Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs
 


 

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All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 22Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).


showedpictures.wav(316K) showedpictures.mp3(144K) showedpictures.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison Scott (Katherine Heigl): "You googled 'murder'?"
Sadie (Maude Apatow): "Yeah."
Alison: "Why? I mean, what did it say?"
Sadie: "It didn't say anything. It just showed pictures of people lying dead on the floor and blood everywhere, and ugh..."
Alison: "That was just ketchup."


loseweight.wav(1098K) loseweight.mp3(499K) loseweight.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jack (Alan Tudyk): "There's gonna be some things that you're gonna be able to get..."
Alison: "Okay."
Jack: "...that other people in the office don't get. One of them, gym membership."
Alison: "You want me to lose weight?"
Jack: "(laughing) No, I don't want you to lose weight."
Jill (Kristen Wiig): "No. We can't legally ask you to do that."
Jack: "We didn't say lose weight. I might say tighten."
Alison: "Tight."
Jack: "A little (making hand gestures) tighter."
Jill: "Just like toned and smaller."
Jack: "Don't make everything smaller. I don't want to generalize that way. Tighter."
Jill: "We don't want you to lose weight. We just want you to be healthy."
Alison: "Okay."
Jill: "You know, by eating less. We would just like it if you go home and step on a scale and write down how much you weigh and subtract it by, like, 20."
Alison: "Twenty."
Jill: "And then weigh that much."
Jack: "Just remember, you've got it here, you've got it here and everybody's gonna see you right there."


munich.wav(430K) munich.mp3(196K) munich.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben Stone (Seth Rogen): "You know what movie I just saw again the other day, which is bleeping, like, mind-blowing and I haven't seen it since it came out is Munich."
Jay (Jay Baruchel): "Oh, Munich!"
Jonah (Jonah Hill): "Oh, man, Munich bleeping rules."
Jay: "Munich is awesome!"
Ben: "That movie was Eric Bana kicking bleeping ass! Through every movie with Jews, we're the ones getting killed. Munich flips it on its ear. We're capping motherbleepers."
Jonah: "Not only killing but bleeping, like, taking names."


werentchosen.wav(229K) werentchosen.mp3(104K) werentchosen.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Martin: "Bleep you guys. I'm glad I'm not Jewish."
Ben: "So are we."
Jay: "Yeah, so are we."
Jonah: "Yeah, we don't need you."
Ben: "Yeah."
Martin: "Fine. Screw it."
Ben: "You weren't chosen for a reason."


toooldtobehere.wav(535K) toooldtobehere.mp3(243K) toooldtobehere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie (Leslie Mann): "It's like everyone in here is 12 years old."
Alison: "Whoo!"
Debbie: "Am I too old to be here?"
Alison: "What?"
Debbie: "Am I too old to be here?"
Alison: "No, of course not."
Debbie: "Does it look weird that I'm here?"
Alison: "No, not at all."
Debbie: "Am I hotter than these little bitches?"
Alison: "Yes! You look amazing."
Debbie: "Guys in here would bleep me, right?"
Alison: "Yes."
Debbie: "That's weird to say, but it makes me feel better."
Alison: "You look hot."
Debbie: "Okay. I believe you."




imwilmer.wav(122K) imwilmer.mp3(56K) imwilmer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Yo, a beer over here, please? You're gonna be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama."


noiwont.wav(186K) noiwont.mp3(85K) noiwont.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Well, have a great night."
Ben: "Okay, you too."
Alison: "Thanks for the beer."
Ben: "Okay, enjoy, be nice to them. I'll see you."
Alison: "Bye. Thanks again."
Ben: "No, I'll see you later. No, I won't because I'm a pussy."


shelookssmart.wav(103K) shelookssmart.mp3(47K) shelookssmart.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jason (Jason Segel): "Are you bleeping crazy, man? She looks (gestures to his chest) smart."


likeavagina.wav(94K) likeavagina.mp3(43K) likeavagina.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jason: "Let's go. Come on, follow me. You stay here. Stay here."
Martin: "Why?"
Jason: "Because your face looks like a vagina."


crockett.wav(357K) crockett.mp3(163K) crockett.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "Hey, Crockett, you still partying with Tubbs these days?"
Martin: "Come on, man. I'm getting it from all angles here. I don't like it anymore."
Jonah: "I know. I don't, either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusuf Islam?"
Martin: "Yeah, it was really awkward."
Jonah: "Alright, man. I gotta take off. See you, Scorsese-on-coke."


anotherbeardjoke.wav(214K) anotherbeardjoke.mp3(98K) anotherbeardjoke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "(Chewbacca noise)"
Martin: "What's that?"
Jay: "Chewbacca. You know, it's Chewie."
Martin: "Oh, another beard joke."
Jay: "Bleep."
Martin: "Bleeping hilarious!"


hittingonher.wav(511K) hittingonher.mp3(232K) hittingonher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "This is my sister, Debbie."
Ben: "Oh, hi, I'm Ben."
Debbie: "Hi. Ben?"
Ben: "Yes."
Debbie: "Nice to meet you."
Jason: "How you doing?"
Debbie: "Good, how are you?"
Jason: "Just trying not to stare."
Alison: "She's married."
Debbie: "Why do you have to say that?"
Alison: "What?"
Jason: "It's a shame. You're beautiful."
Debbie: "Thank you."
Alison: "She has two kids, too."
Debbie: "Shut up!"
Alison: "What? It's nothing to be ashamed of."
Ben: "You think that's gonna stop him from hitting on her? It's not at all."


ifitseverywhere.wav(233K) ifitseverywhere.mp3(106K) ifitseverywhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "I got to go. Sadie might have the chicken pox."
Jason: "I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it."
Ben: "We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes."
Jason: "It's not herpes if it's everywhere."


thedicething.wav(183K) thedicething.mp3(84K) thedicething.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "Dude, I think he's doing the dice thing too much."
Jay: "That's really all he's got."


yourcurlyhair.wav(175K) yourcurlyhair.mp3(80K) yourcurlyhair.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "I love your curly hair! It's so great. Do you, like, use a product or anything?"
Ben: "No, that's uh-- I use, uh, Jew, it's called."


excitedtowatchthat.wav(272K) excitedtowatchthat.mp3(124K) excitedtowatchthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "You wanna get out of here?"
Alison: "Yeah, let's go. You wanna come back and hang out at my place?"
Ben: "Yes. Uh, uh, uh... Yeah."
Alison: "I'll show you my audition tape. It's really funny."
Ben: "Okay, I'm really excited to watch that."
Alison: "Yeah. Let's go."


prettierthaniam.wav(148K) prettierthaniam.mp3(68K) prettierthaniam.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Man. Oh. You're prettier than I am. A lot."


didwehavesex.wav(179K) didwehavesex.mp3(82K) didwehavesex.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "I'm naked."
Alison: "Yeah."
Ben: "Did we have sex?"
Alison: "Yes."
Ben: "Nice."


whyareweawake.wav(147K) whyareweawake.mp3(68K) whyareweawake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "What time is it?"
Alison: "7:30."
Ben: "Why the bleep are we awake? Let's go back to sleep."
Alison: "I have to go to work."
Ben: "Really?"


justgottapuke.wav(388K) justgottapuke.mp3(177K) justgottapuke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "I just yacked... something nasty. I feel way better, though. I think that's like the secret. Like you gotta-- I mean, once you're hung-over, you just gotta puke. It feels so-- Did you puke?"
Alison: "No."
Ben: "You can. I won't think it's gross or anything."
Alison: "Oh, that's okay. I'm fine. I just need some some coffee, so..."


bestmedicine.wav(518K) bestmedicine.mp3(236K) bestmedicine.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed. Do you smoke- Do you smoke weed?"
Alison: "Not really."
Ben: "You don't?"
Alison: "No."
Ben: "At all?"
Alison: "Mmm-mmm."
Ben: "Like in the morning?"
Alison: "No, I just don't."
Ben: "You know, it's like-- It is, like, the best medicine. Because it fixes everything. Jonah broke his elbow once. He just got high, and it still clicks, but, I mean, he's okay."
Alison: "Right."
Ben: "Yeah."


doyousmoke.wav(235K) doyousmoke.mp3(107K) doyousmoke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed. Do you smoke- Do you smoke weed?"
Alison: "Not really."
Ben: "You don't?"
Alison: "No."
Ben: "At all?"
Alison: "Mmm-mmm."
Ben: "Like in the morning?"
Alison: "No, I just don't."


whatiremember.wav(499K) whatiremember.mp3(227K) whatiremember.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Last night was great, what I remember of it."
Alison: "Right, yeah. Yeah, no, it was fun. We had a great time."
Ben: "Yeah. So what do you do?"
Alison: "I work at E!."
Ben: "The television channel?"
Alison: "Uh-huh. Remember?"
Ben: "Wow!"
Alison: "We had this conversation last night. I told you about my promotion. I was out celebrating it. No?"
Ben: "No. I've-- I don't remember that at all."


matthewfox.wav(537K) matthewfox.mp3(244K) matthewfox.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Yeah, I'm super excited about it. I'm actually doing my first on-air interview today, so..."
Ben: "With who?"
Alison: "Matthew Fox."
Ben: "Matthew Fox from Lost?"
Alison: "Yeah."
Ben: "You know what's interesting about him?"
Alison: "What?"
Ben: "Nothing."
Alison: "What?"
Ben: "Will you tell him he's an asshole for me?"
Alison: "No."
Ben: "Someone needs to. Like who gives a shit?"
Alison: "Well, I hope a lot of people, actually, because that's what my job entails is making sure people care what he has to say. I am interviewing him."
Ben: "Maybe it's just me. Maybe I just don't give a shit. I'm just saying he deserves a beat-down."


megryan.wav(1112K) megryan.mp3(505K) megryan.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Me and my roommates have started a-- We're starting an internet website."
Alison: "Oh, cool. What is it?"
Ben: "I'll give you the virtual experience, okay? How's that? Let-- You're at your computer."
Alison: "Mmm-hmm."
Ben: "Who's an actress you like?"
Alison: "Mary Tyler Moore?"
Ben: "No. That does not work at all."
Alison: "No?"
Ben: "No. Let's say you love Meg Ryan."
Alison: "I do."
Ben: "Great. Who doesn't?"
Alison: "Yeah."
Ben: "Let's say you like her so much you wanna know every movie where she shows her tits. And not just that, but how long into that movie she shows her tits. You come to our web page, exclusively, type in 'Meg Ryan' Bam! In the Cut, 38 minutes in, 48 minutes in, like an hour and 10 minutes-- She's, like, naked that whole bleeping movie. She does full frontal in that movie."
Alison: "Wow."
Ben: "They should have called her Harry, not Sally."
Alison: "Really."
Ben: "I'll show it to you. I'll show you Meg Ryan's bush."
Alison: "Okay."
Ben: "Cool."
Alison: "Yeah, I actually need to get going."


paymentcomplications.wav(311K) paymentcomplications.mp3(142K) paymentcomplications.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Well, I mean, if you want to contact me, I don't have a cell, uh, right now, because of payment complications. But, I mean, you can email me at the web page. I check it. It's just Ben at flesh-of-the-stars, one word, dot-com."
Alison: "Yeah."
Ben: "Yeah."


brutal.wav(50K) brutal.mp3(24K) brutal.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "That was bleeping brutal."


funnyguy.wav(170K) funnyguy.mp3(78K) funnyguy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "She just really didn't seem to like me. Like, she wasn't laughing at my jokes. I mean, I'm like a funny guy. I can..."
Jay: "Bleeping funny as balls."
Jonah: "Hilarious, man."
Ben: "I'm giving her the A shit. Nothing."


sexwithher.wav(177K) sexwithher.mp3(81K) sexwithher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "I think it's awesome that you had sex with her. If a goofy guy like you had sex with her, I feel like I had sex with her also."
Ben: "I was so drunk. I just wish I remembered it."


jabbathehutt.wav(301K) jabbathehutt.mp3(137K) jabbathehutt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Brent (Bill Hader): "We should put this on YouTube."
Alison: "Shut up."
Brent: "This is hilarious."
Alison: "You're an asshole."
Brent: "Look how sweaty you are. You look like Dom DeLuise."
Alison: "I don't need to see it again. It's gonna make me throw up."
Brent: "You look like Jabba the Hutt dying. (immitates Jabba)"


kidpopsout.wav(213K) kidpopsout.mp3(97K) kidpopsout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "I mean, I've been really stressed at work. I can't remember my last period."
Debbie: "Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant till she's sitting on the toilet and a kid pops out?"
Alison: "Can you not joke right now? Don't joke right now. This is really serious."


thinkthatsbad.wav(103K) thinkthatsbad.mp3(47K) thinkthatsbad.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "Oh, good, a smiley face. Oh, I think that's bad."


thatwouldsuck.wav(299K) thatwouldsuck.mp3(136K) thatwouldsuck.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "What is this? What the hell is this? (She see a positive on her pregnancy test)"
Alison: "I think you picked up the wrong one."
Debbie: "Oh, bleep. That scared me. That would suck. I'm sorry."


comingwrong.wav(111K) comingwrong.mp3(51K) comingwrong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "He spelled 'coming' wrong. Oh, it's C--"
Alison: "Yeah."
Debbie: "Oh, that's gross."


iamyourstoner.wav(340K) iamyourstoner.mp3(155K) iamyourstoner.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "I love weed."
Jonah: "I could smoke weed every second of every day."
Ben: "Jay, I am your stoner. (laughing out of control)"


iloveweed.wav(52K) iloveweed.mp3(24K) iloveweed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "I love weed."


everysecond.wav(55K) everysecond.mp3(26K) everysecond.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "I could smoke weed every second of every day."


someonewantseconds.wav(252K) someonewantseconds.mp3(115K) someonewantseconds.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jason: "'Ben, What is your number? I need to speak to you right away. Allison Scott.'"
Everyone: "Ohhhhhhh!"
Ben: "Shit! Someone wants seconds, mama!"


smileyface.wav(183K) smileyface.mp3(84K) smileyface.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jason: "'Looking forward to speaking with you.'"
Ben: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do one of those smiley faces at the end."
Jason: "Sent."
Ben: "Those are-- Those are sexy."


anotherpiece.wav(69K) anotherpiece.mp3(32K) anotherpiece.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "Somebody wants another piece!"


shelikatheway.wav(54K) shelikatheway.mp3(25K) shelikatheway.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "She like-a the way your dick tastes!"


vincevaughn.wav(435K) vincevaughn.mp3(198K) vincevaughn.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "So how's work?"
Alison: "Great."
Ben: "How's E!?"
Alison: "Great."
Ben: "That's awesome. Do you know Vince Vaughn? Have you ever met him?"
Alison: "No."
Ben: "I really feel like we'd get along well. I just-- He seems like a fun guy I feel like we'd hang together well."
Alison: "Mmm-hmm."
Ben: "I feel like he'd like me. You know, I'm sure a lot of guys are like, 'Oh, I'd like to hang out with that celeb', but I really think he would want to hang out with me, is like the cool thing."
Alison: "I'm sure he would. Yeah."


realjob.wav(271K) realjob.mp3(123K) realjob.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "So, um, you know, the web page or whatever is just something you guys do for fun? Do you have a real job?"
Ben: "Well, that is our job."
Alison: "Oh."
Ben: "We don't technically get money for the hours we put in, but it is our job."


payrent.wav(482K) payrent.mp3(219K) payrent.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "So how do you..."
Ben: "How do I pay rent and shit?"
Alison: "Right."
Ben: "When I was in high school, I got ran over by a postal truck."
Alison: "Oh, my god."
Ben: "It was just kind of-- It was my foot more than anything. But, uh, I got like 14 grand from the British Columbia government."
Alison: "Right."
Ben: "And, uh, that really lasted me. I mean, until now. I mean, it's been almost ten years. I have like 900 bucks left. So that should last me for, like, I mean, I'm not a mathematician, but like another two years or some shit. I think."
Alison: "Yeah."


yourethefather.wav(358K) yourethefather.mp3(163K) yourethefather.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Here goes. Um... I'm pregnant."
Ben: "Bleep off."
Alison: "What?"
Ben: "What?"
Alison: "I'm pregnant."
Ben: "With emotion?"
Alison: "With a baby. You're the father."
Ben: "I'm the father."
Alison: "Yes."
Ben: "How the bleep could this happen?"
Alison: "I don't know."


impregnant.wav(130K) impregnant.mp3(60K) impregnant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Here goes. Um... I'm pregnant."
Ben: "Bleep off."
Alison: "What?"
Ben: "What?"


ibetyournotpregnant.wav(380K) ibetyournotpregnant.mp3(173K) ibetyournotpregnant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "So what happens now? I don't know how this works."
Alison: "I am going to the doctor next week, and I thought you could come with me to the gynecologist."
Ben: "So you haven't seen him, though?"
Alison: "No."
Ben: "So you don't know if you're pregnant."
Alison: "Well, I'm not 100% sure."
Ben: "You're not 100% sure. I bet you're not pregnant."


whodoesthat.wav(190K) whodoesthat.mp3(87K) whodoesthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "I can't bleeping believe you didn't wear a bag! Who does that?!"
Jason: "Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use them, man?"
Jonah: "I can't believe you did this. You bleeped everything up."


everyoneknowsthat.wav(166K) everyoneknowsthat.mp3(76K) everyoneknowsthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jason: "You gotta know all the tricks. Like, for example, if a woman's on top, she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity."
Jonah: "Well, that's true. Everyone knows that."
Jason: "What goes up, must come down."


rearyourchild.wav(613K) rearyourchild.mp3(279K) rearyourchild.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "You know what I think you should do? Take care of it."
Jay: "Tell me you don't want him to get an 'A' word."
Jonah: "Yes, I do, and I won't say it for little Baby Ears over there, but it rhymes with 'Shmashmortion.' I'm just saying-- Hold on, Jay, cover your ears. You should get a shmashmortion at the shmashmotion clinic."
Jay: "Ben, you cannot let these monsters have any part of your child's life. Alright, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna be there to rear your child."
Jason: "You here that Ben? Don't let him near the kid. He wants to rear your child!"


patriot.wav(375K) patriot.mp3(171K) patriot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "I just have a quick question. Um, do you use that Canadian flag tattoo as a cum target or some sort? Um, how many points do you get if you hit the leaf? Like a million?"
Jay: "Jonah, I am a patriot. This is a tribute to my country and my countrymen. I always aim right."
Jonah: "Right into a dude's ass."


freakofnature.wav(341K) freakofnature.mp3(155K) freakofnature.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison's Mom (Joanna Kerns): "How could you not tell them?"
Alison: "Well, They're not gonna know. I mean, I'm only gonna start to show when I'm like, I don't know, six months or something. Seven months."
Alison's Mom: "Three months."
Alison: "No."
Alison's Mom: "Three months. Fat in the face, jowls, fat ass."
Alison: "Debbie didn't get fat."
Alison's Mom: "Debbie is a freak of nature."


hypocrite.wav(292K) hypocrite.mp3(133K) hypocrite.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "I just don't know how I tell the kid not to do drugs when I do drugs. I'll feel like a hypocrite."
Ben's Dad (Harold Ramis): "Well, remember what I told you when you were a teenager?"
Ben: "What did you say?"
Ben's Dad: "I said, 'No pills, no powders.'"
Ben: "That's right. That's right."
Ben's Dad: "Right. If if grows in the ground, it's probably okay."


notthewholetime.wav(230K) notthewholetime.mp3(105K) notthewholetime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "I mean, I guess it worked. Like you told me not to smoke pot all those years, and then I found out you were smoking pot that whole time."
Ben's Dad: "Not the whole time. Just in the evenings and all day every weekend."


feelbadforyou.wav(473K) feelbadforyou.mp3(215K) feelbadforyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "When you look at me do you not think at all, like, 'You know, if he just never existed, I would have avoided a massive heap of trouble,' you know?"
Ben's Dad: "Absolutely not. I love you totally and completely. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
Ben: "I'm the best thing that ever happened to you?"
Ben's Dad: "Yeah."
Ben: "Now I just feel sorry for you you."


imonboard.wav(652K) imonboard.mp3(297K) imonboard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Okay, I know we didn't plan this and, you know, neither of us really thought it was gonna happen, but life is like that, you know. You can't plan for it. And even if we did plan, life doesn't care about your plans, necessarily. And you just kind of have to go with the plow and, you know, I know my job is to just support you in whatever it is you wanna do, and I'm in, you know. So whatever you wanna do, I'm gonna do, you know. It's-- I'm on board. Yay!"


wannatoke.wav(102K) wannatoke.mp3(47K) wannatoke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Martin: "How's it going? You wanna toke?"
Alison: "No. I'm good."


gonnahuralot.wav(323K) gonnahuralot.mp3(147K) gonnahuralot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jodi: "Hi."
Alison: "Hi."
Jodi: "I'm Jodi."
Alison: "Yeah, hi."
Jodi: "Um, I heard you were pregnant."
Alison: "Mmm-hmm."
Jodi: "Um, aren't you scared? The way it's gonna come out of you. It's gonna hurt a lot, I bet. Your vagina... Man, that's so sick."


stealsyourfood.wav(297K) stealsyourfood.mp3(135K) stealsyourfood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jodi: "Are you hungry?"
Alison: "No, I'm okay right now. Thank you."
Jodi: "You must be angry at the baby whenever it steals your food, huh? 'Oh, it's mine, not yours.' But, you know, because you're family, you guys share."
Alison: "Right."


embarrassingme.wav(446K) embarrassingme.mp3(203K) embarrassingme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "Man, my balls are shaved. My pubes are trimmed. I'm ready to bleeping rock this shit."
Jonah: "What the bleep, man.? If I go in there and see bleeping pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna bleeping lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a bleeping stuffed animal!"
Jay: "You're embarassing me in company."
Jonah: "You embarrass yourself!"


rockthis.wav(118K) rockthis.mp3(54K) rockthis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "Man, my balls are shaved. My pubes are trimmed. I'm ready to bleeping rock this shit."


losemymind.wav(245K) losemymind.mp3(112K) losemymind.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "What the bleep, man.? If I go in there and see bleeping pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna bleeping lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a bleeping stuffed animal!"


embarrassyourself.wav(80K) embarrassyourself.mp3(37K) embarrassyourself.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jay: "You're embarassing me in company."
Jonah: "You embarrass yourself!"


sexwithme.wav(319K) sexwithme.mp3(145K) sexwithme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "I mean, if this hadn't happened, I don't think I would have wanted to have a baby for like, I don't know, at least 10 years."
Ben: "At least! God, I mean, honestly, I just got used to the, like, notion that someone would have sex with me. I didn't think this would happen."


crackonatrampoline.wav(401K) crackonatrampoline.mp3(183K) crackonatrampoline.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "You can't eat sushi. You can't smoke. You can't smoke marijuana. You can't smoke crack. You can't jump on tranmpolines. This is basically a giant list of things you can't do."
Alison: "Yeah, it sounds thrilling."
Ben: "I'm gonna be sitting there on the trampoline smoking crack. And you're not gonna have anything to do. You're gonna be board."


seconddate.wav(389K) seconddate.mp3(177K) seconddate.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Okay, if this was our second date, what would you do?"
Ben: "B.J., if I'm just being honest, I would probably-- I told my roommates I thought I was gonna get a B.J., so..."
Alison: "You know what? For the sake of getting to know one another, can you not talk like that?"
Ben: "Yeah, I can do that."


sweetguy.wav(441K) sweetguy.mp3(201K) sweetguy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "You're a sweet guy, right?"
Ben: "I think I am. Yeah."
Alison: "Don't bleep me over, okay?"
Ben: "I wouldn't do that. I'm-- Just so you know, I'm the guy girls bleep over. I'm that guy. So you don't bleep me over. Okay?"
Alison: "Okay."
Ben: "I couldn't take it. I can't raise this baby alone."


breakfast.wav(349K) breakfast.mp3(159K) breakfast.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Sadie: "So he came over for breakfast because he's your new boyfriend?"
Debbie: "Yeah. He came from his house. Drove over to our house because he thought it would be fun to have breakfast with us, so he drove his car from his house to our house to have breakfast."
Pete (Paul Rudd): "Because he likes breakfast so much."


exactlyright.wav(491K) exactlyright.mp3(224K) exactlyright.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Sadie: "Where do babies come from?"
Debbie: "Where do you think they come from?"
Sadie: "Well, I think a stork he drops it down, and then a hole goes in your body, and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head, and then you push your belly button, and then your butt falls off, and then you hold your butt and you have to dig, and you find a little baby."
Debbie: "That's exactly right."


fetch.wav(268K) fetch.mp3(122K) fetch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "What do you think of him? He's funny, right?"
Debbie: "Mmm-hmm."
Ben: "Fetch. Alright, bring it back."
Debbie: "He's playing fetch with my kids. He's treating my kids like they're dogs."


lovebubbles.wav(394K) lovebubbles.mp3(179K) lovebubbles.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "They seem to love bubbles."
Pete: "Oh, god, they go ape shit over bubbles."
Ben: "They're really going ape shit."
Pete: "I mean, that's an incredible thing about a child. I mean, what's so great about bubbles?"
Ben: "They float. You can pop them. I mean, I get it. I get it."
Pete: "I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles."


shelikesyou.wav(348K) shelikesyou.mp3(159K) shelikesyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "I got to go meet gynecologists with Alison. She doesn't like her gynecologist."
Jay: "You think she likes you?"
Ben: "She's trying to."
Jay: "Yeah. She's entertaining the idea of liking you."
Ben: "Exactly. I'll take that."
Jay: "Well, she's bringing you to gynaechiatrist."
Ben: "Yeah."
Jay: "She must like you."
Ben: "That's pretty good, I think."


wannatrade.wav(161K) wannatrade.mp3(74K) wannatrade.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jodi: "Hey, you wanna trade boyfriends? Just kidding... kind of."


boobsboobsboobs.wav(293K) boobsboobsboobs.mp3(134K) boobsboobsboobs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Boobs! Boobs, boobs, boobs!"
Ben: "Pause it, pause it, pause it, pause it."
Alison: "Boobs and bush! Boobs and bush! Good boobs."
Ben: "Those are good ones! We're like 35 seconds in. Nice."
Alison: "Right at the beginning credits."
Ben: "Credit bush. You never get open credit bush."
Alison: "I know. That's so crazy."


gonnabebig.wav(191K) gonnabebig.mp3(87K) gonnabebig.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Wardrobe Lady (Tami Sagher): "I mean, your boobs are gonna be big. And then they're gonna be, like, scary big. But then they'll go down. And then they'll stay down."


chickenpox.wav(527K) chickenpox.mp3(240K) chickenpox.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "These are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood."
Pete: "Looks like your computer has chicken pox."
Debbie: "Those are sex offenders. These people live in our neighborhood."
Pete: "Well, I'll skip their houses when we're trick-or-treating. What do you want me to do? Form a posse? Got your six-shooter no you? I got my lynching rope."
Debbie: "You shouldn't take it so lightly."
Pete: "I don't take it lightly. You know, I'm not gonna go over to any of these people's houses and say, 'Hey, do you mind... Can you babysit?'."


infrontofben.wav(172K) infrontofben.mp3(79K) infrontofben.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Pete: "Don't do this in front of Ben."
Debbie: "I don't give a shit about Ben."
Pete: "Sorry, Ben."
Ben: "It's okay. I didn't think she did, anyway."


doggiestyle.wav(358K) doggiestyle.mp3(163K) doggiestyle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Okay. Can we do-- Do you wanna do doggie style?"
Alison: "No. I do not want you to bleep me like a dog."
Ben: "I'm not bleeping you like a dog. It's doggie style. It's, it's, it's just the style. It's not-- It's not like a dog. We don't have to go outside or anything."


nicethings.wav(192K) nicethings.mp3(88K) nicethings.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "You know, it's times like this I'm glad I don't own nice things. It's a big mess, but there's only like $50 worth of shit here. And that's kind of a good thing."


hesnotcheating.wav(303K) hesnotcheating.mp3(138K) hesnotcheating.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "He's not cheating on her."
Alison: "How do you know?"
Ben: "I just know."
Alison: "Are you sure?"
Ben: "I'm 100% sure he's not cheating."
Alison: "Are you really?"
Ben: "No. It actually kind of makes sense that he would cheat."
Alison: "Why?"
Ben: "'Cause Debbie's a pain in the ass and Pete's awesome."


letthedoor.wav(66K) letthedoor.mp3(31K) letthedoor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Fantasy Baseball Guy #1 (Paul Feig): "Hey, Pete, don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!"


onthewayout.wav(165K) onthewayout.mp3(76K) onthewayout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "That guys said, 'Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out.'"
Alison: "Yeah, I heard him."
Ben: "That was hilarious."


sooften.wav(144K) sooften.mp3(66K) sooften.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "How come we go to the gynecologist so often? It's like-- I bet we have to go so much so we can pay for that $300,000 machine he has."


saytothat.wav(41K) saytothat.mp3(19K) saytothat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Well, what the bleep am I supposed to say to that?"


supportme.wav(231K) supportme.mp3(103K) supportme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "You should just support me! You know, you should just support everything I say because at this juncture in my life, I'm allowed to be wrong!"
Ben: "So if you're wrong, I have to support it?"
Alison: "Yes!"
Ben: "I can't tell you..."
Alison: "Yes!"
Ben: "...that you're acting..."
Alison: "No!"
Ben: "...like a lunatic?"
Alison: "No!"


sacrificed.wav(291K) sacrificed.mp3(133K) sacrificed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "You have to do nothing!"
Ben: "I've sacrificed..."
Alison: "You just have to bleeping sit there!"
Ben: "...a lot of shit to do this!"
Alison: "You haven't sacrificed anything!"
Ben: "I have."
Alison: "I've had to sacrifice my job, my youth, my vagina!"
Ben: "You've sacrificed your vagina?"
Alison: "Yes! It will never look the same after this!"


getoutofthecar.wav(359K) getoutofthecar.mp3(164K) getoutofthecar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "You know what? Get out of the car."
Ben: "Oh, you know what? How-- Why don't you not threaten me?"
Alison: "Would you just get out of the bleeping car?"
Ben: "I'm not gonna get out of the car in the middle of nowhere! No!"
Alison: "Get out of the car!"
Ben: "No!"
Alison: "I own this car! Get out of my car!"
Ben: "No."
Alison: "Get out of my car!"
Ben: "No."
Alison: "Get out of my bleeping car!"


raymond.wav(220K) raymond.mp3(100K) raymond.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Pete: "Marriage is like an unfunny tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond. But it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever."


hateyousomuch.wav(169K) hateyousomuch.mp3(78K) hateyousomuch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Debbie: "I know you're tired. But we're gonna be untired. We're gonna go live."
Alison: "Ugh. I hate you so much sometimes."


getpinkeye.wav(43K) getpinkeye.mp3(20K) getpinkeye.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Now, that's how you get pink eye."


oldpregnant.wav(450K) oldpregnant.mp3(205K) oldpregnant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doorman: "It's not 'cause you're not hot. I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in 'cause you're old as bleep... for this club, not, you know, for the Earth."
Debbie: "What?"
Doorman: "You old. She pregnant. Can't have a bunch of old, pregnant bitches running around. That's crazy."


fivepercent.wav(262K) fivepercent.mp3(120K) fivepercent.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Doorman: "I'm only allowed to let in 5% black people. He said that: 5%. That means if there's 25 people here, I get to let in one-and-a-quarter black people. So I got to hope there's a black midget in the crowd."


cheaperbythedozen.wav(243K) cheaperbythedozen.mp3(111K) cheaperbythedozen.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "This isn't funny. The guy has 12 kids. It's not funny. It's-- This is sick. This is a sick movie. That's a lot of responsibility to be joking about. That's not funny."


turnthisoff.wav(47K) turnthisoff.mp3(22K) turnthisoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "I gotta turn this off. It's freaking me out."


fivechairs.wav(709K) fivechairs.mp3(322K) fivechairs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Pete: "There are five different types of chairs in this hotel room."
Ben: "Holy bleep. What are they all doing in here?"
Pete: "These are five different types of chairs."
Ben: "Get them out of here, man. This is too many chairs for one room."
Pete: "There's a guy that works for this hotel. His whole job is to find chairs. Look at this one. Look at it. It's gold and red, and it's kind of shiny. Shiny thread? Unbelievable. It is beautiful and it feels amazing."
Ben: "The tall one's gawking at me and the short one's being very droll. I don't like them."
Pete: "Oh, wow."
Ben: "It's weird that chairs even exist when you're not sitting on them."
Pete: "I'm up high. I'm really high up."


likeme.wav(461K) likeme.mp3(210K) likeme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Pete: "Do you ever wonder how someone could even like you?"
Ben: "All the time, man. Like every day. I wonder how you like me."
Pete: "How can Debbie like me? She likes me. I mean, she loves me. The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. She loves me so much that she wants me around all the time. That's our biggest problem. And I can't even accept that? Like, that upsets me?"


theysaidthat.wav(83K) theysaidthat.mp3(38K) theysaidthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "They said that?"
Sadie: "A lot."
Ben: "That sucks."


gaberuth.wav(407K) gaberuth.mp3(185K) gaberuth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Well, that was fast, you pussy."
Pete: "I'm a p-- You're the one that got dressed up like a cholo on Easter to come to this party."
Ben: "How are things at Butt-Bleeping-Ham Palace?"
Pete: "You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother, Gabe Ruth."
Ben: "Well played, sir. That was good."


legoland.wav(249K) legoland.mp3(114K) legoland.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Pete: "What is there left to want? I get to go to Legoland. Say it."
Alison and the Kids: "Legoland!"
Pete: "Legoland!"
Debbie: "Don't get them all riled up bofore the drive."
Pete: "Oh, I shouldn't have given them all that meth, then."


noose.wav(569K) noose.mp3(259K) noose.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "Is he depressed?"
Jason: "You depressed?"
Ben: "No, I feel great. I like it."
Jonah: "Ask him if he's gonna kill himself."
Jason: "You gonna kill yourself?"
Ben: "No, I'm not. Okay? Thank you."
Jonah: "Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck. It's dangerous."
Jason: "You shouldn't jerk off with a noose around your neck 'cause it's dangerous."
Ben: "Okay. Very good."
Jonah: "Oh, and tell him if he has to, tell him he needs a teammate or a spotter there."
Jason: "Right. And if you do, um, you should have a teammate or a spotter there."


hurry.wav(631K) hurry.mp3(287K) hurry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Please, please, please hurry."
Ben: "I'll just-- So should I-- I'll meet you at the hospital, okay?"
Alison: "No! Don't meet me at the hospital! NO, no, I need you to drive me. I can't drive. I can't drive like this."
Ben: "No? You can't drive? Okay. I'll get gas and then I'll pick you up."
Alison: "You have to get gas?"
Ben: "I need to just get cash."
Alison: "No, don't get cash! Just, just come."
Ben: "I need to get cash because my car's on empty, I won't even make it there."
Alison: "No, just come right now! I'm not bleeping around, okay?! This is serious and I'm alone! It's the last thing you need to do is-- Just get here!"
Ben: "Look, if you keep yelling at me, I'm never gonna get there. You just need to calm down for two-- (She hangs up on him)"


itsokayididnt.wav(228K) itsokayididnt.mp3(104K) itsokayididnt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "I shouldn't have told you you were a bleeping lunatic. I shouldn't have said that. I feel terrible about it and, uh..."
Alison: "No, it's okay. We're past it. We're past it. I'm sorry I told you to bleep your bong."
Ben: "It's okay. I didn't."


drhoward.wav(765K) drhoward.mp3(348K) drhoward.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Dr Howard's Voice Mail (Loudon Wainwright III): "Hello, it's Dr. Howard. I'm not here right now. Please leave a message. (beep)"
Ben: "Hey, Doc Howard. Ben Stone calling. Guess what the bleep's up? Alison's going into labor and you are not bleeping here. No, where are you? You're at a bleeping bar mitzvah in San Francisco, you motherbleeping piece of shit! And you know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm gonna have to kill you. I'm gonna have to pop a bleeping cap in your ass. You're dead! You're Tupac! You are bleeping Biggie, you piece of shit! I hope you bleeping die or drop the bleeping chair and kill that bleeping kid! Hope your plane crashes. Peace, bleeper! (Hangs up)"


nicemessage.wav(311K) nicemessage.mp3(142K) nicemessage.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Hope your plane crashes. Peace, bleeper! (Hangs up)"
Alison: "Hey."
Ben: "Hey."
Alison: "Did you talk to him?"
Ben: "I didn't talk to him directly. I left him a very nice message, though."


myroomnow.wav(587K) myroomnow.mp3(267K) myroomnow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Ben: "Look, Debbie, you are high off your ass if you think you're coming into that room. If you take one step towards that door, I will tell security there's a crazy chick in a pink dress snatching up babies. Okay? So don't even try to come into that room. That's my room now. That little area with the Pepsi machine, that's your area. My room. Your area. Stay in your area. Stay out of my room. Back the bleep off."


otherpregnantwomen.wav(298K) otherpregnantwomen.mp3(136K) otherpregnantwomen.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "Ahhh! I feel everything! Oh my god! It's happening!"
Male Nurse (Adam Scott): "Okay, maybe we can take it down just a little. I think you're gonna scare the other pregnant women."
Alison: "Are you bleeping kidding me?!"
Male Nurse: "Okay."
Alison: "Are you kidding me?!"


gointhere.wav(209K) gointhere.mp3(95K) gointhere.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Jonah: "What did it look like?"
Jay: "I shouldn't have gone in there. Don't go in there. Promise me you don't go in there."
Jonah: "Me, go in there? That's the last bleeping place I wanna go. Like I'm gonna go in there."


gotsobored.wav(56K) gotsobored.mp3(26K) gotsobored.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Martin: "You ever get so bored you just stare at your balls?"


soslow.wav(228K) soslow.mp3(104K) soslow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Alison: "I would yell at you about driving so slow, except the baby's here."
Ben: "No, these guys can honk all they want. I ain't going faster than 12. It might take us around three hours to get home, though."

 
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