All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

dumping.wav(71K) dumping.mp3(71K)

Fiona (Kristin Kreuk): "Scott, we need to talk."
Scott 'Scotty' Thomas (Scott Mechlowicz): "Yeah, about what?"
Fiona: "About me dumping you."
Scotty: "Huh?"

cheating.wav(115K) cheating.mp3(115K)

Scotty: "What do you mean, you're dumping me?"
Fiona: "Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore."
Scotty: "What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you."
Fiona: "I know. That's what makes this so hard."

itsnotyouitsme.wav(129K) itsnotyouitsme.mp3(129K)

Fiona: "Scotty, it's not you. It's me. There I go, lying again. No, it was you. You're just so... predictable."

letterjacket.wav(121K) letterjacket.mp3(121K)

Fiona: "Here's your letter jacket back. Goodbye."
Scotty: "This isn't mine."
Scott's Dad (Jeffrey Tambor): "Well, she's a keeper, huh?"

fiona.wav(12K) fiona.mp3(12K)

Scotty: "Fiona!"

sobrutal.wav(65K) sobrutal.mp3(65K)

Cooper Harris (Jacob Pitts): "This is just so brutal. And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on."

stayblack.wav(10K) stayblack.mp3(10K)

Cooper: "Stay black, Bert."

fiona2.wav(16K) fiona2.mp3(16K)

Bert (Nial Iskhakov): "Fiona!"

mailmotherBLEEPer.wav(11K) mailmotherBLEEPer.mp3(11K)

Computer: "Mail, motherbleeper!"

beepmailmother.wav(17K) beepmailmother.mp3(17K)

Computer: "Beep Beep. Mail, motherbleeper!"

penpal.wav(64K) penpal.mp3(64K)

Scotty: "Greetings from your American pen pal."
Cooper: "Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals."

genitals.wav(168K) genitals.mp3(168K)

Cooper: "Listen to yourself, all right? You met a 'cool guy on the internet.' This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know, he'll want to 'arrange a meeting', uh, where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, and make a wing chime out of your genitals."

losers.wav(12K) losers.mp3(12K)

Jenny (Michelle Trachtenberg): "What's up, losers?"

awhore.wav(23K) awhore.mp3(23K)

Jenny: "Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore."

imagirl.wav(127K) imagirl.mp3(127K)

Cooper: "There's gotta be 100 drunk girls here, and we should be trying to have sex with every one of 'em."
Jenny: "Hello, mixed company?"
Cooper: "What?"
Jenny: "I'm a girl."
Scotty: "No, you're not."
Cooper: "Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair."

twinbrother.wav(17K) twinbrother.mp3(17K)

Scotty: "So, where's your evil twin brother at?"

worsttwins.wav(68K) worsttwins.mp3(68K)

Jenny: "Why'd you get me gin and tonic? I hate gin."
Jamie (Travis Wester): "You do?"
Cooper: "You guys are the worst twins ever."

greatparty.wav(51K) greatparty.mp3(51K)

Scotty: "Hey, Wade. Great party, buddy."
Wade: "(Muffled screaming while taped to a tree.)"

soawesome.wav(36K) soawesome.mp3(36K)

Jenny: "Uh, it's gonna be so awesome!"
Jamie: "Yeah."

seemyballs.wav(97K) seemyballs.mp3(97K)

Jamie: "I have planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun!"
Scotty: "You brought a guidebook to a party?"
Jamie: "Do you guys wanna see my itenerary?"
Cooper: "Do you wanna see my balls?"

littlegay.wav(224K) littlegay.mp3(224K)

Jenny: "I heard, two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met this really wealthy French guy, and they spent a month saling the Mediterranean on his yacht. Isn't the most romantic thing you've ever heard?"
Cooper: "Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay."
Jenny: "It's not gay. I'm a girl."
Scotty: "Kinda gay."
Cooper: "A little gay."

pregnant.wav(30K) pregnant.mp3(30K)

Cooper: "All right, I gotta piss like a pregnant woman."

sexpuppet.wav(184K) sexpuppet.mp3(184K)

Donny (Matt Damon): "Hey, listen up, everybody. Gotta little special thing I'd like to do tonight. Gonna play a little song for you about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know, Fiona."

scottydoesntknow.wav(284K) scottydoesntknow.mp3(284K)

Lustra: "Short clip of "Scotty Doesn't Know" Written by J Adams, Christopher Baird, Nicholas J.M. Cloutman & Bruce Fulford Performed by Lustra Courtesy of XOFF Records"

rrating.wav(23K) rrating.mp3(23K)

Cooper: "Well, there's your 'R' rating, right there."

holycow.wav(20K) holycow.mp3(20K)

Cooper: "Holy cow!"

parkedmycar.wav(25K) parkedmycar.mp3(25K)

Cooper: "Oh, this isn't where I parked my car."

rubbingit.wav(333K) rubbingit.mp3(333K)

Candy (Molly Schade): "Cooper Harris, you're a pig!"
Cooper: "Uh, wait, Candy. You should clean that off before you go."
Candy: "Clean what off?"
Cooper: "You got a little something on you."
Candy: "Where?"
Cooper: "Right there. It's like a smudge, or something."
Candy: "Where?"
Cooper: "Like, uh, it's like dirt, or something. Just go like this."
Candy: "Is it off?"
Cooper: "No, keep rubbing it."

pinchingit.wav(465K) pinchingit.mp3(465K)

Cooper: "Mmmm-hmmm. Mmmm-hmmm. No, it's just not coming off."
Candy: "What is it?"
Cooper: "Well, it may be tree sap or something. Try pinching it. No, it's just not coming off. I'll tell you what. Lick your fingers, get some saliva going."
Candy: "Like this?"
Cooper: "Yeah."
Candy: "Again, not enough saliva."
Cooper: "Is it off yet?"
Candy: "Okay, fine, I'll do it. Come here."

parkedmycar2.wav(45K) parkedmycar2.mp3(45K)

Cooper: "Hey, this isn't where I parked my car."

thisbandrocks.wav(33K) thisbandrocks.mp3(33K)

Cooper: "This band rocks! Yeah!"

zussamen.wav(573K) zussamen.mp3(573K)

Scotty: "Hey, Mieke. 'Dear Scott, I was verry sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... zussamen.' What the bleep is 'zussamen'? 'Arrange a meeting.' No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. This guy wants to have sex with me. Listen, Mieke. I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, you sick German freak. So please keep your hands off my genitals, and never write to me again, and don't come to America. Goodbye."

oww.wav(32K) oww.mp3(32K)

Scotty: "(He falls off his chair) Oww."

drinking.wav(20K) drinking.mp3(20K)

Scotty: "I'm never drinking again."

dontdothat.wav(45K) dontdothat.mp3(45K)

Scotty: "Bert, what are you doing?"
Bert: "Reading your email."
Scotty: "Don't do that."

bathrobe.wav(72K) bathrobe.mp3(72K)

Scotty: "Why are you wering my bath robe?"
Bert: "Oh, I'm sorry, but somebody pissed all over mine last night."

genmanchick.wav(422K) genmanchick.mp3(422K)

Bert: "Wow. I can't believe this German chick wants to come here and hook up with you."
Scotty: "I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy."
Bert: "Uh, no, it says right here, 'trauriges madchen.' 'I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona.' bleepin' A, Scott. I'm taking intro to German, and even I know that."
Scotty: "Come here. He sent me a picture, retardo. See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan."
Bert: "No, retardo. That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not 'Mike,' it's 'Mieke,' a common German girl's name, similar to our Michelle. I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit."

iminlove.wav(79K) iminlove.mp3(79K)

Cooper: "Hey, Mom made waffles. What's going on?"
Scotty: "I'm in love with my penpal. I'm in love with Mieke."

judgeit.wav(290K) judgeit.mp3(290K)

Cooper: "You know what? I was actually expecting this. And frankly, listen, I'm flattered you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause, uh, I think they already know."
Scotty: "No, you idiot. Mieke is a girl."
Cooper: "No, no, no, I get it. Yeah. He's the girl, and you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. Right? Right? That's hot. But, you know, whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it."

hotchick.wav(179K) hotchick.mp3(179K)

Cooper: "Wow. Who's the hot chick?"
Scotty: "That's Mike, I mean, Mieke."
Cooper: "That's Mike? That's woh you've been writing to all this time?"
Scotty: "Yeah, you know, until last night, when I took your advice and told her to keep her hands off my genitals."
Cooper: "Well, given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want."

couriers.wav(204K) couriers.mp3(204K)

Scotty: "We're going to be couriers?"
Cooper: "It's the best way to get a cheap flight. All we have to do is carry their packages and then drop them off when we get there. My cousin did it when he went to India."
Scotty: "Yeah?"
Cooper: "Yeah. Of course, he, uh, ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi and, uh, the had to cut off his leg. You know. But he got there cheap."

wecanwalk.wav(203K) wecanwalk.mp3(203K)

Courier Clerk (Andrea Stuart): "Okay, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. Ah, but, I can get you both to London today for $118."
Scotty: "Anything else?"
Cooper: "Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there."
Scotty: "Cooper, England's an island. Okay, swim, whatever. We'll take it."

europeansex.wav(463K) europeansex.mp3(463K)

Cooper: "This trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to broaden my sexual horizons."
Scotty: "What are you talking about?"
Cooper: "I'm talking about crazy European sex."
Scotty: "Ah."
Cooper: "You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe, because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. And now I, uh, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers and claim my birthright, which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures."
Scotty: "You've really thaught a lot about this, haven't you?"
Cooper: "It's my passion."

europeanair.wav(33K) europeanair.mp3(33K)

Cooper: "Breathe that sweet, sexy, European air."

lawfirm.wav(292K) lawfirm.mp3(292K)

Cooper: "Cooper here. Hello, Mr. Walters. Uh, yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. Uh, just hang on one second. (long pause while he picks his teeth) No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. No, I don't rest until I find it."
Scotty: "Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?"
Cooper: "They would have stopped paying me."
Scotty: "Right."
Cooper: "This seemed easier."

drinkingage.wav(110K) drinkingage.mp3(110K)

Scotty: "First bus to Berlin doest'nt leave till tomorrow morning. What do you want to do? Got the tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace."
Cooper: "Uh..."
Scotty: "There's no drinking age."
Cooper: "There you go!"

parkedmycar3.wav(25K) parkedmycar3.mp3(25K)

Cooper: "Hey, this isn't where I parked my car."

whothe.wav(39K) whothe.mp3(39K)

Mad Maynard (Vinnie Jones): "Oy! Who the bloody hell are you?"

manchester.wav(158K) manchester.mp3(158K)

Mad Maynard: "This is a private members bar, exclusively for the supporters of the greatest football team in the world... Manchester United. Now, please, enighten me. Who the bleep are you?!"

mybaby.wav(597K) mybaby.mp3(597K)

Mad Maynard: "Now, please, enighten me. Who the bleep are you?!"
Cooper: "That is a good questino, and,,, Scotty?"
Scotty: "Huh? We're the Manchester United fan club from Ohio."
Mad Maynard: "If you're Manchester United supporters sing the Manchester United sond."
Scotty: "Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer..."
Mad Maynard: "Sing!"
Scotty: "My baby takes the morning train. He works from 9 to 5 and then he takes another home again to find me... watching the Manchester United football team! Eh? The best freamin' team in all the land! Whoo-hoo!"

whoohoo.wav(14K) whoohoo.mp3(14K)

Scotty: "Whoo-hoo!"

prettygood.wav(50K) prettygood.mp3(50K)

Mad Maynard: "Pretty good. Pretty damn good, lads!"

drinking2.wav(16K) drinking2.mp3(16K)

Scotty: "I'm never drinking again."

myparents.wav(190K) myparents.mp3(190K)

Cooper: "Scotty, where the hell are we going?"
Scotty: "Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us."
Mr's Thomas (Cathy Meils): "Honey, where's Scotty?"
Scott's Dad: "Cooper said they were going camping."
Mr's Thomas: "Oh, that's nice. And where's Bert?"
Scott's Dad: "bleep if I know."

italian.wav(111K) italian.mp3(111K)

Mad Maynard: "Look, given the current geopolitical climate, all European countries should have a seat at the table. Except those bleeping Ities. I hate them Italian bastards."

helloboyo.wav(12K) helloboyo.mp3(12K)

Mad Maynard: "Hello Boyo!"

yellingatme.wav(268K) yellingatme.mp3(268K)

Scotty: "So, what the hell happened last night?"
Mad Maynard: "You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce, son. Don't worry. I come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip."
Scotty: "Wh... What trip? Where are we going?"
Mad Maynard: "What do you mean, where are we going? We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. Aren't we, boys?"
Hooligans: "Yeah!"
Scotty: "Why are you yelling at me?"

swearing.wav(160K) swearing.mp3(160K)

Cecil: "So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!"
Cooper: "Wow. You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here."

allies.wav(89K) allies.mp3(89K)

Cooper: "Relax. Paris is practically a suberb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute. This is why France and Germany have always been allies."
Cecil: "Allies."

wrongside.wav(91K) wrongside.mp3(91K)

Mad Maynard: "Come on! You're on the wrong side of the road, you snail-eating puffs. bleep off! Go on, you Gaelic bleeping garlic-breath tossers!"

wiener.wav(109K) wiener.mp3(109K)

Scotty: "Let me see that thing."
Jamie: "No can do! I spent the last four years tutoring the lacrosse players just to pay for it, so nobody touches my camera but me."
Cooper: "So it's like your wiener."

walrus.wav(135K) walrus.mp3(135K)

Jenny: "I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl."
Cooper: "Oh, wait, no, not just any girl. Show her the picture, Scotty. She makes every girl in our high school look like a walrus."
Jenny: "I'm a girl from your high school."
Cooper: "No, I mean 'girl' girls."

tothelouvre.wav(60K) tothelouvre.mp3(60K)

Jamie: "Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris. Let's go to the Louvre!"
Scotty, Jenny, and Cooper: "To the Louvre!"

theline.wav(47K) theline.mp3(47K)

Scotty: "So, you guys wanna stay here, or should we go check out the huge line at the Eiffle Tower?"

afunfact.wav(50K) afunfact.mp3(50K)

Jamie: "Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted syphilis just two blocks from here. Should we go?"

robotman.wav(164K) robotman.mp3(164K)

Cooper: "Could we please just get out of here? This guy is really creaping me out."
Scotty: "Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family."
Cooper: "Hey, I really don't like him."
Scotty: "Why? Because he's doing this? (making robot noises)"
Cooper: "Alright, seriously, don't do that."

donothateme.wav(44K) donothateme.mp3(44K)

Scotty: "Cooper, do not hate me. (making robot noises)"

dancemoves.wav(104K) dancemoves.mp3(104K)

Scotty: "I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programed to get... (making robot noises) ...freaky."

error.wav(38K) error.mp3(38K)

Robot Man (J.P. Manoux): "Error! Error! Error!"

moneybelt.wav(135K) moneybelt.mp3(135K)

Cooper: "What the hell is that?"
Jamie: "It's a traveler's meney belt. Frommer's says if you have one of these, no one can rob you of anything."
Scotty: "Except your dignity."
Jamie: "No, you just put that in your... wait, what?"

europeanass.wav(37K) europeanass.mp3(37K)

Cooper: "Check it out, European ass."

imcoming.wav(128K) imcoming.mp3(128K)

Scotty: "Jenny, let's go!"
Cooper: "Come on, move it!"
Jenny: "Those are my friends. We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin."
Scotty: "Jenny!"
Jenny: "I'm coming! So, it was really nice to meet you."

miscusi.wav(41K) miscusi.mp3(41K)

Creepy Italian Guy (Fred Armisen): "Mi scusi. Mi Scusi."

buongiorno.wav(30K) buongiorno.mp3(30K)

Jamie: "Hi."
Creepy Italian Guy: "Buongiorno"

wrongwith.wav(63K) wrongwith.mp3(63K)

Cooper: "What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue."

takinganap.wav(147K) takinganap.mp3(147K)

Cooper: "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when the train gets here."
Jenny: "Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach."
Cooper: "All right, look, we can't all just lie around all day. We gotta get out there and experience the culture firsthand. Let's go exploring!"

etiquette.wav(76K) etiquette.mp3(76K)

Cooper: "So, what's the etiquette on boners? Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, or is it cool to just let my flag fly?"

comingoff.wav(185K) comingoff.mp3(185K)

Jamie: "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does 'nude beach' mean we have to get naked, too?"
Cooper: "Of course. Do you think you can go an hour without your currency colostomy bag?"
Jamie: "Hey! Hey, as long as this thing has our money and passports in it, it's not coming off, and, and I don't think my trunks are coming off, either."

wimpout.wav(32K) wimpout.mp3(32K)

Scotty: "You came all the way to Europe. Can't wimp out now."

lookat.wav(91K) lookat.mp3(91K)

Cooper: "All right, on the count of three."
Scotty: "Here we go. 3, 2, 1..."
Cooper: "Ha ha! Look at Jamie's Penis!"
Jamie: "Very funny."

sexodyssy.wav(31K) sexodyssy.mp3(31K)

Cooper: "Let the crazy European sex odyssy begin."

international.wav(120K) international.mp3(120K)

Scotty: "There's so many penises."
Jamie: "Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen."
Cooper: "This is the biggest sausage fest on earth."
Scotty: "It's the international house of sausage."

girlgirl.wav(120K) girlgirl.mp3(120K)

Guys on beach: "Girl... girl... girl... girl... girl... girl... girl."

wholemonth.wav(72K) wholemonth.mp3(72K)

Mieke (Jessica Boehrs): "I've been saving myself for you. Let us make love for one whole month."

touchme.wav(67K) touchme.mp3(67K)

Meike: "Touch me, Scotty."
Scotty: "Okay."

mibello.wav(268K) mibello.mp3(268K)

Meike: "Mi bello. Mi bello."
Creepy Italian Guy: "Mi bello. Mi bello. Mi bello. Oh, mi scusi."
All: "(All screaming)"

amsterdam.wav(144K) amsterdam.mp3(144K)

Scotty: "Guys, our train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning. Where we gonna sleep tonight?"
Cooper: "What do you mean, sleep? We can sleep on the train tomorrow. This is the best thing that could've happened to us. We're in Amsterdam! This is the drug and sex capitol of Europe!"

vandersexxx.wav(196K) vandersexxx.mp3(196K)

Cooper: "Take a look at this. Club Vandersexxx. It's the red light district's hottest sex club. We have to check it out. Who's with me?"
Jamie: "I'll go."
Cooper: "Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, I'll just go myself."

parkedmycar4.wav(30K) parkedmycar4.mp3(30K)

Cooper: "This is definitely where I parked my car."

freet-shirt.wav(122K) freet-shirt.mp3(122K)

Madame Vandersexxx (Lucy Lawless): "Welcome to Club Vandersexxx, Amsterdam's most erotic club, where your every fantasy will be fulfilled."
Cooper: "Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer."

hesamerican.wav(303K) hesamerican.mp3(303K)

Madame Vandersexxx: "He's American. How sad for you to grow up in a country that was founded by prudes. A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. A country where a man is forced to make sex with only one woman at a time, and one must learn the woman's name beforehand."
Cooper: "It was horrible."
Madame Vandersexxx: "I know. But you can come with me and let the vandersexxx begin."

thisisgreat.wav(367K) thisisgreat.mp3(367K)

Jamie: "Hold on, hold on, hold on."
Anna, The Camera Store Girl (Jana Pallaske): "What is it?"
Jamie: "This is great!"
Anna, The Camera Store Girl: "You're so innocent. Let's change that, shall we? What would you like me to do?"
Jamie: "Well, I don't really know. I guess I really haven't done that much. I haven't really found the time, with all my... with all my extracurriculars, and model U.N., advanced placement classes, after-school tutor...ing! Ah! Gosh, you really like cameras!"

changethat.wav(54K) changethat.mp3(54K)

Anna, The Camera Store Girl: "You're so innocent. Let's change that, shall we?"

cameras.wav(23K) cameras.mp3(23K)

Jamie: "Gosh, you really like cameras!"

safeword.wav(311K) safeword.mp3(311K)

Madame Vandersexxx: "Sometimes, we find that our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, that they sometimes scream out, 'no', when they really they mean, 'yes'. Andh this is why we have the safe word."
Cooper: "The 'safe word'?"
Madame Vandersexxx: "If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, you just use the safe word. Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop."
Cooper: "Yeah, right. Stop. All right."

ononvandersexxx.wav(25K) ononvandersexxx.mp3(25K)

Madame Vandersexxx: "On, on, vandersexxx!"

comingback.wav(30K) comingback.mp3(30K)

Cooper: "So, are the girls coming back?"

clamps.wav(28K) clamps.mp3(28K)

Madame Vandersexxx: "Administer the testicle clamps!"

focus.wav(82K) focus.mp3(82K)

Mugger (Diedrich Bader): "Gimmie cash. You got cash? Gimmie cash."
Jamie: "Oh, take it all, you dirty girl."
Mugger: "What? Your wallet! Focus!"

iloveyou.wav(104K) iloveyou.mp3(104K)

Jamie: "Oh, I love you! I love you! I Lo... I love you! I love you!"

freakingout.wav(79K) freakingout.mp3(79K)

Scotty: "I can't breathe. I'm freaking out! I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. I can't... I can't do this."

girlsnever.wav(83K) girlsnever.mp3(83K)

Scotty: "I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!"

iamfreaking.wav(18K) iamfreaking.mp3(18K)

Scotty: "I am freaking out!"

hashbrownies.wav(204K) hashbrownies.mp3(204K)

Bakery Man (Roger Deneshe): "Everything all right with you, man?"
Scotty: "No, nothing's all right. You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. You're a bad, bad Rastafarian."
Bakery Man: "These are not hash brownies."
Jenny: "Hmm?"
Scotty: "What was that?"
Bakery Man: "We do not sell hash brownies here. We are a simple Dutch bakery."

whiteboy.wav(18K) whiteboy.mp3(18K)

Bakery Man: "Now, put your clothes back on, white boy!"

fluggegecheimen.wav(208K) fluggegecheimen.mp3(208K)

Cooper: "Ooh. Fluggengegeholen!"
Madame Vandersexxx: "Did you say fluggegecheimen?"
Cooper: "Yes! Yes! For the love of god, fluggengecheimen!"
Madame Vandersexxx: "Are you sure?"
Cooper: "Yes, please."
Madame Vandersexxx: "As you wish. Brung on the fluggeecheimen!"

talkaboutit.wav(99K) talkaboutit.mp3(99K)

Scotty: "What'd you do last night?"
Cooper: "I don't want to talk about it. What'd you guys do?"
Scotty and Jenny: "Don't want to talk about it."

igotrobbed.wav(51K) igotrobbed.mp3(51K)

Scotty: "What happened to you?"
Jamie: "I got robbed. It was awesome!"

forshame.wav(86K) forshame.mp3(86K)

Cooper: "How the hell could this happen? We all go to Amsterdam and Jamie is the one who hooks up. For shame!"

mrwalters.wav(288K) mrwalters.mp3(288K)

Cooper: "Coop here. Hello, Mr. Walters. What do you mean, you never got the Gutterman file? I told, uh, Humphrey to give it to you. That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday. Yes, sir. I will tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. Bye. This job's killing me."

miamivice.wav(194K) miamivice.mp3(194K)

Scotty: "Excuse me. Do you speak any English?"
Tibor (Rade Sherbedgia): "You are Americans?"
Scotty: "Yeah."
Tibor: "I love America. We just get Miami Vice on television. Hey man, Miami Vice is number one new show."

atrainsoon.wav(98K) atrainsoon.mp3(98K)

Scotty: "Uh, listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon?"
Tibor: "Oh yes, very soon. They are building it now."

hammertime.wav(16K) hammertime.mp3(16K)

Tibor: "Stop! Hammer time!"

depressing.wav(77K) depressing.mp3(77K)

Tibor: "Enjoy Bratislava! It's good you came in summer. In winter it can get very depressing."

withthat.wav(145K) withthat.mp3(145K)

Scotty: "$1.83 American. What are we gonna get with that? Gotta love that exchange rate!"

hapidjus.wav(28K) hapidjus.mp3(28K)

Commercial: "Hapi Djus. (giggling)"

anickle.wav(203K) anickle.mp3(203K)

Waiter at Opulent Hotel (Miroslav Táborský): "Would the masters care for anything else?"
Scotty: "I think we're good. Thanks."
Waiter at Opulent Hotel: "Ah! A nickle! You see this? I quit! (slaps his manager) I open my own hotel!"

takeitoff.wav(45K) takeitoff.mp3(45K)

Cooper: "Jenny! That outfit is horrible! Just take it off. Now!"

mywife.wav(234K) mywife.mp3(234K)

Christoph (Patrick Rapold): "My wife makes the best sangria."
Jenny: "Wait... what?"
Christoph: "Sangria. Well, you take a good Spanish Rioja, and you put in slices of orange, and..."
Jenny: "No, no, no, wait. You said you were married? So, you just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet?"
Christoph: "No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. I also sleep with men."

absinthe.wav(145K) absinthe.mp3(145K)

Jamie: "I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything."
Cooper: "Me neither."
Scotty: "Sober as a judge. How 'bout you?"
Green Fairy (Steve Hytner): "I'm not felling a bleepdamn thing. This absinthe is bullbleep!"

ohmygod.wav(129K) ohmygod.mp3(129K)

Cooper: "Jamie's hooking up with another girl? bleepdamn it! It's just so unfair. I've been all over the place, looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up..."
Cooper and Scotty: "Oh, my god!"

thatissome.wav(21K) thatissome.mp3(21K)

Green Fairy: "That is some pretty bleeped up bleep!"

canyousay.wav(47K) canyousay.mp3(47K)

Green Fairy: "Can you say, what the bleep did I do last night?"

worsttwins2.wav(34K) worsttwins2.mp3(34K)

Scotty: "They really are the worst twins ever."

prettywild.wav(62K) prettywild.mp3(62K)

Cooper: "That was a pretty wild night, eh? Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild."

hadsex.wav(303K) hadsex.mp3(303K)

Cooper: "I know I was out of control. How about you guys? Did you, uh...?"
Jenny: "All right, look. We were really drunk, things got a little crazy, and Jamie kissed me. Let's just forget abeut it, 'kay?"
Scotty: "Consider it forgotten."
Jamie: "Never happened. Never happened."
Cooper: "Fine, let's just forget about it. It's not like you two had sex. Have you had sex?"
Jamie: "Shut up, Cooper!"
Scotty: "Jamie, relax."

madeout.wav(127K) madeout.mp3(127K)

Cooper: "Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact. You made out with your sister, man!"
Jamie: "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

whereisthebeef.wav(38K) whereisthebeef.mp3(38K)

Tibor: "My friends, where is the beef?"

missthis.wav(22K) missthis.mp3(22K)

Cooper: "I came all this was. I'm not gonna miss this."

hideous.wav(19K) hideous.mp3(19K)

Cooper: "Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run!"

thepope.wav(18K) thepope.mp3(18K)

Italian Guy at Vatican (Pedja Bjelac): "The pope is dead."

imthepope.wav(204K) imthepope.mp3(204K)

Cooper: "Hey, check this out. I'm the pope!"
Scotty: "Cooper, take off the pope hat."
Cooper: "Oh, no. It's okay. I'm catholic."
Scotty: "Cooper, take it off, bleepdamnit!"
Cooper: "Oh, you took the lord's name in vain! Only I can forgive you now, my son."
Scotty: "Tak that fudging thing off!"

touchdown.wav(280K) touchdown.mp3(280K)

Cooper: "The pope busts an open field tackle. It's a hail mary, he catches at the 40. the 30, the 20, the 10, touchdown, Pope! The pope makes a two-point conversion. And, oh my lord! It's the pope, eight, and the heathens, nothing! How's you, sucka?"

thehatisonfire.wav(73K) thehatisonfire.mp3(73K)

Scotty: "Cooper, the hat! The hat! The hat! The hat is on fire!"
Cooper: "We don't need no water let the mother..."
Scotty: "I'm not kidding! Look!"

thenewpope.wav(33K) thenewpope.mp3(33K)

Italian Guy at Vatican: "They've elected the new pope!"

whatthe.wav(14K) whatthe.mp3(14K)

Pope (Jack Marston): "What the hell?"

onecrazypope.wav(19K) onecrazypope.mp3(19K)

Italian Guy at Vatican: "This is one crazy pope!"

youandyour.wav(68K) youandyour.mp3(68K)

Swiss Guard (Joel Kirby): "You... and your retarded friend are in big, big trouble."

takeyourmits.wav(43K) takeyourmits.mp3(43K)

Mad Maynard: "Take your mits off them boys! They're with me!"

butiamswiss.wav(86K) butiamswiss.mp3(86K)

Mad Maynard: "I've just about had enough of you bleepin' Ities!"
Swiss Guard: "But I am Swiss."
Mad Maynard: "Them too!"

whatalooser.wav(39K) whatalooser.mp3(39K)

Bert: "What a bleeping loser! I'm gonna videotape this."

ohmikemmieke.wav(19K) ohmikemmieke.mp3(19K)

Scotty: "Oh, Mike... M...Mieke!"

cheated.wav(121K) cheated.mp3(121K)

Old Woman in Confessional (Mindy Sterling): "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I have cheated on my husband. Do you think God will ever forgive me?"
Scotty: "Oh, yes!"
Old Woman in Confessional: "Father?"

worstcountry.wav(24K) worstcountry.mp3(24K)

Cooper: "Europe is officially the worst country on Earth."

soexciting.wav(33K) soexciting.mp3(33K)

Jenny: "That sounds so exciting... for you."

firedwell.wav(215K) firedwell.mp3(215K)

Cooper: "Hello, Mr. Walters. I see. Fired? Well, I... If... Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... Goodbye, sir."
Scotty: "They had to catch you eventually, right?"
Cooper: "No, they fired Humphrey."
Scotty: "Shut up!"
Cooper: "Yeah, I got his office and a raise."
Jenny: "No!"

stillcounts.wav(22K) stillcounts.mp3(22K)

Cooper: "This still counts as Europe, right?"

majorin.wav(115K) majorin.mp3(115K)

Cooper: "Do they room all you pre-med geeks together?"
Scotty: "I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. I'm thinking obout majoring in German."
Cooper: "German? I've got a better idea. Why don't you major in not being such a woman?"

dumbenough.wav(95K) dumbenough.mp3(95K)

Scotty: "How is this possible?"
Mieke: "I guess they thought I was a guy."
Scotty: "Now, who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that?"

doihear.wav(52K) doihear.mp3(52K)

Cooper: "Do I hear kissing? Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty?"

bullBLEEP.wav(58K) bullBLEEP.mp3(58K)

Green Fairy: "This happy ending is bullbleep! When does the Fairy get laid? I'm outta here."

The following wavs are from the credits.

catchytune.wav(26K) catchytune.mp3(26K)

Scotty's Dad: "Catchy tune."
Bert: "bleepin'-a, man."

valuables.wav(133K) valuables.mp3(133K)

Hostel Clerk (Joanna Lumley): "If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables in your anus."

humpingpost.wav(91K) humpingpost.mp3(91K)

Old Woman in Confessional: "Yes, you take her hair and one strand at a time pull it out! Use her like a humping post!"

seenbefore.wav(119K) seenbefore.mp3(119K)

Scotty: "Jenny, this is Europe. They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos."
Commercial: "Hapi Djus."
Scotty: "You gotta show them something they haven't seen before."

incineraned.wav(126K) incineraned.mp3(126K)

Hostel Clerk: "Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, or the fireworks factory upstairs, you will be incineraned, alond with the valuables you have hidden in your anus."

imnackered.wav(290K) imnackered.mp3(290K)

Mad Maynard: "bleep off! Get out of it, you wankers! Go on, you gaelic bleeping garlic-breath tossers! Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! Come on! bleeping come and have it! You bleeping beep? We'll beep, you bastard, all over your bleeping nose! bleep off! Go on, you French bastards! Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! Go on out of it! bleep off! I'm nackered."

checkthese.wav(39K) checkthese.mp3(39K)

Jenny: "Hey, check these out! I'm 18 years old!"

isitoffyet.wav(30K) isitoffyet.mp3(30K)

Candy: "Is it off yet?"
Cooper: "No, keep rubbing it."

The following wav is from the Bonus Features.

bootlegged.wav(47K) bootlegged.mp3(47K)

Alec Berg (The Writer): "So we just... we just bootlegged the bootlegger. So..."
Jeff Schaffer (The Writer/Director): "How's that feel?"
Alec Berg: "bleep you, pirate."