Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs
 


 

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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 22Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).


resume.wav(260K) resume.mp3(119K) resume.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie (Anne Meara): "Mr. Daley, I can honestly say in 43 years at this agency I've never seen a resume quite like yours."
Larry Daley (Ben Stiller): "Ah, alright!"
Debbie: "That wasn't a compliment."


thesnapper.wav(901K) thesnapper.mp3(409K) thesnapper.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "It says here you were the C.E.O. of Snaptime Industries. Care to elaborate on that?"
Larry: "Sure. Well, that was the umbrella corporation for my invention, the Snapper. You know, you snap, lights come on. Snap, they come off."
Debbie: "Uh, uh, uh, didn't they already make that? (She claps)"
Larry: "No, no. That's the Clapper which obviously, stole a bit of our thunder. Personally, I don't really see what the big difference is. I mean-- (He claps and snaps) You know, whatever. But, um, apparently there is a significant portion of the population that has trouble actually snapping."
Debbie: "Clapping's easier."
Larry: "Debatable."


connection.wav(289K) connection.mp3(132K) connection.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "I can't help you."
Larry: "Uh, Debbie? Can I call you Debbie? 'Cause, uh, I felt a connection when I entered this office. And I don't know, I feel like you did too."
Debbie: "I didn't feel a connection."


twentysixth.wav(213K) twentysixth.mp3(97K) twentysixth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Ah, Teddy Roosevelt, right?"
Rebecca (Carla Gugino): "Yes, a great visionary."
Larry: "Yes, definitely. He was our fourth president, right?"
Rebecca: "Twenty-sixth."
Larry: "Twenty-sixth."


riffraff.wav(117K) riffraff.mp3(54K) riffraff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. McPhee (Ricky Gervais): "(Clapping at the children in a scolding manner) Please don't touch the exhibits! I mean-- Riffraff."




museummeans.wav(443K) museummeans.mp3(202K) museummeans.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. McPhee: "I cannot tolerate this type of chaos. I mean, this is a museum, not a-- (stammers) Do you know what 'museum' means? It-- It does not mean, 'Ooh, Daddy, it's a big tyrannosaurus thing! Can I touch it's leg' No! It-- Work it out, please."
Rebecca: "Will do, sir."
Dr. McPhee: "Thank you."


withmyfist.wav(111K) withmyfist.mp3(51K) withmyfist.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus (Mickey Rooney): "Where is he? I'll beat him with my fist! What?! (grunts)"


likeawierdy.wav(36K) likeawierdy.mp3(17K) likeawierdy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "He looks like a wierdy."


lunchbox.wav(216K) lunchbox.mp3(99K) lunchbox.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Now listen, lunch box, don't try anything funny. I once went nine rounds with John L. Sullivan."
Reginald (Bill Cobbs): "You never fought John L. Sullivan in you life."


snackshack.wav(265K) snackshack.mp3(121K) snackshack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cecil (Dick Van Dyke): "He's got an excellent resume, a winning attitude, and I say let's give him a shot. What do you say?"
Larry: "Uh, hang on a sec. I think I- I might wanna have a little more time just to think it over."
Gus: "Do you want the job or not, snack shack?"


instructions.wav(301K) instructions.mp3(137K) instructions.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cecil: "The instruction manual."
Gus: "Instructions. You start with one, two, three--"
Larry: "Four?"
Gus: "Are you crackin' wise? I ought to punch you in the nose, hopscotch."


crackinwise.wav(110K) crackinwise.mp3(50K) crackinwise.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Are you crackin' wise? I ought to punch you in the nose, hopscotch."


youbettergetit.wav(278K) youbettergetit.mp3(127K) youbettergetit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Are you crackin' wise? I ought to punch you in the nose, hopscotch."
Reginald: "Leave him alone, Gus. You've got it covered, right, Larry?"
Larry: "Yeah, yeah, I got it."
Gus: "You better get it!"
Cecil: "Gus."


inorout.wav(347K) inorout.mp3(158K) inorout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cecil: "Larry, do 'em in order, do 'em all and do 'em quick. And the most important thing of all to remember: Don't let anything in or out."
Larry: "Out?"
Cecil: "Good luck, son."
Larry: "Night, Gus."
Gus: "Young buck, crackin' wise."


funwithpa.wav(1033K) funwithpa.mp3(469K) funwithpa.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "(Playing with the PA) Hello? Ooh. Hello! Check! Check! I am Larry. Check! Larry! L-L-L-L-Larry. (Beatboxing) Monday! Monday! Monday! Monster truck rally! (sings Eye of the Tiger which morphs into imitating the electric guitar)"


hello.wav(271K) hello.mp3(124K) hello.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "(Playing with the PA) Hello? Ooh. Hello! Check! Check! I am Larry."


iamlarry.wav(88K) iamlarry.mp3(41K) iamlarry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "I am Larry."


mondaymondaymonday.wav(113K) mondaymondaymonday.mp3(52K) mondaymondaymonday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Monday! Monday! Monday! Monster truck rally!"


givemegumgum.wav(199K) givemegumgum.mp3(182K) givemegumgum.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Easter Island Head (Brad Garrett): "Hey! Dum-dum."
Larry: "Yes?"
Easter Island Head: "You give me gum-gum."
Larry: "I give you gum-gum?"
Easter Island Head: "You new dum-dum. You give me gum-gum."
Larry: "Gee. Ah, okay. Um, you know what? I have no gum-gum. Sorry. And my name isn't dum-dum. My name's Larry."
Easter Island Head: "No, your name dum-dum."


betterrunrun.wav(292K) betterrunrun.mp3(133K) betterrunrun.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Easter Island Head: "Oh, you in trouble, dum-dum. You better run-run from Attila the hun-hun! See you later, dum-dum."


turista.wav(284K) turista.mp3(130K) turista.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Hey! Hi! Tin Man! Hey. Hi. Uh, how you doin'? I'm new here, and it says I'm supposed to lock up the lions or they'll eat me."
Christopher Columbus (Pierfrancesco Favino): "(Speaking Italian)"
Larry: "You're Galileo? No?"
Christopher Columbus: "Turista."


peeonthem.wav(332K) peeonthem.mp3(151K) peeonthem.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "(The monkey pees on him) Ew! Oh! Yuck! Bad monkey! Stop that! Ew! That's not right! Are you done? Huh? (The monkey continues peeing) Do you have an issue with me, huh? Do you have an issue with me? Because if I- if I have a problem with somebody, I don't pee on them. Okay? Alright?"


bocephus.wav(270K) bocephus.mp3(123K) bocephus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah (Owen Wilson): "Yee-haw! Hogtie him, boys! Whoo-wee! Get him! Get that big ole Bocephus of a man!"
Larry: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Jedediah: "Cinch him up real good! You ain't so big now, are you, boy?"
Larry: "Hey!"


enough.wav(108K) enough.mp3(273K) enough.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Politician (Matthew Walker): "Every night, year after year, one of you guards locks us up in these boxes! Well, I hereby say, sir, enough!"


theironhorse.wav(46K) theironhorse.mp3(22K) theironhorse.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Fire up the iron horse, boys."


stopthetrain.wav(718K) stopthetrain.mp3(326K) stopthetrain.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Hey, blonde."
Jedediah: "Name's Jedidia!"
Larry: "Alright, Jedidia. Stop the train, please!"
Jedediah: "That's a big no-can-do, crackerjack."
Larry: "What's going on here, huh?"
Jedediah: "Somebody's gotta pay."
Larry: "Pay for what?"
Jedediah: "I don't know! Just pay! Just stop whining and just take it like a man!"
Larry: "Seriously, stop the train."
Jedediah: "Alright, stop the train!"
Larry: "Thank you."
Jedediah: "Now full speed ahead and ram him! Split his head like a watermelon!"
Larry: "(The train pokes him in the eye) Ooh! Ow!"
Jedediah: "For crying out loud!"


crackerjack.wav(94K) crackerjack.mp3(44K) crackerjack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Jedidia. Stop the train, please!"
Jedediah: "That's a big no-can-do, crackerjack."


takeitlikeaman.wav(162K) takeitlikeaman.mp3(74K) takeitlikeaman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Somebody's gotta pay."
Larry: "Pay for what?"
Jedediah: "I don't know! Just pay! Just stop whining and just take it like a man!"


watermelon.wav(278K) watermelon.mp3(127K) watermelon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Seriously, stop the train."
Jedediah: "Alright, stop the train!"
Larry: "Thank you."
Jedediah: "Now full speed ahead and ram him! Split his head like a watermelon!"
Larry: "(The train pokes him in the eye) Ooh! Ow!"
Jedediah: "For crying out loud!"


igothim.wav(94K) igothim.mp3(43K) igothim.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Rail Worker: "I got him! I got him, guys! I got him. (Larry flicks him of his shoulder like a bug)"


notagiant.wav(633K) notagiant.mp3(288K) notagiant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Oh, my."
Octavius (Steve Coogan): "Prepare the catapults."
Jedediah: "Whoa, Octavius, hold on. This ain't your fight. This here giant's on our land. "
Larry: "Hey, hey, hey, little guy. Jed. Yeah. Sorry, look, I just-- I'm not a giant, okay? I'm just like an average size--"
Jedediah: "Don't talk down to me!"
Larry: "I'm not a giant, guys. Alright? You guys are really little."
Octavius: "We may be small, but our hearts are large... metaphorically speaking."
Larry: "Don't take that the wrong way. I'm just saying you're miniatures."
Octavius: "Silence!"


unleashhell.wav(343K) unleashhell.mp3(146K) unleashhell.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Octavius: "Silence! The Roman Empire knows no boundaries."
Jedediah: "Don't you do it, son."
Larry: "Do what?"
Jedediah: "Octavius!"
Larry: "Don't do what?"
Octavius: "Unleash hell!"
Jedediah: "D'oh!"


youbetterrun.wav(195K) youbetterrun.mp3(89K) youbetterrun.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "That's right! You better run, boy! You hear Jedidiah?! That mustachioed horseman ain't always gonna be there to protect you! You hear me?!"


atyourservice.wav(139K) atyourservice.mp3(64K) atyourservice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Uh. Thank you."
Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams): "Not at all. Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president of these United States of America, at your service."


thehuntisafoot.wav(277K) thehuntisafoot.mp3(127K) thehuntisafoot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Uh, I'm Larry Daley, the new night guard."
Teddy Roosevelt: "(laughs) Pleasure to meet you, Lawrence Daley! You'll have to excuse me though. The hunt is afoot."


impossible.wav(185K) impossible.mp3(85K) impossible.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Alright, okay. This is impossible."
Teddy Roosevelt: "Nothing's impossible. If it can be dreamed, it can be done. Hence the 20-foot jackal staring at you right now. Don't make eye contact!"


stopbabbling.wav(390K) stopbabbling.mp3(178K) stopbabbling.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Now it's almost dawn. I shall help you restore order tonight. But mark my words, it's the last time I shall ever do so. Is that clear?"
Larry: "Yeah. I mean-- I mean, I guess-- I don't-- Um-- Uh--"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Stop babbling, boy! Yes or no?"
Larry: "Yes."
Teddy Roosevelt: "Good! Let's ride."


isthatclear.wav(268K) isthatclear.mp3(122K) isthatclear.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Is that clear?"
Larry: "Yeah. I mean-- I mean, I guess-- I don't-- Um-- Uh--"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Stop babbling, boy! Yes or no?"
Larry: "Yes."
Teddy Roosevelt: "Good! Let's ride."


letsride.wav(41K) letsride.mp3(19K) letsride.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Let's ride."


thatverymoment.wav(239K) thatverymoment.mp3(109K) thatverymoment.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Lawrence."
Larry: "Yes, sir."
Teddy Roosevelt: "Some men are born great. Others have greatness thrust upon them. For you, this is that very moment."


gotchaboy.wav(155K) gotchaboy.mp3(71K) gotchaboy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Baah!"
Larry: "Aaah!"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Bully! Gotcha, boy."
Larry: "Yeah. You got me."


thelastofme.wav(819K) thelastofme.mp3(372K) thelastofme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Aaah! Say hello to your little friend!"
Larry: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Jedediah: "Put me down! I don't like to be manhandled!"
Larry: "Just calm down, Jed."
Jedediah: "It doesn't feel good! It makes me feel small and powerless."
Larry: "You done?"
Jedediah: "I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye."
Larry: "Yeah, keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen."
Jedediah: "Now you know my shame. Jedidiah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away. This ain't over! You ain't seen the last of me!"
Larry: "Yeah, I don't wanna hear it, okay?"


sayhello.wav(51K) sayhello.mp3(24K) sayhello.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Say hello to your little friend!"


powerless.wav(216K) powerless.mp3(99K) powerless.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Put me down! I don't like to be manhandled!"
Larry: "Just calm down, Jed."
Jedediah: "It doesn't feel good! It makes me feel small and powerless."


manhandled.wav(81K) manhandled.mp3(37K) manhandled.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Put me down! I don't like to be manhandled!"


takemeaway.wav(347K) takemeaway.mp3(158K) takemeaway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye."
Larry: "Yeah, keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen."
Jedediah: "Now you know my shame. Jedidiah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away."


dadgumeye.wav(88K) dadgumeye.mp3(41K) dadgumeye.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye."


knowmyshame.wav(184K) knowmyshame.mp3(84K) knowmyshame.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Now you know my shame. Jedidiah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away."


thisaintover.wav(55K) thisaintover.mp3(26K) thisaintover.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "This ain't over! You ain't seen the last of me!"


surprises.wav(289K) surprises.mp3(132K) surprises.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Blaaah!"
Cecil: "Oh! Oh, don't do that! We're too old for surprises."
Larry: "Really? I thought you liked surprises. Like, uh, how you surprised me with the fact that everything in the museum comes to life at night! That little sweetheart."


putalidonit.wav(143K) putalidonit.mp3(66K) putalidonit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight?"
Gus: "What?"
Larry: "I said, 'Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight?' Gus!"
Gus: "Keep a lid on it, butterscotch!"


battleofhumor.wav(1486K) battleofhumor.mp3(675K) battleofhumor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Ooh. Okay. Uh, I'm just guessing- and I'm just spitballing here- but, uh, looks like that Roman dude got cocky and climbed over into the Wild West. And that cowboy knows the Roman dude wants to take over his territory, so he rounded up a posse and put him in the stockade."
Dr. McPhee: "(laughing sarcastically) Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard. No is the answer. Sarcasm back at you, with your humor box. I wasn't laughing. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor. Do you?"
Larry: "No? I don't want a-- No, I don't want a battle of humor."
Dr. McPhee: "No, you don't, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Bighorn. No. I find it about as funny an a 'fancist.'-- It's not funny. Okay? And I will not stand for this type of blatant s-- If I'm not clear, tell me. Am I clear?"
Larry: "Yeah."
Dr. McPhee: "Yeah."


happymonkey.wav(458K) happymonkey.mp3(208K) happymonkey.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Rebecca: "The capuchin monkey, a highly intelligent primate known for it's loving and generous nature. (Larry chuckles) Excuse me?"
Larry: "I- I- I just thought that was-- I- I just was laughing in agreement. Happy monkey."


astormcomin.wav(238K) astormcomin.mp3(108K) astormcomin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "(talking to the monkey) Let me tell you something. I'm not buyin' it. You might have them fooled. You might have the kids fooled. Not me. Can't get past me. There's a storm comin', buddy. There's a storm comin'."


shesastatue.wav(332K) shesastatue.mp3(152K) shesastatue.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Rebecca: "Yes, Mr. Daley?"
Larry: "Yes. Was she deaf?"
Rebecca: "Was she deaf? Um, no. She was not. But sh--"
Larry: "Yeah, 'cause, just, she does seem a little bit, sort of, unresponsive."
Rebecca: "That's because she's a statue."


sacajawean.wav(107K) sacajawean.mp3(49K) sacajawean.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Wow, you are quite the 'Sacajawayan' expert."
Rebecca: "Sacajaweean."
Larry: "Sacajaweean?"


lotsofgumgum.wav(243K) lotsofgumgum.mp3(111K) lotsofgumgum.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Morning, dum-dum."
Easter Island Head: "Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum. You bring me gum-gum?"
Larry: "Yes, I did, fathead. Lots and lots of gum-gum."
Easter Island Head: "Mmm!"


yeahpoofwow.wav(408K) yeahpoofwow.mp3(186K) yeahpoofwow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Alright. No, no, don't do that. You blow a hole in your mountain, all you're gonna hit is a wall."
Jedediah: "Step aside, Gigantor. We got us a railroad to build. We're blowin' a hole in that thing."
Larry: "Okay, first of all, enough with the Gigantor giant stuff. Okay? I'm just tryin' to close up shop."
Jedediah: "We're gonna blow it up anyway! And a-three!"
Larry: "Yeah, poof. Wow."


manifestdestiny.wav(242K) manifestdestiny.mp3(110K) manifestdestiny.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "What are you doing?"
Jedediah: "What's it look like we're doin'? It's manifest destiny. You can't fight it, and neither can I! Go! More dynamite!"
Larry: "Alright."
Jedediah: "Yeah, use it all!"
Larry: "Okay."
Jedediah: "Whoo!"


itsoctaviusmary.wav(103K) itsoctaviusmary.mp3(47K) itsoctaviusmary.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Listen, 'Octavus', you gotta stop that."
Octavius: "It's Octavius, Mary."


ihaverights.wav(73K) ihaverights.mp3(34K) ihaverights.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Octavius: "You cannot do thin! I am a Roman general! I-- I have rights!"


itoldyou.wav(64K) itoldyou.mp3(30K) itoldyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "I told you, I don't like to be manhandled!"


yourproblem.wav(186K) yourproblem.mp3(131K) yourproblem.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Now listen, guys, what is your problem, huh? Why can't you just get along?"
Jedediah: "Look, we're men. We fight, okay? That's what we do."
Octavius: "It's kinda how we pass the time."
Jedediah: "You're like a- a giant, a freak, if you will. We can't expect you to understand that."


thewholeroom.wav(466K) thewholeroom.mp3(212K) thewholeroom.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "You guys got the whole room to run around in. You don't have to be near each other."
Octavius: "What? You mean--"
Jedediah: "You're gonna let us out? What, and just- just roam free?"
Larry: "Yeah. Yeah, I might, if you promise to behave. That means no fireballs, no explosions, okay?"
Octavius: "You have my word, my liege."
Jedediah: "Yeah, n-no problemo, Gigantor."


hurtsmyfeelings.wav(538K) hurtsmyfeelings.mp3(245K) hurtsmyfeelings.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedediah: "Yeah, n-no problemo, Gigantor."
Larry: "Um, my name's Larry, first of all, okay, Jed? So I call you Jed. I don't call you tiny, right?"
Jedediah: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Larry: "Hey, teeny. How does that sound?"
Jedediah: "I- I don't like it. It hurts my feelings."
Larry: "Okay, well, Gigantor makes me feel like some sort of freak, so um, you know--"
Octavius: "I don't-- I just call you Larry."
Larry: "Don't be a kiss-ass, okay?"


themayanworld.wav(440K) themayanworld.mp3(200K) themayanworld.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Now look, I'm trusting you guys, alright? Now, if you don't do what I say, you're gonna end up like your buddies in the Mayan world over there. Locked up. Take a look. Do they look happy?"
Octavius: "No."
Larry: "They look sad."
Larry: "'Cause they can't do what they want to do. Now, I'm letting you guys have a little leash here. Don't choke me with it, okay?"


babykeys.wav(715K) babykeys.mp3(325K) babykeys.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Oh. What's that? You got my keys? I don't think so. Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one on little Dexy. Those are baby keys for a little baby. So have fun playin' with you baby keys, little baby monkey. Maybe tomorrow night I'll bring you a baby diapie so you can go poo-poo is in. Then I'll change it for you. And then I'll give you a little tickle 'cause you're a cute little baby. Will you cry all night long about how Uncle Larry fooled you, huh? Told you there was a storm comin'."


tearthelimbs.wav(95K) tearthelimbs.mp3(44K) tearthelimbs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Not the limbs! Guys! Please do not tear the limbs!"


hadadeal.wav(316K) hadadeal.mp3(144K) hadadeal.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "What's going on? What happened here? I thought we had a deal."
Octavius: "We will never coexist with these buffoons!"
Jedediah: "We're past words, Laredo! Now it's time to let Smith & Wesson do the talkin'!"
Octavius: "Hah! Those guns don't even work."
Jedediah: "Oh, they don't? Take a look at this. (He smacks Octavius with the gun)"
Octavius: "Ay!"


coolbreeze.wav(101K) coolbreeze.mp3(46K) coolbreeze.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "End of the line, cool breeze. End of the line."


notplayinggames.wav(40K) notplayinggames.mp3(19K) notplayinggames.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "I am not playing games here!"


slappingamonkey.wav(359K) slappingamonkey.mp3(164K) slappingamonkey.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Good Lord, Lawrence! Why are you slapping a monkey?"
Larry: "Teddy, this guy's been pushing me and pushing me, and I'm sick of it!"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Poppycock. This little creature is your primate brother. Without him, there's no us. Are you rabid? Wipe that off."


justordinary.wav(250K) justordinary.mp3(114K) justordinary.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Some men are born great, Lawrence."
Larry: "Yeah, I know, Teddy. Others have greatness thrust upon them. You hit me with that chestnut last night. The thing is, not everyone is great. That's the problem. Some of us are just ordinary."


selfpity.wav(54K) selfpity.mp3(25K) selfpity.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "For the love of Gideon, stop wallowing in self-pity."


everygreatjourney.wav(46K) everygreatjourney.mp3(22K) everygreatjourney.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Every great journey begins with a single footstep."


foolmetwice.wav(535K) foolmetwice.mp3(244K) foolmetwice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. McPhee: "And if anything is the tiniest-- after your shift-- Whoo! (makes crashing sound) Because--"
Larry: "Got it."
Dr. McPhee: "Okay?"
Larry: "Okay."
Dr. McPhee: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice--"
Larry: "Shame on me?"
Dr. McPhee: "Huh?"
Larry: "Fool me- Shame on me."
Dr. McPhee: "You."
Larry: "Fool me twice. Got it."
Dr. McPhee: "Take it or leave it."


wontbedisapointed.wav(341K) wontbedisapointed.mp3(155K) wontbedisapointed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "I just want to show him what I do. That's all."
Erica Daley (Kim Raver): "I love that. I love that you wanna share that with him, but I gotta tell you, I don't think Nicky has any room in his heart for more disappointment."
Larry: "He won't be disappointed."
Erica Daley: "Larry."
Larry: "He won't be disappointed."


gonnasoundcrazy.wav(726K) gonnasoundcrazy.mp3(330K) gonnasoundcrazy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Alright, look. This is gonna sound crazy, alright? I mean it's gonna sound like really, really crazy."
Rebecca: "Okay."
Larry: "No, no, I mean like insanely crazy."
Rebecca: "I can handle it."
Larry: "Okay. You know how they say in certain museums history comes alive?"
Rebecca: "Yeah."
Larry: "I this museum it actually does."
Rebecca: "What are you talking about?"
Larry: "Everything in this museum comes to life at night."
Rebecca: "Really?"
Larry: "Yeah, really."


comestolife.wav(977K) comestolife.mp3(444K) comestolife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Everything in this museum comes to life at night."
Rebecca: "Really?"
Larry: "Yeah, really. I'm not kidding you. You know that tablet, the Tablet of Ahkmenrah?"
Rebecca: "M-hmm."
Larry: "It actually brings things to life. It's like some ancient spell. Since the '50s when it came here, every night everything's been coming to life. I know this because Teddy Roosevelt told me. Seriously. I mean, the monkey, Dexter? Right? The cute little-- What is he? Like a- a--"
Rebecca: "Capuchin."
Larry: "A capuchin, right. The capuchin. He urinated on me and bit me nose. And Sacajawea is in her case alive every night, just listening to Lewis and Clark argue. So if you really want to get inside her head... I can hook that up."
Rebecca: "That's cool."
Larry: "Yeah, it's cool. It's freakin' awesome!"


freakinawesome.wav(89K) freakinawesome.mp3(41K) freakinawesome.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Rebecca: "That's cool."
Larry: "Yeah, it's cool. It's freakin' awesome!"


badidealarry.wav(25K) badidealarry.mp3(12K) badidealarry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cecil: "Bad idea, Larry."


oldman.wav(157K) oldman.mp3(72K) oldman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "You wanna dance, hot dog? Do you wanna dance?"
Larry: "Gus, you're an old man. I don't want to hurt-- Ooh! Ow! Ah!"


wannadance.wav(64K) wannadance.mp3(30K) wannadance.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "You wanna dance, hot dog? Do you wanna dance?"


seethatcoming.wav(38K) seethatcoming.mp3(18K) seethatcoming.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Okay, I did not see that coming."


cupcake.wav(115K) cupcake.mp3(53K) cupcake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Sweet dreams, cupcake!"
Larry: "No!"
Gus: "Pile driver!"
Larry: "Ooh!"


sweetdreams.wav(39K) sweetdreams.mp3(18K) sweetdreams.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Sweet dreams, cupcake!"


piledriver.wav(41K) piledriver.mp3(20K) piledriver.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Pile driver!"


justintime.wav(51K) justintime.mp3(24K) justintime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cecil: "Just in time, Larry. We were just locking up."


sleeptight.wav(62K) sleeptight.mp3(29K) sleeptight.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Sleep tight, hotshot!"


longretirement.wav(134K) longretirement.mp3(61K) longretirement.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cecil: "Let's grab everything we can fence. I don't know about you, but I'm planning on a long retirement."


atyourservice2.wav(36K) atyourservice2.mp3(17K) atyourservice2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Theodore Roosevelt at your service."


youmadeof.wav(860K) youmadeof.mp3(391K) youmadeof.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Teddy, can you get us out of here?"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Can't do it, man. This is your moment."
Larry: "Will you save the lectures, please? I'm not you, okay? I didn't build the Panama Canal. I wasn't president of the United States. I need some help! Come on!"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Actually, I never did any of those things. Teddy Roosevelt did. I was made in a mannequin factory in Poughkeepsie. I never shot a wild beast. I'm not even brave enough to tell that beautiful woman I love her. But you-- You gotta finish the job this time. You can't quit. I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?"


madeofwax.wav(308K) madeofwax.mp3(277K) madeofwax.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Actually, I never did any of those things. Teddy Roosevelt did. I was made in a mannequin factory in Poughkeepsie. I never shot a wild beast. I'm not even brave enough to tell that beautiful woman I love her. But you-- You gotta finish the job this time. You can't quit. I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?"


sonofmilton.wav(604K) sonofmilton.mp3(275K) sonofmilton.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ahkmenrah (Rami Malek): "I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king of the fourth king, ruler of the land of my fathers."
Larry: "Uh, I am Larry, son of Milton and, uh, this is my son, Nick and we hail from Brooklyn. Well, I do. I mean, he comes out and stays with me on Wednesdays and every other weekend. That was the, uh, custody agreement that we had."


gibberish.wav(539K) gibberish.mp3(270K) gibberish.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry and Atila the Hun: "Aaaaaaaahhhhh!"
Atilla the Hun (Patrick Gallagher): "(shouts in foreign language)"
Larry: "(shouts gibberish)"
Atilla the Hun: "(shouts in foreign language)"
Larry: "(shouts gibberish)"
Atilla the Hun: "(speaks foreign language in questioning tone)"


ispeakhun.wav(526K) ispeakhun.mp3(239K) ispeakhun.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ahkmenrah: "Parden me, Larry. I speak Hun. (Speaking foreign language)"
Atilla the Hun: "(Shouting foreign language)"
Ahkmenrah: "He says that he wants to rip you apart."
Larry: "Alright. Again with the ripping. Listen, I understand. I get it. Ripping for you-- You want to rip things, okay? And I think maybe that's because somebody ripped you a long time ago... in here."


littlebabyatilla.wav(1934K) littlebabyatilla.mp3(878K) littlebabyatilla.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ahkmenrah: "He says that he wants to rip you apart."
Larry: "Alright. Again with the ripping. Listen, I understand. I get it. Ripping for you-- You want to rip things, okay? And I think maybe that's because somebody ripped you a long time ago... in here. Did sombody rip little- little baby Atilla a long time ago right here? They ripped-- They ripped something out, didn't they? They ripped the love. They ripped the love right out of you, didn't they? A little baby all alone in a tent whose daddy went off to pillage some town or go and plunder somewhere. Just doing his job. But who was left alone? You."
Atilla the Hun: "(begins sobbing)"
Larry: "Let it out. Let it go. Let it go. (he sings gibberish to Atilla) It's okay. It's okay. (he points to the next Hun) You're next."


quiet.wav(439K) quiet.mp3(200K) quiet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Easter Island Head: "Quiet! My dum-dum want to speak."
Larry: "Thank you."


mydumdum.wav(42K) mydumdum.mp3(20K) mydumdum.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Easter Island Head: "My dum-dum want to speak."


guyscomeon.wav(353K) guyscomeon.mp3(161K) guyscomeon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Jed and Octavius, their van's parked out back. Go take care of it."
Jedidiah: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! No. No, sir. I ain't workin' with toga boy."
Octavius: "Romans work alone. Ow!"
Jedidiah: "That didn't hurt. Don't be a baby."
Octavius: "Yes, it did!"
Jedidiah: "Come on! Aaah! That was much harder!"
Larry: "Guys come on!"


civilwardudes.wav(469K) civilwardudes.mp3(213K) civilwardudes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Civil War dudes! You guys are brothers, for God's sakes. You gotta stop fighting. North wins. Slavery's bad. Sorry. Don't want to burst your bubble. But, South, you guys get Allman Brother and... NASCAR. So just chill!"


letsdothis.wav(203K) letsdothis.mp3(93K) letsdothis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Who's with me? (Shouts of agreement)"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Charge!"
Larry: "Alright! Let's do thin, people!"


whoswithme.wav(30K) whoswithme.mp3(14K) whoswithme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Who's with me?"


followmeboys.wav(82K) followmeboys.mp3(38K) followmeboys.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedidiah: "Come on! Follow me, boys! Geronimo!"


ahhgeez.wav(33K) ahhgeez.mp3(16K) ahhgeez.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Gus: "Ahh geez!"


thehardway.wav(304K) thehardway.mp3(139K) thehardway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Reginald: "Now, boys, we can do this the easy way or the hard may. (They all draw their weapons) I guess it's gonna be the hard way."
Columbus: "(Speaks Italian)"


aintquittinyou.wav(98K) aintquittinyou.mp3(45K) aintquittinyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Octavius: "Save yourself!"
Jedidiah: "I ain't quittin' you!"


beofassistance.wav(95K) beofassistance.mp3(44K) beofassistance.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedidiah: "At your service, Gigantor."
Octavius: "How can we be of assistance, my liege?"


gigantor.wav(46K) gigantor.mp3(21K) gigantor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedidiah: "At your service, Gigantor."


myliege.wav(47K) myliege.mp3(22K) myliege.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Octavius: "How can we be of assistance, my liege?"


doitman.wav(23K) doitman.mp3(11K) doitman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "Do it, man."


livinthedream.wav(215K) livinthedream.mp3(98K) livinthedream.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedidiah: "Whoo!"
Octavius: "Whoo!"
Jedidiah: "Come on, boy! Let me hear you yell!"
Octavius: "Yeah!"
Jedidiah: "Just livin' the dream, baby!"
Octavius: "Waah!"
Jedidiah: "I'm lovin' this!"


makeekaka.wav(447K) makeekaka.mp3(203K) makeekaka.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "No limb ripping, okay?"
Atilla the Hun: "(speaking foreign language)"
Larry: "No, no, no, no, no."
Atilla the Hun: "Meekaka?"
Larry: "Makeekaka."
Atilla the Hun: "(speaking foreign language) Makeekaka lao!"
Cecil: "Hey, wait, wait. Hold the phone. What's 'makeekaka' mean? Wait. Translation, please."


clicking.wav(356K) clicking.mp3(162K) clicking.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Teddy Roosevelt: "The year was 1909. I was going up the Zambezi River in Africa and our river guide was a brilliant Pygmy who spoke only by clicking. (Imitating Pygmy clicking language)"


thatdoodoo.wav(50K) thatdoodoo.mp3(23K) thatdoodoo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Taxi Driver (Charlie Murphy): "Now, who they gonna get to clean up all that doo doo?"


thisjoker.wav(275K) thisjoker.mp3(125K) thisjoker.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ahkmenrah: "Uh-oh. He's back."
Larry: "Alright. I'll deal with this joker. Hey, hey, moose! It's not gonna happen, buddy! Alright? I told you three times. You can't come through this door with those antlers. So you and you caribou buddy, you all gotta go around to the loading dock. "


wee-ah.wav(166K) wee-ah.mp3(76K) wee-ah.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "President Roosevelt, this is my friend Rebecca."
Teddy Roosevelt: "An honor."
Rebecca: "Hi."
Larry: "And this is 'Sacajawaya.'"
Rebecca, Sacajawea and Teddy: "'Wee-ah.'"
Larry: "'Wee-ah.'"


whosevolved.wav(244K) whosevolved.mp3(111K) whosevolved.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larry: "Hey, Dex. So, look. No hard feelings, alright? (the monkey smacks him and Larry reacts and begins to retaliate)"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Lawrence!"
Larry: "You saw-- You saw what he did just then!"
Teddy Roosevelt: "Who's evolved?"
Larry: "I am."
Teddy Roosevelt: "Who's evolved?"
Larry: "I am!"


ridofus.wav(52K) ridofus.mp3(24K) ridofus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jedidiah: "You ain't gettin' rid of us that easy."


explanation.wav(118K) explanation.mp3(54K) explanation.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. McPhee: "Any explanation at all?"
Larry: "No. Got nothin'."


startmoppin.wav(158K) startmoppin.mp3(73K) startmoppin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Cecil: "Gentlemen, you're doing a terrific job. I'm gonna catch a few Zs."
Gus: "You ain't goin' nowhere. Start moppin' hot dog."

 
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