Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs
 


 

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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).


thedriveway.wav(190K) thedriveway.mp3(190K) thedriveway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug Kinney (Michael Keaton): "What'd you do?"
Vic (Eugene Levy): "I demoed the driveway."
Doug: "Yeah, nice job too."
Vic: "What's the problem?"
Doug: "Well, you know, it's the wrong driveway. That's a problem, don't you think?"


onemoreword.wav(106K) onemoreword.mp3(106K) onemoreword.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "If you say one more word to me, Vic, I swear to God, one more word for the rest of the day, I'm gonna take a drywall hammer and I'm gonna beat you to death with it. You got it?"
Vic: "Makes total sense to me."


gonepsycho.wav(33K) gonepsycho.mp3(33K) gonepsycho.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Frank, my fax machine has gone psycho again."


doyouhateme.wav(152K) doyouhateme.mp3(152K) doyouhateme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Del King (Richard Masur): "Do you hate me?"
Doug: "No, Del, I don't hate you."
Del: "Why are you trying to end my life? I got this guy in Beverly Hills, flew straight up my nose, says he's gonna sue me. You destroyed his driveway?"
Doug: "Yeah, yeah. we did."
Del: "What, like a prank?"


asaying.wav(69K) asaying.mp3(69K) asaying.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ted (John de Lancie): "There was a saying where I worked last: If you don't come in on Saturday, don't bother coming in on Sunday."




imabrownie.wav(78K) imabrownie.mp3(78K) imabrownie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laura Kinney (Andie MacDowell): "You missed Campfire girls."
Doug: "Honey, I'm not in Campfire Girls. I'm a Brownie."


reallyslowly.wav(105K) reallyslowly.mp3(105K) reallyslowly.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "King fired Richie DeGrazzi."
Laura: "You're kidding. Why?"
Doug: "Because he does bad work. I will say this for him, though. He does it really slowly."


videostore.wav(118K) videostore.mp3(118K) videostore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laura: "Who'd he get to replace him?"
Doug: "I'll give you a hint. You sleep with him."
Laura: "Video store guy."
Doug: "Yep, video store guy."


promotion.wav(246K) promotion.mp3(246K) promotion.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laura: "Honey, that's great. So it's like a promotion?"
Doug: "Yeah. Yeah."
Laura: "It's not great."
Doug: "Well, guess who's gonna do all the work that I was doing?"
Laura: "You're gonna do all those jobs? Are they gonna give you more money?"
Doug: "Ah, I think it's really more of a prestige thing, hon. Uh, yeah, that's probably it. They're prabably gonna give me, you know, a plaque or a certificate or something for just being so great."


watchherass.wav(39K) watchherass.mp3(39K) watchherass.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Is sombody paying you guys to watch her ass, cause you're doing an excellent job."


playgolf.wav(184K) playgolf.mp3(184K) playgolf.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. Leeds (Harris Yulin): "What do you do to relax?"
Doug: "Well, play golf."
Dr. Leeds: "Ah, it's a great game."
Doug: "Yeah."
Dr. Leeds: "How often do you get out?"
Doug: "Well, let's see, uh, never. Yeah, never. I'm gonna have to cut back though. That's relly gonna hurt."


workisfirst.wav(74K) workisfirst.mp3(74K) workisfirst.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "It's like, work is first, and my family is a close second, and I'm a... I'm a distant third, bringing up the rear. You know?"


virises.wav(47K) virises.mp3(47K) virises.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. Leeds: "Fifteen years ago, I started cloning viruses."
Doug: "You can't have too many virises."


godblessyou.wav(70K) godblessyou.mp3(70K) godblessyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. Leeds: "Ten years ago, I cloned an earthworm."
Doug: "God bless you, sir."


xeroxpeople.wav(96K) xeroxpeople.mp3(96K) xeroxpeople.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. Leeds: "You understand what I'm suggesting?"
Doug: "Yeah. Sure. What's not to understand? You, uh, xerox people."


clonejobcost.wav(158K) clonejobcost.mp3(158K) clonejobcost.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Say I'm interested. What would a... What would a, uh... you know... nothing fancy, just the basic, just, you know... just a basic, you know, clone job cost?"


notworkin.wav(73K) notworkin.mp3(73K) notworkin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Ow! What the hell is that thing?"
Dr. Leeds: "This is just going to help you relax."
Doug: "Well, so far it's not workin'."


countbackwards.wav(76K) countbackwards.mp3(76K) countbackwards.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr. Leeds: "Count backwards from 100."
Doug: "Sure, like that's gonna work. One hundred... Ni... (and he passed out)"


feedit.wav(107K) feedit.mp3(107K) feedit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "What, uh, what do I fed it?"
Doug #2 (Michael Keaton): "Feed it? What am I a hamster?"
Doug: "Sorry, sorry, bad choice of words. I didn't mean that. I mean, you know, I mean, it eats something."


sattelite.wav(292K) sattelite.mp3(295K) sattelite.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm tellin' you, we'll clean some stuff outta here. We'll put some rugs down, get a TV, stereo. It's a... It could be a cool place."
Doug #2: "Hey, hey, hey! You know what we oughta get? We oughta get one of those satellite dishes. You know? Get every sport going, get all the movies."
Doug: "I... I don't know about that."
Doug #2: "I... I... What is that?"
Doug: "I don't know if Laura is gonna go for that."
Doug #2: "Oh, I knew it, man. You're whipped."
Doug: "What are you talking about, whipped? I'm not whipped."
Doug #2: "Yeah, yeah. You're whipped, partner."
Doug: "I'm not whipped."
Doug #2: "(he makes whipped sound)"


halfdaytoday.wav(27K) halfdaytoday.mp3(27K) halfdaytoday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Half day today, Teddy?"
Ted: "It's not a half day."


differentshirt.wav(779K) differentshirt.mp3(779K) differentshirt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Morning, Franny. Meeting start yet?"
Franny (Judith Kahan): "I thought you were already in the meeting."
Doug: "How could I already be... Did you see me in the meeting?"
Franny: "I thought I did. But you were wearing a different shirt."
Doug: "Yeah, I was. I was. I was wearing a different shirt. You know why? I spilled coffee on it. So then, I, uh, decided to go back to the truck while you were, uh..."
Franny: "In the ladies' room?"
Doug: "Perfect. And, uh, I figured I would, uh, you know, get another shirt, which I keep for emergencies. 'Cause, you know, you never know what's gonna happen. You might, uh, well, spill cofee on it. You know? Like I did. So, good thing I got the shirt. And also I got my briefcase, which I needed for the meeting. And then I came back and forgot the meeting had started. I forgot the meeting had started. Yes!"
Franny: "So, shouldn't you go back in?"
Doug: "Yeah, I should. I'm going to. But, see, I gotta go out to the truck now. And I gotta get the original shirt which is, you know, probably dry now. And also, truthfully, I like it better. So the next time you see me I'll be coming out of the meeting, right through the front, in the original shirt."
Franny: "are you okay?"
Doug: "No problem. Never been better. Just great. Just great. Why don't you just, just between you and me, forget it ever happened. Okay?"


carlrogerson.wav(206K) carlrogerson.mp3(206K) carlrogerson.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Receptionist: "Good morning, Del King Construction."
Doug: "Yeah, is Doug Kinney there?"
Receptionist: "I think he's in a meeting. May I ask who's calling?"
Doug: "Uh, it's uh, Carl."
Receptionist: "Who?"
Doug: "Roger?"
Receptionist: "Roger Who?"
Doug: "Uh, Carl Rogerson. Tell him Carl Rogerson's calling."


gogoattitude.wav(58K) gogoattitude.mp3(58K) gogoattitude.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ted: "I know you think you're hot bleep. But you're not fooling abybody with this new go-go attitude."


pickitup.wav(88K) pickitup.mp3(88K) pickitup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach Jack (Steven Kampmann): "What are you doing? Pick it up! Don't kick it! It's not soccer! Fall on it! Fall on the ball!"


thesuperbowl.wav(462K) thesuperbowl.mp3(462K) thesuperbowl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Coach Jack: "God, I don't need this!"
Doug: "You don't need it. Don't pay any attention to those guys."
Coach Jack: "I'm out here doing the best I can do."
Doug: "Absolutely, that's all you can ask out of a guy."
Coach Jack: "It's not like I'm getting paid or anything like that."
Doug: "Paid, they don't have money for you in the whole fund. You could be out playing golf or something."
Coach Jack: "I love golf."
Doug: "I know. You know, the thing is, I don't think these people don't know what they're talking about."
Coach Jack: "Well, you're the first guy who gets it."
Doug: "Well, I want you to know that I appreciate what you're doing."
Coach Jack: "I appreciate you saying something."
Doug: "You're doing a hell of a job"
Coach Jack: "Well, thank you."
Doug: "Can I mention one thing?"
Coach Jack: "Yeah."
Doug: "I think you oughta think about maybe a multiple-set, prostyle offence."
Coach Jack: "Multiple-set?"
Doug: "Yeah."
Coach Jack: "I got four kids out here who couldn't identify their parents in a lineup!"
Doug: "I understand that. That's why if you put Zack in an Quarterback..."
Coach Jack: "Zack? Zack? Who's Zack?"
Doug: "Well, Zack's my kid."
Coach Jack: "Your kid? Okay. Alright, that does it! I've had it. Here you go, Lombardi."
Doug: "Whoa, no, no, wait. Wait."
Coach Jack: "You turn this franchise around. See you in the Super Bowl."


wescored.wav(45K) wescored.mp3(45K) wescored.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Zack Kinney (Zack Duhame): "Dad's the new football coach. He's great. We scored!"


reallynewguy.wav(324K) reallynewguy.mp3(324K) reallynewguy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "He agreed to give me somebody to help out. You know? That's that. The guy's like an assistant."
Laura: "I'm glad. Who?"
Doug: "Huh?"
Laura: "Who?"
Doug: "Who? You mean like, who's the guy? Oh, he'd just a, you know, a guy... a new guy. A new guy you don't know. A very new guy. A really new guy you don't know."
Laura: "So, what you're saying is he's new."
Doug: "Yeah. But he's gonna run everything for me. So..."
Laura: "And you trust him."
Doug: "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I trust him. I trust him like I trust myself really."


bedearly.wav(75K) bedearly.mp3(75K) bedearly.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laura: "Let's get the kids to bed early tonight."
Doug: "What time is it now?"
Laura: "6:15."
Doug: "Kids, bed time!"


whattimeisit.wav(670K) whattimeisit.mp3(670K) whattimeisit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Hey, Vic, what time is it?"
Vic: "Time? It's, uh, 5:30 in New York. That would make it, oh, 2:30 here."
Doug #2: "Why is your watch on New York time?"
Vic: "Funny story: Bought it in New York and could just not figure out how to reset the darn thing."
Doug #2: "What time did I tell you to be here?"
Vic: "Okay, I'm not sure we really agreed on a specific time."
Doug #2: "Yeah, we were. We were real specific: 1:30. In fact, I repeted it twice."
Construction Worker: "Doug, what do you want?: Solid or the laminates?"
Doug #2: "Laminates."
Vic: "Boy, you know, that is strange. For some reason, 2:30 just stuck in my head."
Doug #2: "I'd like to stick something esle in your head. You're fired."
Vic: "Huh?"
Doug #2: "You're fired. Take your New York watch and take your fat L.A. ass and get out of here. I'm getting somebody else."
Vic: "For being a few minutes late?"
Doug #2: "No, no, no, no, no. That's not a few. Three, four, that's a few. You were 60 minutes late. 60 minutes late. That's not a few. Hit it. "


34kidsman.wav(86K) 34kidsman.mp3(86K) 34kidsman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "You know how long I've wanted to fire Vic? I was just always too much of a wimp to do it."
Paul (Obba Babatundé): "Yeah, but he's got like 34 kids man."
Doug #2: "That's because he's been married like 17 times."


thekids.wav(111K) thekids.mp3(111K) thekids.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Hello."
Doug #2: "Hey, you gotta pick up the kids and, uh, wash their hair, and take 'em to a dance and get a picture of 'em."
Doug: "Ho, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I was just teeing off here."
Doug #2: "Not today, pal. See you later."


thepictures.wav(226K) thepictures.mp3(226K) thepictures.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Hi, sorry we're late. We're here for the, uh, pictures."
Ballet School Receptionist (Robin Duke): "Oh, didn't anyone call you? The pictures were changed to tomorrow."
Doug: "No, serioulsy, we're here for the pictures."
Ballet School Receptionist: "That would be tomorrow."
Doug: "Get a photographer down here now. Right now."


doodyhead.wav(82K) doodyhead.mp3(82K) doodyhead.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jennifer Kinney (Katie Schlossberg): "Doodyhead!"
Zack: "You're a doodyhead!"
Jennifer: "Doodyhead!"
Zack: "Doodyhead!"
Jennifer: "Doodyhead!"


thatsit.wav(494K) thatsit.mp3(494K) thatsit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Laura, I gotta go back to work, and that's it."
Laura: "No, actually, that's not it. I love my job, and so far, I'm doing great at it. In fact, Valerie said if I keep it up, she's gonna move me into estates. So very soon I could be making a very good living. Now, now, I know this is hard for you, and I can imagine the kind of day you've had but I am not quitting. So we're just gonna have to work all this out. And that is it."
Doug: "That's really funny, you think that's it. I mean, it's really funny, you think that's it. Because that's not it. The thing I said, that's it. This thing that you just said, not it."


rosebowl.wav(58K) rosebowl.mp3(58K) rosebowl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Damn knee. It's an old football injury. Rose Bowl."
Noreen (Ann Cusack): "Oh, you played?"
Doug #2: "No, I fell out of the bleachers."


ineedpie.wav(87K) ineedpie.mp3(87K) ineedpie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Oh, boy, let's get some desert, huh?"
Noreen: "You're still hungry?"
Doug #2: "Noreen, my life's a shambles. I need pie."


lookssogood.wav(206K) lookssogood.mp3(206K) lookssogood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Boy, this looks so good. Everything on here looks so good."
Laura: "Doug, that's the wine list."
Doug: "Oh, yeah. I thought, you know, geez, there's a hell of a lot of beverages on there. Would you order for me? You know what I like. Just, anything with a barbecue sauce."


imagenie.wav(62K) imagenie.mp3(62K) imagenie.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Hey, what do you think, I'm a genie? You think you rub the little lamp and I just pop out and do what you want me to do?"


facebefore.wav(41K) facebefore.mp3(41K) facebefore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "What? You never seen a guy wash another guy's face before?"


areyounuts.wav(59K) areyounuts.mp3(59K) areyounuts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Are you nuts? Ah, ma... Are you mentally nuts?"


itsbreaktime.wav(38K) itsbreaktime.mp3(38K) itsbreaktime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "I've been working since I was 12 years old. It's break time."


alotafribs.wav(45K) alotafribs.mp3(45K) alotafribs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3 (Michael Keaton): "Wow, that's a lot of ribs. What is that, like a slab or something?"


mamboedout.wav(440K) mamboedout.mp3(440K) mamboedout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "What do you mean, 'she wanted to go to bed'? What do you mean?"
Doug #3: "What do you mean' 'what do I mean'? I just..."
Doug: "You know what I mean!"
Doug #2: "What do you mean?"
Doug: "Did you have sex with my wife?"
Doug #2: "Whoa! Did you?"
Doug #3: "No! Douglas, no, I certainly did not! Look, here was the plan: I thought, we'll go to bed together, which we did. And when she'd fall asleep, I'd sneak out. But I guess I dozed off and nothing happened, Doug. That's it."
Doug: "Nothin' happened?"
Doug #3: "She did, I think, roll over and kind of brushed me in that general region."
Doug: "Brushed you?"
Doug #3: "But I didn't do... I mamboed out of there, Doug!"
Doug: "Brushed you in the general region? She shouldn't even be in the neighborhood!"
Doug #2: "Doug, he mamboed out. Right out of the region."


clonenooky.wav(304K) clonenooky.mp3(304K) clonenooky.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "This is the number one rule. Okay? This is unbreakable. You can't even try to even bend this rule. Alright? Nobody, Nobody has sex with my wife but me."
Doug #2: "Hey, talk to him."
Doug #3: "Fabulous rule, Doug. Fabulous rule."
Doug: "Nobody. No clone nooky."
Doug #3: "You're the man, Doug."
Doug #2: "Great idea."
Doug: "Original nooky only. Got it?"
Doug #3: "Your department."
Doug: "You're clear on the rule, right?"
Doug #3: "Yes, sir. Yes you are. Yes you are."
Doug #2: "Got you, loud and clear."
Doug #3: "It's locked in here."


mamboking.wav(32K) mamboking.mp3(32K) mamboking.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Heh, heh, heh, heh, the mambo king."


refundfromwalt.wav(200K) refundfromwalt.mp3(200K) refundfromwalt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Walt (Brian Doyle-Murray): "Well, did you enjoy sailing?"
Doug: "Yeah, well, it wasn't really like sailing, was it? It was more like bumper cars or something."
Walt: "Say, how about an 'I sailed with Walt' T-shirt, huh?"
Doug: "No, thanks. You don't happen to have any of those 'I got a refund from Walt' T-shirts, do you?"
Walt: "No, sorry."
Doug: "Didn't think so."


howmanyofyou.wav(43K) howmanyofyou.mp3(43K) howmanyofyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Beth (Dawn Maxey): "Geez, Louise! How many of you are there?"


nukemycorndog.wav(108K) nukemycorndog.mp3(108K) nukemycorndog.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "I stopped down to pick up my dinner like I always do. She offered to, uh, you know, nuke my corndog. What ami I gonna say? No?"


hityousohard.wav(20K) hityousohard.mp3(20K) hityousohard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "I'll hit you so hard, I'll kill him."


1234twelve.wav(113K) 1234twelve.mp3(113K) 1234twelve.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "One... Two... Three... Four?"
Doug #4: "Twelve!"


igotawallet.wav(128K) igotawallet.mp3(128K) igotawallet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "Doug, I'd like you to meet Four."
Doug #4: "I got a wallet. That guy gave it to me. I'm gonna drive a car."


copyofacopy.wav(71K) copyofacopy.mp3(71K) copyofacopy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "We made a copy of Two. And you know how, sometimes, when you make a copy of a copy and it's not quite as sharp as, well, the original."


rulenumber2.wav(313K) rulenumber2.mp3(313K) rulenumber2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Rule number two. First of all, we all remember rule number one."
Doug #2 and #3: "No sleeping with your wife."
Doug #3: "It's in here. I got it."
Doug: "Alright, that's important. Rule number two. No more Dougs. That's it."
Doug #2: "Alright."
Doug #3: "This is plenty."
Doug: "I'm gonna call Leeds first thing in the morning. We're out of the Doug-making business altogether. Alright? Store's closed. Am I clear?"
Doug #2: "Yeah."
Doug: "Am I clear on this?"
Doug #2: "Got it."
Doug #3: "Book is closed on that one."


ilikepizza.wav(36K) ilikepizza.mp3(36K) ilikepizza.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "I like pizza. I like it!"


byesteve.wav(28K) byesteve.mp3(28K) byesteve.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "Bye, Steve. Good party."


ilikesteve.wav(11K) ilikesteve.mp3(11K) ilikesteve.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "I like Steve."


tucktuckfold.wav(953K) tucktuckfold.mp3(953K) tucktuckfold.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "Honey? May I do that? Would you mind?"
Laura: "This?"
Doug #3: "Yeah. I just wanna show you something. See, first of all, this yiece of aluminum foil? It's too small, see? You can't cover it all. What's gonna happen? Air's gonna get in there. And then you get that little hard crust around the meat. You know, then it gets real brown and dark, and nobody wants to eat that. So, we're gonna fold this up and save this. We can use it later. Or, Christmas time comes around, we might make a nice little ornament outta that, or something. That's what I like to do. By the way, save those fries. Because I'm thinking of stringing them, paint them up or something and we'll just string them around the tree. Christmas time, kids are gonna love that. Okay, now, here, look here. I'm gonna take a new fresh piece, right here. Like so, right there. Okay, now I'm gonna fold it up on one side, like that, make sure we're even. And now I fold once, I fold twice, or three times, whatever you need to fold it. But I don't like to roll it. Sometimes people just roll it over. But I don't like that, 'cause you get that lump right across the center. Then it rolls around in the fridge and everything. I fold it nice and neat and flat, an no air get's in there. Because what? Air is our enemy, isn't it? Alright. Take this, tuck, tuck, fold. T.T.F.: Tuck, tuck, fold. Two tucks and a fold. I just think of Elizabeth Taylor. Thes I always remember a tuck here, a fold there. You know, it makes it simple. Okay now, we roll it over, nice and flat. There we go. Now we got it. No air's gonna get in there. Okay. We could send this little guy off to NASA and nothing would happen. Look here, okay now, put the lid on, burp. There you are."


freezer.wav(132K) freezer.mp3(132K) freezer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "Freezer. Second shelf, over to the left with all the other meat products unless it's in a skin casing, like your franks and sausages and kielbasas. And then that goes lower in the bin."


hardcanitbe.wav(194K) hardcanitbe.mp3(194K) hardcanitbe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Hon, let's sail to Catalina. "
Laura: "What?"
Doug: "Come on, it'll be great. We'll sail right into the the harbor at sunset. And we'll drink some wine. Alright, We'll make love right on the boat. It'll be great."
Laura: "Doug, you don't sail."
Doug: "Well, I drink and I make love. The sailing thing, you know, I can figure that out. How hard can it be?"


businesstrip.wav(93K) businesstrip.mp3(93K) businesstrip.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "I've gotta go away for a couple days."
Doug #3: "Really"
Doug: "Yeah, it's a business trip."
Doug #2: "Business trip?"
Doug #4: "Business trip. Hi, Steve."
Doug #2: "I handle the business."
Doug #4: "Yeah, he handles the business, Steve."


rulenumber1.wav(99K) rulenumber1.mp3(99K) rulenumber1.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "I need you to cover for me days and nights."
Doug #2: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, woah."
Doug #4: "Whoa!"
Doug #2: "Nights? What about rule number one?"
Doug #4: "Yeah, what about rule number one, Stevie? What's rule number one?"


flossyourself.wav(118K) flossyourself.mp3(118K) flossyourself.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Hey, uh, Rain Man. Run back in there and floss yourself, buddy, alright?"
Doug #4: "Yeah. (runs into the doorjam)"


thatrazor.wav(77K) thatrazor.mp3(77K) thatrazor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Is he safe with that razor? I mean..."
Doug #3: "Yeah, we take the blade out. Two and I shave him at night while he's sleeping."


mrwizard.wav(124K) mrwizard.mp3(124K) mrwizard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Hey, Mr. Wizard. Who ate all the bologna?"
Doug #4: "Burglars."
Doug #2: "What'd you do, eat everything in the house?"
Doug #4: "Count Chocula?"


aboutyelling.wav(26K) aboutyelling.mp3(26K) aboutyelling.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "Sorry about yelling with the kids and everything, Honey!"


wowagain.wav(155K) wowagain.mp3(155K) wowagain.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Laura: "Wow, again? Well, Doug..."
Doug #4: "My peppy."
Laura: "I see."


hurledon.wav(30K) hurledon.mp3(30K) hurledon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Hey, sorry I hurled on your dog, man."


anywhere.wav(75K) anywhere.mp3(75K) anywhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "103? You're not going anywhere, today, Mr. Flu Bug."
Doug #4: "Yeah, you're not going anywhere, Steve."


reachdown.wav(83K) reachdown.mp3(83K) reachdown.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "I don't think I can make it in today."
Del: "Oh, why don't you just reach down my throat and pull out my liver?"


thatleg.wav(46K) thatleg.mp3(46K) thatleg.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "Sorry, Steve, that leg's gonna have to come off."


yourefeeling.wav(360K) yourefeeling.mp3(360K) yourefeeling.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Larua: "I need to know what you're feeling. I need to know if you still love me. Doug, please, just, tell me what you want."
Doug #4: "I want pizza."
Laura: "What?"
Doug #4: "I want pizza. Get me some pizza."


iwantpizza.wav(47K) iwantpizza.mp3(47K) iwantpizza.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "I want pizza. Get me some pizza."


thatrick.wav(57K) thatrick.mp3(57K) thatrick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "What if Laura walks in?"
Doug #2: "Not much chance of that, sport."
Doug #4: "Yeah, not too much chance of that, Rick."


amonkey.wav(17K) amonkey.mp3(17K) amonkey.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "Did you bring me a monkey?"


brokeitoff.wav(295K) brokeitoff.mp3(295K) brokeitoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "There's something else I think you should, uh. you should know."
Doug: "What?"
Doug #3: "Well, uh, it's about rule number one."
Doug: "What about rule number one?"
Doug #3: "Well, crazy thing. We had to bend it a little."
Doug #2: "Yeah, I'd say we, uh, bent it a lot. Damn near broke the thing off."


sleepwithmy.wav(319K) sleepwithmy.mp3(319K) sleepwithmy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Did you sleep with my wife?"
Doug #3: "Hey, let's have some rice cakes and tea."
Doug: "Did you?!"
Doug #3: "I'm sorry, Doug. She's a powerful woman."
Doug #2: "Hey, hey, hey, take it easy! Take it easy. She thought he was you."
Doug #3: "She did, Doug."
Doug #2: "The fact is, she thought I was you, too."
Doug: "What?"
Doug #2: "Hey, we're not perfect."
Doug #4: "Yeah, we're not perfect."


onebadday.wav(139K) onebadday.mp3(139K) onebadday.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #2: "We didn't destroy your life, slick. You did. A matter of fact, we were trying to save it for you. We were doing pretty good, too. We just had one bad day, one really bad day."


mypeppy.wav(18K) mypeppy.mp3(18K) mypeppy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "She touched my peppy, Steve."


dontfixstuff.wav(510K) dontfixstuff.mp3(510K) dontfixstuff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Why did she leave?"
Doug #4: "You don't fix stuff."
Doug: "What?"
Doug #4: "You always say you're gonna fix stuff, and then you don't fix stuff."
Doug: "Did Laura say that?"
Doug #4: "Maybe."
Doug: "Did... did you talk to Laura before she left?"
Doug #4: "Maybe. I don't remember."
Doug: "Maybe this will refresh your memory. (Pours him some mere Coke.)"


allthatstuff.wav(17K) allthatstuff.mp3(17K) allthatstuff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Where do you put all that stuff?"


tomealot.wav(63K) tomealot.mp3(63K) tomealot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Did you? Come on, talk to me. Did she tell you something?"
Doug #4: "She talk to me a lot."


chainsaw.wav(106K) chainsaw.mp3(106K) chainsaw.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Hey, I'm gonna buy you a present for this."
Doug #4: "A chainsaw?"
Doug: "Or a book. Something. Something really nice."


spittinonbugs.wav(36K) spittinonbugs.mp3(36K) spittinonbugs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "Hey, Doug, come on up. I'm spittin' on bugs."


notethetime.wav(136K) notethetime.mp3(136K) notethetime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Morning, Vic."
Vic: "Doug. You said to be here at 8:30. I'd like you to note the time."
Doug: "9:15."
Vic: "What? What the hell's the matter with... This thing drives me nuts!"
Doug: "That's alright. Come on."


cementman.wav(142K) cementman.mp3(142K) cementman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "i just wann tell you, I'm really sorry I spoke to you the way I did. And I still think you're the best cement man in the business."
Vic: "Really?"
Doug: "No, but I gotta get this driveway done and no one else is available."
Vic: "Well, I can accept that."


yourownguys.wav(169K) yourownguys.mp3(169K) yourownguys.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Vic: "You said you got your own guys."
Doug: "Yeah."
Doug #2: "Hey, Vic."
Doug #3: "Hi, Vic."
Vic: "Okay, let's go to work."
Doug: "Fair enough. Wow."


workout.wav(123K) workout.mp3(123K) workout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #3: "When that woman wants something, Doug, there is no stopping here. And strong, does she workout? Because..."
Doug: "Okay! Alright? I don't... I don't want to know any... I don't want to know any of the specifics."


175degrees.wav(128K) 175degrees.mp3(128K) 175degrees.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "So, how was the desert?"
Laura: "Oh, it was great. It was just what I needed."
Doug: "Yeah, 'cause, you know, I saw on the weather that it was, what, like 175 degrees?"


startsmall.wav(230K) startsmall.mp3(230K) startsmall.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug: "Hoy. you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking of starting my own contracting business. What do you think? You see, that way, I could, you know, set my own hours and kinda pace myself. I mean, I don't wanna do anything big. I'm gonna start off with, uh, you know, small jobs: bird houses and, you know, mailboxes. Stuff like that."


eatadolphin.wav(134K) eatadolphin.mp3(134K) eatadolphin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "Yeah, hey, we're gonna eat a dolphin!"
Doug #2: "Hey, Lenny, you're not gonna eat a dolphin, Pal. You're gonna pet one."
Doug #4: "Oh, yeah, that's right, we're gonna... we're gonna pet one. We're gonna pet a dolphin."


seeyasteve.wav(11K) seeyasteve.mp3(11K) seeyasteve.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "See ya, Steve."


yourpizza.wav(20K) yourpizza.mp3(20K) yourpizza.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doug #4: "Hey, here's your pizza!"

 
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