All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

everythingsok.wav(51K) everythingsok.mp3(51K)

Jim Levinstein (Jason Biggs): "But everything is, uh... everything is okay now. Everything is, uh... Everything is perfectly fine."

keepgoing.wav(48K) keepgoing.mp3(48K)

Jim: "Psst! Michelle, I think you need to stop. Okay, keep going."

yourwad.wav(179K) yourwad.mp3(179K)

Jim's Dad (Eugene Levy): "Well, I made it. Where's Michelle, washroom? You know, I was so nervous she was going to spot me. Here's the ring, son."
Jim: "Ohh."
Jim's Dad: "Let me tell you something. This is some ring. Look at the rock on this baby. Mr. Big Spender. Hope you didn't blow your wad on this, son."
Jim: "Not yet."

marriageis.wav(194K) marriageis.mp3(194K)

Paul Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas): "I'm impressed. Marriage is a binding, unifying, eternal, never-ending, permanent, chaining together of two people. Jim, have you thought this through?"

marryher.wav(114K) marryher.mp3(114K)

Jim: "I had actually been trying to figure it out for a while. You know, when is the right time? Is there a right time? And finally I realized, duh, you love the girl, marry her."

letsdance.wav(43K) letsdance.mp3(43K)

Michelle Flaherty (Alyson Hannigan): "Oh, let's dance."
Jim: "Dance? No!"

destined.wav(119K) destined.mp3(119K)

Finch: "Just glad that's not me."
Kevin Meyers (Thomas Ian Nicholas): "Finch, you don't think there's one girl you're destined to spend your entire life with?"
Finch: "They're all for me, Kevin."

BLEEPers.wav(11K) BLEEPers.mp3(11K)

Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott): "bleepers!"

milkshake.wav(39K) milkshake.mp3(39K)

Stifler: "Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake."

cakehuh.wav(32K) cakehuh.mp3(32K)

Stifler: "Oh, cake, huh? Hope it's good."

geethanks.wav(35K) geethanks.mp3(35K)

Stifler: "Oh, gee, thanks for inviting me to the graduation party, bleeper."

goodcake.wav(47K) goodcake.mp3(47K)

Stifler: "Oh. bleepin' right, doggy! That's good cake! Holy Shit!"

congratulations.wav(25K) congratulations.mp3(25K)

Stifler: "Congratulation, jism"

assmouth.wav(23K) assmouth.mp3(23K)

Stifler: "Happy bleep day, ass mouth."

myinvite.wav(65K) myinvite.mp3(87K)

Jim: "Put the cake down."
Stifler: "Check it out. I made it all by myself."
Jim: "That's very cute."
Stifler: "What happened to my invite? Got lost in the mail, bleepface?"
Jim: "I don't want to discuss this. Quiet!"
Stifler: "Oh, quiet yourself. That's what I thought."

corndog.wav(161K) corndog.mp3(161K)

Stifler: "Hey, seriously..."
Jim: "Seriously..."
Stifler: "Oh."
Jim: "Jesus! Damn it, Stifler."
Stifler: "Jim, look what you did."
Jim: "Look what I did?"
Stifler: "Look at this bleep. What am I supposed to do now, huh?"
Jim: "Are you happy now, man? Are you hap... Why are you here?"
Stifler: "My dick looks like a corn dog. I gat cake all over my balls."

yourBLEEPed.wav(28K) yourBLEEPed.mp3(28K)

Stifler: "Oh, you're bleeped now, Jim."

feelsgood.wav(38K) feelsgood.mp3(38K)

Stifler: "This dog's great! Is it wierd that it feels good?"

backaway.wav(16K) backaway.mp3(16K)

Jim's Dad: "Back away from the animal."

moveon.wav(193K) moveon.mp3(193K)

Jim: "I... I really hope that, uh... that... that we can just... that we can all just forget about this and... and... and move on... and start again... start again fresh."
Harold Flaherty (Fred Willard): "Jim, if you hope to be the provider and protector for our first born daughter, you have a long way to go."
Jim: "Thank you, sir."

anangel.wav(59K) anangel.mp3(59K)

Jim: "They think you're an angel and... and I'm... I'm just some ungrateful dog rapist."

asscrack.wav(147K) asscrack.mp3(147K)

Stifler: "Shit, I've got a frasted ass crack. Hey, Finch, you want this for here or to go?"
Finch: "'A witty saying proves nothing.' Voltaire."
Stifler: "'Suck my dick.' Ron Jeremy."

bachelor.wav(260K) bachelor.mp3(260K)

Stifler: "Jim's getting married, isn't he? Holy bleepin' bleep! This is major! Do you have the slightest idea of how important this is? We get to have a bachelor party. Yes! We celebrate the death of Jim with a party in his honor. Chicks and boobs. Tits and ass. Titties, ta-tas, casabas, bazoongas all up in our friggin' faces! Come on, buck up fellas. Show some enthusiasm. It's gonna be bleepin' great. Oh, my god!"

awedding.wav(705K) awedding.mp3(705K)

Kevin: "Michelle said the wedding was doable, right?"
Jim: "A wedding. A wedding, yeah. You know, I promised her her wedding... you know, the wedding of her dreams."
Kevin: "Okay. What's the problem?"
Jim: "Dancing. Uh, she wants... she's gonna want to dance. You know the... there's that whole tradition: the first dance at the reception. She is gonna wanna dance Fred Astaire kind of bleep. I can't do that. I can't... You know, she learned all that from band camp."
Kevin: "Okay, so you take lessons, you know, right away."
Jim: "Lessons. Okay. I have to convince her parents that I'm not a bleephead."
: "Challenging."
Jim: "Indeed, challenging."
Kevin: "But doable. What else?"
Jim: "What else? I don't know what else. That's the thing. She cares too much to tell me. She doesn't want me to worry that she might be worried. So I'm worried."
Finch: "Recon."
Jim: "You mean, like... like spying on, uh... like spying on Michelle?"
Finch: "Spying is deceitful. Extra attention means you're concerned."
Jim: "This is... This is true. This is good."
Kevin: "Guy's, here's to the next step."
Jim: "Would you plesase shut up with that stepping? Jesus."
Finch: "Put your glass down."

atalk.wav(529K) atalk.mp3(529K)

Jim: "I... I was kindo fo hoping that, uh... that someday soon we could have a little talk. I'd really like to tell you why I think I'll make a good husband. Whenever you get a chance."
Mary Flaherty (Deborah Rush): "Oh, why is that? Come on."
Jim: "See, I was saying that soon... we could talk. This... this... this right now is... is sort of the preliminary talk... before the future... longer talk, which would be like a... a quiet, uh, private dinner talk."
Harold Flaherty: "(The little dog yips at Jim) Let him finish. (Dog continues to yip) I'm tlking to you."
Jim: "Okay. Good talking to you."

screwed.wav(445K) screwed.mp3(445K)

Kevin: "Jim has to learn to dance for his wedding. You know, I think he's screwed."
Stifler: "Of course he's screwed. He's getting married. I can't wait to see this disaster."
Finch: "What makes you think you're invited?"
Stifler: "(Slurping) I already called up Jim's mom, got the info. I'm preparing for the fesivities. It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-bleeper. Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out. And I'm gonna rock out with my cock out! Ooh, yep, that's what I'm talking about."

jimsucks.wav(883K) jimsucks.mp3(883K)

Jim: "Alright, Stifler> Um, this... this is a little, uh, difficult to explain. Look, you're... you're okay. You're okay. I... I... I mean, uh... I mean, I like you."
Stifler: "Yeah, great. You can blow me after practice. I'm working, dude."
Jim: "Well, dude."
Stifler: "Come on. Work it! Hustle!"
Jim: "See my mom didn't know that there was a misunderstanding."
Stifler: "Push it! Move it! Come on!"
Jim: "You're not invited!"
Stifler: "Hold! Dude, how the hell do you even think you're getting married? I've been looking out for your sex life since high school."
Jim: "You what?"
Stifler: "Ohhhh! Ohh! The first tits this guy ever saw were because of me. The first girl he ever hooked up with was at my party at my cottage. That girl is the girl he's marrying. The Stif-man showed him the way. Can I get a 'Hallelujah'?"
Jim: "Hallelujah, Stifler!"
Stifler: "But, my bleepers, this mofo right here does not want the Stifmeister, the grand bleeping facilitator to attend the wedding. Who sucks donkey dick?"
The Team: "(Chanting) Jim sucks donkey dick!"
Jim: "The answer is no. Okay? I'm sorry."
Stifler: "I can dance."
Jim: "What?"
Stifler: "I can dance."

leftboxturn.wav(257K) leftboxturn.mp3(257K)

Jim: "Okay. Now... now what exactly is this here?"
Stifler: "Left box turn."
Jim: "Left box turn."
Stifler: "Hi. Stop looking into my eyes."
Jim: "Sorry. Sorry. Now, how do you know this? How do you know how to do this?"
Stifler: "My mom made me take it for three bleeping years."
Jim: "Yeah?"
Stifler: "Yeah, I hated it."
Jim: "No, you're really good. Uh, you should take ballet or something."
Stifler: "bleepface! What part of 'This sucks my ass' do you not under-bleepin'-stand?"

behave.wav(176K) behave.mp3(176K)

Jim: "This is exactly what I'm talking about, Steven. You can't behave like this. If you want to come to the wedding, I'm sorry, you cannot act like this."
Stifler: "Are you saying Im impolite or something?"
Jim: "Impolite would be an improvement. Look, just... just try not to be, uh, you know, uh, you."

notworthit.wav(434K) notworthit.mp3(434K)

Stifler: "bleep this bleep. It's not worth it."
Jim: "Oh, hey, wait, Stifler. Stifler, hold on. Wait. Okay. Wh... what if, uh... What if you, uh, plan the bachelor party?"
Stifler: "With a dildo show?"
Jim: "Sure. Look just... if you can fund the time, uh, to fit it in, go ahead, surprise me."
Stifler: "Sorry, chief. That only gets you halfway there."
Jim: "Why? Why ha... What do you mean?"
Stifler: "I need assurances that I'm gonna get some quality action at this wedding."
Jim: "I can't... I'm sorr... I can't... I can't make that promise."
Stifler: "Well, let me put it to you this way, Jimbo. No pussy, no dancing. Okay? No pussy, no dancing. How's that for polite?"

chicago.wav(258K) chicago.mp3(258K)

Finch: "If we leave right now, we can get there by the time they close... three hour drive."
Stifler: "A three hour drive? Kick bleepin' ass. Are we going to chicago to see titties?"
Finch: "We are talking about getting Michelle a dress in Chicago. Now, please, vanish."
Stifler: "Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand? Bangkok!"
Finch: "Dude."
Stifler: "Hey I got shotgun."

hotwings.wav(44K) hotwings.mp3(44K)

Stifler: "Let's get this dress bleep over with. The strip bar has got free hot wings before 7:00."

mypeople.wav(130K) mypeople.mp3(130K)

Finch: "Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people."
Stifler: "They're gay?"
Finch: "No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style. They're cultured. They're sophisticated."
Stifler: "So they're gay."

charybdis.wav(123K) charybdis.mp3(123K)

Finch: "So, mademoiselle, I'm sure that you can appreciate that monsieur here is stuck right between Scylla and Charybdis."
Cultured Saleswoman (Antoinette Levine): "Yes, I'm afraid he's no Ulysses."
Jim: "Okay, what's happening here?"

heythere.wav(232K) heythere.mp3(232K)

Stifler: "Hey there, sweet little thing."
Jennifer (Alexis Thorpe): "Hey there, you sweet manly thing. You know I really love your shirt."
Stifler: "Do I know you?"
Jennifer: "I'm Jennifer."
Stifler: "Well, Jennifer, just relax, take it slow, and let the good times roll. Cause daddy's a regular here."
Jennifer: "Do you want to get a drink?"
Stifler: "You're bleepdamn right I do. Whoo-hoo!"

deepvoice.wav(158K) deepvoice.mp3(158K)

Stifler: "How you felling, sexy?"
???: "Pretty good."
Stifler: "Whoa. You have a deep voice."
???: "That's not all."
Stifler: "Oh, right."
Bortender (Peter Reinert): "You look really cute tonight."
Stifler: "Thanks, I guess. What the..."

frisky.wav(76K) frisky.mp3(76K)

Stifler: "Oh, hey. Gettin' a little frisky. Oh. Gave over. What's happening here?"

thisisbear.wav(424K) thisisbear.mp3(424K)

Jennifer: "This is Bear."
Bear (Eric Allen Kramer): "Hey."
Stifler: "Wow. You are a bear. Roar."
Bear: "Roar."
Stifler: "Yeah. How much you bench?"
Bear: "How much you weigh?"
Stifler: "Why? You wanna try and pick me up?"
Bear: "Yeah, I think I could."
Stifler: "Yeah, I bet you could. You are big. I could use a guy like you on my team."
Bear: "Are you... are you talking about our team or an actual team?"
Stifler: "What the hell is 'our team'? Hi. Where's the girl? What the bleep are we talking about?"
Bear: "You need to take another look around."

goingon.wav(32K) goingon.mp3(32K)

Stifler: "Oh my god. What the bleep is going on?"

wrongplace.wav(137K) wrongplace.mp3(137K)

Stifler: "I, uh, I must have come to the wrong place."
Jim: "Stifler. Stifler."
Stifler: "Oh man."
Jim: "Hey."
Stifler: "Oh it's so good to see you. I... I..."
Jim: "Ho did you get the nerve to check out a gay bar?"
Stifler: "Yeah. Really don't want to talk about it right now. I just wanna go home."

dressmaker.wav(34K) dressmaker.mp3(34K)

Jim: "Did you find Leslie?"
Stifler: "bleep your stupid dressmaker, man."

asteak.wav(274K) asteak.mp3(274K)

Stifler: "What are you looking at? I'm not a steak."
Bear: "Listen, breeder, not every gay man wants to have sex with you."
Stifler: "Oh, yeah? Listen up, ass jockey. If I were gay, you'd want me."
Bear: "Really."
Stifler: "Really. I got style. I'm cultured. I'm sophisticated."
Bear: "And all that just radiates from your oh, so sexy self."
Stifler: "That's bullbleep. Everyone wants a peice of the Stif-meister."

somemoves.wav(21K) somemoves.mp3(21K)

Bear: "Damn, Stiffy, you got some moves."

toldyou.wav(33K) toldyou.mp3(33K)

Stifler: "Told you that guy wanted to bleep me."

boneable.wav(138K) boneable.mp3(138K)

Cadence Flaherty (January Jones): "(Finch is standing on a toilet seat listening in on the conversation.) I don't think it would hurt to get a little rowdy this weekend. Jim's got single friends, right?"
Michelle: "Yes."
Cadence: "Think Finch is a possibility?"
Michelle: "Oh, Finch is boneable."
Cadence: "Yes he is boneable. (Finch falls in the toilet.)"

dickhead.wav(293K) dickhead.mp3(293K)

Stifler: "Dickhead. You do not send bleep to my office at school."
Jim: "Oh, hey, Stifler. Why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable?"
Stifler: "Your letter made a great impression on Coach Marshall when he read it. Let me just refresh your memory, partner. 'Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar.'"
Jim: "I put serious thought into that letter."
Stifler: "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. Uh-huh. Uh-huh."

oldpeople.wav(182K) oldpeople.mp3(182K)

Stifler: "You want some help? Here, let me... Let me help you out there. There you go. Okay. You keep fighting the good fight, sir. Oh, it's great."
Cadence: "That was really sweet of you."
Stifler: "Yeah, I love old people. Yeah."

steven.wav(327K) steven.mp3(327K)

Stifler: "Hey, I hate to be nosy and impolite, but, um, do you know Jim Levenstein and Michelle Flaherty?"
Cadence: "Yeah."
Stifler: "Are they here?"
Cadence: "Well, I'm Cadence, Michelle's sister."
Stifler: "I had no idea. I'm their good friend Steven."
Cadence: "Well, it's nice to meet you."
Stifler: "Yeah, you too."
Cadence: "Well, they're around town doing some wedding stuff."
Stifler: "That's cool."
Cadence: "But there's still a few of us in the other room if you want to join us."
Stifler: "I don't know. I mean, you look so nice, I feel underdresed."
Cadence: "Well, I think you look great."
Stifler: "Thank you."

chocolate.wav(297K) chocolate.mp3(297K)

Stifler: "Hey, Paul. Hey, Kevin."
Cadence: "Mom, I want you to meet Steven. He's friends of Jim's and mine and, oh, everyone's."
Mary Flaherty: "You look very familiar, Steven."
Stifler: "Really? Oh, I'm afraid we've never met."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh."
Stifler: "Oh. Well, we have now. Oh, looks like you found Samantha's Sweets."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, yes."
Stifler: "Isn't their chocolate just to die for?"
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, well, you have no idea."
Stifler: "Actually, I do."
Mary Flaherty: "I love chocolate more than life itself."
Stifler: "More than life itself."

precious.wav(574K) precious.mp3(574K)

Mary Flaherty: "I was just saying to your friends that I have something very precious here."
Stifler: "What is it?"
Mary Flaherty: "Michelle's grandmother's... my mother's... wedding ring."
Stifler: "Isn't that precious?"
Mary Flaherty: "But since all of you are the best man, I don't know who should ho-hold onto it."
Finch: "I think it's best if I..."
Stifler: "Oh, um... I think you should get to know us first and then decide."
Mary Flaherty: "You are such a gentleman, Steve."
Stifler: "I hear that all the time but it never gets old."
Mary Flaherty: "Aw."
Stifler: "Hey, Paul, uh, do you have a camera?"
Mary Flaherty: "How thoughtful."
Finch: "I must have forgotten my camera at home, Steven."
Stifler: "Oh, m... maybe you could take, like, a mental note."
Finch: "I won't forget this moment."
Stifler: "I bet you won't."
Mary Flaherty: "Would you like to join us?"
Stifler: "I would love to."
Mary Flaherty: "Well come on."
Stifler: "Thank you."
Mary Flaherty: "Lovely to see you fellas."
Stifler: "Thank you."

amazing.wav(327K) amazing.mp3(327K)

Stifler: "Oh, amazing."
Michelle: "What the hell is he doing near my flowers?"
Stifler: "I love the way the tulips accentuate the, um... What do you call those again, sir?"
Florist: "Double Lisianthus."
Mary Flaherty: "Lisianthus."
Stifler: "Double Lisianthums. What a pretty name."
Mary Flaherty: "I told him to be nice or... or he couldn't come to the wedding. (Michelle shoots a glare his way.) Okay, I will take care of this. I will take care of this."
Stifler: "Hey, hey, James."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, great. Come on over."
Stifler: "Oh, great. Come on over."
Mary Flaherty: "See if I forgot anything. I don't think... Oh, oh, oh."

baryshikiankov.wav(160K) baryshikiankov.mp3(160K)

Jim: "Okay, okay, I know... Iknow what you're doing. Look, have you seen yourself? I can't believe you're doing this."
Stifler: "Hey, just calm down, dude. It's all set."
Jim: "What's set."
Stifler: "I'm gonna teach you to dnce like a 'Baryshikiankov'. Oh yeah."
Jim: "He's pretty god."

achance.wav(228K) achance.mp3(228K)

Michelle: "Jim, he's not doing it to be nice. He's doing it to bone Cadence."
Jim: "Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think... I think... that underneath all the bleeps and bleeps and blow mes, there's a very sensitive person who is just thirsty for acceptance. That's... That's what I think."
Michelle: "Oh, Jim, you've got to stop masturbating. It's melting your brain."

fword.wav(200K) fword.mp3(200K)

Stifler: "Observe the bleepin' Stif-meister. What is his defining characteristic?"
Jim: "He uses the F-word excessively."
Stifler: "Thanks, man. But I also have confidence. You're one big floppy cock. Look at you. You've got to stand like a man. Your posture tells your partner where to go."

saveyour.wav(148K) saveyour.mp3(148K)

Jim: "That's pretty good."
Stifler: "You're bleepin' right it's good. I'm gonna save your ass in this wedding. Pretty soon you're gonna want me to shave your balls."
Jim: "Should I shave my balls? Do you shave your balls? How do you do it?"
Stifler: "Dude, no."

voltaire.wav(179K) voltaire.mp3(179K)

Stifler: "You know, there's nothing like a local pub."
Cadence: "Mm-hmm."
Stifler: "It's like real America without all that corporateness and catchy jingles."
Cadence: "Well, what's wrong with a good jingle?"
Stifler: "I think it was Voltaire who said, 'A jingle witty proves everything for my friends and I'."

beingswart.wav(86K) beingswart.mp3(86K)

Cadence: "Actually, I'm getting a little burned out on all that intelectual stuff."
Stifler: "Yeah, Me too. Being smart is so hard."

onmyballs.wav(135K) onmyballs.mp3(135K)

Finch: "I'll give you some intelligence. Voltaire can suck on my balls."
Stifler: "What?"
Cadence: "It's about time somebody finally came out and said it."

finchmeister.wav(418K) finchmeister.mp3(418K)

Finch: "Hey, I'm gonna give you a quote to live by. 'Love life, get paid and then get laid.' That is the basic philosophy of the Finch-meister."
Cadence: "I like that."
Finch: "Bet you do."
Stifler: "But I don't know why you do because Finch-meister doesn't make any friggin' sence."
Cadence: "Sure it does."
Finch: "No bleepin, bleep it does."
Stifler: "Cadence, let's leave the 'crayton' here, shall we?"
Finch: "Whatever. bleep it. I'm walkin' anyway."
Cadence: "Wait. You know, actually, I think I'm gonna go strech my legs with the Finch-meister. You don't mind, do you, Steven?"
Stifler: "No."
Finch: "Ha!"

itsonlike.wav(34K) itsonlike.mp3(34K)

Stifler: "It's on like Donkey Kong, bi-ah-itch."

packitup.wav(13K) packitup.mp3(13K)

Stifler: "Pack it up, bitch."

wedding.wav(252K) wedding.mp3(252K)

Stifler: "A wedding. Shit. How do you know she's the right girl?"
Jim: "I just do. I'm a better person when I'm with Michelle. Nobody else can..."
Stifler: "No, no, no, bleephead. You hooked up with one other gilr for, what, 10 seconds. Not to mention you passed on Nadia. Dumbest bleepin' thing ever. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno. This bleep is crazy."

honestly.wav(220K) honestly.mp3(220K)

Jim: "Honestly, would you have pased up sex with Nadia?"
Jim's Dad: "Why? Did she say something?"
Jim: "Hypothetically, Dad."
Jim's Dad: "Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm..."
Jim: "If... if... if you weren't married."
Jim's Dad: "She's a college girl."
Jim: "If you were a college guy."
Jim's Dad: "In a heartbeat. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm."

natural.wav(469K) natural.mp3(469K)

Jim's Dad: "First of all, what... what you're felling is so normal and perfectly natural. Marriage is not about, uh, animal lusting and... and kinky sex games. It's not so much about who's the dog and who's the fire hydrant tonight. It's... it's deeper than that. The longer a marriage lasts, the longer you can go, uh, without sex. But when that magic night does happen, uh, it's... it's all the more meaningful. And let me tell you, your mother, bless her, can still make me, uh, squeal like a pig. Uh, and I mean that in the good sence, son. Do you follow what I'm saying? You understand where I'm going?"
Jim: "I do. I' uh... I think I, uh..."
Jim's Dad: "Anyhing else you need?"
Jim: "No. No, that's, uh..."

BLEEPinright.wav(30K) BLEEPinright.mp3(30K)

Stifler: "Hoo! bleepin right!"

mypants.wav(49K) mypants.mp3(49K)

Bear: "So, you lke my pants, Stiffy?"
Stifler: "Yeah, whatever, dude. As long as the girls are worth it."
Bear: "They're worth it."

messy.wav(31K) messy.mp3(31K)

Fraulein Brandi (Amanda Swisten): "You boys have been very messy."

myfanny.wav(29K) myfanny.mp3(29K)

Fraulein Brandi: "Whoops. Can you see my fanny?"

naughty.wav(35K) naughty.mp3(35K)

Officer Krystal (Nikki Schieler Ziering): "You naughty girl."

thefifth.wav(42K) thefifth.mp3(42K)

Officer Krystal: "None of that pleading the fifth crap! You boys are gonna talk."

anddrool.wav(59K) anddrool.mp3(59K)

Officer Krystal: "Are you just gonna stand there and drool? Or are we donna have a bachelor party?"
Stifler: "bleep yeah, we are!"
Officer Krystal: "Yeah?"
Stifler: "Yeah."

afinger.wav(127K) afinger.mp3(127K)

Officer Krystal: "What? I can't hear you. Louder!"
Finch: "Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes. Bachelor party."
Officer Krystal: "Can't hear you. Louder! Louder!"
Finch: "Stick a finger in my ass!"

thatswierd.wav(12K) thatswierd.mp3(12K)

Stifler: "That's wierd."

justwait.wav(54K) justwait.mp3(54K)

Kevin: "Look, maybe we should just wait for Jim."
Stifler: "bleep jim, man! This is for us."

girlfriend.wav(202K) girlfriend.mp3(202K)

Officer Krystal: "Take her top off."
Kevin: "My girlfriend has strict rules about this. No touching."
Officer Krystal: "What are you, a dancing clown? You wipe that bleep-eating grin off your face, you punk-ass little bitch."
Stifler: "This is awesome!"
Officer Krystal: "Oh, you like that?"
Stifler: "Yeah."
Officer Krystal: "Yeah, you lke it, huh? How much?"
Stifler: "Boob! (He grabs her boob.)"
Fraulein Brandi: "No!"
Stifler: "I'm Sorry."

nonotyet.wav(82K) nonotyet.mp3(82K)

Stifler: "I'm sorry."
Officer Krystal: "No, not yet. But you will be."
Stifler: "Like I said, this is awesome."

thing.wav(88K) thing.mp3(88K)

Finch: "Hey, listen, I-I-I-I think we both know that Officer Krystal and me have this... You know..."
Bear: "Thing."
Finch: "Yeah."
Bear: "Mm-hmm."

noone.wav(68K) noone.mp3(68K)

Finch: "No one has ever slapped my ass like that. No one's ever pinched my nipple with such ferosity."

tantricart.wav(111K) tantricart.mp3(111K)

Finch: "I am a master of the tantric art. I-I look at her body and I just see the chakras and the things I could do to her and... Ohh!"

lookcute.wav(72K) lookcute.mp3(72K)

Bear: "You. You look cute. I... oh, thank you. Thank you, but you... you're the cute one."

buffalobill.wav(208K) buffalobill.mp3(208K)

Bear: "Stiffy! How slimming is this, huh?"
Stifler: "What the bleep, Buffalo Bill?"
Bear: "What, this... What, the pink too much?"
Stifler: "It puts the dress in the drawer and does as it's told."
Bear: "Oh, dude. Now that's bleeped up. That's bleeped up."

inclosing.wav(106K) inclosing.mp3(106K)

Officer Krystal: "And in closing, you have been a naughty, naughty girl."
Stifler: "You been naughty, Brandi? You been bleepin' naughty?"
Finch: "Fresh."

screams.wav(83K) screams.mp3(83K)

Officer Krystal: "(Finch screams) Take her top off!"
Fraulein Brandi: "You didn't get to cleaning, little bitch bleeper? Huh?"
Finch: "Ow! (Finch screams.)"

seeuskiss.wav(102K) seeuskiss.mp3(102K)

Officer Krystal: "Wanna see us kiss?"
Stifler: "bleep, no."
Finch: "No, no."
Stifler: "None of that 'you go, we go' bullbleep. Already done that."

idontcare.wav(270K) idontcare.mp3(270K)

Stifler: "Maybe dance..."
Officer Krystal: "I used to have this pet bass."
Stifler: "Oh."
Officer Krystal: "His name was Arnie, and... Oh, he was so cute. And he just loved me too."
Stifler: "Yeah."
Officer Krystal: "He'd just look up at me..."
Stifler: "Maybe you could dance."
Officer Krystal: "...and make this face like... Or something like that. I don't know. It was great. God, I miss him, but... Um, sometimes I watch the Discovery Channel, and..."
Stifler: "I don't care! Could you just dance for me, please?"

favorite.wav(57K) favorite.mp3(57K)

Kevin: "No, that's my favorite... It was my favorite shirt. Uh, okay."

crazyparty.wav(97K) crazyparty.mp3(97K)

Stifler: "Hey. What?"
Finch: "Nothin'."
Stifler: "Crazy party, huh?"

maniac.wav(89K) maniac.mp3(89K)

Stifler: "(Talking to a blow-up doll) Don't worry about him. You don't worry about him. He's... He's a... He's a maniac. You're a maniac. You know that?"

focused.wav(59K) focused.mp3(59K)

Finch: "Stifler, why in the world are you focused on me?"
Stifler: "I'm just surprised to see you don't have tits."

cleanyou.wav(71K) cleanyou.mp3(71K)

Fraulein Brandi: "How can I clean you if you are not dirty? Go put something on that I must clean up with my tongue."

anything.wav(43K) anything.mp3(43K)

Finch: "Anything for a French person. If you insist Fraulein."

character.wav(322K) character.mp3(322K)

Officer Krystal: "Look at you, you pathetic little weasel."
Kevin: "Can't I just watch?"
Officer Krystal: "Look, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to."
Stifler: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Don't break character ever again. Okay? I don't care if Kevin starts crying because Finch bit his cock off. You're a dirty cop, you're a prissy maid and I am your filthy cabana boy in need of much punishment and cleaning."
Officer Krystal: "Don't you ever mouth off to Officer Krystal, you dirty little pervert!"
Stifler: "Okay."
Officer Krystal: "Now, obey! I obey! I obey!"

holyBLEEP.wav(15K) holyBLEEP.mp3(15K)

Stifler: "Holy bleep!"

spoketo.wav(93K) spoketo.mp3(93K)

Finch: "Stifler, you said you spoke to Jim."
Stifler: "I did. I was secret about it and everything. He said he'd be the only one here tonight. What the bleep, bleep-brick?"
Finch: "Chocolate."

pinkroses.wav(161K) pinkroses.mp3(161K)

Mary Flaherty: "(Gasps) Oh."
Jim: "What?"
Mary Flaherty: "Pink roses."
Jim: "Pink roses."
Mary Flaherty: "Yeah."
Jim: "They're nice, aren't they?"
Harold Flaherty: "Yes. Artificial. Nice try."
Jim: "Well... I almost got ya."

thewine.wav(188K) thewine.mp3(188K)

Bear: "Ah, uh, well, yes, uh, we have... we have right here a 1999 cabernet seve... um... full-bodied, masculine wine. Just shouts sophistication."

surprised.wav(61K) surprised.mp3(61K)

Bear: "James."
Jim: "Yes."
Bear: "Well, I can see you're very surprised to see me here."
Jim: "A little bit."

thedogs.wav(156K) thedogs.mp3(156K)

Mary Flaherty: "I think I'm going to go check on the dogs."
Jim: "Yes, yes! In fact, why don't you both go check on the dogs and... No, no, no. Don't check on the dogs. They're fine."
Mary Flaherty: "How do you know?"
Bear: "Because I just checked on the dogs."
Jim: "Because he just checked on the dogs."
Bear: "I did."
Jim: "Good work, man."

turkey.wav(146K) turkey.mp3(146K)

Harold Flaherty: "Jim, I'll help you with the turkey."
Jim: "Okay."
Bear: "Um, and I'll keep you company."
Mary Flaherty: "Thank you. Whoo. So, how long have you been a sommelier, Mr., um..."
Bear: "Belvedere, ma'am."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, Belvedere."

chilly.wav(17K) chilly.mp3(17K)

Officer Krystal: "It's chilly in here."

kinky.wav(57K) kinky.mp3(57K)

Officer Krystal: "Who knows what kind of kinky bleep they're getting ready for us."
Fraulein Brandi: "Do these go in your ass tonight or mine?"

youcalled.wav(13K) youcalled.mp3(13K)

Fraulein Brandi: "You called, master."

themop.wav(197K) themop.mp3(197K)

Mary Flaherty: "Well, there you are. Hello."
Harold Flaherty: "How do you do?"
Jim: "Uh, so, cleaning lady, we were wondering where... where... where the mop was."
Fraulein Brandi: "Master put the mop in my fanny."
Mary Flaherty: "You what?"
Harold Flaherty: ""Who put what where?"
Jim: "I did no such thing anywhere."

shalli.wav(28K) shalli.mp3(28K)

Fraulein Brandi: "Shall I clean?"

hotinhere.wav(72K) hotinhere.mp3(72K)

Fraulein Brandi: "Very well. It is so hot in here. (She takes her top off)"
Harold Flaherty: "Holy Jesus!"

fanny.wav(335K) fanny.mp3(335K)

Finch: "Oh, Brandi, Brandi. What are you doing? You're not in Eastern Europe anymore. You can't do that. I am so sorry about my... my cousin. She's not used to our customs. Jim I apologize for recommending her to you. Oh, here's, uh... here's this, by the way."
Jim: "Ah, yeah. Got the mop."
Finch: "Brandi, you left the mop in the car. Now, remember, it's called a car, not a fanny."
Jim: "You remember last time mhen you wanted me to take a ride in your fanny?"

justgo.wav(103K) justgo.mp3(103K)

Finch: "You know what? We should probably just go. I'm so sorry about this. I just came by to make sure everything was in order. Ooh, food smells great!"
Fraulein Brandi: "Au revoir."

unique.wav(24K) unique.mp3(24K)

Harold Flaherty: "Jim, you have unique friends."

thepolice.wav(615K) thepolice.mp3(615K)

Mary Flaherty: "I think I saw some Pine-Sol in here too. Aye-yay-yay. Oh my god!"
Harold Flaherty: "Oh, my lord!"
Mary Flaherty: "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!"
Jim: "He's okay. He's okay."
Mary Flaherty: "Are you all right? Are you okay?"
Harold Flaherty: "Who did this to you?"
Jim: "I'm sure he's okay. Are you okay?"
Kevin: "I'm okay. I'm okay."
Mary Flaherty: "Get some help! Harold, call the police!"
Kevin: "I'm fine."
Officer Krystal: "All right!"
Jim: "Jesus!"
Officer Krystal: "I'll take charge from here."
Harold Flaherty: "My god, they are fast here. And nicely attired."
Mary Flaherty: "What's going on here?"
Jim: "She's here to protect and serve."
Officer Krystal: "Quiet!"
Jim: "Okay."
Officer Krystal: "Who let this boy out of the closet? You are all in for a hard punishment now."
Mary Flaherty: "Don't you touch him. He's been hurt."
Officer Krystal: "No, this is hurt!"
Kevin: "Ow!"
Harold Flaherty: "You can't do that."
Officer Krystal: "Silence, bleeper!"
Harold Flaherty: "Ow!"
Officer Krystal: "Oh, you like it."
Harold Flaherty: "Oh!"
Mary Flaherty: "Harold, what's gotten into you?"
Harold Flaherty: "I meant 'ow'."
Officer Krystal: "Dirty whore! Shut your hole! Obey!"
Harold Flaherty: "You can't do that."
Mary Flaherty: "You're a disgrace to the police force."
Officer Krystal: "I'll be giving you an enema!"
Kevin: "Hey, somebody untie me!"

giveup.wav(630K) giveup.mp3(630K)

Stifler: "All right, forget it. We give up."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, Steven! Steven!"
Stifler: "Oh, it's okay, Mary."
Mary Flaherty: "What's going on?"
Stifler: "Listen. This isn't working, guys. Krystal, you can drop the act. This isn't a real cop. Kevin wasn't assulted. I just wanted to make Jim look good for you guys. Like a real hero. Kind of like me. So we hired a fake cop and we tied up Kevin and put him in the closet. Jim was supposed to rescue him, untie him, give him mouth-to-mouth. I don't know what he likes to do. You know, and then Paul Finch hired an exotic dancer instead of a real actor."
Harold Flaherty: "Jim, is this true?"
Jim: "Every word of it."
Harold Flaherty: "Well, that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard."
Mary Flaherty: "You've embarrassed me and Harold and Mr. Belvedere."
Stifler: "It's all my fault. I'm a bad person."
Mary Flaherty: "Oh, you're not a bad person. You were just trying to help out your best friend."
Stifler: "Yeah."
Mary Flaherty: "And it was an awful idea. But I suppose it's the thought that counts."

adoreyou.wav(190K) adoreyou.mp3(190K)

Mary Flaherty: "And, Steven, we still adore you, honey. In fact, I think I know who should hold onto this. We adore you. You'll take good care of it."
Stifler: "You've got to be kidding me."
Mary Flaherty: "No."
Stifler: "Look it, Jim. Kevin. Boy, this really makes me important to the wedding, huh?"
Mary Flaherty: "Yes."

belvedere.wav(56K) belvedere.mp3(56K)

Officer Krystal: "Well, Mr. Belvedere, it's gonna be one bleeped up wedding."
Bear: "Absolutely."

anyroom.wav(160K) anyroom.mp3(160K)

Stifler: "Is there any room for me?"
Finch: "Uh, nope."
Stifler: "Oh, I'll just drive up north all by myself."
Finch: "That sounds good. We'll see you later."
Cadence: "No, I'll drive with you."
Stifler: "Oh, thanks, Cadence."
Cadence: "Um-hmm."
Stifler: "Beautiful lady."
Cadence: "Sure."

unusual.wav(88K) unusual.mp3(88K)

Michelle: "So, my mom found the dogs playing with something unusual this morning."
Jim: "What?"
Michelle: "I told her it was a neck massager."

lethargic.wav(125K) lethargic.mp3(125K)

Stifler: "Hilarious, huh?"
Cadence: "Yeah."
Stifler: "That kind of thing's so lethargic to me."
Cadence: "What do you mean?"
Stifler: "I'm not sure."

mrstyfler.wav(672K) mrstyfler.mp3(672K)

Concierge (James Reese): "Mr. 'Styfler', I already told you. You called two tays ago and canceled your reservation. Since you now wish to stay here, I thought you could persuade Mr. Finch to share his room."
Stifler: "Hey bleephead. I didn't cancel my reservation. Mr. bleepface Finch called here, and Mr. Idiot-Behind-The-Desk canceled it."
Finch: "Uh, Kristof, please pardon my friend's uncouth behavior. I did no such thing."
Concierge: "Nor did I, sir, and your rudness and obscenities won't change anything."
Stifler: "Oh. Well, then, I guess it doesn't matter if I call you a crotch-face, you ball-scratching Finch-bleeper. Or better yet, go blow your dad!"
Concierge: "My dad?"
Stifler: "Hear, hear!"
Finch: "Yeah, while you're there, stick a finger up both their asses, while you're down there."
Stifler: "Uh, uh, hey."
Cadence: "Hi."
Stifler: "Um, Finch, rudeness and obscenity won't change anything."
Finch: "Here's a thought. Grow a sack, fill it with some balls, magically sprout a dick, shove it up your ass, start bleeping yourself with it. Yeah, Baby! Yeah, Baby, you know what I'm sayin'? Oh! Ohh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Yeah!"

disgusting.wav(69K) disgusting.mp3(69K)

Mary Flaherty: "This is disgusting. Why don't you go dust with your perverse European cousin?"
Harold Flaherty: "Is she here?"

mysoap.wav(169K) mysoap.mp3(169K)

Jim's Dad: "You're gonna have a fun weekend, Ma."
Grandma (Angela Paton): "I am missing my soap."
Jim's Dad: "Well, don't you worry about your soaps."
Grandma: "Will you push faster? I'm tired."
Jim's Dad: "And wait till you meet Michelle. You're gonna leve here. She's sweet as sugar."
Grandma: "I can't eat sugar."
Jim's Dad: "I know, because you're diabetic."

overjoyed.wav(328K) overjoyed.mp3(328K)

Jim's Dad: "You know, Ma, I know things haven't been going well for you. I know that. But wait till you see Jim standing up there at the altar tomorrow. I mean, if ever there was a time to be happy and smill the biggest smile, now is the time."
Gandma: "Okay, okay! I'm overjoyed."
Jim's Dad: "That's... That's a start. Proud grandmother coming through. Grandson's getting married tomorrow. You think she's happy now? Wait till tomorrow."

thecake.wav(46K) thecake.mp3(46K)

Caterer (Corinne Reilly-Elfont): "I hope you'll be more careful with the next one. My kitchen is not a toilet. Okay?"

notanissue.wav(176K) notanissue.mp3(176K)

Jim's Dad: "Boy, pubic hair was just not an issue when I was dating. The ladies, uh, never complained when they were, you know, down in that general area."
Jim: "Okay, if you never mention that ever again, that'd be great."
Jim's Dad: "You're right. No, no, no. Okay."
Jim: "Maybe..."
Jim's Dad: "Shouldn't have brought it up."

okayfrodo.wav(105K) okayfrodo.mp3(105K)

Cadence: "So, can I see the ring?"
Stifler: "Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket."
Cadence: "Okay, Frodo."

cryatthe.wav(88K) cryatthe.mp3(88K)

Cadence: "You really care about this wedding, don't you?"
Stifler: "Yeah, I'm gonna cry at the ceremony. I know it."

differently.wav(227K) differently.mp3(227K)

Cadence: "Do you act differently around certain people? Namely me."
Stifler: "Of course not. Why? Do you act differently around me?"
Cadence: "Generally I'm just me. If people don't like it, then that's their problem, right?"
Stifler: "Yeah. bleep those bleepers."
Cadence: "What?"
Stifler: "I... I didn't..."
Cadence: "No, you know, you're right. bleep 'em."

justrelax.wav(154K) justrelax.mp3(154K)

Stifler: "Do it. Don't bleep around. Just relax and let it go. I'm sick of waiting. Do it for Daddy. Will you just take a bleep already."

tothedogs.wav(151K) tothedogs.mp3(151K)

Finch: "You fed the ring to the dogs, didn't you?"
Stifler: "Of course not."
Finch: "You have been staring at those dogs like a hawk all day."
Stifler: "I'm a dog lover."