Movie Quotes - Movie Sounds - Movie Wavs
 


 

The Jerk price at: amazon, buy.com


All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).


black.wav(37K) black.mp3(37K) black.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "I was born a poor black child."


god_bless.wav(32K) god_bless.mp3(32K) god_bless.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "God bless us, everyone."


not_our.wav(421K) not_our.mp3(421K) not_our.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "It's like I don't fit in. It's like I don't belong here."
Mother: "It's your birthday, and it's time you knew. Navin, you're not our natural born child."
Navin: "I'm not?"
Mother: "You were left on our doorstep. But we raised you like you were one of us."
Navin: "You mean I'm going to stay this color? (Navin cries)"
Mother: "Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboons ass. (Navin and his mom hug. Taj walks in.)"


color.wav(21K) color.mp3(21K) color.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"


baboon.wav(37K) baboon.mp3(37K) baboon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Mother: "I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass."




blues.wav(119K) blues.mp3(119K) blues.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Taj: "You wanna, wanna come in and sing some blues?"
Navin: "No thanks Taj. There's something about those songs. They depress me."


music.wav(324K) music.mp3(324K) music.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "It speaks to me! Taj, Dad, this is unbelievable! Now watch, watch! Well if this is out there just think how much more is out there! This is the kind of music that tells me to go out there and be somebody!"
Mother: "But Navin!"
Father: "Let him go."


alright.wav(189K) alright.mp3(189K) alright.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Father: "You see that?"
Navin: "Yeah."
Father: "That's bleep. And this, "shinola."
Navin: "Shit, shinola."
Father: "Son, you're going to be all right."


shinola.wav(20K) shinola.mp3(20K) shinola.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Shit... Shineola"


doctor.wav(53K) doctor.mp3(53K) doctor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Lord loves a workin' man... Don't trust whity... See a doctor and get rid of it."


repay.wav(333K) repay.mp3(333K) repay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "I'm hitchhiking."
Driver: "Where are you going?"
Navin: "St. Louis. How far are you going?"
Driver: "To the end of this fence."
Navin: "O.k. (he gets in the truck) I'm Navin Johnson. What's your name sir?"
Driver: "Here we are!"
Navin: "O.k. Thanks for the company. I hope I can repay you someday."


fence.wav(56K) fence.mp3(56K) fence.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Car Driver: "How far you goin'?"
Navin: "St. Louis. How far you goin'?."
Car Driver: "To the end of this fence."


st_louis.wav(86K) st_louis.mp3(86K) st_louis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Driver: "St. Louis?"
Navin: "No, Navin Johnson."
Driver: "No, do you want a lift to St. Louis?"
Navin: "Oh! O.k., thanks!"


job.wav(265K) job.mp3(265K) job.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harry: "Hey pop top! Hey silverbird! I'm talking to you."
Navin: "Huh?"
Harry: "Listen, do you want to be president of Texaco oil?"
Navin: "Sure!"
Harry: "Then clean up the sink in there."
Navin: "And then I'll be president of Texaco oil?"
Harry: "What ever happened to working your way up? He's not working for me ten minutes and already he wants to be president of Texaco oil."
Navin: "But sir, I don't work here."
Harry: "Not even for $1.10 an hour?"


job1.wav(312K) job1.mp3(312K) job1.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Dear folks, I got this great job in a gas station. I don't want to say how much I'm getting, but lets just say its a lot. I'm enclosing two dollars."
Father: "That's a good boy."
Navin: "It's a lot of fun working and Mr. Hartounian is really nice. He's teaching me how to be impatient."
Harry: "Navin!"
Navin: "Well, I gotta go now. What do you think I do? Write letters all day?"


afford.wav(600K) afford.mp3(600K) afford.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harry: "Come with me. I've got a beautiful little place for you to stay. Put the light on. You're going to like it here."
Navin: "(Back in the bathroom at the gas station) Like it? I love it! This is fabulous! I mean, you've got the toilet here! This must be the kitchen! (he looks in the stall) No. You know what I could do is take this wall and just turn it this way so I've a much larger living space plus, it will create a flow into the main living area. It will be incredible. No, no, I'll just elevate this about 6 inches, create the illusion of two rooms and yet still have that flow. And I could take bookshelves and put it here, no, I'll put the books right over here, that way I could be relaxing over here, the customers could come in, use the urinals, I won't disturb them, they won't disturb me, it..."
Harry: "Take it easy, it's not here. It's in here."
Navin: "Oh. I couldn't afford this anyway."


postcard1.wav(442K) postcard1.mp3(442K) postcard1.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harry: "Well, this is it."
Navin: "It's perfect! I won't have to change this at all!"
Harry: "Take a look. No kitchen, no windows, no chairs, no tables. It's a masterpiece of understatement. I'll put a bed down here, get a bigger bulb. I'll bring some sheets from the house, you'll be set for life!"
Navin: "How much is this gonna to cost me?"
Harry: "Nothing! When you're rich and famous, you'll send me a postcard."
Navin: "Postcard huh? (he thinks...) O.k. It's a deal."


credit_card.wav(559K) credit_card.mp3(559K) credit_card.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "I got it! Just send a police car over. Mrs. Neusebalm's credit card! I got the guys who stole it! (the guys outside honk their horn)"
Navin: "Hold on they're calling me. I'll be right back. (Navin runs back out to the car)"
Navin: "Yes?"
Driver: "Yeah, throw a couple of tires in the trunk - put it on the card - radials."
Navin: "O.k."
Jerry: "Make 'em whitewalls!"
Navin: "Yes sir Mr. Neusebalm! (Navin runs back to the phone)"
Navin: "I'm back, only its worse than I thought. They're not only sticking us for gas but they're grabbing tires and everything! They're really sacking it to us! Yeah, it's Hartounian's gas station at the corner... Hang on a second, I don't want to get them suspicious. Don't worry, I can keep 'em here. I saw this trick in a movie."


rigged_it.wav(455K) rigged_it.mp3(455K) rigged_it.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Anything else?"
Driver: "Yeah."
Jerry: "And we'll take the money you got in your pocket."
Navin: "Oh sure, I'll just put it on the card. Hey guess what! You're out eighth customer today - you won a free oven mitt! I'll go get it for ya. (Navin saunters back to phone)"
Navin: "Yeah, I'm back. Uh huh. Yeah, they're going to be here for a while. Don't worry, I've rigged it."
Driver: "You guys want to stick around for an oven mitt?"
Jerry: "Nah."


church.wav(337K) church.mp3(337K) church.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "(the car starts to pull away, despite the rope. Only, it is dragging the church behind it) Um, they might not be here, uh, exactly, uh, when you get back, but uh, it's a blue Chevy two door and it will be going south on Hertatto street. No, I can't make out the license number but, uh, it will be pulling a small church. So any blue Chevy pulling a small church, I figure that'd be the one. Yeah, uh huh."


phone1.wav(474K) phone1.mp3(474K) phone1.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Oh, my God! (Navin takes the book.) Thank you. (he rips through the book, looking for something)"
Navin: "The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!"
Harry: "Well I wish I could get so excited about nothing."
Navin: "Nothing? Are you kidding?! Page 73, Johnson, Navin, R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity, you're name in print, that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now."


phone.wav(30K) phone.mp3(30K) phone.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!"


things.wav(36K) things.mp3(36K) things.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Things are going to start happening to me now."


random.wav(53K) random.mp3(53K) random.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Madman: "Bastard, random son of a bitch, typical run of the mill bastard."


blocking.wav(14K) blocking.mp3(14K) blocking.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Madman: "Son of blocking bastard!"


bastard.wav(77K) bastard.mp3(77K) bastard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Madman: "Got ya, you lavish typical blocking of the view of a bleep damn average victim bastard."


damn.wav(43K) damn.mp3(43K) damn.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stan: "Damn these glasses!"
Navin: "Yes sir. I damn thee!"


50_50.wav(84K) 50_50.mp3(84K) 50_50.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Stan: "You know, I make a pretty good living selling bleep like this. I tell you what, if I can develop this gizmo, I'll split with you fifty fifty."
Navin: "O.k."


defective.wav(720K) defective.mp3(720K) defective.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Hey Harry, look at this! What's the matter with these cans?"
Madman: "Die milk face! (more cans pop)"
Navin: "These cans are defective - they're springing leaks! Come over here and look at this!"
Harry: "Listen, you better run for cover or you're going to spring a leak!"
Navin: "Huh?"
Harry: "We don't have defective cans, we have a defective person out there!"
Navin: "He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!"
Madman: "Die gas pumper! (the glass on a pump breaks)"
Navin: "Get away from those cans! (Navin runs inside the station)"
Navin: "There's cans in there too! (the gas station window breaks)"
Navin: "More cans!"
Madman: "Die you bastard!"
Harry: "He doesn't want to put holes in the cans, he want to put holes in you!"
Navin: "What?"
Madman: "Milk faced bastard!"
Navin: "Oh my God, I'm endangering your life! Cover me!"


cans.wav(40K) cans.mp3(40K) cans.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Hey Harry, look at this. What's the matter with these cans?"


leaks.wav(61K) leaks.mp3(61K) leaks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "These cans are defective - they're springing leaks! Come over here and look at this!"


he_hates.wav(52K) he_hates.mp3(52K) he_hates.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!"


gas.wav(32K) gas.mp3(32K) gas.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Crazy Guy: "Die gas pumper! (gun shot)"


cover_me.wav(19K) cover_me.mp3(19K) cover_me.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Cover me!"
Harry: "You're covered."


farting.wav(254K) farting.mp3(254K) farting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "So mom, when I told Mr. Hartounian I'd come back, he said, "Don't be a putz. See the world. Me you've seen already. So I got a job with SJM Fiesta Shows as a weight guesser. Frosty my boss tells me there's a big future in weight guessing. Enclosed is four dollars and seventy five cents for my loving family. P.S. Is grandma still farting?"


weight.wav(480K) weight.mp3(480K) weight.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "For one dollar I'll guess you weight, your height, or your sex. The most exciting thing on the midway. Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional. You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest, but you're not going to fool the guesser. How about you sir? Step right up!"
Carnival Rube: "Hey honey, let's see how good this guy is. What'd I win?"
Navin: "Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers."


profit.wav(445K) profit.mp3(445K) profit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Frosty, I'm no good at this."
Frosty: "Aw come on Navin, you're doing fine."
Navin: "I've already given away eight pencils, two hoola dolls and an ashtray and I've only taken in fifteen dollars."
Frosty: "Navin, you have taken in fifteen dollars and given away fifty cents worth of crap, which gives us a net profit of fourteen dollars and fifty cents."
Navin: "Ah! It's a profit deal! Takes the pressure off! Get your weight guessed right here! Only a buck! Actual live weight guessing! Take a chance and win some crap!"


crap.wav(59K) crap.mp3(59K) crap.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Carnival Owner: "Navin, you have taken in $15 and given away 50 cents worth of crap."


place.wav(334K) place.mp3(334K) place.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "What a great place! You know, you can tell so much about a person from the way they live. Just looking around here I can tell you're a genuinely dirty person. What do I do with this? (Patty takes the helmet and throws it across the trailer) Oh, you keep it there. Where's your garbage?"


dirty.wav(84K) dirty.mp3(84K) dirty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "You know, you can tell so much about a person from the way they live. Just looking around here I can tell you're a genuinely dirty person."


special.wav(629K) special.mp3(629K) special.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Patty: "(she lies down on the bed) You know what I'd like to do?"
Navin: "What?"
Patty: "Guess your weight."
Navin: "Hey, that would be interesting for me, no one has tried to guess my weight! You see, I guess their weights..."
Patty: "Put your arms up."
Navin: "This will give me a whole different perspective on this. (Patty squeezes Navin's backside) Hey! You're really trying to be accurate! Is it getting hot in here? Wait a minute - what's happening to my special purpose?"
Patty: "What's your special purpose?"
Navin: "Well when I was a kid my mom told me... there goes my special purpose! And someday I'd find out what my special purpose was!"
Patty: "Today's the day!"
Navin: "(the whole trailer shakes) Hey, this is like a ride!"


do_it_a_lot.wav(576K) do_it_a_lot.mp3(576K) do_it_a_lot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Grandmother: "(reading a letter) My dear family, guess what. Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I'll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin. (she stops reading) And he's got the kisses here."
Father: "That Patty must be a sweet girl."
Mother: "God bless her."


name_on.wav(268K) name_on.mp3(268K) name_on.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Do you ever think we'd get to know each other well enough to kiss?"
Patty: "We don't have to. You're my man. It's like we're married. Look at my ass."
Navin: "Gosh! You have my last name tattooed right there under the j's! First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass! You know, I bet more people see that then the phone book."


bullBLEEP.wav(100K) bullBLEEP.mp3(100K) bullBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Marie: "Have you seen a five years old boy, blond hair and he's wearing a t-shirt that says "Bullbleep" on it?"
Navin: "No, there was this one kid earlier who was wearing a t-shirt that says "Life Sucks" on it."


hold_this.wav(166K) hold_this.mp3(166K) hold_this.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Marie: "(Billy has climbed on board the miniature train) There he is! Hey Billy!"
Navin: "Hey, come back here! (The trains begins to leave, Navin starts to run after it)"
Navin: "Pull the lever! Pull the lever! Hold that (Navin hands Marie his oil can) and these (his gloves) and take my keys and hold my wallet!"


go_out_with.wav(504K) go_out_with.mp3(504K) go_out_with.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Oh Miss? I was, was just standing here right now, and I was wondering if you wern't doing anything tomorrow, that maybe you might want to go out with me?"
Marie: "What?"
Navin: "(he is mumbling) Maybe you might want to go out with me?"
Marie: "Are you trying to ask me for a date?"
Navin: "(mumbling) Well..."
Marie: "Once for now, twice for yes. (Navin stomps his foot twice)"
Navin: "O.k."
Marie: "Um... you're so cute. How about three thirty tomorrow at the Roundup?"


once_4.wav(54K) once_4.mp3(54K) once_4.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Aowoub..."
Marie: "Once for no... Twice for yes."


roses.wav(290K) roses.mp3(290K) roses.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Marie: "What happened?"
Navin: "Oh, it was unbelievable. These guys jumped me, tried to get these flowers. I got them for you. Kind of a traditional date deal."
Marie: "Yeah, I've heard of that. What were they?"
Navin: "Uh, a couple of dozen roses."
Marie: "Look like daisy stems."
Navin: "What? That guy gipped me! Put daisy stems on my roses!"


she.wav(241K) she.mp3(241K) she.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Hey, look, these hoodlums are dangerous. I think we outta get out of here before she sees us."
Marie: "She?"
Navin: "What?"
Marie: "She."
Navin: "No, no, I always call a gang "she". It's like when you call a boat "she" or a hurricane "she"."
Marie: "Or a girl?"
Navin: "A girl. You can call a girl she. That's just one of the many things you can call a she."


cup_o_pizza.wav(104K) cup_o_pizza.mp3(104K) cup_o_pizza.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Marie: "Good pizza. (the two of them are eating pizza in a cup)"
Navin: "Oh, this is the best pizza in a cup ever. This guy is unbelievable. He ran the old Cup 'o Pizza guy out of business. People come from all over to eat this."


cosmetologist.wav(189K) cosmetologist.mp3(189K) cosmetologist.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Are you a model?"
Marie: "No. I'm a cosmetologist."
Navin: "Really? A cosmetologist? That's unbelievable! That's impressive! It must be tough to handle weightlessness!"


what_is.wav(38K) what_is.mp3(38K) what_is.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Patty: "What is she, some great piece of ass?"
Navin: "She's no great piece of ass."


belong.wav(1272K) belong.mp3(1272K) belong.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin and Marie: "(Navin is playing the ukulele, him and Marie are singing)
I know, I know,
You belong to somebody new,
But tonight, you belong to me.

Although, although,
We're apart, you're part of my heart,
And tonight, you belong to me.

Way down by the stream,
How sweet it would seem,
Once more just to breathe in the moonlight my honey...

I know, I know,
With the dawn, that you will be gone,
But tonight, you belong to me.
Just to little ol' me.

(Marie brings out a coronet, she plays a solo, then the song ends)"


spit.wav(395K) spit.mp3(395K) spit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "You know, while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up and float right down the end of this coronet, right through here, through these vales, right along this tube, and right up against your lips and give you a kiss."
Marie: "Why didn't you?"
Navin: "I didn't want to get spit on me."


special2.wav(186K) special2.mp3(186K) special2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "I've got one! I've got a special purpose!"
Marie: "You do?"
Navin: "Yes, it's fantastic! It's great! It's unbelievable! And I was afraid to tell you about it - your mother's going to love me!"


awake.wav(1379K) awake.mp3(1379K) awake.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Marie, are you awake? Good. You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. I'm glad because there is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that. You give me confidence in myself. I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I'm going to ask you to marry me, if that's o.k. with you. Just don't say anything. You've made me very happy."


sheet.wav(168K) sheet.mp3(168K) sheet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "There is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that."


weeks.wav(721K) weeks.mp3(721K) weeks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow."


marry.wav(247K) marry.mp3(247K) marry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I'm going to ask you to marry me, if that's o.k. with you. Just don't say anything. You've made me very happy."


thurmas.wav(368K) thurmas.mp3(368K) thurmas.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Honey, guess what - I wrote a song for you this morning.
(Navin is singing)
I'm picking out a thermos for you.
Not an ordinary thermos for you.
But the extra best thermos that you can buy,
With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in!
I'm picking out a thermos for you,
And maybe a barometer too,
And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely,
A rear end thermometer too."


question.wav(597K) question.mp3(597K) question.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Honey? There's a question I've been wanting to pop, but I was afraid you'd say no, but this seems like the right time and place, so here goes. Honey, will you marry me? (Shithead barks)"
Navin: "Yahoo! Come on, lets seal it with a kiss! Get in the tub with me! (Shithead jumps in the bathtub) Not you Shithead, where's Marie? (Shithead barks)"
Navin: "What letter? (Shithead barks, Navin picks up the wet letter off the floor.)"
Navin: "(reading) Dear Nabbbin, Rouuu here eeerrr I searrrr forward to tell mmmuuuhhhuuurrr to be..."


dog.wav(295K) dog.mp3(295K) dog.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Honey? There's a question I've been wanting to pop, but I was afraid you'd say no, but this seems like the right time and place, so here goes. Honey, will you marry me? (Shithead barks)"
Navin: "Yahoo! Come on, lets seal it with a kiss! Get in the tub with me! (Shithead jumps in the bathtub) Not you Shithead, where's Marie?"


letter.wav(184K) letter.mp3(184K) letter.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "(reading) Dear Nabbbin, Rouuu here eeerrr I searrrr forward to tell mmmuuuhhhuuurrr to be..."


food.wav(882K) food.mp3(882K) food.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "It's not going to be easy Shithead. We've been together a long time, but I've got to head down that road and there'll be times out there when there won't be enough food for two and I won't be able... (Shithead runs off)"
Navin: "Hey! Wait a minute! I'm not done yet! Come back, I'm not finished! I have some more to tell you! (Shithead comes back) You'll find a family who can give you a real home with loving kids and a warm fireplace. Now I never liked you anyway, now get out of here. O.k., o.k. you win, you can go with me."


blond.wav(102K) blond.mp3(102K) blond.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "You'd love her mom, she looks just like you. Except she's white and blond."


250.wav(2005K) 250.mp3(2005K) 250.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Yes, I have a cashiers check, I'd like to cash it."
Bank Manager: "How much is it for?"
Navin: "Two hundred and fifty big ones. Two hundred and fifty dollarinies. Two hundred and fifty donuts. (the bank manager opens up the check and sees the amount - it is a little more than two hundred and fifty donuts)"
Bank Manager: "You want to cash this?"
Navin: "Well, I could take fifty of the donuts and deposit the other two hundred beauties."
Bank Manager: "Take a seat, Mr., ah, Johnson. I will need two pieces of identification."
Navin: "Ah yes, I have my temporary drivers licence, and my astronaut application form. I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth. I didn't get the job."
Bank Manager: "Everything's in order, if you'll just endorse this, there."
Navin: "I need a pen."
Bank Manager: "A pen."
Navin: "Right here. Thank you."
Bank Manager: "And uh, fill out this deposit slip, right there."
Navin: "Alright, endorsing and filling out the deposit slip. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. (Navin is a little surprised at his new-found wealth, in fact, a lot surprised)"


postcard.wav(464K) postcard.mp3(464K) postcard.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Harry: "(reading) Dear Harry, guess what. I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams, but I haven't forgotten our deal. Here's that postcard I promised you. I bet you thought you'd never get it huh! Your friend forever, Navin. Promised me a postcard, and he sent me a postcard. The kid has integrity."


75.wav(205K) 75.mp3(205K) 75.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Yeah, I've been trying to contact her, I don't know where she is. I'd give anything to find out. Well that sounds a little high... how about seventy five dollars?"


house.wav(1177K) house.mp3(1177K) house.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "(reading) Well mom, remember my dream of owning a big house on a hill and how I used to wish for a living room with a plaster lion in it from Mexico and how I always wanted a large twenty four seat dining table in a dining room with original oil paintings by Michelangelo and Rembrandt and remember how I always wanted a rotating bed with pink chiffon and zebra stripes and remember how I used to chit chat with dad about always wanting a bathtub shaped like a clam and an office with orange and white stripes and remember how much I wanted an all red billiard room with a giant stuffed camel and how I wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers and a party room with fancy friends and remember how much I wanted a big backyard with Grecian statues, s-shaped hedges and three swimming pools? Well, I got that too."


hobart.wav(255K) hobart.mp3(255K) hobart.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Poor Hobart. Hester took some money out of her savings account, and had to pay a substantial penalty for early withdrawal. (Hester is shown outside being shot at by a firing squad)"


select.wav(603K) select.mp3(603K) select.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Select class. Very, very good."
Boss: "We'll keep the eggplants out!"
Navin: "Ah good! We don't want any vegetables."
Con Man: "Na, na. The jungle bunnies!"
Navin: "Oh of course! They'll eat the vegetables!"
Con Man: "Boss, could I talk to him? We're going to keep out the niggers!"
Navin: "The what?"
Boss: "The niggers! We'll keep 'em out."
Navin: "Sir, you are talking to a nigger!"


fresh.wav(402K) fresh.mp3(402K) fresh.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Waiter: "Would monsieur care for another bottle of Chateau Latour?"
Navin: "Ah yes, but no more 1966. Lets splurge! Bring us some fresh wine! The freshest you've got - this year! No more of this old stuff."
Waiter: "Oui monsieur."
Navin: "He doesn't realise he's dealing with sophisticated people here."


snails.wav(1013K) snails.mp3(1013K) snails.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Marie, now just stay calm. Stay calm. Don't look down, don't look down! Look up! Just keep your eyes up and keep them that way, o.k.! Waiter there are snails on her plate. Now get them out of here before she sees them! Look away, just look away, keep your eyes that way! You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails there you can't even see the food! Now take those away and bring us those melted cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of!"
Waiter: "Oui monsieur."
Navin: "Can you believe this? First, they didn't have the bamboo umbrellas for the wine, and now snails on the food! Two boobs! That's what he takes us for!"


snails2.wav(47K) snails2.mp3(47K) snails2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "There are snails on her plate..."
Marie: "(Gasping at Navin's stupidity)"


yelled_cut.wav(50K) yelled_cut.mp3(50K) yelled_cut.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Carl Reiner: "If I had yelled cut on time those actors would be alive today."


109.wav(207K) 109.mp3(207K) 109.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Pay to the order of Mrs. Wilbur Stark, one dollar and nine cents!"


1092.wav(214K) 1092.mp3(214K) 1092.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "Pay to the order of Iron Balls McGinty, one dollar and nine cents!"


all_i_need.wav(2324K) all_i_need.mp3(2324K) all_i_need.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "And I don't need any of this! I don't need this stuff, (he pushes all of the letters off the desk), and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this (he picks up the ashtray) and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair."


dog2.wav(227K) dog2.mp3(227K) dog2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "And I don't need one other thing except my dog. (Shithead growls) Well I don't need my dog."


smell.wav(204K) smell.mp3(204K) smell.m4r(iPhone ringtone)

Navin: "I'd kiss you but I'm so dirty."
Marie: "Dirt doesn't bother me. But the smell does! Oh, Navin!"

 
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