All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
fadetoblack.wav(15K) fadetoblack.mp3(15K) fadetoblack.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Darren Head (Bobby Slayton): "And fade to black."
invisiblewater.wav(105K) invisiblewater.mp3(105K) invisiblewater.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe Blake (Bruce Willis): "Lau-tsu says that even the softest of things can pass through a horse like invisible water."
Terry Lee Collins (Billy Bob Thorton): "Thank you for that completely useless bit of information Joe."
symptoms.wav(42K) symptoms.mp3(42K) symptoms.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "And I've got symptoms. I don't care what that doctor says."
angermanagement.wav(100K) angermanagement.mp3(100K) angermanagement.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Joe, Joe, anger management! Anger mana...Joe! Joe, joe, joe, anger management Joe! Calm down, breathe."
lau-tsu.wav(120K) lau-tsu.mp3(120K) lau-tsu.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe: "Lawe, Louie..."
Joe: "Ah, there you go. Lau-tsu."
Terry: "You know Joe, I begged you to stay out of the library."
Joe: "You begged me to work on my anger management."
Terry: "Yeah well, medication is quicker."
infernalringing.wav(200K) infernalringing.mp3(200K) infernalringing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Ah! For the love of god, does noone else hear that infernal ringing? Oh yeah, go ahead and laugh. But, according to the latest research, tenitus (which is what they call it. That's what I,ve got in my ear. I don't make this bleep up.) is an actual disease."
quasimoto.wav(123K) quasimoto.mp3(123K) quasimoto.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Go ahead and laugh, play basketball, have fun. In the meantime, I've got god dam Quasimoto going off in my head. Bell tower! Do you understand me? I've got a bell tower in my head!"
spots.wav(72K) spots.mp3(72K) spots.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Chest pain, left arm a little numb, accelerated heart beat, spots. I'm actually seeing spots."
prison.wav(68K) prison.mp3(68K) prison.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe: "You all right?"
Terry: "May I please go back to prison?"
Joe: "Not yet."
inmates.wav(125K) inmates.mp3(125K) inmates.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Phil (Anthony Burch): "Hey, you're inmates."
Joe: "What'd you say your name was?"
Phil: "Uh, Phil."
Joe: "You think there's something funny about being an inmote phil?"
acapulco.wav(121K) acapulco.mp3(121K) acapulco.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe: "My uncle owns this little hotel on the water about a hundred miles south of Acapulco."
Terry: "That's Mexico."
Joe: "Right, that's where they keep Acapulco Terry."
Terry: "But, I have sanitation issues Joe."
guests.wav(160K) guests.mp3(160K) guests.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Monica Miller (Scout LaRue Willis): "Want to see something cool that I can do?"
Cloe Miller (Stacey Travis): "Monica"
Cloe: "We've got guests, sort of."
crazytown.wav(160K) crazytown.mp3(160K) crazytown.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Why don't you just get on your way. Act like you never met us. Send us a post card from Crazy Town."
humdinger.wav(51K) humdinger.mp3(51K) humdinger.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "This is a very very bad idea. In the history of bad ideas, this is a humdinger."
shoother.wav(57K) shoother.mp3(57K) shoother.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe: "She's right about the police."
Terry: "Shoot her, burry her body in the woods."
Kate Wheeler (Cate Blanchett): "What am I, invisible?"
irishhurling.wav(453K) irishhurling.mp3(453K) irishhurling.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harvey Polard: "Did you know you could bet on Irish hurling?"
Terry: "Hey hey hey, excuse me Harvey. I'm trying to figure out why my partner here, when he wasn't helping improve the Blake family standard of living, managed to spend $200,000."
Joe: "I met a very lovely young lady from the Netherlands down in San Diego..."
Terry: "Oh, color me surprised."
Joe: "...who took me to this Oktoberfest deal. And they had a big parade. And she wanted to ride on one of the floats. Okay, so I bought her one. Now, we're drinking these big steins of Holland beer. And one thing leads to another And I'm throwing 50-dollar bills out to the crowd."
Harvey: "The thing about Irish hurling is that it's like football with sticks."
Terry: "Stop it! Stop it! Please, for god's sake Polard."
goldwatch.wav(162K) goldwatch.mp3(162K) goldwatch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Okay, you meet a girl. You go to a festival."
Terry: "Oktoberfest. You throw 50-dollar bills to the crowd. I notice you got a new gold watch."
Joe: "It's an eighteen karat gold watch."
Terry: "I don' give a bleep how many karats it is."
Joe: "Thirty-six grAnd it's no big deal."
Terry: "Did you ever think about asking somebody for the time? It's a lot cheaper."
beaversducks.wav(14K) beaversducks.mp3(14K) beaversducks.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Beavers and Ducks!"
robyourbank.wav(47K) robyourbank.mp3(47K) robyourbank.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Lawrence Fife (Richard Riehle): "May I help you?"
Terry: "Oh, I'm sorry, we're here to rob your bank."
impressher.wav(68K) impressher.mp3(68K) impressher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Harvey: "So, I met this girl. And you know, I wanted to impress her. So, I said: You want to see me light my hands on fire?."
lowprofile.wav(159K) lowprofile.mp3(159K) lowprofile.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Do you remember what I said about conspicuous behavior?"
Harvey: "Keeping a low profile."
Terry: "Are you achieving it do you think?"
Harvey: "You bet."
Terry: "Good boy."
Harvey: "What do you think of my boots?"
Terry: "Very life like."
restrained.wav(116K) restrained.mp3(116K) restrained.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "I think the condition of things is just... I don't think they should probably even move us. I'm not sure we should be moving at all. I mean, we should be like, restrained."
sheep.wav(208K) sheep.mp3(208K) sheep.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "We're in Scotland witha bunch of sheep. I don't know what this is all about."
Terry: "Our horses should be like..."
Joe: "You all right? Are you all right?"
Terry: "I need a stabilizing collar. You probably do too. You can't just... We shouldn't even be moving around. And now, there's sirens in my head. I probably have a concussion."
Joe: "Wait. Shh."
Terry: "Do you understand?"
Joe: "That's not in your..."
scotland.wav(44K) scotland.mp3(44K) scotland.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "We're in Scotland witha bunch of sheep. I don't know what this is all about."
loveis.wav(46K) loveis.mp3(46K) loveis.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Love is a wish that hides in your heart And nobody knows about it but you."
antiquefurniture.wav(24K) antiquefurniture.mp3(24K) antiquefurniture.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "And uh, antique furniture scares me half to death."
cockroaches.wav(68K) cockroaches.mp3(68K) cockroaches.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "There's this scientist in London who used electric shock to prove that cockroaches have feelings."
choose.wav(181K) choose.mp3(181K) choose.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "So choose. What's it going to be? Going to be a Mr. Action Figure Hero Guy here or Brains and Sensitivity and a lot of other things I can name. So, in other words, me or that guy?"
Joe: "Yeah, Good-looking or itchy?"
youfeeling.wav(107K) youfeeling.mp3(107K) youfeeling.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kate: "How are you feeling?"
Terry: "Well, my system has been a flurry of activity tonight: first I had a rapid heartbeat, seeing spots, I had a prickly sensation on my feet, then there's this sudden hearing loss in one ear."
thatsgoing.wav(252K) thatsgoing.mp3(252K) thatsgoing.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Kate, there are guys who leave, and there are guys who get left. I don't think it's any mystery as to which category I fall into."
Kate: "Terry Lee, I'm not leaving you."
Terry: "You're staying."
Kate: "Yeah... Goodnight."
Terry: "Goodnight? That's not staying. That's going."
pupils.wav(220K) pupils.mp3(220K) pupils.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "Could you look at my pupils and tell me if they're the same? Are they different sizes? Are they the same?"
Bank Teller (John Palmateer): "I'm not a doctor."
Terry: "Please humor me."
Bank Teller: "Well, the right one looks smaller."
Terry: "Jesus bleep, don't tell me that."
Bank Teller: "You asked."
Terry: "Do you smell burning feathers?"
Bank Teller: "No."
Terry: "Brain tumor. I know I do."
lewisandclark.wav(428K) lewisandclark.mp3(428K) lewisandclark.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe: "Darren, it's like uh uh Lewis and Clark. You got Lewis, he's he's he's stuck somewhere out there in Africa lost in the African wilderness. And uh uh Clark, Al Clark I think his nawme was, he drops what he,s doing. And he goes to find him. He goes to find Lewis. And you know why? Becauso of friendship, that's why."
Terry: "Joe, for god's sake Joe, it was Stanley and Livingston, not Lewis and Clark. You see Lewis and Clark tried to find the northwest passage with the help of this statuesk Indian maden. But, you probably..."
Joe: "But, they were friends okay!"
Terry: "Of course they were."
Joe: "He was asking us about friendship. You always got to correct me."
sixtimes.wav(148K) sixtimes.mp3(148K) sixtimes.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Kate: "I love this song."
Terry: "Actually, I never heard... I never heard it before. I have to press A1 on these things. It's an obsessive compulsive thing. It's a pretty song though. I played it... I played it six times."
takeusalive.wav(249K) takeusalive.mp3(249K) takeusalive.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe: "Hey! You are not going to take us alive!"
Terry: "You're not going to take us alive?"
Joe: "That's right."
Terry: "Great thinking Joe. How about they will not take you alive? You know I'm glad you've included me in your little going out in a halo of gunfire kinda concept and everything. But, I think you've gone nuts frankly."
youshotme.wav(14K) youshotme.mp3(14K) youshotme.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "You shot me!"
sonofa.wav(20K) sonofa.mp3(20K) sonofa.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "You son of a bitch!"
unexpected.wav(260K) unexpected.mp3(260K) unexpected.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Joe: "One of the things we always like to remind ourselves before we went into any job was expect the unexpected. Right? Right? Always sounds like good advice. Except, of course, if you are expecting the unexpected, then well then it really isn't really unexpected anymore. Is it? And that leaves you vulnerable to the truely unexpected. Because, you're not expecting it."
danger.wav(314K) danger.mp3(314K) danger.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Terry: "I'm immune to danger. I dance with danger. I walk up to danger and tug it on the ears and sneer at it, and make funny faces at it. You know, I just... Come On, is what I'm saying. You know what you have to be like? You have to have nerves of steel. And I have a nervous system, which, as a child... God knows, I was a nervous kid. I was a nervous kid. But, you know, you get in there, there's something about the adrenalin... What are you laughing at?"
Joe: "You're immune."
Terry: "I'm immune... I'm immune to danger."
Joe: "He's totally immune."