't-- I don't really care. I don't really like talking about my flair."
Peter: "Okay."


wheredoyouwork.wav(824K) wheredoyouwork.mp3(824K) wheredoyouwork.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "So, where do you work, uh, Peter?"
Peter: "Initech."
Joanna: "And, yeah, what-- what do you do there?"
Peter: "I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch."
Joanna: "What's that?"
Peter: "Well, see, they worte all this bank software and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998. Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh-- It doesn't really matter. I, uh, don't like my job, and, uh. I don't think I'm gonna go anymore."
Joanna: "You're just not gonna go?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Won't you get fired?"
Peter: "I don't know. But I really don't like it and, uh, I'm not gonna go."
Joanna: "So, you're gonna quit?"
Peter: "Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh-- I'm just gonna stop going."
Joanna: "When did you decide all of that?"
Peter: "About an hour ago."
Joanna: "Oh, really."
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "About an hour ago."
Peter: "So, you gonna get another job?"
Joanna: "I don't think I'd like another job."
Peter: "Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and--"
Joanna: "You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either."


notgonnago.wav(255K) notgonnago.mp3(255K) notgonnago.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I, uh, don't like my job, and, uh. I don't think I'm gonna go anymore."
Joanna: "You're just not gonna go?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Won't you get fired?"
Peter: "I don't know. But I really don't like it and, uh, I'm not gonna go."
Joanna: "So, you're gonna quit?"
Peter: "Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh-- I'm just gonna stop going."


payingbills.wav(133K) payingbills.mp3(133K) payingbills.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "So, you gonna get another job?"
Joanna: "I don't think I'd like another job."
Peter: "Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and--"
Joanna: "You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either."


watchkungfu.wav(251K) watchkungfu.mp3(251K) watchkungfu.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Joanna: "Uh, well, so what do you wanna do?"
Peter: "I wanna take you out to dinner and then I want to go back to my apartment and watch Kung Fu. Do you ever watch Kung Fu?"
Joanna: "I love Kung Fu."
Peter: "Channel 39."
Joanna: "Totally."
Peter: "You should come over and watch Kung Fu tonight."
Joanna: "Okay."
Peter: "Great."
Joanna: "Okay. Can we order lunch first?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Okay."


moveyourdesk.wav(520K) moveyourdesk.mp3(520K) moveyourdesk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "Hi, Milton. What's happening?"
Milton: "I'm sorry?"
Lumbergh: "Um, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and move your desk again."
Milton: "Eh-- What? No."
Lumbergh: "So, if you could go ahead and get it as far back against that wall as possible, that would be great."
Milton: "No, no, because I was-- I was told I no longer to move my desk--"
Lumbergh: "That way, we'll have some room for some of these boxes and things we need to put in here."
Milton: "There 's no room."
Lumbergh: "And, uh-- Oh. Oh, there it is."
Milton: "What? If--"
Lumbergh: "Here, let me just go ahead and get that from you. (Lumbergh takes his stapler)"
Milton: "Mm!"
Lumbergh: "So, if you could just get to that as soon as possible, that would be terrific. Mm-kay? Thanks a bunch, Milton."
Milton: "But--"
Lumbergh: "Good-bye."
Milton: "Well, okay, but, I could set the building on fire."


buildingonfire2.wav(59K) buildingonfire2.mp3(59K) buildingonfire2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Milton: "Well, okay, but, I could set the building on fire."


consultants.wav(502K) consultants.mp3(502K) consultants.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "Peter."
Peter: "Michael."
Michael: "What the hell's going on, man? I thought you were gonna come in here and start shooting."
Peter: "No. I just came to get my address book. I'm not gonna stay. I got a phone number, Mike, that I don't wanna lose."
Michael: "What? Peter, you're in deep bleep. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing?"
Peter: "Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be."
Michael: "Well, I hope you have a better story than that for Lumbergh. You know, you're supposed to be having your interview right now with the cunsultants."
Peter: "The who?"
Michael: "The consultants. What has gotten into you?"
Peter: "Oh, yeah. Right."
Michael: "Wait, Peter. Peter. You gotta postpone it, man. Tell 'em you've been sick. Make something up."
Peter: "Oh, no way. No, I feel great. It's the best day of my life."


startshooting.wav(35K) startshooting.mp3(35K) startshooting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Michael: "What the hell's going on, man? I thought you were gonna come in here and start shooting."


ididnothing.wav(61K) ididnothing.mp3(61K) ididnothing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be."


hibobbob.wav(47K) hibobbob.mp3(47K) hibobbob.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "I'm Bob Slydell. This is my associate Bob Porter."
Peter: "Oh, hi, Bob. Bob."


dayatwork.wav(661K) dayatwork.mp3(661K) dayatwork.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "You see, what we're actually trying to do here is we're just-- We're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work. So, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day for you?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Great."
Peter: "Well, I generally come in at least 15 minutes late. Uh, I use the side door. That way Lumbergh can't see me. And, uh, and after that I sort of space out for about an hour."
Bob Porter: "Uh, space out?"
Peter: "Yeah. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for, uh, pobably another hour after lunch too. I'd say in a givin week, I probably do about 15 minutes of real, actual work."
Bob Slydell: "Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and just tell us a little more?"
Peter: "Oh, yeah. Let me tell you about T.P.S. reports."


spaceout.wav(223K) spaceout.mp3(223K) spaceout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "And after that I sort of space out for about an hour."
Bob Porter: "Uh, space out?"
Peter: "Yeah. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for, uh, pobably another hour after lunch too. I'd say in a givin week, I probably do about 15 minutes of real, actual work."


actualwork.wav(73K) actualwork.mp3(73K) actualwork.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "I'd say in a givin week, I probably do about 15 minutes of real, actual work."


themotivation.wav(432K) themotivation.mp3(432K) themotivation.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care."
Bob Porter: "Don't-- Don't care?"
Peter: "It's a problem of mitivation, alright. Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see a dime. So where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob. I have eight different bosses right now."
Bob Slydell: "I beg your pardon?"
Peter: "Eight bosses."
Bob Slydell: "Eight?"
Peter: "Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight diffenert people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motvation is not to be hasseled. That and the fear losing my job. But you know, Bob, that'll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."


ijustdontcare.wav(54K) ijustdontcare.mp3(54K) ijustdontcare.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care."


justhardenough.wav(105K) justhardenough.mp3(105K) justhardenough.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "That's my only real motvation is not to be hasseled. That and the fear losing my job. But you know, Bob, that'll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."


hypothetical.wav(147K) hypothetical.mp3(147K) hypothetical.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "What if, and believe me, this is so hypothetical, but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity-sharing program? Would that do anything for you?"
Peter: "I don't know. I guess."


imgonnago.wav(156K) imgonnago.mp3(156K) imgonnago.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Listen, I'm gonna go. Uh, it's been really nice talking to both of you guys."
Bob Slydell: "Absolutely. The pleasure's been all on this side of the table, trust me."
Peter: "Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well."
Bob Slydell: "Okay."
Bob Porter: "Thanks a lot."
Bob Slydell: "Great."
Bob Porter: "Yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Wow."


withyourlayoffs.wav(39K) withyourlayoffs.mp3(39K) withyourlayoffs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Peter: "Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well."


aboutyourflair.wav(693K) aboutyourflair.mp3(693K) aboutyourflair.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager (Mike Judge): "We neen to talk about your flair."
Joanna: "Really? I-I have 15 pieces on. I also--"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Well, 15 is the minimum, okay?"
Joanna: "Oh, okay."
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Now, you know, it's up to you whether or not you wanna just do the bare minimum or, uh-- Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair on today. And a terrific smile."
Joanna: "Okay, so you want me to wear more?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Look, Joanna--"
Joanna: "Yeah?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, okay?"
Joanna: "They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. Okay? That's what the flair's about. It's about fun."
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Yeah. Okay, so more then, yeah?"
Joanna: "Look, we want you to express yourself. Okay? Now, if you feel that the bare minumum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that. Okay? You do wanna express yourself, don't you?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Y-Yeah."
Joanna: "Okay, great, great. That's all I ask."
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Okay."


hesuseless.wav(141K) hesuseless.mp3(141K) hesuseless.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "Right, so there's three more people we can easily lose. And then there's Tom Smykowski. He's useless. Gone."
Dom: "Sounds good to me."


fixedtheglitch.wav(486K) fixedtheglitch.mp3(486K) fixedtheglitch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "Here's a peculiar-- Uh, Milton Waddams."
Dom: "Who's he?"
Bob Porter: "You know, squirrely-looking guy. Mumbles a lot."
Dom: "Oh, yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Yeah, we-- we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here."
Bob Porter: "I looked into it more deeply, and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago, and no one ever told him about it. But through some glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck."
Bob Slydell: "So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch."
Lumbergh: "Great."
Dom: "So, uh, Milton has been let go."
Bob Slydell: "Well, just a second there, professor. We, uh, we fixed the glitch so he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore so it'll just work itself out naturally."
Bob Porter: "We always like to avoid conrontation whenever possible. The problem is solved from your end."


straightshooter.wav(587K) straightshooter.mp3(587K) straightshooter.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now, we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy, that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him."
Lumbergh: "Ooh. Yeah, um-- I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person that we would want for upper management. He's also been having some problems with his T.P.S. reports."
Bob Porter: "I'll handle this. We feel that the problem isn't with Peter."
Bob Slydell: "Mm-mmm."
Bob Porter: "It's that you haven't challenged him enough to get him really motivated."
Bob Slydell: "There it is."
Lumbergh: "Yeah, uh, uh, well, I'm just not sure about that right now."


thesetpsreports.wav(157K) thesetpsreports.mp3(157K) thesetpsreports.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Bob Slydell: "Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here. How much time would you say you spend each week deaing with these T.P.S. reports?"
Lumbergh: "Yeah."


withthebobs.wav(406K) withthebobs.mp3(406K) withthebobs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "So, Peter, what's happening? Uh, now, are you going to go ahead and have those T.P.S. reports for us this afternoon?"
Peter: "No."
Lumbergh: "Ah, yeah. So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk, hmm?"
Peter: "Not right now, Lumberg. I'm-- I'm kinda busy. In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and just come back another time. I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes."
Lumbergh: "Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them."
Peter: "Yeah, they called me at home. (Scoffs)"


thisfixedup.wav(70K) thisfixedup.mp3(70K) thisfixedup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Lumbergh: "That sounds good, Peter. And, uh, we'll go ahead and get this all fixed up for you. great."

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