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Ashtray's Father (Lahmard J. Tate): "(Holding and pointing to a Candy Bar) Hey, I was just about to eat breakfast. You hungry?"
Ashtray (Shawn Wayans): "No, I'm full, man. I had some Red Hots."

Ashtray's Father: "Man, if you gonna be stayin' here, you gonna have to follow some rules. Which is, no smoking' my bleep. Don't let me catch you drinkin' my bleep. And if you bring any of them hos up in here, make sure I bleep 'em first."

Flashback mother (Marian Reynolds): "Oh! Hold him down, baby. Let Mamma have him."

Dave the Crackhead (Keith Morris): "Please, man. I'll suck your dick!"

Ashtray: "I guess, even though we were free, we were still slaves in the mind."
Mailman (Keenen Ivory Wayans): "Message!"

Loc Dog's Mom (Virginia Watson): "Loc Dog, turn that loud-ass motherbleepin' music down. You wakin' up the bleepin' babies, motherbleeper! This still my motherbleepin' house, motherbleeper! Who the bleep is that on my porch?"

Loc Dog's Mom: "Yeah, that lazy-ass motherbleeper's back there in the back doin' nothin' as usual."

Loc Dog's grandma (Helen Martin): "You little bitch-ass motherbleeper. Come over here and give your grandma a hug."

Loc Dog's grandma: "You been wearing them jimmy hats like grandma gave you?"
Ashtray: "Yes, ma'am."

Loc Dog's grandma: "You still hit like a bitch, motherbleeper."

Loc Dog (Marlon Wayans): "You better start announcing yourself before you get smoked up in here, bleep. Damn!"

Loc Dog: "You know that chronic make me paranoid, baby!"

Loc Dog: "Figured I'd get me a job at the post office, you know, maybe at a bank. You know what I'm saying."
Ashtray: "That's all good, man."
Loc Dog: "Work real hard. Work my way up to manager."
Ashtray: "We need more black people like this."
Loc Dog: "You know what I'm saying? Learn the system a little bit. Then I'll rob that motherbleeper blind."

Preach (Chris Spencer): "My milk of magnesia. Oh! After the devil made you, he broke the mold."

Loc Dog: "I bet you I could get her number."
Ashtray: "Bleep, you ain't gettin' nobody's number."
Loc Dog: "Fool, watch me. Hey sweetheart. (He pulls his gun and points it at her head) Break yourself! Give me your goddamn number! Come on! Hurry up!"

Dashiki (Tracey Cherelle Jones): "My name is Dashiki. That's Swahili for doggy style."

Ashtray: "Hello, everybody."
Dashiki: "Now, children. What do you say when you meet a nice man?"
Kids: "Are you my daddy? "

Toothpick (Darrel Heath): "Bleep, man, I-I-- I don't give a damn about goin' to jail. You can take me to jail!"
Everybody: "Take me to jail!"
Toothpick: "Lock me up!"
Everybody: "Lock me up!"
Toothpick: "Throw away the key!"
Everybody: "Throw away the key!"
Toothpick: "I ain't afraid to bleep somebody in his ass!"
Everybody: "I ain't-- hey, whoa!"
Doo Rag's Father (Guy Torry): "This fool is trippin'."

Loc Dog: "Run across the street and get me some barbecued potato chips."
Ashtray: "Ooh, can I keep the change?"
Loc Dog: "Hell, no, fool. That's a ten-dollar food stamp. Better bring back my change."

Loc Dog: "I said do we have a problem?"
Doo Rag's Father: "Yeah"
Toothpick: "Oh, we have a problem, partner. Right here. (He pulls out a bazooka) Right there. Right there."
Loc Dog: "Alright, let's play a little game. (He rolls up the truck door to reveal a nuclear warhead) I said do we have a problem? Huh?"
Doo Rag's Father: "U.S.S.R.?"
Loc Dog: "You better get your stinky asses outta here before I cause a nuclear holocaust up in here, fool."

Korean Woman (Tamayo Otsuki): "Hurry up and buy!"

Korean Woman: "You break, you buy! Soda, five dollar!"

Ashtray: "You know, Malik is the first one in the 'hood to go to college."
Loc Dog: "Yeah."
Ashtray: "Finally, someone from the 'hood is gonna make it."
Loc Dog: "Yeah, there is hope. (Gunshot and Malik goes down)"

Recruiter: "Very interesting. I see your hobbies are drinking, smoking weed, and all types of ill bleep.'"
Loc Dog: "Yeah."
Recruiter: "Uh, do you drive an automobile?"
Loc Dog: "With or without the boot?"
Recruiter: "Doesn't matter. Well, congratulations. You got yourself a job."

Ashtray: "Don't you know that you and I are an endangered species?"
Doo Rag (Isaiah Barnes): "Why, because we're black males?"
Ashtray: "No! Because all the rappers are taking all the good acting jobs."

Ashtray: "Havin' a gun doesn't give you any power. You wanna know where the real power is?"
Doo Rag: "In the bullets!"

Officer with Bullhorn (Mik Scriba): "You there! Get out of the truck and put your hands in the air. Stand on one leg. With the tip of your finger, touch the tip of your nose. Now, in a circular motion, rub your stomach and pat your head while saying 'Rubber baby buggy bumper.'"
Ashtray and Loc Dog: "Rubber baby buggy bumper."
Officer with Bullhorn: "Strike a pose! Now Vogue!"

Ashtray: "We got arrested for being black on a Friday night. It was a misdemeanor, so I thought we'd be out right away."

Loc Dog: "I'm puttin' up, uh, shoppin' centers on my property."
Preach: "You can't brother. That's the Red Line district and whitey won't let you do that."
Loc Dog: "Hey, that's cool. Then I'll put up liquor stores on every corner."

Ashtray: "Come on, let's be up outta here. I won."
Preach: "How you win, we just-- I'm on Long Beach, this brother still is here on comunity service... (Loc Dog cocks and points his gun at him) But if you feel like the game is over, then we can leave."

Loc Dog: "Hey, you know I ain't got no self-esteem. I ain't gonna grow up to be bleep, just like you, baby."

Preach: "We need to put an end to all this black-on-black crime. We need to call a truce."
Crazy Legs (Suli McCullough): "What about that time you shot Byron? Ain't that black-on-black crime?"
Loc Dog: "Yeah?"
Preach: "No. Byron was light-skinned."

Ashtray's Dad: "You use a condom?"
Ashtray: "No."
Ashtray's Dad: "Good! That's my boy! That's my boy! Yo, never use condoms, son. They take away all the feelin'."

Loc Dog: "Never forget, man. Either they don't know, don't show, or just don't care about bein' a menace to South Central while they drink their juice in the 'hood. That's what it's all about, Tray. That's what it's all about."
Mailman: "What the bleep is he talkin' about?"

Child Support Man (Xavier Cook): "Say, man. Don't be givin' that little kid no alcohol."
Loc Dog: "Oh, bleep, you ain't his daddy."
Child Support Man: "I ain't? (Knocks on door) Dashiki! Bleep, you better give me back my child support money!"

Grandma: "Take that, motherbleeper!"

Loc Dog: "Bleep y'all. Suck my dick and, uh... lick your ass!"

Grandma: "Damn! This is some good bleep."