All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
georgeclooney.wav(111K) georgeclooney.mp3(111K) georgeclooney.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky (Adam Sandler): "And I'm not into evil, and torture and all than stuff. Plus the prince of darkness should have adistinguished look to him. And let's face facts. I'm no George Clooney."
pineapple.wav(88K) pineapple.mp3(88K) pineapple.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jimmy the Demon (Blake Clark): "Uh, knock knock?"
Satan (Harvey Keitel): "Yes Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Don't forget, you're shoving a pineapple up Hitler's ass at 4 PM."
10000years.wav(208K) 10000years.mp3(208K) 10000years.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Satan: "But after much thought and careful consideration, I've decided that the ruler for the next 10,000 years is going to have to be me."
Cassius (Tom "Tiny" Lister Jr.): "What?"
Adrian (Rhys Ifans): "What?"
Nicky: "Halelujah. I mean, that sucks."
20000years.wav(112K) 20000years.mp3(112K) 20000years.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Adrian: "20,000 years ago grandpa Lucifer said "It's better to rule in hell than it is to serve in heaven.". Well, I'm tired of serving in hell."
danmarino.wav(319K) danmarino.mp3(319K) danmarino.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Satan: "I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I must respectfully decline."
Dan Marino (Himself): "I can't stand retirement. Come on, just let me win one Superbowl."
Satan: "In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're much too nice a guy for me to want to do that to you Mr. Marino."
Dan Marino: "You did it for Nameth."
Satan: "Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyway."
Dan Marino: "This sucks. I'll just go te the Superbowl as an announcer and I'll win myself an Emmy."
Satan: "That's the spirit."
Nicky: "You're a good Devil Dad."
Satan: "And I also happen to be a Jets fan."
innotout.wav(44K) innotout.mp3(44K) innotout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Gatekeeper (Keven Nealon): "You can't go through there. The fire flows in not out."
reallysuck.wav(18K) reallysuck.mp3(18K) reallysuck.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Gatekeeper: "You really suck!"
escapedhell.wav(342K) escapedhell.mp3(342K) escapedhell.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Gatekeeper: "Your evilness. Your evilness. Cassius and Adrian have escaped from Hell. They went out through the fire and they froze it. I tried to stop them sir, but they overpowered me. "
Satan: "Calm down. Get off your knees."
Gatekeeper: "Thank you for being so understanding your wickedness. You're the man. You've always been the man. I've always said that. Oh, oh, are there boobs on my head?"
Nicky: "Yeah, big ones."
whatswith.wav(188K) whatswith.mp3(188K) whatswith.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Lucifer (Rodney Dangerfield): "What's with all those who who noises?"
Satan: "Everything's fine Pop."
Lucifer: "Everything's fine. Who you bullbleepting? The last time you said that everything was fine, the Renaissance happened."
Satan: "Please Pop, go back to your room."
Lucifer: "Hey, can I take him with me?"
Satan: "Sure Pop, whatever you want. Tithead go with my father."
nosouls.wav(142K) nosouls.mp3(142K) nosouls.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "You said, no souls could get through that."
Jimmy: "Nicky, are you a soul, or are you the spawn of Satan?"
Nicky: "I never been to earth dad. I never even slept over some other dude's house."
10seconds.wav(157K) 10seconds.mp3(157K) 10seconds.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jimmy: "You were gone ten seconds. What happened?"
Nicky: "I got hit by this big light that was attached to a lot of metal."
Satan: "That's a train son. Don't stand in front of them."
Nicky: "Well, I'll have to take amuligan on this one."
onmyway.wav(215K) onmyway.mp3(215K) onmyway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mr Beefy (Robert Smigel) voice: "I just want to find my brothers and be on my way."
Nicky: "Not going to be easy. Your brothers can posess people. So, they probably won't look like themselves. You have to be suspicious of everyone."
Mr Beefy: "Alright Bro, well the jig is up then. Get in the flask. Come on, slide right on in."
Nicky: "Ain't me moran."
deacon.wav(222K) deacon.mp3(222K) deacon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Deacon: "You make the lord very nervous."
Deacon: "You've... I'm burning now."
Nicky: "Take it easy."
Deacon: "Hellfire is burning me alive!"
Mr. Beefy: "He's burning."
Deacon: "It's burning me! The beast is alive. He's among us! Clear the streets! The Devil is here!"
freezing.wav(41K) freezing.mp3(41K) freezing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "I don't know what that guy's problem was. It's freezing up here."
eating.wav(322K) eating.mp3(322K) eating.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mr. Beefy: "Put it in your mouth. Now move your teeth up and down. Up and down. Good numbnuts. Now you got to swallow it. Tilt your head back, and let the meat slide down your throat hole. Easy, don't choke."
chicken.wav(32K) chicken.mp3(32K) chicken.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Popeye's Chicken is bleeping awesome."
mindnottelling.wav(180K) mindnottelling.mp3(180K) mindnottelling.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "I like your brazier."
Gatekeeper: "Oh, thank you."
Nicky: "Could you guys maybe not tell anyone about this?"
Gatekeeper: "Yeah, you got it. Would you mind maybe not telling anybody about this?"
Nicky: "You got it."
equals.wav(115K) equals.mp3(115K) equals.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mr. Beefy: "Look, Sidewalk equals safety. Middle of the road equals death."
Nicky: "From now on, I'm just going to try to avoid all moving metal objects."
deepsouth.wav(228K) deepsouth.mp3(228K) deepsouth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Todd (Allen Covert): "Aren't you boiling hot in that outfit?"
Todd: "It's like 80 degrees in this hallway. Where are you from, the south?"
Nicky: "Yes, the deep south."
Todd: "Why is that funny?"
Nicky: "I don't know."
snoring.wav(270K) snoring.mp3(270K) snoring.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "(Nicky snoring.)"
todaysgospel.wav(371K) todaysgospel.mp3(371K) todaysgospel.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cardinal (Lewis Arquette): "In todays gospel, the lord tells us how we should live, if we wish to attain the splendor of heaven. Or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a whiffle ball bat. Yep, the lord sure did say a lot of hibity jibity bibity swibity. But has he ever really done anything for us?"
offdrugs.wav(169K) offdrugs.mp3(169K) offdrugs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Church Woman (Mary Brill): "The lord gave my son the strength to get off drugs."
Cardinal: "Maam, I know your son, and believe me, he was better off on the drugs. At least when he was smoking hashish, he used to make me laugh occasionally."
conceive.wav(167K) conceive.mp3(167K) conceive.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Young Man (John Kirk): "After we tried for many years, the lord helped my wife conceive a baby."
Cardinal: "No, no, no, your best friend Fitze helped your wife conceive a baby. He helped her conceive it all night long."
yourheart.wav(25K) yourheart.mp3(25K) yourheart.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "I will eay your heart."
mrsleep.wav(256K) mrsleep.mp3(256K) mrsleep.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John (Jonathan Loughran): "There's our man."
Peter (Peter Dante): "Oh, Mr. Sleep here must have some major ties to the dark side."
John: "What's with that guy?"
Peter: "It's got to be one of his diciples or something."
Street Vendor (John Witherspoon): "My man's in some deep nocturnal bleep. Whoo!"
John: "Yo man, I think that devil guy just got ripped off."
Peter: "Should we wake him up?"
John: "Yeah, you do it."
darkprince.wav(61K) darkprince.mp3(61K) darkprince.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Peter: "You check out the dragon mouth?"
John: "Dark prince is here!"
myflask.wav(360K) myflask.mp3(360K) myflask.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Steet Vendor: "Uh I got a pepper shaker. I got a silver doodad from Africa."
Steet Vendor: "See something you like my man?"
Nicky: "Yes, I would like my flask back."
Steet Vendor: "You calling me a thief my man?"
Nicky: "I,m calling you the guy who has my flask."
Steet Vendor: "How would I have it, unless I was in fact, a thief?"
Nicky: "I don't know."
Steet Vendor: "Now you gone and done it. You done messed with my business bitch."
Nicky: "I would appreciate if you kept your voice down."
Steet Vendor: "Oh, you going all crazy-eyed on me. I'll show you some crazy eyes. Look at this. Come on, let's get busy."
glasses.wav(66K) glasses.mp3(66K) glasses.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Your glasses are pretty. They make your eyes look all big and sparkley. It's fun looking at them."
mydads.wav(99K) mydads.mp3(99K) mydads.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Valerie (Patricia Arquette): "My dad's an optometrist."
Nicky: "My dad's in hell and he's falling apart."
Valerie: "Oh, I'm sorry. It's really tough when your folks get older."
deacon2.wav(148K) deacon2.mp3(148K) deacon2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Deacon: "Why are you taunting me with your darkness? Your evil, it's stinking up our streets. The end is near! We are all going to die!"
sayit.wav(64K) sayit.mp3(64K) sayit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mr. Beefy: "Say Mr. Beefy. Say it!"
Female Dog (Uncredited): "Mr. Beefy"
Mr. Beefy: "And I love you."
butterflies.wav(136K) butterflies.mp3(136K) butterflies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Valerie, it feels like there's a bunch of butterflies flapping anound in my stomach right now. Is that normal?"
Valerie: "Sometimes, sure."
Nicky: "Good, cause I was concerned."
inspiration.wav(169K) inspiration.mp3(169K) inspiration.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Lucifer: "You know, I was the one who created hell."
Gatekeeper: "I know that Your Hatefullness."
Lucifer: "But actually, the credit for starting hell belongs to my first wife, you know. She was the inspiration. Hey Chewbaca, take it easy, will you. In fact, you look my first wife. Only she had more hair."
drinkingage.wav(109K) drinkingage.mp3(109K) drinkingage.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Silvia Lopez (Herself): "In another startling announcement from City Hall, Mayor Randolf has, effective immediately, lowered the legal drinking age from 21 to 10."
realjerk.wav(310K) realjerk.mp3(310K) realjerk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "You know what's nice about you? (Adrian controls him.) Your juicy heart-shaped hiney."
Valerie: "What was that?"
Nicky: "I don't know why I said that. I meant to say that I've always dreamt about have sex with a gross pig. Can I wash my winky in your kitchen sinky?"
Valerie: "You're a real jerk."
Nicky: "I didn't mean to be."
regis.wav(150K) regis.mp3(150K) regis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Regis Philbin (Himself): "So, I'm driving to work today. Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off. So, I followed him. When he got out of his car, I run behind this guy. And I start bashing his brains in with this bat. Did you ever see the Untouchables? I was DeNiro!"
newmoto.wav(135K) newmoto.mp3(135K) newmoto.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Silvia Lopez: "The Mayor's office today, in conjunction with the New York Board of Tourism, it's new moto to replace the long standing "I Love New York" slogun. "I Love Hookers" will now be the city's catch phrase."
cokes.wav(155K) cokes.mp3(155K) cokes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Todd: "Alright, I'm going to pretend I didn't see a dog on the couch, bcause my brain just can't process that right now. But were you about to drink one of my cokes?"
Nicky: "No, I was just looking at it. It's beautiful."
todayson.wav(50K) todayson.mp3(50K) todayson.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Alumni Hall Announcer (Frank Sivero): "What made you want to come and see the Globetrotters today son?"
Boy (Andrew L. Mensch): "I came for the beer and the bitches."
outofhere.wav(28K) outofhere.mp3(28K) outofhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Referee (Dana Carvey): "Get that crap out of here."
straitup.wav(50K) straitup.mp3(50K) straitup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mom (Ellen Cleghorne): "Now that was some strait up David Copperfield bleep!"
hailnicky.wav(K) hailnicky.mp3(K) hailnicky.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "Hail Nicky!"
Peter: "We are forever your slaves."
chicago.wav(465K) chicago.mp3(465K) chicago.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
John: "Hey, by the way Nicky, check this out. What's Ozzy trying to say there?"
Nicky: "John absolutely nothing. The Blizzard always came strait with his messages. But wrap your minds around this gentlemen."
Mr. Beefy: "Oh no."
Nicky: "Chicago! (He plays the record.)"
Todd: "I love this song."
Nicky: "(He plays the record backwards and it says "I command you in the name of lucifer to spread the blood of the innocent.")"
Peter: "Oh my god, Chicago kicks ass."
John: "That is awesome!"
jabar.wav(45K) jabar.mp3(45K) jabar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Peter: "Hey, how you feeling over there Satan Abdul Jabar?"
liberache.wav(103K) liberache.mp3(103K) liberache.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Todd: "Why? Didi she hurt you? Do you need to cry on my shoulder?"
John: "Easy Liberache."
Todd: "Oh, would you grow up?"
getgoing.wav(81K) getgoing.mp3(81K) getgoing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Peter: "Hey, we got to get going."
Todd: "Hey, you guys can crash here if you want. I have an extra futon in the bedroom."
John: "Uh, that's a big pass Elton John."
lalalalalala.wav(167K) lalalalalala.mp3(167K) lalalalalala.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mr. Beefy: "(Snoring)"
Todd: "That is the most horifying thing I have ever seen."
floating.wav(204K) floating.mp3(204K) floating.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Valerie: "Please don't die! Nicky?"
Valerie: "Watt are you doing?"
Nicky: "I... I think I'm floating."
Valerie: "Why would you be floating?"
Nicky: "Maybe it was because of this cake I ate earlier."
deacon3.wav(63K) deacon3.mp3(63K) deacon3.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Deacon: "The hellbeast is above us! And I can smell an evil slut."
monster.wav(60K) monster.mp3(60K) monster.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "I'm not a monster. I'm not a monster."
release.wav(25K) release.mp3(25K) release.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Release the evil."
killme.wav(137K) killme.mp3(137K) killme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Now I command you, Do me!"
Nicky: "it just hurt a lot, still alive though."
jugslikethat.wav(43K) jugslikethat.mp3(43K) jugslikethat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Lucifer: "The last time I saw a pair of jugs like that, two hillbillies were blowing on them."
norespect.wav(79K) norespect.mp3(79K) norespect.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Lucifer: "As the founder of hell, I command you to stay off that throne. Hey! Even in hell, I get no respect."
felicity.wav(48K) felicity.mp3(48K) felicity.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Holly (Reese Witherspoon): "Oh, that's Felicity. I love that show. Do you watch?"
Nicky: "I haven't seen it, but I hear good things."
15minutes.wav(153K) 15minutes.mp3(153K) 15minutes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cardinal: "There is most definitely a hell."
Cardinal: "And you're all going to go there when you die. Which is in about 15 Minutes."
Deacon: "HOly bleep! We really are going to die!"
deacon4.wav(44K) deacon4.mp3(44K) deacon4.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Deacon: "Ahhhhhh! I'm really burning now!"
sosmart.wav(35K) sosmart.mp3(35K) sosmart.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Angel #1 (Jana Sandler): "God's so smart."
Angel #2 (Katie Stewart-Conner): "Like Jeopardy smart."
hurricane.wav(61K) hurricane.mp3(61K) hurricane.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Get me to the Big Apple. Cause I'm going to rock that town like a hurriacne."
shiznat.wav(30K) shiznat.mp3(30K) shiznat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Demon: "Popeye's Chicken is the shiznat."
thatspit.wav(K) thatspit.mp3(K) thatspit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Todd: "Oh my god, he just opened his mouth and swallowed that spit."
Mr. Beefy: "That turn you on thete Ru Paul?"
pillowfight.wav(54K) pillowfight.mp3(54K) pillowfight.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Oh you want to pilow fight do you. Well, let's let the fethers fly."
youcandoit.wav(52K) youcandoit.mp3(52K) youcandoit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Townie (Rob Schneider): "You can do it Nicky. Kick him in his hairy balls!"
ozzy.wav(38K) ozzy.mp3(38K) ozzy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Ozzy Osbourne (Himself): "(Laughing.)"
headoff.wav(41K) headoff.mp3(41K) headoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Townie: "You can do it Ozzy! Bite his fricken head off!"
withthis.wav(34K) withthis.mp3(34K) withthis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Ozzy: "Here, kill him with this."
homesweet.wav(111K) homesweet.mp3(111K) homesweet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Nicky: "Okay dad, but in the words of Motley Crue, this will always be my home sweet home."