All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
dumping.wav(71K) dumping.mp3(71K) dumping.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Fiona (Kristin Kreuk): "Scott, we need to talk."
Scott 'Scotty' Thomas (Scott Mechlowicz): "Yeah, about what?"
Fiona: "About me dumping you."
cheating.wav(115K) cheating.mp3(115K) cheating.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "What do you mean, you're dumping me?"
Fiona: "Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore."
Scotty: "What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you."
Fiona: "I know. That's what makes this so hard."
itsnotyouitsme.wav(129K) itsnotyouitsme.mp3(129K) itsnotyouitsme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Fiona: "Scotty, it's not you. It's me. There I go, lying again. No, it was you. You're just so... predictable."
letterjacket.wav(121K) letterjacket.mp3(121K) letterjacket.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Fiona: "Here's your letter jacket back. Goodbye."
Scotty: "This isn't mine."
Scott's Dad (Jeffrey Tambor): "Well, she's a keeper, huh?"
fiona.wav(12K) fiona.mp3(12K) fiona.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
sobrutal.wav(65K) sobrutal.mp3(65K) sobrutal.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper Harris (Jacob Pitts): "This is just so brutal. And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on."
stayblack.wav(10K) stayblack.mp3(10K) stayblack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Stay black, Bert."
fiona2.wav(16K) fiona2.mp3(16K) fiona2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Bert (Nial Iskhakov): "Fiona!"
mailmotherBLEEPer.wav(11K) mailmotherBLEEPer.mp3(11K) mailmotherBLEEPer.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Computer: "Mail, motherbleeper!"
beepmailmother.wav(17K) beepmailmother.mp3(17K) beepmailmother.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Computer: "Beep Beep. Mail, motherbleeper!"
penpal.wav(64K) penpal.mp3(64K) penpal.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Greetings from your American pen pal."
Cooper: "Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals."
genitals.wav(168K) genitals.mp3(168K) genitals.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Listen to yourself, all right? You met a 'cool guy on the internet.' This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know, he'll want to 'arrange a meeting', uh, where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, and make a wing chime out of your genitals."
losers.wav(12K) losers.mp3(12K) losers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny (Michelle Trachtenberg): "What's up, losers?"
awhore.wav(23K) awhore.mp3(23K) awhore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny: "Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore."
imagirl.wav(127K) imagirl.mp3(127K) imagirl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "There's gotta be 100 drunk girls here, and we should be trying to have sex with every one of 'em."
Jenny: "Hello, mixed company?"
Jenny: "I'm a girl."
Scotty: "No, you're not."
Cooper: "Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair."
twinbrother.wav(17K) twinbrother.mp3(17K) twinbrother.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "So, where's your evil twin brother at?"
worsttwins.wav(68K) worsttwins.mp3(68K) worsttwins.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny: "Why'd you get me gin and tonic? I hate gin."
Jamie (Travis Wester): "You do?"
Cooper: "You guys are the worst twins ever."
greatparty.wav(51K) greatparty.mp3(51K) greatparty.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Hey, Wade. Great party, buddy."
Wade: "(Muffled screaming while taped to a tree.)"
soawesome.wav(36K) soawesome.mp3(36K) soawesome.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny: "Uh, it's gonna be so awesome!"
seemyballs.wav(97K) seemyballs.mp3(97K) seemyballs.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "I have planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun!"
Scotty: "You brought a guidebook to a party?"
Jamie: "Do you guys wanna see my itenerary?"
Cooper: "Do you wanna see my balls?"
littlegay.wav(224K) littlegay.mp3(224K) littlegay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny: "I heard, two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met this really wealthy French guy, and they spent a month saling the Mediterranean on his yacht. Isn't the most romantic thing you've ever heard?"
Cooper: "Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay."
Jenny: "It's not gay. I'm a girl."
Scotty: "Kinda gay."
Cooper: "A little gay."
pregnant.wav(30K) pregnant.mp3(30K) pregnant.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "All right, I gotta piss like a pregnant woman."
sexpuppet.wav(184K) sexpuppet.mp3(184K) sexpuppet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Donny (Matt Damon): "Hey, listen up, everybody. Gotta little special thing I'd like to do tonight. Gonna play a little song for you about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know, Fiona."
scottydoesntknow.wav(284K) scottydoesntknow.mp3(284K) scottydoesntknow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Lustra: "Short clip of "Scotty Doesn't Know" Written by J Adams, Christopher Baird, Nicholas J.M. Cloutman & Bruce Fulford Performed by Lustra Courtesy of XOFF Records"
rrating.wav(23K) rrating.mp3(23K) rrating.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Well, there's your 'R' rating, right there."
holycow.wav(20K) holycow.mp3(20K) holycow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Holy cow!"
parkedmycar.wav(25K) parkedmycar.mp3(25K) parkedmycar.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Oh, this isn't where I parked my car."
rubbingit.wav(333K) rubbingit.mp3(333K) rubbingit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Candy (Molly Schade): "Cooper Harris, you're a pig!"
Cooper: "Uh, wait, Candy. You should clean that off before you go."
Candy: "Clean what off?"
Cooper: "You got a little something on you."
Cooper: "Right there. It's like a smudge, or something."
Cooper: "Like, uh, it's like dirt, or something. Just go like this."
Candy: "Is it off?"
Cooper: "No, keep rubbing it."
pinchingit.wav(465K) pinchingit.mp3(465K) pinchingit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Mmmm-hmmm. Mmmm-hmmm. No, it's just not coming off."
Candy: "What is it?"
Cooper: "Well, it may be tree sap or something. Try pinching it. No, it's just not coming off. I'll tell you what. Lick your fingers, get some saliva going."
Candy: "Like this?"
Candy: "Again, not enough saliva."
Cooper: "Is it off yet?"
Candy: "Okay, fine, I'll do it. Come here."
parkedmycar2.wav(45K) parkedmycar2.mp3(45K) parkedmycar2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Hey, this isn't where I parked my car."
thisbandrocks.wav(33K) thisbandrocks.mp3(33K) thisbandrocks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "This band rocks! Yeah!"
zussamen.wav(573K) zussamen.mp3(573K) zussamen.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Hey, Mieke. 'Dear Scott, I was verry sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... zussamen.' What the bleep is 'zussamen'? 'Arrange a meeting.' No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. This guy wants to have sex with me. Listen, Mieke. I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, you sick German freak. So please keep your hands off my genitals, and never write to me again, and don't come to America. Goodbye."
oww.wav(32K) oww.mp3(32K) oww.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "(He falls off his chair) Oww."
drinking.wav(20K) drinking.mp3(20K) drinking.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "I'm never drinking again."
dontdothat.wav(45K) dontdothat.mp3(45K) dontdothat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Bert, what are you doing?"
Bert: "Reading your email."
Scotty: "Don't do that."
bathrobe.wav(72K) bathrobe.mp3(72K) bathrobe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Why are you wering my bath robe?"
Bert: "Oh, I'm sorry, but somebody pissed all over mine last night."
genmanchick.wav(422K) genmanchick.mp3(422K) genmanchick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Bert: "Wow. I can't believe this German chick wants to come here and hook up with you."
Scotty: "I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy."
Bert: "Uh, no, it says right here, 'trauriges madchen.' 'I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona.' bleepin' A, Scott. I'm taking intro to German, and even I know that."
Scotty: "Come here. He sent me a picture, retardo. See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan."
Bert: "No, retardo. That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not 'Mike,' it's 'Mieke,' a common German girl's name, similar to our Michelle. I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit."
iminlove.wav(79K) iminlove.mp3(79K) iminlove.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Hey, Mom made waffles. What's going on?"
Scotty: "I'm in love with my penpal. I'm in love with Mieke."
judgeit.wav(290K) judgeit.mp3(290K) judgeit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "You know what? I was actually expecting this. And frankly, listen, I'm flattered you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause, uh, I think they already know."
Scotty: "No, you idiot. Mieke is a girl."
Cooper: "No, no, no, I get it. Yeah. He's the girl, and you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. Right? Right? That's hot. But, you know, whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it."
hotchick.wav(179K) hotchick.mp3(179K) hotchick.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Wow. Who's the hot chick?"
Scotty: "That's Mike, I mean, Mieke."
Cooper: "That's Mike? That's woh you've been writing to all this time?"
Scotty: "Yeah, you know, until last night, when I took your advice and told her to keep her hands off my genitals."
Cooper: "Well, given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want."
couriers.wav(204K) couriers.mp3(204K) couriers.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "We're going to be couriers?"
Cooper: "It's the best way to get a cheap flight. All we have to do is carry their packages and then drop them off when we get there. My cousin did it when he went to India."
Cooper: "Yeah. Of course, he, uh, ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi and, uh, the had to cut off his leg. You know. But he got there cheap."
wecanwalk.wav(203K) wecanwalk.mp3(203K) wecanwalk.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Courier Clerk (Andrea Stuart): "Okay, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. Ah, but, I can get you both to London today for $118."
Scotty: "Anything else?"
Cooper: "Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there."
Scotty: "Cooper, England's an island. Okay, swim, whatever. We'll take it."
europeansex.wav(463K) europeansex.mp3(463K) europeansex.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "This trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to broaden my sexual horizons."
Scotty: "What are you talking about?"
Cooper: "I'm talking about crazy European sex."
Cooper: "You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe, because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. And now I, uh, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers and claim my birthright, which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures."
Scotty: "You've really thaught a lot about this, haven't you?"
Cooper: "It's my passion."
europeanair.wav(33K) europeanair.mp3(33K) europeanair.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Breathe that sweet, sexy, European air."
lawfirm.wav(292K) lawfirm.mp3(292K) lawfirm.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Cooper here. Hello, Mr. Walters. Uh, yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. Uh, just hang on one second. (long pause while he picks his teeth) No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. No, I don't rest until I find it."
Scotty: "Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?"
Cooper: "They would have stopped paying me."
Cooper: "This seemed easier."
drinkingage.wav(110K) drinkingage.mp3(110K) drinkingage.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "First bus to Berlin doest'nt leave till tomorrow morning. What do you want to do? Got the tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace."
Scotty: "There's no drinking age."
Cooper: "There you go!"
parkedmycar3.wav(25K) parkedmycar3.mp3(25K) parkedmycar3.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Hey, this isn't where I parked my car."
whothe.wav(39K) whothe.mp3(39K) whothe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard (Vinnie Jones): "Oy! Who the bloody hell are you?"
manchester.wav(158K) manchester.mp3(158K) manchester.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "This is a private members bar, exclusively for the supporters of the greatest football team in the world... Manchester United. Now, please, enighten me. Who the bleep are you?!"
mybaby.wav(597K) mybaby.mp3(597K) mybaby.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "Now, please, enighten me. Who the bleep are you?!"
Cooper: "That is a good questino, and,,, Scotty?"
Scotty: "Huh? We're the Manchester United fan club from Ohio."
Mad Maynard: "If you're Manchester United supporters sing the Manchester United sond."
Scotty: "Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer..."
Mad Maynard: "Sing!"
Scotty: "My baby takes the morning train. He works from 9 to 5 and then he takes another home again to find me... watching the Manchester United football team! Eh? The best freamin' team in all the land! Whoo-hoo!"
whoohoo.wav(14K) whoohoo.mp3(14K) whoohoo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
prettygood.wav(50K) prettygood.mp3(50K) prettygood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "Pretty good. Pretty damn good, lads!"
drinking2.wav(16K) drinking2.mp3(16K) drinking2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "I'm never drinking again."
myparents.wav(190K) myparents.mp3(190K) myparents.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Scotty, where the hell are we going?"
Scotty: "Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us."
Mr's Thomas (Cathy Meils): "Honey, where's Scotty?"
Scott's Dad: "Cooper said they were going camping."
Mr's Thomas: "Oh, that's nice. And where's Bert?"
Scott's Dad: "bleep if I know."
italian.wav(111K) italian.mp3(111K) italian.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "Look, given the current geopolitical climate, all European countries should have a seat at the table. Except those bleeping Ities. I hate them Italian bastards."
helloboyo.wav(12K) helloboyo.mp3(12K) helloboyo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "Hello Boyo!"
yellingatme.wav(268K) yellingatme.mp3(268K) yellingatme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "So, what the hell happened last night?"
Mad Maynard: "You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce, son. Don't worry. I come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip."
Scotty: "Wh... What trip? Where are we going?"
Mad Maynard: "What do you mean, where are we going? We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. Aren't we, boys?"
Scotty: "Why are you yelling at me?"
swearing.wav(160K) swearing.mp3(160K) swearing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cecil: "So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!"
Cooper: "Wow. You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here."
allies.wav(89K) allies.mp3(89K) allies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Relax. Paris is practically a suberb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute. This is why France and Germany have always been allies."
wrongside.wav(91K) wrongside.mp3(91K) wrongside.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "Come on! You're on the wrong side of the road, you snail-eating puffs. bleep off! Go on, you Gaelic bleeping garlic-breath tossers!"
wiener.wav(109K) wiener.mp3(109K) wiener.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Let me see that thing."
Jamie: "No can do! I spent the last four years tutoring the lacrosse players just to pay for it, so nobody touches my camera but me."
Cooper: "So it's like your wiener."
walrus.wav(135K) walrus.mp3(135K) walrus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny: "I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl."
Cooper: "Oh, wait, no, not just any girl. Show her the picture, Scotty. She makes every girl in our high school look like a walrus."
Jenny: "I'm a girl from your high school."
Cooper: "No, I mean 'girl' girls."
tothelouvre.wav(60K) tothelouvre.mp3(60K) tothelouvre.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris. Let's go to the Louvre!"
Scotty, Jenny, and Cooper: "To the Louvre!"
theline.wav(47K) theline.mp3(47K) theline.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "So, you guys wanna stay here, or should we go check out the huge line at the Eiffle Tower?"
afunfact.wav(50K) afunfact.mp3(50K) afunfact.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted syphilis just two blocks from here. Should we go?"
robotman.wav(164K) robotman.mp3(164K) robotman.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Could we please just get out of here? This guy is really creaping me out."
Scotty: "Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family."
Cooper: "Hey, I really don't like him."
Scotty: "Why? Because he's doing this? (making robot noises)"
Cooper: "Alright, seriously, don't do that."
donothateme.wav(44K) donothateme.mp3(44K) donothateme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Cooper, do not hate me. (making robot noises)"
dancemoves.wav(104K) dancemoves.mp3(104K) dancemoves.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programed to get... (making robot noises) ...freaky."
error.wav(38K) error.mp3(38K) error.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Robot Man (J.P. Manoux): "Error! Error! Error!"
moneybelt.wav(135K) moneybelt.mp3(135K) moneybelt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "What the hell is that?"
Jamie: "It's a traveler's meney belt. Frommer's says if you have one of these, no one can rob you of anything."
Scotty: "Except your dignity."
Jamie: "No, you just put that in your... wait, what?"
europeanass.wav(37K) europeanass.mp3(37K) europeanass.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Check it out, European ass."
imcoming.wav(128K) imcoming.mp3(128K) imcoming.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Jenny, let's go!"
Cooper: "Come on, move it!"
Jenny: "Those are my friends. We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin."
Jenny: "I'm coming! So, it was really nice to meet you."
miscusi.wav(41K) miscusi.mp3(41K) miscusi.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Creepy Italian Guy (Fred Armisen): "Mi scusi. Mi Scusi."
buongiorno.wav(30K) buongiorno.mp3(30K) buongiorno.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Creepy Italian Guy: "Buongiorno"
wrongwith.wav(63K) wrongwith.mp3(63K) wrongwith.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue."
takinganap.wav(147K) takinganap.mp3(147K) takinganap.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when the train gets here."
Jenny: "Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach."
Cooper: "All right, look, we can't all just lie around all day. We gotta get out there and experience the culture firsthand. Let's go exploring!"
etiquette.wav(76K) etiquette.mp3(76K) etiquette.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "So, what's the etiquette on boners? Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, or is it cool to just let my flag fly?"
comingoff.wav(185K) comingoff.mp3(185K) comingoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does 'nude beach' mean we have to get naked, too?"
Cooper: "Of course. Do you think you can go an hour without your currency colostomy bag?"
Jamie: "Hey! Hey, as long as this thing has our money and passports in it, it's not coming off, and, and I don't think my trunks are coming off, either."
wimpout.wav(32K) wimpout.mp3(32K) wimpout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "You came all the way to Europe. Can't wimp out now."
lookat.wav(91K) lookat.mp3(91K) lookat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "All right, on the count of three."
Scotty: "Here we go. 3, 2, 1..."
Cooper: "Ha ha! Look at Jamie's Penis!"
Jamie: "Very funny."
sexodyssy.wav(31K) sexodyssy.mp3(31K) sexodyssy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Let the crazy European sex odyssy begin."
international.wav(120K) international.mp3(120K) international.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "There's so many penises."
Jamie: "Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen."
Cooper: "This is the biggest sausage fest on earth."
Scotty: "It's the international house of sausage."
girlgirl.wav(120K) girlgirl.mp3(120K) girlgirl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Guys on beach: "Girl... girl... girl... girl... girl... girl... girl."
wholemonth.wav(72K) wholemonth.mp3(72K) wholemonth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mieke (Jessica Boehrs): "I've been saving myself for you. Let us make love for one whole month."
touchme.wav(67K) touchme.mp3(67K) touchme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Meike: "Touch me, Scotty."
mibello.wav(268K) mibello.mp3(268K) mibello.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Meike: "Mi bello. Mi bello."
Creepy Italian Guy: "Mi bello. Mi bello. Mi bello. Oh, mi scusi."
All: "(All screaming)"
amsterdam.wav(144K) amsterdam.mp3(144K) amsterdam.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Guys, our train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning. Where we gonna sleep tonight?"
Cooper: "What do you mean, sleep? We can sleep on the train tomorrow. This is the best thing that could've happened to us. We're in Amsterdam! This is the drug and sex capitol of Europe!"
vandersexxx.wav(196K) vandersexxx.mp3(196K) vandersexxx.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Take a look at this. Club Vandersexxx. It's the red light district's hottest sex club. We have to check it out. Who's with me?"
Jamie: "I'll go."
Cooper: "Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, I'll just go myself."
parkedmycar4.wav(30K) parkedmycar4.mp3(30K) parkedmycar4.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "This is definitely where I parked my car."
freet-shirt.wav(122K) freet-shirt.mp3(122K) freet-shirt.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Madame Vandersexxx (Lucy Lawless): "Welcome to Club Vandersexxx, Amsterdam's most erotic club, where your every fantasy will be fulfilled."
Cooper: "Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer."
hesamerican.wav(303K) hesamerican.mp3(303K) hesamerican.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Madame Vandersexxx: "He's American. How sad for you to grow up in a country that was founded by prudes. A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. A country where a man is forced to make sex with only one woman at a time, and one must learn the woman's name beforehand."
Cooper: "It was horrible."
Madame Vandersexxx: "I know. But you can come with me and let the vandersexxx begin."
thisisgreat.wav(367K) thisisgreat.mp3(367K) thisisgreat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "Hold on, hold on, hold on."
Anna, The Camera Store Girl (Jana Pallaske): "What is it?"
Jamie: "This is great!"
Anna, The Camera Store Girl: "You're so innocent. Let's change that, shall we? What would you like me to do?"
Jamie: "Well, I don't really know. I guess I really haven't done that much. I haven't really found the time, with all my... with all my extracurriculars, and model U.N., advanced placement classes, after-school tutor...ing! Ah! Gosh, you really like cameras!"
changethat.wav(54K) changethat.mp3(54K) changethat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Anna, The Camera Store Girl: "You're so innocent. Let's change that, shall we?"
cameras.wav(23K) cameras.mp3(23K) cameras.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "Gosh, you really like cameras!"
safeword.wav(311K) safeword.mp3(311K) safeword.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Madame Vandersexxx: "Sometimes, we find that our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, that they sometimes scream out, 'no', when they really they mean, 'yes'. Andh this is why we have the safe word."
Cooper: "The 'safe word'?"
Madame Vandersexxx: "If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, you just use the safe word. Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop."
Cooper: "Yeah, right. Stop. All right."
ononvandersexxx.wav(25K) ononvandersexxx.mp3(25K) ononvandersexxx.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Madame Vandersexxx: "On, on, vandersexxx!"
comingback.wav(30K) comingback.mp3(30K) comingback.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "So, are the girls coming back?"
clamps.wav(28K) clamps.mp3(28K) clamps.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Madame Vandersexxx: "Administer the testicle clamps!"
focus.wav(82K) focus.mp3(82K) focus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mugger (Diedrich Bader): "Gimmie cash. You got cash? Gimmie cash."
Jamie: "Oh, take it all, you dirty girl."
Mugger: "What? Your wallet! Focus!"
iloveyou.wav(104K) iloveyou.mp3(104K) iloveyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "Oh, I love you! I love you! I Lo... I love you! I love you!"
freakingout.wav(79K) freakingout.mp3(79K) freakingout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "I can't breathe. I'm freaking out! I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. I can't... I can't do this."
girlsnever.wav(83K) girlsnever.mp3(83K) girlsnever.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!"
iamfreaking.wav(18K) iamfreaking.mp3(18K) iamfreaking.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "I am freaking out!"
hashbrownies.wav(204K) hashbrownies.mp3(204K) hashbrownies.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Bakery Man (Roger Deneshe): "Everything all right with you, man?"
Scotty: "No, nothing's all right. You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. You're a bad, bad Rastafarian."
Bakery Man: "These are not hash brownies."
Scotty: "What was that?"
Bakery Man: "We do not sell hash brownies here. We are a simple Dutch bakery."
whiteboy.wav(18K) whiteboy.mp3(18K) whiteboy.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Bakery Man: "Now, put your clothes back on, white boy!"
fluggegecheimen.wav(208K) fluggegecheimen.mp3(208K) fluggegecheimen.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Ooh. Fluggengegeholen!"
Madame Vandersexxx: "Did you say fluggegecheimen?"
Cooper: "Yes! Yes! For the love of god, fluggengecheimen!"
Madame Vandersexxx: "Are you sure?"
Cooper: "Yes, please."
Madame Vandersexxx: "As you wish. Brung on the fluggeecheimen!"
talkaboutit.wav(99K) talkaboutit.mp3(99K) talkaboutit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "What'd you do last night?"
Cooper: "I don't want to talk about it. What'd you guys do?"
Scotty and Jenny: "Don't want to talk about it."
igotrobbed.wav(51K) igotrobbed.mp3(51K) igotrobbed.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "What happened to you?"
Jamie: "I got robbed. It was awesome!"
forshame.wav(86K) forshame.mp3(86K) forshame.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "How the hell could this happen? We all go to Amsterdam and Jamie is the one who hooks up. For shame!"
mrwalters.wav(288K) mrwalters.mp3(288K) mrwalters.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Coop here. Hello, Mr. Walters. What do you mean, you never got the Gutterman file? I told, uh, Humphrey to give it to you. That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday. Yes, sir. I will tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. Bye. This job's killing me."
miamivice.wav(194K) miamivice.mp3(194K) miamivice.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Excuse me. Do you speak any English?"
Tibor (Rade Sherbedgia): "You are Americans?"
Tibor: "I love America. We just get Miami Vice on television. Hey man, Miami Vice is number one new show."
atrainsoon.wav(98K) atrainsoon.mp3(98K) atrainsoon.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Uh, listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon?"
Tibor: "Oh yes, very soon. They are building it now."
hammertime.wav(16K) hammertime.mp3(16K) hammertime.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Tibor: "Stop! Hammer time!"
depressing.wav(77K) depressing.mp3(77K) depressing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Tibor: "Enjoy Bratislava! It's good you came in summer. In winter it can get very depressing."
withthat.wav(145K) withthat.mp3(145K) withthat.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "$1.83 American. What are we gonna get with that? Gotta love that exchange rate!"
hapidjus.wav(28K) hapidjus.mp3(28K) hapidjus.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Commercial: "Hapi Djus. (giggling)"
anickle.wav(203K) anickle.mp3(203K) anickle.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Waiter at Opulent Hotel (Miroslav Táborský): "Would the masters care for anything else?"
Scotty: "I think we're good. Thanks."
Waiter at Opulent Hotel: "Ah! A nickle! You see this? I quit! (slaps his manager) I open my own hotel!"
takeitoff.wav(45K) takeitoff.mp3(45K) takeitoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Jenny! That outfit is horrible! Just take it off. Now!"
mywife.wav(234K) mywife.mp3(234K) mywife.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Christoph (Patrick Rapold): "My wife makes the best sangria."
Jenny: "Wait... what?"
Christoph: "Sangria. Well, you take a good Spanish Rioja, and you put in slices of orange, and..."
Jenny: "No, no, no, wait. You said you were married? So, you just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet?"
Christoph: "No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. I also sleep with men."
absinthe.wav(145K) absinthe.mp3(145K) absinthe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jamie: "I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything."
Cooper: "Me neither."
Scotty: "Sober as a judge. How 'bout you?"
Green Fairy (Steve Hytner): "I'm not felling a bleepdamn thing. This absinthe is bullbleep!"
ohmygod.wav(129K) ohmygod.mp3(129K) ohmygod.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Jamie's hooking up with another girl? bleepdamn it! It's just so unfair. I've been all over the place, looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up..."
Cooper and Scotty: "Oh, my god!"
thatissome.wav(21K) thatissome.mp3(21K) thatissome.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Green Fairy: "That is some pretty bleeped up bleep!"
canyousay.wav(47K) canyousay.mp3(47K) canyousay.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Green Fairy: "Can you say, what the bleep did I do last night?"
worsttwins2.wav(34K) worsttwins2.mp3(34K) worsttwins2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "They really are the worst twins ever."
prettywild.wav(62K) prettywild.mp3(62K) prettywild.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "That was a pretty wild night, eh? Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild."
hadsex.wav(303K) hadsex.mp3(303K) hadsex.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "I know I was out of control. How about you guys? Did you, uh...?"
Jenny: "All right, look. We were really drunk, things got a little crazy, and Jamie kissed me. Let's just forget abeut it, 'kay?"
Scotty: "Consider it forgotten."
Jamie: "Never happened. Never happened."
Cooper: "Fine, let's just forget about it. It's not like you two had sex. Have you had sex?"
Jamie: "Shut up, Cooper!"
Scotty: "Jamie, relax."
madeout.wav(127K) madeout.mp3(127K) madeout.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact. You made out with your sister, man!"
Jamie: "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
whereisthebeef.wav(38K) whereisthebeef.mp3(38K) whereisthebeef.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Tibor: "My friends, where is the beef?"
missthis.wav(22K) missthis.mp3(22K) missthis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "I came all this was. I'm not gonna miss this."
hideous.wav(19K) hideous.mp3(19K) hideous.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run!"
thepope.wav(18K) thepope.mp3(18K) thepope.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Italian Guy at Vatican (Pedja Bjelac): "The pope is dead."
imthepope.wav(204K) imthepope.mp3(204K) imthepope.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Hey, check this out. I'm the pope!"
Scotty: "Cooper, take off the pope hat."
Cooper: "Oh, no. It's okay. I'm catholic."
Scotty: "Cooper, take it off, bleepdamnit!"
Cooper: "Oh, you took the lord's name in vain! Only I can forgive you now, my son."
Scotty: "Tak that fudging thing off!"
touchdown.wav(280K) touchdown.mp3(280K) touchdown.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "The pope busts an open field tackle. It's a hail mary, he catches at the 40. the 30, the 20, the 10, touchdown, Pope! The pope makes a two-point conversion. And, oh my lord! It's the pope, eight, and the heathens, nothing! How's you, sucka?"
thehatisonfire.wav(73K) thehatisonfire.mp3(73K) thehatisonfire.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Cooper, the hat! The hat! The hat! The hat is on fire!"
Cooper: "We don't need no water let the mother..."
Scotty: "I'm not kidding! Look!"
thenewpope.wav(33K) thenewpope.mp3(33K) thenewpope.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Italian Guy at Vatican: "They've elected the new pope!"
whatthe.wav(14K) whatthe.mp3(14K) whatthe.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Pope (Jack Marston): "What the hell?"
onecrazypope.wav(19K) onecrazypope.mp3(19K) onecrazypope.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Italian Guy at Vatican: "This is one crazy pope!"
youandyour.wav(68K) youandyour.mp3(68K) youandyour.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Swiss Guard (Joel Kirby): "You... and your retarded friend are in big, big trouble."
takeyourmits.wav(43K) takeyourmits.mp3(43K) takeyourmits.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "Take your mits off them boys! They're with me!"
butiamswiss.wav(86K) butiamswiss.mp3(86K) butiamswiss.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "I've just about had enough of you bleepin' Ities!"
Swiss Guard: "But I am Swiss."
Mad Maynard: "Them too!"
whatalooser.wav(39K) whatalooser.mp3(39K) whatalooser.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Bert: "What a bleeping loser! I'm gonna videotape this."
ohmikemmieke.wav(19K) ohmikemmieke.mp3(19K) ohmikemmieke.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Oh, Mike... M...Mieke!"
cheated.wav(121K) cheated.mp3(121K) cheated.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Old Woman in Confessional (Mindy Sterling): "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I have cheated on my husband. Do you think God will ever forgive me?"
Scotty: "Oh, yes!"
Old Woman in Confessional: "Father?"
worstcountry.wav(24K) worstcountry.mp3(24K) worstcountry.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Europe is officially the worst country on Earth."
soexciting.wav(33K) soexciting.mp3(33K) soexciting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny: "That sounds so exciting... for you."
firedwell.wav(215K) firedwell.mp3(215K) firedwell.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Hello, Mr. Walters. I see. Fired? Well, I... If... Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... Goodbye, sir."
Scotty: "They had to catch you eventually, right?"
Cooper: "No, they fired Humphrey."
Scotty: "Shut up!"
Cooper: "Yeah, I got his office and a raise."
stillcounts.wav(22K) stillcounts.mp3(22K) stillcounts.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "This still counts as Europe, right?"
majorin.wav(115K) majorin.mp3(115K) majorin.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Do they room all you pre-med geeks together?"
Scotty: "I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. I'm thinking obout majoring in German."
Cooper: "German? I've got a better idea. Why don't you major in not being such a woman?"
dumbenough.wav(95K) dumbenough.mp3(95K) dumbenough.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "How is this possible?"
Mieke: "I guess they thought I was a guy."
Scotty: "Now, who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that?"
doihear.wav(52K) doihear.mp3(52K) doihear.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Cooper: "Do I hear kissing? Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty?"
bullBLEEP.wav(58K) bullBLEEP.mp3(58K) bullBLEEP.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Green Fairy: "This happy ending is bullbleep! When does the Fairy get laid? I'm outta here."
The following wavs are from the credits.
catchytune.wav(26K) catchytune.mp3(26K) catchytune.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty's Dad: "Catchy tune."
Bert: "bleepin'-a, man."
valuables.wav(133K) valuables.mp3(133K) valuables.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hostel Clerk (Joanna Lumley): "If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables in your anus."
humpingpost.wav(91K) humpingpost.mp3(91K) humpingpost.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Old Woman in Confessional: "Yes, you take her hair and one strand at a time pull it out! Use her like a humping post!"
seenbefore.wav(119K) seenbefore.mp3(119K) seenbefore.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Scotty: "Jenny, this is Europe. They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos."
Commercial: "Hapi Djus."
Scotty: "You gotta show them something they haven't seen before."
incineraned.wav(126K) incineraned.mp3(126K) incineraned.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hostel Clerk: "Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, or the fireworks factory upstairs, you will be incineraned, alond with the valuables you have hidden in your anus."
imnackered.wav(290K) imnackered.mp3(290K) imnackered.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Mad Maynard: "bleep off! Get out of it, you wankers! Go on, you gaelic bleeping garlic-breath tossers! Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! Come on! bleeping come and have it! You bleeping beep? We'll beep, you bastard, all over your bleeping nose! bleep off! Go on, you French bastards! Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! Go on out of it! bleep off! I'm nackered."
checkthese.wav(39K) checkthese.mp3(39K) checkthese.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Jenny: "Hey, check these out! I'm 18 years old!"
isitoffyet.wav(30K) isitoffyet.mp3(30K) isitoffyet.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Candy: "Is it off yet?"
Cooper: "No, keep rubbing it."
The following wav is from the Bonus Features.
bootlegged.wav(47K) bootlegged.mp3(47K) bootlegged.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Alec Berg (The Writer): "So we just... we just bootlegged the bootlegger. So..."
Jeff Schaffer (The Writer/Director): "How's that feel?"
Alec Berg: "bleep you, pirate."